Don't know what to do...

[bluesmanks]

I don't know what to say. I am a Christian, weaker lately.

I am a regular guy, 46, married, 3 kids, boy 13, Boy 15, Daughter just turned 20. I have many things to be happy and thankfull about.

The reality is that I just don't know how long I can go on. My wife has a back problem that is bad I guess, No obvious wurgery will fix it as far as we know. She has a real pain management doc that takes good care of her, but the amount of pain meds that she takes would kill me and I weigh 235lbs. She is really usless as a wife and help mate. If she is not in bed because of the pain, then she is in bed sleeping off the meds. But that is not the half of it.

I have a good job that pays well with good insurance but the cost of her meds and all the other medical problems really taxes our finances. I cannot seem to get ahead.

And really, she has been sick one way or another for literaly 20 years. She has had migrains, problems with her hip and the IT band that probably contributed to her back issues, stomach problems, gall bladder issues, on and on and on.

She has been hospitalized for mental issues, Manic Depressive and what ever else. You cannot imagine the other things that she has done in the areas of money and other things. We have almost divorced over her infidelity. But I don't want that, and we don't want that. I find that I am very resentful of her and her issues.

While at the same time I have to be some type of example for my boys. I did not really have a father and I have always been determined that I would be a good father and take care of my family. What kind of man would I be if I just ran away from the situation.

I really don't know how long I can do this. All I do is take care of others; At home, at work and it seems that I have been doing this all of my life.

I really don't know what to do. Why has God heaped so much suffering on my wife and me and my family.

It is not like me to talk about this type of thing but I am desperate.

Thanks for listening...

 

[gleonard]

Really sorry to hear about your situation. I wanted to ask you if you have a good circle of Christian friends? Do you have one?

George

 

[bluesmanks]

Thanks for the kind words.

I did not know there were and christians in Switzerland.

To answer your question: No, we have not found a new church home since we moved a few miles north from where we lived before.

We left a church that we had been at 13 years after many people turned on my wife because of some of her issues. Of course they were wrong to do that, but it left a bitter taste in our mouths.

We looked for a long time be we really could not find any place that we felt good about. And, we are very reluctant to get too involved in another church as deeply as we were before.

I realize that this is not good for us, but it is just so hard to try to find someplace that you can call home again after a bad experience.

 

[gleonard]

Thank you bluesmanks for a transparent reply.

What troubled me with your original post was your final phrase “but I am desperate”. I wish I could be there with you so that we could spend some time together, where I could get to know you and your family better and even spend some time with you in prayer. I wish I could come with some other Christian friends and assure you that you are not alone in your plight.

I think that you are a courageous person in that you have been facing such a difficult situation over such a long period of time. Your sense of responsibility to your children is honorable and I know that our Lord honors such persistence as well. Whether you realize it or not the Lord will eventually bless you for such diligence.

I humbly feel that you need an outlet from the strain that you are experiencing and it was due to this that I asked you about a circle of Christian friends that you might know. Unfortunately this type of outlet is not presently at hand for you as you have informed me. I deeply regret this for you. I myself have known personally what is like to be distanced from Christian community and friends with whom I could have hashed things out and sought solutions through prayer and discussion. I feel that such contact would, especially in the condition you currently find yourself in, be most beneficial for you. With this I would in all modesty and earnestness advise you to take on just a little more courage and seek out Christian friends that you could bring into your confidence in regards to your situation. It is sure that God can help your situation greatly, but just you and He alone is a tough route. With other friends in Christ you would be surrounded with more possible solutions and support. Maybe at this moment God is knocking at your door with an invitation to return to Christian community. Does that make sense?

I only know that without the presence of the Lord in my family – the whole thing would have gone down the drain pipe long ago. We had some tough times but God’s mercy was greater and much of this due to Christian brothers and sisters that I fortunately had contact with. If you think that this might be a possible start to a solution – then why not give it a try. Finding Christian friends, I know, is not always an easy task. Take it to the Lord and let Him lead you to whom, where and when.

What do you think? Could this be a possible solution?

I will keep you in my prayers as I am sure many others who read this in this forum will.

God bless you, keep you and give you peace.
George

 

[Brighthouse]

First I think Gleonard words were very kind! If I may most humbly give you some encourgment as well,first! This!1 cor 10:13 NO Temptation has overtaken you but such as common to man;and GOD is FAITHFUL,who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able,BUT!! with the temptation will provide the way of escape also,so that you will be able to endure it. Know this!! Jesus LOVES you!! and!! your whole family! As part of the Body of Christ when one is hurting so,we are as well,some churches are mean,james 2:15-16 As for you,no one knows the hardship of another,until they themselves have endured such. 1 Cor 4:7-18 verse 16 DO NOT!! lose heart! I will tell you that in my life,I to have suffered much,what the Lord has taught me,I will share with you, a secret that has done wonders not just for me,but for those who I pray for,as I sure will you! Matt 6:16 Whenever you fast,notice here,not if we do. As I was praying for you,the Lord in me wished to give this to you,Isaiah 58:6-12 and one other inpotant fact! I know this one may sting a little,but it must be done,or else the fast is in total vain! You must FORGIVE matt 18:21-35 we do this,so we can recieve this!! Matt 7:7-11 That is all the Lord has shown me about you,and your situation,I sure do give this to you in love,never!! in judgement! Also I do agree with brother Gleonard,as hard as this may be,you do need support,the enemy wants to steal what is left from you!! John 10:10 BUT Jesus wants to give you and your wonderful children and wife!! an abundant life in him! Do not stay out of the Word,the Holy Spirit in you is starving for it,you have fasted the wrong area of your life. I have food you know not of!! John 4:33-34 this!!Matt 4:4 also line up your words with what you need,I can't! can't !we are doers of the Word and not hearers only. James 1:22 Jesus is with you brother!! Just do the best you can,he will take care of the rest! For remember this!!Luke 16:10 He who is faithful in little,also will be faithful in much,just start being the faithful man of the Lord he has called you to be,and fear not what others say or do,becasue Jesus chose you!! John 15:16 Our job,is to stay faithful in our LOVE for Jesus,do this!! and Bless God he will provide the way of escape,even as he did me, and many other wonderful brothers and sisters here!! amen!! My prayers are now with you!! Go forth and be what Jesus says you are in him!! YOU!! are more then a conquer!! rom 8:37 a conquer takes territory,do so, through in HIS mighty name!! We love you,and are praying for you daily,until you say the storm has passed! Blessing to you!! and Jesus is Lord!!

 

[Boanerges]

My friend, I am sorry for your troubles and will be praying for you. No matter how busy your day is you need some alone time with God. He alone is the source of our strength and joy and with Him we are worn out, exhausted, burned out and frustrated. I pray that you draw close to Him that He may again become your joy.
I wish I could say life would get easy but that is not usually the case. The difference is how we face it; do we plod on in our own strength or do we take every step crying out to and leaning on our Lord in total dependence? One will kill you and the other will cause you to glide through that which would bring down anyone else.
I know being a dad is a big job in itself and that goes doubly for parents of teenagers. This will pass. They will grow up spread their wings and make a life for themselves.
I urge you to hang in there, start each day with a renewed trust in God and a new focus.When our mind is fixed continually on our problems we tend to spiral downward. When our mind is fixed on Him we begin to see things in a different light. I do not say these things idly but can testify that God has brought me through some terrific trials and issues.
I will be praying for you my friend. I will be around if you wish to PM and/or just talk about anything.
Many blessings in His wonderful Name,
your brother Larry.

 

[Misty_Rose]

WOW

I just got to say it YOUR MY HERO TODAY!:groupwave:
THAT MAY SOUND KIND OF CORNY BUT REALLY ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS YOU ARE DOING TO HELP OTHERS, WITH NO THOUGHT OF REWARD THAT IS THE GREATEST KIND OF LOVE AND I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH US...


I am sincerely sorry for you wife and all the trouble she has went through and also yourself as well for taking sole responcibility but remember:
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strenth; they shall mount up with wings as eagles ,they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

I pray God give you the patience and strenth to keep going on. May God Bless You and Keep you in his WILL.

you truely are an inspiration to me!

 

[SpiritLedEd]

I really don't know what to do. Why has God heaped so much suffering on my wife and me and my family.

It is not like me to talk about this type of thing but I am desperate.

The issues I have in my marriage, while they pale in comparison to the problems you describe, are severe enough that they are a constant threat to my serenity. What I've done for more than twenty years is I have taken the steps necessary on a daily basis to make God number one in my life; to spend a certain amount of time each day in worship and prayer. As a result, the problems didn't change - my attitude changed. I am no longer a beaten down victim, I now live a victorious life in the midst of the turmoil.

"For everyone born of God overcomes the world." (1 Jn 5:4 NIV)

SLE

 

[Truehearts]

I can see that you have been the greatest blessing to ur wife... as sad it may seem yes, its not right for u to just leave it all... and you have kids..and the fact you have a nice paying job is such a blessing too.. i recently heard parents having conjoined twins here in the philippines, they dont have a good job, have to pay the daily bills by seeking donations, the doctor said that eventually one of the twins will die because its impossible to set them apart... sometimes I think and ask God, why did He let this happen?... but each of us have issues in life that we have to carry... and the best thing about it is we are in Christ, we can have great joy through Him..SLE is right, ur attitude towards it is the best thing you can change... accept the situation... God will not give you something you cannot handle, I for one have been blessed to hear this. And I believe in the future God will use all of these situation for His name's glory.

It's hard for anyone in here to say we understand how u feel or what u have been going through but I hope that through this forum, we can give you a little comfort through the fellowships of Christians all over the world.

On a lighter note, I hope u have a hobby or any recreational stuff that u can do to somehow take away your stress...do it more often than the usual, i believe thatll be a great help.. above all keep reading His word and talking to Him whenever u feel down.

 

[Trisha]

I was left by my husband after 30 years. It is awful and solves nothing. We should have worked on it together but he didn't want to. He was selfish. You are not. You are giving and self-sacrificing. This is Christ-like. Love is sacrificial. It is very hard when people are ill, but in sickness and in health the vows say. Pray that someday she will not be physically and/or mentally ill, and fill your joy cup with focusing on and worshipping God. I agree with the other in that maybe it is time to look for a church family, a good one. Families need to attend together. There is nothing better than a good time of worship, imo. I hope that you can hold it together. You seem very mature about your situation. Sometimes men who are immature think they can go off and start a new happy life somewhere else, but it just messes things up worse than they were. Stick with your family, there is nothing else better out there.

Trisha

 

[sunshineaaks]

I don't know what to say. I am a Christian, weaker lately.

I am a regular guy, 46, married, 3 kids, boy 13, Boy 15, Daughter just turned 20. I have many things to be happy and thankfull about.

The reality is that I just don't know how long I can go on. My wife has a back problem that is bad I guess, No obvious wurgery will fix it as far as we know. She has a real pain management doc that takes good care of her, but the amount of pain meds that she takes would kill me and I weigh 235lbs. She is really usless as a wife and help mate. If she is not in bed because of the pain, then she is in bed sleeping off the meds. But that is not the half of it.

I have a good job that pays well with good insurance but the cost of her meds and all the other medical problems really taxes our finances. I cannot seem to get ahead.

And really, she has been sick one way or another for literaly 20 years. She has had migrains, problems with her hip and the IT band that probably contributed to her back issues, stomach problems, gall bladder issues, on and on and on.

She has been hospitalized for mental issues, Manic Depressive and what ever else. You cannot imagine the other things that she has done in the areas of money and other things. We have almost divorced over her infidelity. But I don't want that, and we don't want that. I find that I am very resentful of her and her issues.

While at the same time I have to be some type of example for my boys. I did not really have a father and I have always been determined that I would be a good father and take care of my family. What kind of man would I be if I just ran away from the situation.

I really don't know how long I can do this. All I do is take care of others; At home, at work and it seems that I have been doing this all of my life.

I really don't know what to do. Why has God heaped so much suffering on my wife and me and my family.

It is not like me to talk about this type of thing but I am desperate.

Thanks for listening...

In reading your post I see the tests and trials you endure that seem endless. You are being tested from every angle it seems. But rest assured, He will not test you above what you are able to endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13 is but only one promise like this, there are many more. Also another favorite of mine is Romans 8:28. ALL THINGS not just the good things, or the happy times….. but ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

I see that you admit to being very resentful to her and her issues, which is quite normal. What you do from there will either bring you closer to God’s will and a deeper relationship with Him, or will take you farther away. Resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred are a few things I know a little about and suffered the torment harshly for four years. Longer than that if you count other circumstances in my life.

The unforgiving servant found in Matthew 18 was a parable I thought I understood until there was a circumstance I believed was unforgivable. My mother begged me to forgive and I vowed I never would. A vow I would later regret.

The unforgiving servant was forgiven by the King (God) and that debt was wiped clean. The unforgiving servant refused to forgive his fellow man and was then given over to the ‘tormentors’ (KJV). The tormentors I never understood until I went through those four bitter hate filled years.

When Jesus speaks of ‘tormentors’ I believe He is speaking of depression, bitterness, holding a grudge, vengeance, and quite possibly health issues that come from bitterness, hatred and unrelenting stress. (least for me it was) To be depressed is a horrid state to find one’s self. It can destroy the body and mind if left unattended.

Learning to forgive a murderer was one of the hardest and most precious things I have ever had to do in my life. I had to beg God to forgive my hatred of this man first and foremost and then beg Him to forgive this man for me, until I could. Each time this man’s name came to mind was a battle until I started praying for his salvation and well being in prison.

Quite possibly, there are some things in your wife’s past that she has not truly forgiven, prayed about or a person prayed for and forgiven. Maybe some things that she believes is impossible to forgive? Maybe start asking some questions about her childhood, teen years, college years (if she went to college etc) ?

When or if she speaks, you will have to really listen. These will be her feelings, her thoughts that she has to deal with, but for her to know that there is at least one person on earth willing to listen, attempt to understand and walk with her toward healing, will make the burden a whole lot less tiresome. (though you may never fully understand it all, prayer will be much needed comfort for you both)

Could be a good starting place as you begin to genuinely forgive her for the infidelity, misuse of funds, depression and so on? Also a good example for your kids. As you first ask God to forgive your resentment toward her and then begin to pray for her well being? Believe me when I say, she already feels your resentment, and disappointment in her as a wife, helpmate, and woman.

You are an admirable man. The strength you have comes from Christ because I don’t know if an unsaved man would have lasted half as long as you have in the midst of trouble. Also, just so you know, it takes greater strength to voice a problem and search for answers than it does to keep it hidden way.

This won’t be an easy road but I can tell you that it does become easier in time as you keep your eyes focused on Him instead of all that surrounds you. (this was a whole lot longer than I wanted it to be but I hope there is something there that might help a little)

I have your family written in my bible for prayer, may God bless each and every day!

 

[bluesmanks]

Thanks to you all...

I want everyone to know that I am so thankful for all the prayers and kind words. I does encourage me.

I want to update everyone that is listening. We have started back to church, we went last Sunday. My wife in not really doing any better but she is trying.

I found out about a week ago that we are more behind on our morgage that I thought and we are going to lose our house. I am devastated, but I guess that it is God's plan and who am I to argue with him. I asked a friend if he could help me out with a loan for a few months and he might be able to come through but I don't really know.

If he is not able to help me and God does not work something else out then we have to be out buy mid December or January.

I feel so low because I have let this happen. I am thankful that I still have my job and God willing I will be able to keep it. I know that so many people are out of work.

I have done such a poor job managing our finances I have begged God's forgiveness for that.

I don't really understand what and why all this is happening but I know that it has brought me closer to Jesus and I praise him for that.

Thanks to you all for the prayers.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

I have done such a poor job managing our finances I have begged God's forgiveness for that.

I don't really understand what and why all this is happening but I know that it has brought me closer to Jesus and I praise him for that.

My wife and I are suffering the consequences of our (mostly my) poor spending habits and lack of sound financial management. But, in the last few years I've learned the truth of Prv 3:5-6, Mt 6:24-34, Mk 8:35-36 and my life is overflowing with blessings even though we're still nearly broke.

SLE

 

[Dreamer]

Bluesmanks, you have gotten so many good responses here. As negative as you feel that your life is, you have stirred some positive emotions in those who had compassion and who noticed that you are conscientious. God will reward you! He will reward you somehow; and no one knows quite how He will do it, but you will know it when it comes.

"Father, I ask for blessings to come upon this man in his going out and coming in, I ask for blessings and promotions in his job. I ask for physical and mental healing in his wife, and that the children would feel loved, cherished, and accepted by both parents. And, Lord!!!! I ask for emotional, spiritual, physical and mental healing in Bluesmanks, who is tired, Lord, and understandably so. God, tenderly minister to him. Show him in your WORD daily, the special words you have for him, just for him. Fill him up full with your Holy Spirit so that he can soar above the wind. Give him great love in his heart for You, his wife, his children, others...and himself!!!

I ask that you would give this man laughter. The gift of laughter to see the humorous or light side to things, even hard or laborious matters. I pray that even as he is a blessing to You and to his family, he would be a blessing to neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances and strangers.

Give this precious man the right kind of friends. Put in his supply those who love you and can minister to him. Send 1 or 2 or 3 who will stand with him in prayer and be faithful, loyal friends.

In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

 

[bluesmanks]

Praise God...

I would like everyone to know that I have found a friend that will loan me the money that I am short to get my house out of forclosure.

I really cannot believe that God is having mercy on me after all the things that I have done wrong. Praise Him, Praise Him, Praise him.

I pray that God will help me get my budget in order and not get in this trouble again.

Thanks you all so much for your prayers.

I Christ's Love God Bless you all.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

I really cannot believe that God is having mercy on me after all the things that I have done wrong. Praise Him, Praise Him, Praise him.

My friend, you could very well only be on the threshhold of experiencing His grace and power. As we say in America, "Hang on to your hat, the ride has just begun!"

SLE

 

[Dreamer]

God bless you bluesmanks. Hope things are going well. Thinking about you and your family in this new year. I praise God that someone helped you get out of the foreclosure.

 

[The Robster]

I don't know what to say. I am a Christian, weaker lately.

I am a regular guy, 46, married, 3 kids, boy 13, Boy 15, Daughter just turned 20. I have many things to be happy and thankfull about.

The reality is that I just don't know how long I can go on. My wife has a back problem that is bad I guess, No obvious wurgery will fix it as far as we know. She has a real pain management doc that takes good care of her, but the amount of pain meds that she takes would kill me and I weigh 235lbs. She is really usless as a wife and help mate. If she is not in bed because of the pain, then she is in bed sleeping off the meds. But that is not the half of it.

I have a good job that pays well with good insurance but the cost of her meds and all the other medical problems really taxes our finances. I cannot seem to get ahead.

And really, she has been sick one way or another for literaly 20 years. She has had migrains, problems with her hip and the IT band that probably contributed to her back issues, stomach problems, gall bladder issues, on and on and on.

She has been hospitalized for mental issues, Manic Depressive and what ever else. You cannot imagine the other things that she has done in the areas of money and other things. We have almost divorced over her infidelity. But I don't want that, and we don't want that. I find that I am very resentful of her and her issues.

While at the same time I have to be some type of example for my boys. I did not really have a father and I have always been determined that I would be a good father and take care of my family. What kind of man would I be if I just ran away from the situation.

I really don't know how long I can do this. All I do is take care of others; At home, at work and it seems that I have been doing this all of my life.

I really don't know what to do. Why has God heaped so much suffering on my wife and me and my family.

It is not like me to talk about this type of thing but I am desperate.

Thanks for listening...

God is not the source of all those evil works. God is not your problem, He is your solution. You have a covenant with almighty God and healing for your body is part of that covenant. I suggest you listen to the gospel of grace and that you take full advantage of your covenant blessings through the Lord's Supper. When a Christian believes that God is sending evil works on them, then their believing is all wrong. Its time to start believing right.

Listen to what the Word says about the Lord's Supper. Listen to what the Lord says about our covenant meal with Him.
https://store.josephprinceonline.co...gh-the-holy-communion-5-dvd-box-set-ntsc.aspx

 

[RJ]

I don't know what to say. I am a Christian, weaker lately.

I am a regular guy, 46, married, 3 kids, boy 13, Boy 15, Daughter just turned 20. I have many things to be happy and thankfull about.

The reality is that I just don't know how long I can go on. My wife has a back problem that is bad I guess, No obvious wurgery will fix it as far as we know. She has a real pain management doc that takes good care of her, but the amount of pain meds that she takes would kill me and I weigh 235lbs. She is really usless as a wife and help mate. If she is not in bed because of the pain, then she is in bed sleeping off the meds. But that is not the half of it.

I have a good job that pays well with good insurance but the cost of her meds and all the other medical problems really taxes our finances. I cannot seem to get ahead.

And really, she has been sick one way or another for literaly 20 years. She has had migrains, problems with her hip and the IT band that probably contributed to her back issues, stomach problems, gall bladder issues, on and on and on.

She has been hospitalized for mental issues, Manic Depressive and what ever else. You cannot imagine the other things that she has done in the areas of money and other things. We have almost divorced over her infidelity. But I don't want that, and we don't want that. I find that I am very resentful of her and her issues.

While at the same time I have to be some type of example for my boys. I did not really have a father and I have always been determined that I would be a good father and take care of my family. What kind of man would I be if I just ran away from the situation.

I really don't know how long I can do this. All I do is take care of others; At home, at work and it seems that I have been doing this all of my life.

I really don't know what to do. Why has God heaped so much suffering on my wife and me and my family.

It is not like me to talk about this type of thing but I am desperate.

Thanks for listening...

My heart really goes out to you Brother! I had a Pastor, since moved on, who's wife had back injuries from an car accident early in their marriage. She has issues very similar to your wife. I don't know your pain, much less hers, but I know how he struggled with her problems, again, very similar to your wife.
I wish I could offer something but I have nothing, except I know, from knowing my Pastor, how he struggled like you. I guess, unless you have been there, you don't know what it is like for 20 + years, so I think, though it is your Wife's physical pain, you have a right to be concerned about your mental anguish and why you feel desperate.

But, knowing I am not in your shoes, I am still confident that, though it is perfectly normal and acceptable to God, there is no need to blame Him in anyway. There is no way that God has "heaped this suffering" upon you; that is an untruth that can only divide you from him and lead to a sort of bondage that God does not care or love either of you. If you can learn to focus on who he is and not who he isn't, your perspective can change toward him.

It is totally unfair that your wife and subsequently you, have to suffer so, and again, my heart and prayers go out to you for some kind of peace in this situation. And, in itself, there is one of the problems, there is really no such thing as fair in this life, it is what it is and we have to make the best of it. Being a Christian, your best hope, your only hope is to even seek God more, he is your only answer to your desperation. Please always to continue to pray and ask him for understanding and immerse yourself in his word: I promise your answers are found there.

Also, very important, you are given the role of caregiver and with what you and your wife are going through, that is obviously no easy task and for so long now. Your physical and mental health is very important to your wife and the rest of your family. Be very sure that you are taking care of your needs and seeking any type of medical and Spiritual support that you need, this is so important for your own health and the support of your family.

 

[lizabe]

Hi blue, perhaps you can get your wife into a nursing home, where she can be taken care of until she is well enough to be home and take up her wifely and motherly duties.
Seems like she is a burden on the family right now. This is one suggestion.