Hi Blue,
I seem to remember, have our paths have crossed in the past? It's nice reading posts where the poster pours his / her heart out, and you think hmmm .. yeah been there, i remember that.
Do you remember going to the school disco when you're at high school? Usually it's in the assembly hall, they hire a local DJ who's got a system with 4 big speakers and 4 or 5 large flashing lights- Wow! It's brilliant and you and your mates have a great night but it finishes at 10.00 pm. Then when you're 18 you get into your first night club and it's quadruple wow! Wall to wall speakers, thousands of computerised light shows and the place is rocking!
I think you've just experienced the love equivalent of the school disco. One day you're going to meet a guy who will literally sweep you off your feet. You'll feel butterflies before every meet up, you'll want each meet to last as long as you can keep your eyes open, you'll bore your mates bleating about him, you'll be desperate to get married from within weeks of dating and as you get to know each other that love will deepen and deepen.
If either or both of you feel now's not the right time and there's other things going on and getting in the way, well that's not the unconditional love that a marriage is built on. The Bible describes marriage as the two become one flesh Mark 10:8.
Another good passage to read is Ephesians 5:22-33. If you read it you'll think there's no way I'd let a man do that, but if you read it again more carefully it does start to make sense because it's two way. Husband and wife aren't equal, they both have separate and vital roles in the marriage. Physical love is integral 1 Corinthians 7:5. Marriage is so important, there's lots in the Bible about it. Sharing your faith and chatting and discussing about Bible, God is lovely to and praying openly together is just such an intimate thing, it's really lovely.
I'm pretty sure that in the coming years you'll find the real deal. You'll give each other deep and unconditional love that so long as you don't ever get complacent and in a rut, it'll stand the test of time. Love has to be deep like Jesus's but obviously not quite as intense. Past bfs will be a fond memory.
Meanwhile, don't be in any hurry, wait on God's time and just enjoy the present and try not to think too deeply. Concentrate on you and your walk with God by reading and studying the Bible and really getting to know God through intense and intimate prayer.
God bless you.