I don't want to see my dad anymore

[SpiritLedEd]

Re: I don't want to see my dad....

Rachel15,

From what I'm reading in this post, I think it would be best for you if you did stop seeing your dad. Forgiving him doesn't mean you or your children have to associate with him. As I'm fond of saying, "You don't have to stick your head in the lion's mouth again."

Hopefully, God will send an older man into your life who is a good Christian and can be a father figure for you.

I'm a recovering alcoholic (sober 24 years). I hurt my daughter a lot when I was drinking and in early sobriety. As a result, she won't have anything to do with me. Having had a 30 year+ drinking career, I have some understanding of how the alcoholic mind works. I suggest that you purchase and read the book Alcoholics Anonymous, published by AA's World Services Office in New York City USA. I believe the book can be purchased on Amazon.com. That book will help you understand why your father is the way he is. BTW, it's not your fault!

SLE

 

[Rachel15]

Hi, i'm sorry i haven't replied before but i felt sort of exhausted by trying to think this through. I haven't heard from my dad in a while and i'm relieved really. To be honest i haven't been going to church for a long while, although i have been seeing my group leader. I don't really feel that i fit in with church - i came as a believer with a lot of issues that didn't go away when i was born again, including the one with my dad.
Well i have to go ...

 

[lettheredeemed]

Rachel, I have found that the Lord allows us to go through many difficult situations in our lives. Forgiveness is an act of the will. Jesus forgave us and we are to follow in His example and forgive others. Harboring bitterness will hinder our spiritual walk with the Lord. The only person that is harmed by an unforgiving spirit is the person that is unforgiving. We are commanded to love and to forgive. If we desire to have joy in our Christian walk we must confess our unforgiveness and forsake it. Then Jesus enables us to minister to others that may be struggling through situations that we have previously struggled through.


Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

 

[Ann]

Rachel15 you sounded so down in your last post and I felt it immediately when I read it.
It seems that you are to hard on yourself because you feel that you can't do certain things that (you think) people or maybe God expect you to do.

You can't run the race full out untill you get to the end, you have to pace yourself otherwise you will never make it.

I also don't go to church because I also feel that I do not fit in, because I also have a lot of unresolved issues that still need attention. Going to church is important and I feel guilty about not going. Forcing myself to go and then feeling bad after the service because I feel I don't belong is two negatives that don't resolve anything.

You have unique circumstances and you must do the best that you can in order to have a personal relationship with God and to grow spiritually.

Allow God to work in your life and change you, live one day at a time and you will see one of these days you will look back and be amazed at what He has accomplished.

Don't force the issues that you have problems with it will only discourage you.

I once read a story about a girl that gave God a broken toy to repair.
After a while she asked God why He is taking so long and He answered that if she would stop taking the pieces away and try to repair it herself, He would be able to repair it more quickly.

Your life became a mess over many years and it will take more than a day or two to mend what is broken. Give God time, work with Him, ask for His peace while you are in the storm, I assure you He will never forsake or leave you and even if you don't feel His presence I assure you He is with you.

You are my sister in Christ, we are family, I love you and pray that God will keep you close to His heart and comfort you while He is molding the clay that you are being made off.

May God bless you with all that you need in this time that you are going through. Don't be discouraged everything will work out just fine, I promise you.

Blessings!

 

[Rachel15]

Hi Ann, i've just got in and had to write to say that your post hit the nail on the head for me - thank you SO MUCH for posting. It is also such a relief to read that someone else might feel that they don't fit into church at the moment. I love listening to teaching by a bible teacher who makes his teachings available online so this makes me more determined now to focus on his teaching, and not worry so much about what's not working - thank you for this advice.

Also a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who posted and for their concern.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Re: I don't Want to See My Dad Any

Rachel15,

Not going to church because you have unresolved issues is like not going to the doctor when you have a serious physical problem. You say that you didn't feel like you fit in when you went to church. My response to that is that all new experiences are uncomfortable at first. Faith is not doing what is comfortable; it is doing something that is uncomfortable and trusting God to bring good out of it for you (see Romans 8:28).


SLE

 

[Rachel15]

Hi SpiritLedEd,

Thanks for your reply - i appreciate what you've said but i don't really know how best to sort things out at the moment. I'm in a fix partly because something happened in the past with one of the pastoral team at the church, and in my heart i'm having trouble accepting that it happened and that the issue is over with.

Also my church seems to be quite hierarchical.

I was going to join this other church nearby which i really like, but then my leader was not at all happy about me leaving and said she wanted to meet with the new church pastor about me so i put off leaving for the time being. But i don't go on Sundays, i just go to the weekly life group meetings.

I've been feeling really uncomfortable at church for a long while - i feel like i'm a round peg trying to fit into a square hole (or something like that).

Well, i just wanted to explain some reasons why i'm not going at the moment.

Rachel

 

[lettheredeemed]

Rachel, talk to to the Lord about it. He can really help.

 

[Rachel15]

Hi lettheredeemed,

Thanks for your post - it really helped - God is so good. I am having big revelations at the moment and breakthroughs about struggles i've been having. Actually i'm exhausted, but pleased. Just trying to take baby steps now ...

 

[Ann]

Hi Rachel15 I am very glad to hear that you are making progress even if you are exhausted. In the end it will be worth it, just keep on giving one step at a time, big steps, baby steps or small steps, doesn't matter as long as you are moving forward.

God will never forsake or leave you, He will help you up and over this mountain that you are facing.

"Psa 139:9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Psa 139:10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
Psa 139:11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"
Psa 139:12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
Psa 139:13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
Psa 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

I am still praying for you.

Blessings!

 

[Rachel15]

Thank you so much Ann - may God bless you. I just hope that out of what's happening with me at the moment - God can take and use it and any insight i gain to help other people in their journey.
I want to send you a hug for supporting me in prayer. :girl_hug:

 

[Ann]

Of course your experience will help others in the long run, suffering is never meaningless, God's purpose will be revealed to you in due time.
Hold on to His hand, keep faith and know that you are not alone even if it sometimes feels like it.

"When we abide in the Vine, God develops His character in us by pruning, tending, feeding, watering and nurturing us so that we, in turn may care for others. It is not always pleasant to be pruned, but it is necessary."

Thanks for the hug it is appreciated. Here's one in return :girl_hug:

Blessings!

 

[ScottGhost]

Unfortunately, forgiveness and trust are two different steps. When a trust is broken it is difficult to repair immediately even when we are commanded to forgive, honor, and respect. Taking care of your children's well being is the most important thing for you to concern yourself with. It sounds like you may need to have a conversation with your dad if you have not already. The best you may be able to do right now is love your dad from a distance until the time comes that you are able to trust him again. That will only happen through the power of the spirit as you allow him to work in your heart and heal your hurt. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[Rachel15]

Thanks Scottghost,

I didn't see my dad today, although my son did with his father. I think that's it - i don't trust him. I don't really know what to say to him - i'm avoiding him.

I respect the fact that my dad is another person with his own needs and wants, but i don't respect him as a role model for me or my son, and i feel that what he wants from me i'm not willing or able to give because i don't feel that he loves me and accepts me as a whole person. I've been unable to share things with him for so long either because he's been dismissive, uninterested or mocking that I can't see a way ahead for an equal adult relationship unless this changes. Also i know that he shares information with other people like his friends at the office where he works and i'm uncomfortable about that.

Just lately God's been giving me a lot of insight into my emotions during my upbringing with a lot of memories and thoughts that are making more sense now. I suppose i'm quite 'open' at the moment with all these thoughts and i don't want to make the mistake of speaking about anything with dad, so that's partly why i'm avoiding him too.

Maybe things will change in the future. I bought dad an evangelical DVD that i'm going to send him for a belated birthday present. Hopefully he'll read and really think about the contents.

Thank you for your prayers,

God bless,

Rachel