Divorce and remarriage

[JCslover]

Divorce is never easy, and nobody really knows the heart, except God. I find it very sad that some churches and Christians, look down on those who are divorced. Being a single Christian and trying to date, or just exsist in this world is very hard. Christians gossip and talk about divorced/single people if they go out with someone of the opposite sex, and the world mocks you for not living and acting in their manner. As human beings we need physical contact so don't condemn the divorced among you, give them a big hug.

Thanks for your kind words i do feel very sad sometimes being on my own,i know Jesus loves me,but its still nice to have the physical love too

 

[sunshineaaks]

Its been my experience that many people wind up in bad marriages because, as psychologists say, they are co-dependent, which means they feel they need the illusion of another person needing them in order to feel good about themselves. You might want to check that out before you seek another relationship so you don't end up getting burned again.

SLE

What you say about ‘co-dependent’ is wonderful. I had to understand this as well as a few other things such as ‘independent, and interdependent’ but also totally understand ‘dependent’.

In a marriage there can’t be independent nor co-dependent. Neither one can be independent of the other nor can each expect the other to make them happy (co-dependent)

An interdependent life with a marriage partner or even a friend relationship is just that. Each is an individual with independent likes and dislikes but likewise dependent on the other for fellowship and a common goal.

There is only one in which I can think that anyone should be totally dependent on and that is Christ. He is the only one a person can totally depend on, trust and become more like. (a spouse or friend will often times let us down) Christ’s obedience to God gives example of His total confidence in God as we all should take as illustration.

 

[sunshineaaks]

I just want to know 100% on what the bible says about divorce and remarriage,I know it says you have to stay with the same person always until you die,unless your spouse dies or they have commited adultery.But what if the husband abuses the wife,or gets her into debt,or keeps walking out on her,stealing,telling lies,in other words making her life a living hell?what also if he was a non christian surely a loving God wouldnt expect her to live in such an unhealthy situation would he?And what about if he lusted after other woman,and once she split up from him he slept about with so many other woman,is she not free from him then to remarry a loving christian person,who love cherish her and make her so very happy?I hope so but i must see what you all think?

God doesn’t expect anyone to live in tyranny when leaders of the household (or government) follow His guidelines. He, however, knows man’s nature and sin. He also knows some so called “Christian men” will rule by dictatorship and with hold his ‘love’ to a wife if she does not submit to his every whim (as well as the wife who will withhold her ‘submission’ if he doesn’t ‘love’ as God commands) is one who refuses to follow His guidelines.

Though I do know that a woman can forgive her husband for adultery, his full repentance of the action will mean he stops and then works on the relationship to mend where he has broken. She, of course, can biblically divorce this man for his adultery but when true repentance (not the ‘I’m sorry I got caught mentality) she should stay with him.

With the abuse, she can also forgive, and can also let him know that should he repeat his actions she will leave until such time as he has corrected his behavior. Then she has to follow through, often very hard to do when his constant repeat of how sorry he is, is ever present.

I would also say with his ‘sleeping around’ once you separated constitutes an affair since there is no paper of divorcement. You can forgive this, but don’t have to trust him until he proves trustworthy. Nor do I believe God expects you to return to this man until he is willing to prove sexually clean after his escapades.

God says to not marry an unbeliever in the first place. (2 Corinthians 6:14) However, if both are content to live together, then they should do so. (1 Corinthians 12-15) “Content” or ‘consents” (NASB) or “pleased” (KJV), here I believe does not include abuse. Though the abusive unbeliever may be quite content to live with his or her believing spouse, I don’t know of any (believing or unbelieving) abused spouse being pleased or content with that situation.

Verse 15, “If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” (NASB) I believe makes reference to the believer making (or attempting to make) peace with the unbelieving spouse after the divorce.

In another post there was “Co-dependant” mentioned. In understanding, ‘co-dependent', 'independent', and 'interdependent” (for any relationship, friend or spouse) you won’t make the same mistake in searching for another husband. Also, and more importantly, understanding that there is only one person you can and must be totally 'dependent' upon, Christ.

( I suppose I could have summed it all up in the last two paragraphs but I tend to add a few more sense to my two…. Lol. Sorry)

 

[JCslover]

God doesn’t expect anyone to live in tyranny when leaders of the household (or government) follow His guidelines. He, however, knows man’s nature and sin. He also knows some so called “Christian men” will rule by dictatorship and with hold his ‘love’ to a wife if she does not submit to his every whim (as well as the wife who will withhold her ‘submission’ if he doesn’t ‘love’ as God commands) is one who refuses to follow His guidelines.

Though I do know that a woman can forgive her husband for adultery, his full repentance of the action will mean he stops and then works on the relationship to mend where he has broken. She, of course, can biblically divorce this man for his adultery but when true repentance (not the ‘I’m sorry I got caught mentality) she should stay with him.

With the abuse, she can also forgive, and can also let him know that should he repeat his actions she will leave until such time as he has corrected his behavior. Then she has to follow through, often very hard to do when his constant repeat of how sorry he is, is ever present.

I would also say with his ‘sleeping around’ once you separated constitutes an affair since there is no paper of divorcement. You can forgive this, but don’t have to trust him until he proves trustworthy. Nor do I believe God expects you to return to this man until he is willing to prove sexually clean after his escapades.

God says to not marry an unbeliever in the first place. (2 Corinthians 6:14) However, if both are content to live together, then they should do so. (1 Corinthians 12-15) “Content” or ‘consents” (NASB) or “pleased” (KJV), here I believe does not include abuse. Though the abusive unbeliever may be quite content to live with his or her believing spouse, I don’t know of any (believing or unbelieving) abused spouse being pleased or content with that situation.

Verse 15, “If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” (NASB) I believe makes reference to the believer making (or attempting to make) peace with the unbelieving spouse after the divorce.

In another post there was “Co-dependant” mentioned. In understanding, ‘co-dependent', 'independent', and 'interdependent” (for any relationship, friend or spouse) you won’t make the same mistake in searching for another husband. Also, and more importantly, understanding that there is only one person you can and must be totally 'dependent' upon, Christ.

( I suppose I could have summed it all up in the last two paragraphs but I tend to add a few more sense to my two…. Lol. Sorry)

I understand what your saying if he changes his way you can be reunited if you both still have feelings for each other,but in my case even if he sai sorry and really repented i would not take him back because after all he put me through my feelings for him have completely gone and i dont think God expects people to stay with someone if your unhappy,but i dont know x

 

[sunshineaaks]

I understand what your saying if he changes his way you can be reunited if you both still have feelings for each other,but in my case even if he sai sorry and really repented i would not take him back because after all he put me through my feelings for him have completely gone and i dont think God expects people to stay with someone if your unhappy,but i dont know x

I understand the feelings being completely gone as far as marriage goes and reuniting. He would also have to prove without a doubt that there is change. I've heard the 'I'm sorry' so many times that it doesn't count any longer without definite change and there has been none.

In a way, I think that the 'no feelings' is a way of protection against further harm and hurt, but also a tool in which God can use to see a little into the heart of the other person so that we don't make the same mistake twice, so to speak. Don't trust when trustworthy has not been proven. It also can be (and for me) is a tool He uses for a more defined prayer for this man's salvation.

This past month, he has suffered a heart attack, I believe a wake up call for him and quite possibly a last chance to get his heart right. I suffer now, for his unbelief and the horrid price he will have to pay should he continue to reject Christ. I also accept the fact that he has a choice in the matter, one that I can not make for him.

Don't know if that helps any but some of my thoughts on it.

 

[swsavedbygrace]

When I saw this thread I was somewhat nervous to read it because I know this is a subject that Satan likes to get in and cause dissension among God's children. I was at first discouraged as I read this thread .. and then came across Kit Carson's posts! I am so glad someone remembered that our God is a God of forgiveness and healing.

JCslover .. you said near the beginning of the thread that you are having problems being single. Let me tell you something sister and hopefully encourage you. I am a single mom myself and being a single parent isn't ideal and its not easy. BUT you can do it sweetie!! You are not alone ... you have the absolute best husband you could ever have right now!! GOD He is better than any man ever can be. Always share your heart with Him, always seek Him. Focus all your attention only on Him friend. Let Him be the only one who fills your heart.

I'm not perfect and at times when I'm really feeling the weight and stress of being the Mom and the Dad I do talk to God about how it would be nice to share some of it with a husband. BUT I can say that I am completely happy being single the rest of my life! I am content it just being God and I for the rest of my life if that is His will for me. Being single is not a bad thing hun. You also said that you think your son wants you to have someone and be happy .. show him you are happy being in just God. Focus only on God and you will content and happy. HUGS to you!