I keep an open mind regarding what you say about being gay and the spiritual realm. (I do not like using the word homosexual.) But I never felt the presence of evil spirits in all my previous relationships with women.
I did not feel the presence of evil spirits either when my father was emotionally abusive towards my mother and I, this was going on for a decade and I never thought it had anything to do with demons. The revelation of the fact that evil spirits were influencing my father's emotions and actions only came when I began to actively seek Jesus for deliverance from the turmoil my family was in. You never felt the presence of evil spirits because you have not yet received revelation from God like I did. No one can know evil spirits are there unless God reveals the spiritual reality to them.
These feelings and desires are not external.
I didn't mean the feelings and desires are external, I meant they are inside us and can be perceived as innate, but actually come from an external source. In my testimony I mentioned that during the time I was an atheist, I actually had demons inside me. These demons caused me to hold onto very strong and prolonged feelings of hate, anger, bitterness. I was torturing animals and feeling peaceful about it. I was having very bad thoughts and dark feelings, none of those feelings and thoughts were external, but they didn't come from me, they came from the demons inside me. How do I know this for a fact? Because when I believed in Jesus that very moment those feelings of hate, anger and bitterness was instantly gone, and I never tortured animals since (I am a dog and animal lover in fact). Those feelings and thoughts definitely were not a part of who I am since Jesus took them all away instantly, so I came to know that those feelings came from demons inside me.
Once the demons were gone when I called for Jesus, the desires and feelings that were once inside me was also gone, forever. I never had the same deep feelings of hate I once did since the day I put my faith in Jesus. That is how I came to know that demons can indeed put strong desires and feelings in us and even make us think these desires and feelings are a part who we are, but they are liars and these things actually came from them and will eventually destroy us.
You wanted to accept those desires as who you are because you were made to feel guilty and condemned, but that is not going to help you eventually. You can now discard those guilty feelings, know that those condemning voices did not come from God and still seek freedom from unnatural desires, for your good. Satan has already tried to destroy you by making people condemn you and drive you to despair, don't let him destroy you using another tactic by convincing you it is ok to live with desires that will destroy you in the long run. Resist the devil, and let God expose his lies.
I understand far more about myself now. At least I am in control of this part of my life. It was an inward battle for many years. I've been feeling 'zero' guilt, because I have already accepted who I am, and I am completely healed of all the nonsense that having these feelings are wrong, immoral, or demonic. I do not need to repent of anything as I am now a Christian, and I accepted Christ in my life. There is no sin that can separate me from him.
What I do and or feel does not matter much. It matters what Jesus Christ has already done for me, and his blood covers all my sins, past, present, and future sins. I made these words red because I know this makes those purity religionists go nuts, because their demons hate Jesus, and these demons want to plant seeds of doubts in my heart about the work of my lord and savior, but I will never allow these devils to influence my thoughts, or destroy my faith in Christ. His work is sufficient and complete.
I pray that God will give you understanding of what is really going on in your life, because I am seeing that you are in the same predicament I was in before I came to Christ. There was a lot of spiritual darkness and deception going on in my life when I was an atheist, a lot of things seemed right to me then which turned out to be wrong after I came to Christ. I was deceived, and so are you even now, because you don't really see sin for what it is and you don't know what repentance is. I pray that God will free you from spiritual deception and that you will have a willing heart to turn away from any lies.
During those years when I was forbidden from learning any religion from Christians by my parents who opposed my faith (I didn't go to a single church for years), God Himself taught me first the importance of repentance and obedience to Him. Repentance is actually a very important part of a Christian life, "Repent" is the first message Jesus and His apostles talked about to those around them, it is all recorded in the Bible. Without repentance we cannot be sanctified, and without sanctification, we cannot attain to righteousness.
Jesus said to the prostitute, Go and sin no more (John 8:11), a Christian life means striving to sin no more till the day we die, and repentance is the change of heart necessary before any change in behavior.
There is a huge difference between consciously dating a non-believer as a Christian, and between remaining true and loyal to someone you promised to love them before your conversion in Christ, especially if you are the mother of his child. Run away from any religion that tells you to destroy your family. That is not true and it comes from Satan.
I know there are cults which tell people to forsake their families for no reason other than to join their cult to serve God, that is indeed not from God. But if your family is abusing you, treating you like an enemy because you believe in Christ, it is ok to be separate from them for your safety and mental health, provided you still love them in your heart. God is to be above all other people in life, because no relationship in this world can save you other than your relationship with God.
But we are freed and redeemed the moment we accept Jesus in our hearts. It actually happens instantly, and I never give up seeking my lord, but I gave up on Christianity. Jesus remains in my heart and soul. As I said in the OP, I am for the spiritual Christ, not Christianity, or any other religion.
Do you know what freedom Jesus was talking about? It is freedom from bondage to sinning, and lots of verses talk about this freedom. Jesus frees drug addicts from drug addiction, He frees abusers from abusive behavior so on and so forth. Jesus freed me from a life of hatred, anger and violence and He freed my father from emotional abusive behavior. My father had anger issues and was emotionally abusive and controlling, but by the power of God he is a changed man now because of Jesus, even though he never went for any therapy or counselling. There are lots of false Christs in this world as well, and the defining sign of those who believed in false Christs were that they continued in their drug abuse, alcoholism, stealing etc and were never freed from sinning.
2 Corinthians 11:3-4 But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or if you accept a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it readily enough.
7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as
rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him,
not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (
Philippians 3:7-11)
Read James 2:14 onwards and how apostle James talk about good works and obedience to God as evidence of saving faith, and how faith without these things is dead. True faith will motivate you internally to obey God and do good works, your heart will seek for sanctification and you will practice good deeds not because you yourself are righteous, but because you believe what God says when He says "Be ye holy, for I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16).
1 Peter 1:14-16 ESV
As obedient children,
do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy,
you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
HOw Do you like That Theology. 
