Calling All Who Have Been Abused !!!!

[Eagle]

I have browesed through this thread - at first I thought why people try to break down each other, cause loads of healing must take place with loads of people. Its easy to say - give all your pain into God's hands, but its not easy. Being a victem myself understand the pain, trauma, flashbacks and dont forget the dreaded GUILT. The guilt follows you after most of the other stuff are gone.

Yes I was a victem for years and when I spoke up, I was not believed!!!!!! So, what did I do, I kept it to myself. I thought if people dont believe me, why should God. The pain, anger and the Guilt got worse. I dropped from being a A candidate at school to a D candidate. Could not study in Science as my marks were to low. I had tried several times to commit suicide, but every time His Holy Spirit had a way of stopping me. So I thought to myself - why did God let this happen to me and for yeares on end. I was a good christian, obeyed all rules and was no rebell at all. So my anger against God started.
Now I sat with anger, pain, guilt and anger against God.

I suppressed my feelings tried to hide it and I fell off the road. But I did not wanted anyone to see my pain and anger so I still acted like a christian. Got confirmed the whole works, but today I feel it was a false thing to do.

Since the whole story, I have learnt to deal with things my way. I had to learn and stand on my own feet. My parents dont believe me, I am angry at God, so I thought I had to do all things on my own. I got hard inside and the harder I got , the worse the guilt got.

At the end of the day I am punishing myself, because of this whole thing. Got married to the first guy I met. Maybe a mistake, but he is a good person. He knows, but sometimes I just wish I never told him, cause he cant handle it.

I have been running and hiding since then from God - cause now I not only feel guilty of what happened to me, but also guilty cause I am angry at God.
This is not easy to write, because it is like scratching the half healed wound open again.

The Holy Spirit has caught up with me - it was too overwhelming at times that I just did not want to live anymore. I became addicted to cafeine. 4 liters of cola a day was nothing.
I gave that up for 10 to 12 cups of coffee to do the trick. When my brother died - I gave it up and then the addiction to stress tablet started.

Somehow the Holy Spirit worked in me and I am now off the tabs for sometime - but get tested by satan daily. I almost failed today again for the so manieth time - but thank the Lord that He somehow pulled me through.

I am sometimes stil angry at God - cause what happened. No I havent really gone to Him to take this thing to Him. Sometimes i feel like standing on a mountain top and scream out loud = PLEASE LORD JUST
TAKE ME, I WANT TO LIVE NO-MORE CANT STAND THE PAIN NO-MORE, THE LONLINESS IS EATING ME UP. THE GUILT IS SO HEAVY. I HAVE NO PLACE TO RUN OR TO HIDE NO MORE - JUST TAKE ME PLEASE AWAY FROM THIS DREADFUL PLACE.

So its not that easy for me to take this burden to the lord at once. I have suppressed it too long. my heart is so hard - nothing can break it.

I feel cheated out of my childhood. I feel abandoned by the Lord - for Him allowing something like that to happen.

well - it takes years for the healing to start when a person starts talking bout it. AND PERSECUTING ME IN THIS THREAD IS NOT GOING TO HELP. It will just force me back into my shell and cover it all up again. Hinding from the pain and guilt.

I am sorry for this mail, but its how I feel.

Sorry

 

[Mike]

You have nothing to be sorry for . Thats how you feel . This thread was not intended to persecute you in any way . satan is the one who is persecuting you , not this thread . Seek out one of the women here if you want . Burgeon is reaching out to you . Many have had mixed reactions to this thread , some good some bad . If reading this is not helping you , then please do not open up this topic anymore . Skip over it and find rest the best way you can . GBU
Mike

 

[Giggles4God]

This is from another thread on here...this is MYYYYYYYYYYYY story!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure where to begin, so I will begin at the beginning. I was born on June 8, 1981. I am the oldest of a “mixed” family. My parents got divorced when I was really young. I grew up with my mom for a time, until I was about 7 or 8. I am not sure what happened first, but I was saved in the backseat of my grandparents’ car and also molested by my own grandfather when I lived with them for maybe a year or so.
My dad remarried in 1989. My step mom was really nice and she helped me through puberty, because I couldn’t call my mom every time something happened. I started to drift away at this time. My step mom didn’t know why, neither did my dad. When I was about 10, I blurted out that grandpa had molested me and my dad talked to him, but that was all. Nothing else really happened.
I also got baptized when I was about 11 years old by my step grandpa. It didn’t really change my feelings toward my grandpa, who had hurt me so much, or myself! I still felt guilty, ashamed, and alone. I think I thought that if I got baptized somehow God would take away all those feelings that I had that I deemed “bad”.
For a while, I walked around like nothing was wrong, but at home, I had changed. I stayed in my room a lot and kept to myself more. I didn’t talk a lot at school or at home. My mind was always thinking about my hurt and I didn’t know what to do about it. I was just a little kid. The problem was that I thought everything was my fault.
Also, it didn’t help that my dad was physically abusive. He would hit my siblings and me. My dad and my step mom had four children together, but at this time not all of them were born yet. I felt like nothing was going right. Everything was going wrong!
My life didn’t mean a THING to anyone. I thought about killing myself, but that seemed a bit too easy. When I was about 13, my grandpa (the one that molested me) came to get me to help clean these big houses. There, he molested me again. I thought, this isn’t right. Before I didn’t know if it was or not, but now I KNEW that what he was doing wasn’t right.
I wanted to scream, but my voice didn’t seem to work. I felt trapped, alone. It was like my grandpa knew how vulnerable and alone I felt. He wanted to keep doing it so that he had control over me. I didn’t want it. I hated him for what he was doing to me!
I had started to come out of my shell, but I backed into my little “protected” space again. My step mom must have thought something was terribly wrong, which of course there was. I couldn’t tell anyone. Grandpa told me to NEVER tell anyone. What was I supposed to do?
I had started going to youth group at my church, but after the second molesting period, I stopped going. I felt so out of place. Then, I started going again. It was like God wanted me to go. Like He knew I needed whatever the youth group could give me.
The youth group was going to the Brethren National Youth Conference, and I decided to go. While there, I told my roommate about what grandpa had done. She was the first one I told other then family. My roommate in turn told our youth leader.
My youth leader, Deb, came to me and said that my roommate had told her about something that had happened to me. I spilled everything. I didn’t go into full detail about what had happened, but I told her more than what I had told my roommate. I cried and cried after I told the full story. She comforted me and hugged me. The most important thing she did was tell me over and over that is wasn’t MY fault.
That idea and knowing that someone cared for me and that I could talk about it gave me strength. Deb went to Children and Youth services. My step mom has asked me why she did that and I told her it was part of her job. I had to tell my story to policemen and to my lawyer. I had to go to a gynecologist, which wasn’t fun! I had to testify against my grandpa at a court hearing.
I know though that what Deb had said went with me, but not only that. I also know that my grandma went with me, too. The wife of my grandpa, who had molested me, had died about the same time I was to testify. I could feel her presence with me and that gave me much needed strength.
This youth leader showed me a kindness that I will never forget. Deb helped me see that it wasn’t my fault, that I was loved, that God could do something with me. She also taught me that speaking up about something like this is the best healing anyone can ever receive. It is hard to know when to talk about this, but I know that talking about it heals me.
While I was still in college, I told my testimony many times. I read my testimony in classes, to two youth groups, and told some friends as well. I am just ashamed anymore. I am willing to speak out and say YES this DOES happen. I will not put it under the rug and hope it goes away.
I have learned that even though I couldn't see Him, God was there with me through this all. Now, when I tell my story, I don't cry like I used to. I feel the pain still, but it seems that God is saying "Jen, I love you. I want you to rise above this and help others." That is why I tell people. To let them know they aren't the only one. Who wants to be the only one in any situation? No one. but who thinks they are? The person going through the situation.

and now..now I'm 23. I am married and have a great relationship with God and my husband. The relationship with my grandpa (the one who molested me) never became healthy. I forgave him, but I didn't get a chance to say that to his face. He died last year. My relationship with my father is getting better, but it will take time. Time that we don't have, but time that I need to have to get throuh all of this. It is amazing that I could forgive my grandpa faster than my dad. Maybe it was because my dad never said Please forgive me or I'm sorry. I think it was because he has been abusive ever since I can remember. God is working on me though. Some day I pray that my dad will see me for who I am! I am a survivor, not his victim!

 

[Proverbs]

amen

hello all.
i have been enthralled reading all your threads (the stories of abuse, particulaly eagle and giggles).

i have never realised that there are so many people who have suffered like i have, as in my group of friends/family i don't know many at all.
i feel quite tearful reading both your posts as i feel so connected at last to other godly young females who have the same horrendous experience.
i feel grieved for you both (and all the others who have come forward and shared on this thread).

i feel like spitting in the faces of those who have done this to you, and i'm sure you have felt or do feel similar, however, with the holy spirits help and gracious loving, to truly survive this trauma and shead off our cloaks of victims these people have laid on us, i am learning that i (we) need to stand up tall, with each others help and support, linking arms and walking into our new, God-enriched lives as one immovable unit against the enemy.
i pray we can all do this, male of female,'healed' or 'healing', together.

i would love to speak to you all more on this site, as i feel a new found freedom in finding some other survivors.

Jesu keep us all,
amen.

 

[cranquar]

Response: God's mighty hand at work.

I have read the testimonies here, and I praise God for His mighty work at hand. In these testimonies I see that even though the evilness in this world has afflicted such great suffering on children and youth, Christ Jesus has found a way into the life of these afflicted, who now worship the one true God, and seek His guidance through life.

I pray we all may persevere through any such tribulations, as we continue to reach out to our Lord and Savior.

CQ

 

[Eagle]

thanks Burgeon

At the moment the healing must take place. I am now off Cafeine a long time SInce January last year. The sedatives is about 4 weeks now. Now the healings has to start as reality sinks in.

There has not a week go by that I want to die, but I do not want to burn for eternity neither.

I have 2 beautiful sons and live for them. My husband has difficulty in accepting it all, but he supports me.

I know heeling takes time, emotional healing but spiritual healing to. Funny thing is, I can cope with the emotional healing, but I hate to be so spiritually unbalanced. Feels like I am riding a roller-coaster. It hurts me to be so spiritually - not OK.

I used to be a very spiritual person and now not that good anymore. I am trying to heal.

 

[trish1]

I just want to say.... God bless you for starting this thread... It has and Will continue to help people... People are hurting... hurting real bad... This thread is a beginning for alot of people... God bless you... trish1

 

[PeculiarSister]

Love the pic! Anyways I have been delivered and set free in Jesus name of the effects of sexual and mental abuse of my past. It is what it is THE PAST! I will not hold my head down, I will not think negative of myself, I know who God is in my life, I know where He has brought me from. I dont wish to go into detail about all that mysery cause its dead. Im a new creature in Christ and OLD THINGS HAVE passed away. I encourage anyone who is hurting to cry out to God He will deliver you. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

 

[looking~up]

when I saw how many have viewed this thread..makes me think alot of secrets are still out there...sad that this is such a recurring problem isn't it? It is everywhere...in families inside and outside the Body of Christ..haven been given the grace to forgive those who hurt me in my childhood...I still have to say I cannot forget..only God has that ability...you know, to remember them (sins) no more...what a concept...what an awesome God we serve..I love those who hurt me very much and can thank Jesus for that...I claim no credit whatsoever..

 

[Heather-Anne]

I was in prayer and the Father in heaven spoke to me and said enough is enough ! He told me that the Healing power of Jesus Christ is for those who belong to him and are wounded . I am asking anyone who has suffered sexuall abuse to post the truth about this devil and tell the people here how evil this thing has been in you're life ! Do not be affraid to say it ! The devil has been holding you in this shame for too long ! Tell the devil no more ! This is the house of God !!!! This is a place for his children to get healed from these sexuall devils ! Do not let the devil bind you in secret anymore . Come out and get the healing in you're soul that Jesus Christ Died For !!! He showed me that there were many who need healing from the past encounters with these sexuall predaters ! I will pray for you ! Stop letting the devil say how free you are , and tell him in Jesus Name You Are FREE !!! Men and Women ! POST IT NOW ! You have nothing to fear ! Mike

How can i be healed of something that cannot be undone?
You said shame, yes i agree there is but only because people think you are a not a good person if you tell them, so i dont tell them

I read all the posts here and was suprised to read about other people and what happened to them too. more people are the same then i thought.


Heather-Anne

 

[Theosebes]

How can i be healed of something that cannot be undone?
You said shame, yes i agree there is but only because people think you are a not a good person if you tell them, so i dont tell them

I read all the posts here and was suprised to read about other people and what happened to them too. more people are the same then i thought.


Heather-Anne

Hi Heather

There are many people yes, a person is never as alone in the challenges they face as they think they are.
With shame, the most important person to listen to about this is Jesus, he died to set us free.
How can you be healed? In the affect it has on your life afterwards and the choices you make because these things have happened and also in how you feel about yourself. Born-again into Gods family, means being a new person with a new start in life. Behold all thing have become new!

Bless you

 

[stacy]

Been abused!!!

:rose: I have learned as an abused child and wife many things in my study of God`s word. I never thought I could be healed and that no one understood, even those who walked the same path, my depression, sadness and anger would never go away. I met Jesus, I accepted Him, loved Him.... Then something happened. I knew I was still sick in my heart and i was so mad :angry: I fell to my floor and didnt get up for days...it was there that i truly met Jesus. I knew then and there that it was possable to un-do what I thought could never happen. How? Isn`t our God the one who made heaven and earth? Isn`t there a promise in God`s word that one day we will remember the former things no more? :rose: He taught me just a little bit of how awesome He is. We are told that His ways are higher...how men differ from God: men would never plan pardon for their enemies, they seek revenge etc. God planned redemption for His enemies and untold glories. Men might ne willing to forgive if it does not cost them too much. But God redeems on the basis of personal suffering and having substituted himself to be punished instead of His enemies. resent: Man would have punished the guilty and satisfy justice; but God punished the inocent to justify the guilty. In fact the whole program of reconcilliation is
on such a high level that man could never have planned it.
I know that Jesus died on that cross for me, it will always be a fact...it benefits me, it is my hope, my salvation. I cry, I am ashamed and grieved that my Lord loved me enough and forgave my disgusting sins. I find peace and joy knowing that He died for me.
There are many things that have happened to me in this life that made me who I was. Sad, afraid, bitter, alone, angry.Never, ever did I think I would get over the abuse I suffered at the hands of others.The Lord in His mercy showed me my doubt...did he not say he would bind the brokenhearted??where was my faith? He say`s all who mourn will be comforted.I was not letting myself be comforted because I would not let go, the enemy had pure delight in seeing that I was stumbling around trying to love God but hating the "sin" of my enemy, which is nit even my battle. Isaiah 57 says that the wicked are like a troubled sea who cannot rest." They have no peace, no calmness of soul or spirit..these things keep them at war with themselves, their fellowmen and God. My Father showed me though I was trying very hard to do His will, I was holding on to the things of the evil one. The bands of wickedness had such a hold on me, it was afflicting my soul, I was angry wanting to debate the hurt I had lived. My eyes were not on my savior. He told me to "cry aloud" as He does in His word...and He said "here I am" My own iniquities were seperating me from God. NOT the sins of the abuser!! That is his iniquity and he will stand before the Lord with it. But my choice is to realize that my hurts and pains are ALREADY healed.. by the stripes that Christ bore for me.It`s up to me and the faith that I want to exact, take away accusing fingers..let Jesus take away the very memory of it. It CAN BE DONE!! just ask HIM. He say`s He gives all good gifts to His children. It`s just up to us to believe it. Use your faith, He won`t let you down.
I fasted very faithfully and stayed in prayer. The enemy came against me and it was not easy for this imperfect soul, but Jesus Christ stepped in when I cried out to undo the heavy burden and miracles started to happen. I bless the children of God who read this that need His help. We serve an awesome God, there is truly nothing He cannot do.
sincerely, stacy

 

[stacy]

I also have fibromyalgia, very debilitating at times. I would get tired of the "have a good attitude","trust God"..but they didn`t walk in my shoes and i HURT. So I took it to GOD! All of this is for the glory of GOD. It might hurt a little now. The question is, are we using it to glorify God? When I stand before Him, I want to present my life as a living sacrifice to Him. I pray at the start of each day, whatever comes my way, I will be Christlike in my actions, my heart and my thinking, for we will be judged even on our thoughts. How important to put on the whole armor of God!
God bless, stacy

 

[Ariel]

Good job to bring this topic up as by sharing we witness to others and that is what God has called us all to do as christians! Yes i was also in an abusive situation myself. I was married to a man for four years who isolated me had me arrested with him and beat me up on a daily basis. I always dreaded when he drank a lot and mixed the drugs he was using because that meant I would be slammed against a wall or worse. I prayed to God on my hands and knees face flat into the ground to release me and my 4 month old son out of marriage and he got us out! And he has been healing me ever since.
We have an awesome God to love us so much!
Dont lose faith and also do not try to tear others down in life.

You never know when you are entertaining an Angel and you dont always know when your words will be a sword to another that keeps them depressed.

God bless you all
Ariel

 

[mymakersdaughter]

Heather Anne, you asked how to be healed from something that can not be undone. But it is God who gives the Healing and to get that you have to believe in Him. It has to do with Faith in Him, trusting Him to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour that He died for our sins. Healing may not happen over night, didn't with me, and it may never be complete on this earth but will be finished in Heaven. The Healing process begins with Faith sweetheart. I had to learn that and it took many, many years.

Heather Anne, look at Jesus, He lived a sinless life, innocent, perfect, he was persecuted, He never did anything wrong, physically suffered, tortured for absolutley no reason. God did that on our behalf why would He do that? Because He wants us to stand blameless before God. When we take that choice by faith that is when our lives begin to change.

I lived in anger for a long time. But God began working in my life. Heather Anne God is leading you here to TJ, He wants you so much to be with Him as His child. I look at everything I have gone thru in my life, I understand what people have gone thru when it comes to sexual abuse, I can see it, God reveals it to me. If I hadn't gone thru it all I would not be able to understand how you feel, empathize, care, love, cry, feel. God prepared me for meeting you and if it took the abuse that I went thru to meet you then it was worth it, if it brings a Child Home I give everything to Him. You are worth it Heather Anne.

God has a plan much greater than I could ever understand, Heather Anne, He knows everything about you, He knows your life and what it will be like in 10 yrs., 20 yrs. 30 yrs. etc. He knows every single hair on your head. He wants you home with Him.

 

[AlabasterBox]

I just Praise the Lord for all at TJ who have answered this thread. It is in the many testimonies here, hard as it may be to write. That when others come here and read them. That they too may begin a road to healing and restoration in Christ Jesus. Even though I was never abused, I have been surrounded by many in my family and friends who have. I hurt with all of you. I know one thing about abuse it is in our silence that the devil defeats us.

I pray that God will continue to heal and restore all of you. That the almighty God will use you all to help many others be set free of the past. That the work He has begun in you will be brought to completion. In Jesus name Amen.

Love your sister in Christ,
AlabasterBox :girl:

:rainbow:

 

[marieg]

Calling all Who Have Been Abused!!!!

:thumbs_up :girl:

I think its a good idea to be able to share things about any type of abuse, so many people have lived in shame and guilt for many years of their lives,thats what Satan wants he wants to disable us so that we are less effective. If we are christians we need to be able to get advice and encourgement in how to get rid of all this baggage. I myself had been abused and so had five of my daughters, if we had not been able to share and learn how we could walk in freedom,we would not be walking in freedom. Thats what Christ came for so that we can be free from the enemies hands. Satan wants to blind us, that we can be set free from any abuse that may have happened in the past.

marieg :thumbs_up

 

[Eagle]

Hi

I was avoiding this thread for a while as it used to upset me. I have found peace in a sense. I am just glad to say that after 18 years of anger, hate, the feeling of worthlessness etc., I have found that their indeed is healing in Jesus’ name.

For years I have been hiding myself and built these security walls around myself and never let anyone get in my self-made security fence.

The problem with that was that I rejected all the help I could get from people. I rejected their care and love as all I wanted to feel is that I need to protect myself. I became so bad in the fact that I became so self-reliant that I did not even realized that I pushed God also out of this “save haven” I created.

For years I have kept myself busy, never giving me the time to relax or took the time to be alone in my thoughts. Well I made life miserable for myself and the people around me. The worse I felt about myself, the more I pushed people that cared about me out of my life. The more I did that the more I became busy. I have been warned that I am taking on too much, that I am going to burn out.

Well I did not believe it, because I found happiness in being busy – well I actually thought so. I only mislead myself.

This past week I could feel that I am at the end of my rope, that I actually can feel that I cannot cope anymore, but just put a smile on my face and put some music on and set my mind straight like I used to do for over 10 years now. Well it happened today – I fainted at work from lack of sleep and thus pulled the ligaments in my ankle. Now I am a hop-a-long on crutches for a few weeks and it cancelled out a lot of things that I used to do that I cannot do until my ankle is healed. I did not listen to all the warnings, so somehow I suppose this has to happen for me to listen.

Well yesterday and the day before I bought myself some books at a Gospel shop. They all seemed really interesting and they all seemed to have some answers in what I have been searching. The first book that I started paging through I stumbled upon a section that really explained to me about the safety net that I have built around myself and other things that I have been doing and not even realized, but as I read it I realized why I felt lonely and separated from God and people. Then as I page through the book further I read a sentence that explained why I felt so separated from God – reason being it is all my doing as I never trusted God to heal me etc. etc.

Well now I have so much time on my hands to firstly rest and spend more time with God and trust in Him to start the healing process. I don’t know what to expect, but I believe that it is overdue and I just need to trust in the Lord. Well all I need now is to be strong and have faith in Him that He will heal the wounds in my heart without leaving scars. Well I don’t know if it is a big step, but it is to me as I feel kind of proud of myself for facing which I thought at first impossible. I am now taking the journey of healing with God holding my hand.

 

[LittleAngel?]

dont like this thread but i thought i'd have my say! abuse is nasty and it hurts! im sorry to all who have experinced it!

 

[Smiles1025]

This is another debate entirely. Temptation does not equal Sin. its Yielding to that temptation that is sinful.

--Doulos

I have a question then. Does Jesus not say in Matthew that looking lustfully at another is adultrey, thus sinful?

Matthew 5:28 (New International Version)
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I am new at being a Christian and condemning myself for seeing an attractive man and thinking impure thoughts. I have taken a vow of Purity that I hold dear and will not break that vow until I am married, I am commited to it, but my thoughts are drivng me nuts. I pray for them to be taken away. When I realize I what I am doing, I stop and tell satan that this is something that is no longer in his hands, that he cannot have it over me anymore, then I pray that Jesus forgive me. I have had some form of sex in my life for as long as I can remember. I was young when I had so-called friends enlighten me to what a girl's body is for, not only firends but older cousins of mine. I figured if this is what they are all doing it must nto be wrong. Bearing this in mind, when I finally did realize it was wrong, I felt so alone as to what to do. I couldn't tell on them, they would not like me anymore. If I said anything I would get in way too much trouble for letting it happen. They wouldn't just stop. Given my experiences, giving up sex and all that goes with it is hard, really hard. I have given up sex, but now the thoughts are driving me out of my mind. The guilt I feel for thinking it is killing me.