I am not a believer maybe I should try to look to Jesus no matter what and hope He will save me.
Hi Seeker,
It's good that you've got an open mind and that you can see that your eternal destiny is at a fork in the road. Do you take a gamble for some ephemeral 'sin fun', chasing hollow materialism or getting on the hamster wheel of peer popularity, or alternatively saying yes to God's invitation to a 121, up close and personal relationship with the creator of the universe as well as the get out of hell card comes with that relationship. Another big benefit that comes with that relationship is the Holy Spirit, God is actually inside you guiding and protecting you; imagine that. God who's knowledge of the future is as clear as His recollection of the past, ie perfect, and whose power is without limit and who's love is even bigger, is guiding you each step and is working on your personal development, making you fit for Heaven.
Might I suggest that you read slowly and carefully John's gospel? This one focuses on what Jesus said more than His miracles. Pray before reading and after you've read each chapter, think and mull over what it's about, ask yourself what's Jesus saying to me? It's worth Googling afterwards (not before) 'explain John chapter ..' to find out what's theologians take on the passage.
If you'll do that, you'll soon have that lightbulb moment when you realise that accepting God's invitation and following Jesus really is a no brainer. Then you just need to say those words, Lord God, I'm sorry for all my sins, I want your forgiveness and I want to follow Jesus and accept you into my life, to take over - or words to that effect.
That will be a life changing decision, not only life but eternal life!
I'll pray for you Seeker, as I'm sure will many other TJers. If you want to chat more, I'm only a PM away.
May God lead you as you start your journey.
God bless you richly.