oneup_shroom
Member
- Joined
- May 9, 2013
- Messages
- 52
"You're not fat" has got to be one of the answers that's been getting on my nerves the most recently.
I'm sure a lot of people have been there, during a conversation with a group of friends and you bring up that your unhappy with the way you look and feel. At least one of them, who is most likely concerned for your "self esteem", will answer with a monumental knee jerk, that goes up so high and so fast it smacks them right in the nose.
"<insert name here> you're not fat..." is the answer I'm used too.
The look on their face while saying it shows they probably just don't want me spiraling off into depression in fear that I'll overeat and make it worse. Now, I guess there is the case where the other person could truly believe that I'm not fat, but then what am I hearing when they tell me "you're not fat"?
Well, after I open up about how I am feeling and I get that answer... My mind races too "just settle for the way you are, you can't seriously think you can fix this? Your friends don't even think you can, they just want you to be happy settling for the way you are. 'just be you, cuz you'll never be that' " Honestly, even if its not intended, the result of the knee spasm answer sure does sound that way in my head. The problem with getting the "you're not fat" response from people is that instead of encouraging me to soldier on and change what is causing my unhappiness they are only re-enforcing my laziness.
I propose that the next time someone you care about wants to talk about how unhappy they are with some aspect of their life, take a second look at what they are saying and try to see the problem through their perspective. Try to encourage them to chase their goals and be the best version of themselves they can be. Instead of taking the easy way out and trying to pretend you are not straining your neck to see Netflix around that elephant in the living room. Buck up them shoulders and give your friend something to lean on, be honest and encourage them to make the change they want to make. Even if they are not "fat" by American standards they still emotionally feel like they are, so encourage them to make a change... get in the gym.. and get huge! (or the equivalent action for their expressed problem.) Instead of handing them a bag of chips and saying its all okay, "I mean your not as fat as that thing blocking the tv". To finish it all off, if you have the guts to take the honesty and encouragement road and give your friend something to lean on. This friend might just go as far as to lose the weight; they might just become a better person for it; and you might not have to have the same "your not fat" conversation every weekend for the remaining duration of the friendship.
So, lets all be irrationally encouraging and motivating friends to our friends, it may just change a life
I'm sure a lot of people have been there, during a conversation with a group of friends and you bring up that your unhappy with the way you look and feel. At least one of them, who is most likely concerned for your "self esteem", will answer with a monumental knee jerk, that goes up so high and so fast it smacks them right in the nose.
"<insert name here> you're not fat..." is the answer I'm used too.
The look on their face while saying it shows they probably just don't want me spiraling off into depression in fear that I'll overeat and make it worse. Now, I guess there is the case where the other person could truly believe that I'm not fat, but then what am I hearing when they tell me "you're not fat"?
Well, after I open up about how I am feeling and I get that answer... My mind races too "just settle for the way you are, you can't seriously think you can fix this? Your friends don't even think you can, they just want you to be happy settling for the way you are. 'just be you, cuz you'll never be that' " Honestly, even if its not intended, the result of the knee spasm answer sure does sound that way in my head. The problem with getting the "you're not fat" response from people is that instead of encouraging me to soldier on and change what is causing my unhappiness they are only re-enforcing my laziness.
I propose that the next time someone you care about wants to talk about how unhappy they are with some aspect of their life, take a second look at what they are saying and try to see the problem through their perspective. Try to encourage them to chase their goals and be the best version of themselves they can be. Instead of taking the easy way out and trying to pretend you are not straining your neck to see Netflix around that elephant in the living room. Buck up them shoulders and give your friend something to lean on, be honest and encourage them to make the change they want to make. Even if they are not "fat" by American standards they still emotionally feel like they are, so encourage them to make a change... get in the gym.. and get huge! (or the equivalent action for their expressed problem.) Instead of handing them a bag of chips and saying its all okay, "I mean your not as fat as that thing blocking the tv". To finish it all off, if you have the guts to take the honesty and encouragement road and give your friend something to lean on. This friend might just go as far as to lose the weight; they might just become a better person for it; and you might not have to have the same "your not fat" conversation every weekend for the remaining duration of the friendship.
So, lets all be irrationally encouraging and motivating friends to our friends, it may just change a life
