divorce, and remarriage
I. Divorce & Remarriage Is Adultery
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. (Mark 10:11-12)
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. (Luke 16:18)
Jesus describes divorce and remarriage as an act of adultery. Even though there may be official paper work involved (e.g. Deuteronomy 24:1, "certificate of divorce"), when a man or woman divorces their spouse and remarries another, this is an immoral act. They have committed adultery, and this is radically serious; because,
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4; see also 1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Revelation 21:8)
Even in cases where there is an "innocent party" involved (i.e. where the woman does not want the divorce), if this "innocent person" remarries, she has committed adultery. As Jesus said, "whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery" (Luke 16:18), and in Matthew 5:32 He says, "whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery." If the man divorced his wife because she was sexually immoral, then the woman would have already committed adultery. But, if she was not sexually immoral, and the man divorced her, and then she remarried, she would then be committing adultery; and her husband who divorced her is the one who caused her to do so (Matthew 5:32). Divorce and remarriage equals adultery (Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18).
II. Divorce Does Separate Nevertheless
Some may think, because of Christ's words on divorce and remarriage, a divorce does not really separate the marriage of a husband and a wife. After all, Jesus calls it adultery if a man divorces his wife and then marries another. Doesn't it follow then, that in the eyes of God, even though they have been divorced, they are still viewed as married; and this is why Jesus calls divorce and remarriage adultery? This may sound reasonable, but Scripture never says any such thing.
Even though Christ declared divorce and remarriage adultery, He also nonetheless recognized that divorce does separate a husband and a wife. Speaking in the context of divorce, the Lord says, "what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). In other words, what God has put together in marriage, let not man divorce. Divorce does separate the one flesh of marriage (Matthew 19:5-6; see also Deuteronomy 24:1-4; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 27).
Why then does Jesus call divorce and remarriage adultery? He never explains why. He simply states it to be so.
III. The Exception Of Sexual Immorality
Are there any exceptions to Christ's statement? Yes, Jesus also said,
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)
Here in Matthew 19:9 Jesus gives an exception to his statement made in Mark 10 and Luke 16. If a man divorced his wife because she was unfaithful (sexually immoral), and then married another woman, such a situation would not be a case of adultery. Why the Lord does not consider it adultery, He never says. But, nonetheless, He does say such a set of circumstances does not constitute adultery. He does not say it is right or OK to divorce under these circumstances (as some believe, see below). He only addresses whether adultery is being committed or not.
Moreover, Christ also does not say what kind of sexual immorality would need to have been committed. The Greek word used in Matthew 19:9 is porneia, and this is no specific term. In the NKJV it is translated either "fornication" (Matthew 15:19; Mark 7:21; John 8:41; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; Revelation 14:8; 17:2, 4; 18:3 and 19:2) or "sexual immorality" (Matthew 5:32; Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25; Romans 1:29, Received Text & Majority Text; 1 Corinthians 6:13, 18; 7:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Revelation 2:21; and 9:21). In 1 Corinthians 5:1 it is used twice for "sexual immorality" where a man has his father's wife. If someone was to say this Greek word is a specific term for some particular kind of sexual immorality, they would be lying. In using this term, Christ spoke very generically.
Some might argue, "The reason divorce and remarriage in the case of sexual immorality is not considered adultery, is because, under the law of Moses, anyone who was married and committed an act of sexual immorality was to be killed. Therefore, death would be involved in such a case. Thus, theoretically, the marriage bond would be broken via death under the law." This kind of argument may sound good, but Jesus said no such thing.
First of all, if they were killed under the law, there would be a death, not a divorce. Also, not all sexually immoral acts committed by a married person required the death penalty. Adultery with a married woman (Leviticus 20:10-11; Deuteronomy 22:22-24), homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13), bestiality (Exodus 22:19; Leviticus 20:15-16), sex with a daughter-in-law (Leviticus 20:12), a wife's mother (Leviticus 20:14), a sister (Leviticus 20:17), any near of kin (Leviticus 18:6-29, "cut off" means death, see Genesis 9:11; Exodus 31:14; Leviticus 17:4), and even sex during the menstrual cycle (Leviticus 20:18), all demanded the death penalty. But, two remaining immoral acts did not call for death. If a married man (or single man) had sex with a betrothed concubine, he was to be scourged, but he was not to be put to death (Leviticus 19:20). Also, a married man (or single man) who had intercourse with a virgin, who was not betrothed, was required to marry the girl and give her father the price of a bride (Exodus 22:16-17; Deuteronomy 22:28-29).
IV. Men And Women Are Not The Same
Matthew 19:9 gives the exception of a man divorcing his wife because of sexual immorality. It does not address a woman divorcing her husband because of sexual immorality. In fact, both passages that give the "exception clause" (i.e. Matthew 5:32 & 19:9) end stating adultery has been committed if a divorced woman is married.
. . . and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32)
. . . and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)
Scripture does not give a woman permission to divorce her husband. Even under the law, it was the men who were permitted to divorce their wives (Deuteronomy 24:1; Matthew 19:8), not the women. Some might argue that a woman has the right to divorce her husband if he is sexually immoral. Scripture nowhere says any such thing. Jesus said no such thing.
Moreover, the very passages that would most likely be used to justify such a conclusion (Matthew 5:32 & 19:9), end stating any one who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Therefore, Scripture teaches that a divorced woman involves herself in adultery whether her husband was sexually immoral or not. Because, Jesus says repeatedly (three times, Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18) marrying a divorced woman constitutes adultery.
In marriage, women are not viewed in the same way as men are. For example, in the law, if a married man (or unmarried man) had sex with a virgin who was not betrothed, he would simply have to marry her or at least pay the bride price (Exodus 22:16-17). This act is never called adultery, even though he had sex with another woman. If a married woman had sex with any man other than her husband (Numbers 5:20), if it was concealed and there were no witnesses against her (Numbers 5:12-13) she would be cursed (Numbers 5:27). If there were witnesses against her (Deuteronomy 17:6; 19:15), she would be killed, along with the man (Leviticus 20:10). Scripture calls it defilement (Leviticus 18:20; Numbers 5:13, 20) and adultery (Leviticus 20:10) when a married woman has sex with a man other than her husband, whether the other man is married or not. For the married man, it is only viewed as adultery if he has sex with a married or betrothed woman (Deuteronomy 22:22-24, note verse 24 "wife"). If he had sex with a virgin who was not betrothed, this is not called adultery (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). It is evident, in the law, that marriage for the woman is not exactly the same as marriage for the man.
Moreover, in Romans 7:2-3 Paul writes,
For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.
Here we have a case in which a woman is married to two men. There is no divorce in this passage. It is simply the case of a woman having two husbands. This is called polyandry, and it is clearly depicted as evil; because such a woman would rightly be called an adulteress (Romans 7:3). No such teaching is given for the man.
On the contrary, a man could have two (or more) wives, yet he would not be committing adultery. Polygyny (a man having more than one wife) is never condemned in Scripture. Polygamy for the man is never described to be an adulterous relationship. Polygamy for the woman is (Romans 7:2-3). Polygamy for the married man in the law, under certain circumstances, was actually commanded (Deuteronomy 22:28-29; 25:5-10; see our report on Polygamy). Polygamy for the woman is strictly forbidden (Romans 7:2-3).
For a man, if he were to divorce his wife and remarry another woman, he would clearly be committing adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:12; Luke 16:18). But, if he did not divorce his wife, and married another woman, keeping his first wife as well, Scripture never calls this adultery; because polygamy, for the man, is never condemned. Therefore, it is not the sexual intercourse with another woman, in and of itself, that makes divorce and remarriage, for the man, adultery. It is the divorce (the breaking of the covenant), along with the remarriage, that makes this adultery. If the divorce is removed from this equation, no adultery has been committed, even though he has married another woman. This is true for the man, but not for the woman.
Moreover, when the Lord declares divorce and remarriage adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:12; Luke 16:18), He leaves the man, who is divorced by his wife, uncondemned. No mention of adultery on the man's part is mentioned. Christ simply says,
And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. (Mark 10:11-12)
She is the one who commits adultery. Christ is silent about the man. Thus, if a man were divorced by his wife, and he were to remarry, there is nothing in Scripture that would identify him as one who committed adultery (as long as he did not marry a divorced woman). But, for the woman, Christ clearly declares,
"whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
If a man divorces his wife, he causes her to commit adultery. If a woman divorces her husband, the man is not declared to be under any such curse. So, for the woman, being divorced by her husband is worse than for a man to be divorced by his wife. [See also Scriptural View Of Men & Scriptural View Of Women.]
V. The Exception In Christ
Further exceptions to Christ's teaching about divorce and remarriage (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) are given to believers in 1 Corinthians 7. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 Paul writes,
But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
In this passage, Paul addresses believers who are "unmarried." This would include anyone who is not married, even divorced believers, because this same term is used for a divorced woman in 1 Corinthians 7:11. Therefore, for the unmarried, who lack self-control, Paul tells the church to, "let them marry."
Later in this chapter Paul discusses the state in which one is found when they came to Christ. Paul encourages the believers "to remain with God in that state in which" they were called (1 Corinthians 7:17-24). In this context Paul writes,
Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you. (1 Corinthians 7:27-28)
Here Paul clearly declares that a man who is divorced from a wife (i.e. loosed), and then remarries, has not sinned. If he has not sinned, then he has not committed adultery. Therefore, for those who come to Christ in a state of having been divorced (loosed), Scripture gives them the freedom to marry.
How can this be? Jesus said, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery" (Luke 16:18). Yet, Paul says, "let them marry" (1 Corinthians 7:8-9) and "you have not sinned" (1 Corinthians 7:26-28). It seems Paul is contradicting Christ, but he is not; because,
if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthian 5:17)
This is true of both males and females (Galatians 3:28). A person who comes to God in truth (Psalm 145:18; Isaiah 55:6-9) has a clean slate with the Lord (Isaiah 1:8; Psalm 51:7; 103:11-13, 17-18). He has died (Galatians 2:20) and his life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3). Christ makes him a new creation, and indeed the old things have passed away, and all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:17). A divorced person who repents and comes to the knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:4) has been given a new start. All things have become new. Therefore, such a man or woman could remarry, in the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14), and not be guilty of adultery. The old wicked person has died, and now the person lives anew in Christ (Romans 6:6; Galatians 2:20; 5:24).
Furthermore, if a person were divorced by their unbelieving spouse after they came to Christ, this one would also be free to remarry without committing any sin. Under these circumstances, God would not view this as adultery, even though a divorce and remarriage has taken place; because the Lord does not regard such people as still bound by the marriage law.
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)
In case some wondered whether this verse truly gives the OK for such a person to remarry, simply note that Paul clearly says they are "not under bondage." The only "bondage" in the context is the bondage of marriage. Also, just a few verses later Paul writes, "you have not sinned" if you, who are loosed from a wife, should marry (1 Corinthians 7:27-28).
Now, what if an unbelieving spouse departs from their believing spouse and they neglect or refuse to file for a divorce? Is the believer still under bondage in such a case? 1 Corinthians 7:15 says no.
1 Corinthians 7:12-13 deals with an unbeliever who is "willing to live with" the believer and the instruction in this case is to not divorce. 1 Corinthians 7:15 deals with the opposite situation in which the unbeliever is not willing to live with the believer (i.e. they depart). Thus, Paul says, "let them depart." Therefore, filing the divorce papers would be an obedient response to 1 Corinthians 7:15 (that is, if the unbeliever neglected or refused to do so). Even though the believer may be the one filing for the divorce, the unbeliever is the one to blame for the divorce. The unbeliever is the one who has separated what God had joined together (Matthew 19:6) by refusing to live with their spouse.
VI. Unholy Unions?
