I think I've tried everything to find this Jesus Christian's are so sure about. I've looked high and low, I've looked in and out, but faith soon disappears like a vapour. I'm lost for the word's to describe the hell my life has been in pushing myself to believe over and over.
I must secretly admit, God knows that I can't believe because I'm afraid of what he'll do to me if I don't. But if I believe to save my own neck, then what kind of person does that make me?
I've been away for a while because I've been bouncing to and from the street's, it's been a terrible few month's. I called out to Jesus while I was sleeping in the gutters, and he never comforted me once. No, I just walked around in the cold feeling like I've been kicked in the gut's.
Well I would have hoped Jesus could cheer me up in a terrible place, but that promise fell far short. No, I don't trust this Jesus anymore, why should I?
For anyone else living like that still looking in this chat, there's hope probably in every direction around you. God is not in the gutter with unbelievers. God is not "in control" of everything and everyone, else there would be no abortions, no crimes, no tornadoes or hurricanes destroying lives, no wars, nothing bad. It all started off GOOD, but man blew it. He is however ready to receive anyone with open arms, those who call upon Jesus and mean it, then get up and submit to Him. Then and only then may you receive anything from God. Until then you are allowed to wallow in slop by your own choice. Read on!
Jesus told a parable of a young man leaving home with his living father's inheritance in pocket, living the wild life far off. He went broke, ended up homeless, his meals shared by a pen of hogs. He was living the dumpster life until finally he came to himself. Even his daddy's servants had it good back home. He thought it all through, got up, and went home to be welcomed back. That's a picture of God's way of dealing with rebels against Him.
It's very common for homeless people to decide not to get up. But when they do, and don't have a family to help them, there are dozens of places within 10 miles of them here offering a bed, meals, new clothes, counseling, job hunting assistance, connections to agency help, refuge from the outside world. Those who make satisfactory progress enter into long term help. If there's none near you, leave there and go where there is help. Why stay where there is hopelessness? We've helped hundreds find a new life, doing well, some even restored to families, many well employed even with felony records, others now in ministry serving Christ by "passing on" what they learned.
It's also somewhat common for folks to enter those facilities, get all cleaned up, fattened up, sober and emptied of drug traces, sharp enough to apply for a job, well introduced to Jesus, but turning up in a jail wanting bond made, the new clothes replaced with rags, back on drugs, found by old "friends" using them to make a living delivering drugs or burglarizing, prostituting, etc.
Those are all choices, among the many people have access to. It is absolutely necessary to make your mind up, submit to helps, commit to follow through, and not ruin your future beyond repair. There is a point at which people can no longer help, and even God gives up on. He does that by no longer drawing a person to Christ. He knows, and you know too. What you need to learn is where you are in that, somewhere you can listen to God and His disciples more than let the Devil shout down your ear. Satan's goal is to lie to you enough to give up without hope. It isn't the devils doing things to make you desperate, but you and those choices you make. Even a typical secular (non-religious) homeless refuge would be better than eating with the hogs.
Stop just "trying to find Jesus". The Kingdom of Heaven is very near you, even in your mouth if you will but speak enough for faith to help. Nothing happens if all you do is try to find him. God the Father knows where you are, and He has disciples of Jesus able to help. Find someone who can teach you words of success to say to your mountain of despair. The world is full of religions basically trying to do that. Make better choices.
