I have a question on dating, any answer?

[TheWidowsOffering]

Most of my colleagues in the church are single ladies and are expecting someday to find their God's gift.

Everytime I ask why have they reached their age without getting married they would said "Mr. right has not yet come". Because of their relationship with God they tend to ignore suitors outside the church.

Don't we have any man in the church? Yes we have but most teens. Whew! Man at their age range tend not to notice us. HEhehe..

When it comes to dating I can say I'm the most illed person about it. uhum? Yes. Though I got a lot of crushes during my teenage even at college I never indulge myself dating due to my focus - school, family, responsibility, church (devoted roman catholic that time). Some of my classmates before would ask "Can I visit you at home?" I never said yes. I would always have a reason avoiding boys in my way.

When I opened up myself dating the problem is Mr. Right is hardly to be found? hahaha

My question is should a person go to a date knowing she/he has no type/interest of the other party? Is this not called playing with others' feelings? This is the dilemma most of my colleagues had today and me of course. One member of the group said "Interest may develop not just for a moment but as you go along with somebody you would come to know the real person."

Thanks for inputs guys... God bless us all!

 

[rizen1]

My question is should a person go to a date knowing she/he has no type/interest of the other party? Is this not called playing with others' feelings? This is the dilemma most of my colleagues had today and me of course. One member of the group said "Interest may develop not just for a moment but as you go along with somebody you would come to know the real person."

I know the feeling.
Waiting for Mr. Right....my friends would ask how would you find him if you don't go out.
My respond would go like this " God will send him, don't worry I'll be fine ".

I'm 23, single and would love to get married, but what's the procedure ? Date first then get married. I was confused.



Before I go any further, what is a "Date'' ?
Two single people of the opposite going out.....

Because this being the first thought in our minds, we close the doors on any invitation with the opposite sex.
We should only be selective on who the person is, but why call it a date, why not say 2 people hanging out, grabbing a bite. I believe if we remove the word " date '', we'll be open to socialize with the opposite sex more.

When I hear the word ''date'', I think intimate, candle light, soothing music , a dinner or movie, a walk on the beach or a picnic. I don't believe in dating, the word to me sounds like your testing the waters, a test drive, picking people and then dropping them when you get bored.

A date, should only take place with " the one '' whom you're courting, the one you plan to marry. Why collect memories with other men and women you're not going to marry. When you're on a date, you force yourself to believe this is the one.



We need to step back from the brain washed over sex society...and replace the activity we call dating with the word networking.

To network means, you're building your own social group. You're getting to see what personalities you click with, see people in different environments and also open yourself up to a different interest. There is no intimacy required.

To me...a date comes after a relationship has been formed

We should be more focus on building our social group, building strong spiritual friendships that can turn into a relationship . In all of this you're being patient and letting God open your eyes to different people. Then in His timing it would happen.

If single people network..there's no opportunity to feel lonely and depress. We're buying into this lie that you need a man or woman in your life to be complete.

No no no...all we need is our heavenly Father.

33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

We have to return to our first love, stop worring about " dating ", go out make friends and have fun , share the gospel. If we are building a social group its hard to be lonely.

Network -> friendship -> relationship -> dating -> marriage

Should be the order of things..... .

Be blessed

 

[Property Of God]

There really isn't a rule to it, some people meet people who are just like them that they prefer being close friends, not lovers, sometimes the one you love was never your type but once you get to know the person, you can't stay away, and maybe you only think he is different when he is so much like you, if you really think some guy is worth thinking about, then you should give it a chance, you don't have anything to lose if you keep consulting God and praying about it.

Don't target specific segmentations, you might think a guy from church is really great but maybe it's not right, maybe he is only there for girls, maybe a guy who you think isn't this close to God, would turn out to be so much more than what he may appear to be.

Just be flexible and cool about it, and it'll most probably crawl on your back and surprise you!

 

[rizen1]

There really isn't a rule to it,

With the high Divorce rate, and multiple mates people are having these days before they get married, I think its time we follow some sort of rule or structure, with God included of course.

this is an area the church needs to address

 

[Property Of God]

Offcourse, nothing can last without God's permission, what I meant is that she shouldn't think " Oh he doesn't read like me, he doesn't share my interests, he isn't the one "

Cause sometimes we can be attracted to people different than us, interests and so on, so there's no rule to it.

 

[rizen1]

nothing can last without God's permission,

Amen to that.

what I meant is that she shouldn't think " Oh he doesn't read like me, he doesn't share my interests, he isn't the one "

Thats true, but the question was if its playing with someone's feelings if you go out with them and you have no interest in that person.

My question is should a person go to a date knowing she/he has no type/interest of the other party? Is this not called playing with others' feelings?

If both parties before hand agree that they are going out as friends, I don't see how anyone could get hurt. The only time you're playing with someone's feelings is when you're literally sending the wrong message, through body language, guestures ,words etc.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Question on Dating

My question is should a person go to a date knowing she/he has no type/interest of the other party? Is this not called playing with others' feelings?

How much time have you spent in the other person's presence? Have you been around him often enough to have a broad knowledge of his personality, beliefs, and interests? Or have you only been around him once or twice for short periods of time?

One or two dates should not add up to an established relationship. If you've not been around him several times, date him once or twice. By the end of the second date, you ought to be able to decide whether the potential for a relationship based on Christian principles is there.

SpiritLedEd (SLE)

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Dear sister Reymielin

Relationships don't grow overnight, they take time, cultivation...and a lot of prayer.

The word date to me brings up the thought of intimacy and expectation.. I think rizen1's comments about networking are very useful, it is a much more healthy way of meeting and interacting with people.... and you never know it could lead to you finding your Mr Right , but it doesn't have to.

To network means, you're building your own social group. You're getting to see what personalities you click with, see people in different environments and also open yourself up to a different interest. There is no intimacy required.

Todays society pressurises us to rush things...but remember your times are in God's hands and His timing will not fail you...and unless a relationship in within His will it will never work. I rushed into a relationship with a man years ago after just one 'date'...just because he was gorgeous and a sweet talker...but it led me down a disastorous path of spiritual destruction. So sister take care not to succumb to pressure...wait on the Lord.

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. Psalm 27:1

Think of Jacob in Genesis...he laboured for many years for Laban before he could marry Rachel.

The Lord bless you sister Reymielin

Julia

 

[Property Of God]

Taken from Gotquestions.org
Question: "How can I know if I am in love?"

Answer: Our human nature indicates to us that love is nothing more than an emotion. We make decisions based on our emotions, and even get married because we feel "in love." This is the reason that about half of all first marriages end in divorce. The Bible teaches us that true love is not an emotion that can come or go, but a decision. We are not just to love those who love us, but we should even love those who hate us, the same way that Christ loves the unlovable (Luke 6:35). "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

It can be very easy to fall in love with someone, but there are some questions to ask yourself before deciding if your "love radar" is leading you in the right direction. First, is this person a Christian, meaning have they given their life to Christ and trust in Him alone for salvation? Also, if one is considering giving their heart and emotions to one person, they should ask themselves if they are willing to put that person above all other people, and put the relationship, once married, second only to God? The Bible tells us that when two people get married, they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5).

Another thing one should consider is if they are a good candidate for being a potential mate. Have they already put God first and foremost in their life? Are they able to give their time and energy into helping the relationship and perhaps marriage last a lifetime? Are they someone whom they would want to marry? There is no measuring stick to determine when we are in love with someone, but it is important to discern whether we are following our raw emotions, or following God's will for our lives.


You can research more about it at the website, it's very interesting and you'll get the real facts, not opinions.

 

[rizen1]

You can research more about it at the website, it's very interesting and you'll get the real facts, not opinions.

Sister I think its an insult to everyone here who is sharing their life experiences by calling it opinions. As you get older you learn from your mistakes and then able to help others.

The Topic " Love '', is to early to discuss because from the original post, there's no indication of a relationship in play.

reymielin....taken from Original Post.

My question is should a person go to a date knowing she/he has no type/interest of the other party? Is this not called playing with others' feelings? This is the dilemma most of my colleagues had today and me of course. One member of the group said "Interest may develop not just for a moment but as you go along with somebody you would come to know the real person."

Thanks for inputs guys... God bless us all!

The article is a great guideline for those who've already established a relationship, and ready to take it to another level.

Good input, sister.
It's good to see what the younger folks think on dating/love

 

[Property Of God]

Sister, why would you ever think I'm offending you? I was talking about myself and my opinions as it's better to let her read from this site and not mislead her with my messy thoughts, it's really hurts that you would judge me when I meant no harm at all.
Thank you anyways.

 

[rizen1]

I apologise if there was a breakdown in communication, you are free to pm me if you think there is a problem.

I'm sorry you felt attacked by my post it was not my intention.

I wasn't offended ( it would take alot more that a few words to offend me ), also there was no indication of it being your opinions you were talking about. Like I said breakdown of communication. No harm intended.

If you have anything else to say to me send a pm that way, this thread is not taken off topic.

God bless



.

 

[Property Of God]

It's all cool sister, don't even worry, it's a mere misunderstanding, I pmed you and I hope it's all okay.

Be blessed!

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

I know the feeling.
Waiting for Mr. Right....my friends would ask how would you find him if you don't go out.
My respond would go like this " God will send him, don't worry I'll be fine ".

I'm 23, single and would love to get married, but what's the procedure ? Date first then get married. I was confused.



Before I go any further, what is a "Date'' ?
Two single people of the opposite going out.....

Because this being the first thought in our minds, we close the doors on any invitation with the opposite sex.
We should only be selective on who the person is, but why call it a date, why not say 2 people hanging out, grabbing a bite. I believe if we remove the word " date '', we'll be open to socialize with the opposite sex more.

When I hear the word ''date'', I think intimate, candle light, soothing music , a dinner or movie, a walk on the beach or a picnic. I don't believe in dating, the word to me sounds like your testing the waters, a test drive, picking people and then dropping them when you get bored.

A date, should only take place with " the one '' whom you're courting, the one you plan to marry. Why collect memories with other men and women you're not going to marry. When you're on a date, you force yourself to believe this is the one.



We need to step back from the brain washed over sex society...and replace the activity we call dating with the word networking.

To network means, you're building your own social group. You're getting to see what personalities you click with, see people in different environments and also open yourself up to a different interest. There is no intimacy required.

To me...a date comes after a relationship has been formed

We should be more focus on building our social group, building strong spiritual friendships that can turn into a relationship . In all of this you're being patient and letting God open your eyes to different people. Then in His timing it would happen.

If single people network..there's no opportunity to feel lonely and depress. We're buying into this lie that you need a man or woman in your life to be complete.

No no no...all we need is our heavenly Father.

33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

We have to return to our first love, stop worring about " dating ", go out make friends and have fun , share the gospel. If we are building a social group its hard to be lonely.

Network -> friendship -> relationship -> dating -> marriage

Should be the order of things..... .

Be blessed

dear sister rizen,


thank you very much for the great input you gave on my query.. it gave me a better understanding and clearer view about "to date" or dating means. yeah! perhaps i have to redefine my understanding about it or even to the renewing of mind i should say. My prayer is as I continue to gain more understanding about it may God use my life to encourage Christian Singles in our group (Church) especially females because oftentimes when it comes to marriage topics, boyfriends, suitors and the likes, we are the ones always talk upon. (I don't know if you have known the feeling about it) But can I just put it this way? Whenever there are Christian or sometimes even non-Christian visitors (single men) during Sunday services one or two of our preachers would ask where are the single ladies here? Etc., etc., ect. None would boldly raise their hand because of the shame felt inside as if single ladies are that desperate getting married. Actually this is my end goal in posting this thread to gain knowledge and understanding about this topic to encourage my co-sisters in Christ here. Without giving any further story I pray that through this thread we might be helped here.

Regarding to networking and making social group still i can say that in our own setting that is not yet that easy to accomplish now (due to lot of issues needed to be resolved first in us or within us Christian Single Ladies here) until the problem within us is being resolved. (Renewing our mind). But actually i liked it very much and it's very ideal. I pray it would happen soon to us here. hehehe of course not just for the sake of finding Mr. Right but as you said to strengthen one another for what matters really is God's Kingdom first and His righteousness and Mr. Right will just be added in our lives. Praise the Lord!

If God is giving me the burden on this may He come to help me accomplish His work even just on my own local church.

Thank you very much and God bless you more with wisdom and anointing!



In Christ,


Sis. Reymielin

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

Thanks God

It's all cool sister, don't even worry, it's a mere misunderstanding, I pmed you and I hope it's all okay.

Be blessed!

Thanks God for the Spirit of reconciliation working sis. The sense of guilt and tension is gone because I'm the one posted this topic. I nearly regretted posting it.

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

perfect sis.

Amen to that.



Thats true, but the question was if its playing with someone's feelings if you go out with them and you have no interest in that person.



If both parties before hand agree that they are going out as friends, I don't see how anyone could get hurt. The only time you're playing with someone's feelings is when you're literally sending the wrong message, through body language, gestures ,words etc.

you got my whole point sis for these are the other reasons why i put a great distance of myself from boys before i got born again. (There are a lot of naughty boys around). another reason are the stories i always hear from my two brothers and male cousins about the girls they are courting when they r still single. That's why i have become very careful in associating with men especially singles because they might misinterpret any good act or kindness you are showing. Is this also happen even among Christian men? Yeah. We have a lot of stories here.

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

hi brother?

How much time have you spent in the other person's presence? Have you been around him often enough to have a broad knowledge of his personality, beliefs, and interests? Or have you only been around him once or twice for short periods of time?

One or two dates should not add up to an established relationship. If you've not been around him several times, date him once or twice. By the end of the second date, you ought to be able to decide whether the potential for a relationship based on Christian principles is there.

SpiritLedEd (SLE)

before i can answer you i want to address you by name or profession bro if you won't mind. I've seen your age and you're that almost two thirds older than mine. i know that reverence is only for God but can anybody allow me if i say I'm a very reverent person when it comes to elders. To God be the glory!


what i can only answer now about your questions is "i wish those some good classmates of mine before would come back and offer me again the same home visit or group outing, etc." now that i'm ready going out with them. hahaha.. This is one issue my colleagues raising up sometimes that when they are not yet in the Lord many suitors coming and even manage to have boyfriends but when they got born again... no more suitors coming? still some are but unbelievers and not just unbelievers others as if having no sense of direction in their lives.

well thanks bro for your advice. I take it well. God bless you and all the things concerning you.

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

Dear sister Reymielin

Todays society pressurises us to rush things...but remember your times are in God's hands and His timing will not fail you...and unless a relationship in within His will it will never work. I rushed into a relationship with a man years ago after just one 'date'...just because he was gorgeous and a sweet talker...but it led me down a disastrous path of spiritual destruction. So sister take care not to succumb to pressure...wait on the Lord.

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. Psalm 27:1

Think of Jacob in Genesis...he laboured for many years for Laban before he could marry Rachel.

The Lord bless you sister Reymielin

Julia

Praise the Lord Sis. Julia for sharing your own experience about dating. And i really thank God for delivering me about rushing or even being worried when Mr. Right really comes. I just have really a little burden on our group about this topic that's why i posted this thread. I want to help them too, get out of such the same situation but due to lack of adequate knowledge or ample understanding I know i can't help them really without it.

Thank you for your concern and your prayers. God bless you and your personal ministry with the Lord.

In Christ,

Sis. Reymielin

 

[rizen1]

I think this was a great topic...lets keep it going.

But can I just put it this way? Whenever there are Christian or sometimes even non-Christian visitors (single men) during Sunday services one or two of our preachers would ask where are the single ladies here?

I know the feeling to well....

if you put your hand up its like you're saying " pick me, pick me "'...lol

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

thank you sis rizen

lol sis. rizen. it's really very funny but thanks anyway. God bless you always.

Sis. reymielin