Lost Hope

[Turbopun]

First post here. Let me paint a picture of who I am and why I'm here.

I am a 26 year old guy, live in an apartment with two other friends that are believers, am involved as the home leader for a weekly youth bible study, got out of a relationship with a woman I was engaged to and have lost all hope. I quit my job where I worked at a well respected worldwide ministry 8 months ago and haven't worked since then. I have been living off of severance (which is long gone),stocks (which aren't doing so well via upset economy) and now family is helping me out financially.

Why don't I work ?

I have lost all hope. I don't care. I have for the lack of a better picture, "thrown in the towel" on life. Quit.I barely taking care of basic needs. But my normal day consists of waking up and just laying in bed hoping the day will go by OR trying to find some escape so the day will go by faster (video games, friends, more church, Christian books, the never ending internet, etc).

I was seeing a Christian counselor from March through September of this year and then stopped going for who knows why. I knew I needed help and took initiative and got some help. Big emphasis on "some". Not enough though. I am about to try out a more Word based counselor soon instead of one that is a Christian and a counselor.

Let's talk sin. Yes, its there and has been off and on in a major way most of my life. Lust, anger, blame, lack of self control and of course pride. No fruit of the Spirit here.


So, theres the picture. Here's why I'm here.

I am kind of an analytical guy. I like to figure out what the problem is and what the applicable solution is. Through my counseling I have found out a lot by going through my own pathology as well as my family's. In that process I have become more angry at my father's silence in my life. I fell into a huge trap of what I thought was "identifying" issues, but it was really a time of extreme blame on my parents combined with taking no responsibility for my life or my circumstances.



I am here because I know in all that I am right now that Jesus is the only one that can carry me and sustain my life. I know it. I believe God has brought that to my attention here lately through my Spirit-led mother. I know it in every grain of me.

Shifting gears for a second...

I grew up in the church for the most part as a child and young teenager. I said a prayer with my mother at age 6 to accept Jesus and was baptized at about age 11. However, I fell into pornography in 3rd grade which has been my bane for near 20 years now. This sparked a whole spirit of rebellion at an early age. It down-spiraled into an unproductive lifestyle with all the typical bad things a teenager does.

I hit 22 years of age and couldn't take it anymore. Through a near death experience my grandmother had, God called me to my old church I hadn't been to in many years. I went to a college group and on that first night of being there in the back of the room during praise & worship, I encountered God for the first time in my life. It was powerful. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and save my soul. I remember it like it was yesterday. That beautiful day in August of '04. He immediately on that very night took cigarettes and cussing completely out of my life with no sorrow on my end. My life changed. I felt the refining fires start to sift through the dross.

However, it didn't last horribly long. Maybe 6 months. I then started dating a girl from the college group where I slowly started losing sight of Jesus and put my eyes on her. It then turned sexual. Ever since then I have been in the same pit of sin, fear of rejection and zero faith.



I know Jesus is it. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He is completely sovereign and completely loving. He is what I want. I want to put me eyes on Him and not take my eyes off Him until I die.

I just don't know how to do it. I know what the Word says. I know several verses that apply to me. I just don't know how to do it or I just can't let go of control or whatever. I am the king of facades. I look like I have everything under control, but oh how I don't. Only my mother and one good friend know how deep my suffering goes.



My fellow brothers and sisters out there, you are my family for when I don't really have much of one.

Please help. Please walk me through how to surrender my life to the Lord for LIFE. :surrender:

 

[jiggyfly]

Hello Turbopun and welcome to TalkJesus.
I read your post and have prayed for you. I want to encourage you to look to Jesus directly for help and not to a religious system or it's participants. Take your eyes off of self and focus on Jesus. Get desperate for Him and you will begin to feel His life flow in you like it did when you first encountered Him. I will continue to pray for you and look for your update here in this thread. No matter what has happen or what you have done Father still loves you very much.


Romans 8:38&39
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[Turbopun]

Hello Turbopun and welcome to TalkJesus.
I read your post and have prayed for you. I want to encourage you to look to Jesus directly for help and not to a religious system or it's participants. Take your eyes off of self and focus on Jesus. Get desperate for Him and you will begin to feel His life flow in you like it did when you first encountered Him. I will continue to pray for you and look for your update here in this thread. No matter what has happen or what you have done Father still loves you very much.


Romans 8:38&39
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jiggy, thank you. I appreciate your kind words.


I feel like I am able to take my eyes off of myself. It's the focus on Jesus part that gets me. I doubt myself so much when I try. I feel like He doesn't hear me or He won't cause of my sin and rebellion. The bible says that I can come to Him and cast my fear and anxiety on Jesus. I believe that it is true. Yet I have tried that several times over the past 4 years, but it doesn't work. I feel so disconnected. So my question then is... Do I really believe what the bible says ? or do I just know its true?

I need to settle this once and for all. I have always either doubted myself or confused myself from over-analyzation that I am left with nothing but my mind trying to wrap itself around it all and my heart left aching.


It would mean a lot for this forum to fight with me. To endure and be patient with me through this time. I find more comfort on this board now than any family or friend I have. I have a severe problem with suppressing emotions when I am around anyone; even my counselor I use to see. I find typing out what I am feeling is such a better avenue for me.

Thank you.

 

[Coconut]

Turbo, welcome to Talk Jesus

I think, going by everything you have revealed about yourself, that deep down in your heart you already know what you need to do. There is something crucial missing from the story of your life.

PRAYER.

If you tell me you`ve tried prayer and it does`nt work, then I wont hesitate to tell you, that you have`nt really prayed according to Gods formula. His formula works, always, without fail!


James 4:7 Submit yourself.
James 4:8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
James 4:9 Be sorrowful, cry, and weep;
James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.


There are many counselors, who will walk you right past the prayer closet,
(and it seems many already have) and you can certainly allow yourself to be guided that way, but I`m going to say they are absolutely wasting your time and theirs.

I also have this to say, and it may be hard to hear, but I say it for your own good. If you are involved as the leader for a weekly youth bible study, you need to stop. Until you have surrendered your own life to the Lord, and are prepared to be an example to these youth, you have nothing to teach them.

God is ready, willing and able to help you. Are you ready yet to surrender
to Him?


(edited to add, there was only the initial post here when I responded, i`m a little amazed...

 

[Chad]

Hey turbopun, welcome to the forums.

I'd like to thank you for your sincerity and honesty, completely laid out as is. That's important when requesting counseling and you hit the nail with providing everyone here what we need to know to understand where you're coming from.

I'd like to remind you that you're not alone and every single believer (literally 100%) has issues with sin, backsliding, faith wavering, so forth. Its all flesh we fight with. But do not fret because Jesus is the victory to freedom.

Something just popped up into my mind as soon as I typed the word victory...

Jesus did not accomplish His goal and declare His victory (the death on the Cross and resurrection) easily at all. No, he was spat on, beaten beyond recognition, mocked and denied as Christ. There is no way on earth us believers/sinners will go through life without trials. Some minor, some major. I'm going through trials myself now. They did not start yesterday. They likely will not break from me tomorrow. We're together in this. We are the body of Christ, so when one member is hurting - the others come forth and assist.

Jiggy and Coconut are both long time members here and I know them both very well by now. Their social security numbers are ### (just kidding, humor can't hurt). Anyway, they are both rich in understanding (as are the rest of the moderators and many members here). They gave you great Biblical advice.

Have you ever fasted before? Fasting is powerful. I'm not your pro when it comes to fasting, but experience has taught me well.

Check out this thread on fasting:
http://www.talkjesus.com/scriptural-bible-answers/216-fasting.html

Don't beat yourself over your sins. Jesus paid the price already. Of course we need to grow spiritually and draw closer to Jesus in prayer. But remember, the price has been paid. This alone should give you peace and hope for a better day.

We all struggle and we will continue to struggle, so long as we're living in the flesh on earth.

 

[jiggyfly]

Hey Turbo, I think you have your next step laid out before you, Fast and Pray.

I need to settle this once and for all. I have always either doubted myself or confused myself from over-analyzation that I am left with nothing but my mind trying to wrap itself around it all and my heart left aching.

Boy, don't I wish it was that easy, the walk with Christ is a daily walk. Christ is much more than a one time encounter, He longs for us to experience His presence daily and become intimate with Him.

A successful christian walk is not walking like Christ, it's simply walking with Christ, your hand in His. It's time to park your mind and put your heart in the lead. Look at Paul's words here.

Ephesians 3:16-21
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Dear Brother Turbopun

I read your post yesterday and have been praying for you through the night.

Why don't I work ?

I have lost all hope. I don't care. I have for the lack of a better picture, "thrown in the towel" on life. Quit.I barely taking care of basic needs. But my normal day consists of waking up and just laying in bed hoping the day will go by OR trying to find some escape so the day will go by faster (video games, friends, more church, Christian books, the never ending internet, etc).

Dear brother, I have been thinking about how you seem to be drifting from day to day. I cannot add much to what has already been given in reply by others here. However, I do assure you that if you get busy recommitting your life to the Lord, get busy fixing your eyes on our beloved Saviour and meditating upon His word....you will be richly blessed and you will again rejoice in the joy of your salvation.[/COLOR]

Dear brother you trusted the Lord to save you....trust His almighty power to restore you back to Himself. He loves you and justs wants your all.

God bless you and I will continue to pray.

Julia

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby..... 1 Peter 2:21

Pray without ceasing..... 1 Thess 5:17

Blessed is the man whose strength is in Thee...Psalm 84:5

 

[Turbopun]

Thank you all so much for your replies, your wisdom, your care, your time and your prayers. It touches me.

I am going to chew on your replies and get back with you all later today or tomorrow. Again, thank you.

 

[Property Of God]

Few years ago I was just feeling like you, and it was so ugly, it lasted about a year, I lost all my blessings and I was always on my own, it is very killing to be alone, esp alone without God.

I tried many many times to repent, but I always lost hope in myself, but I always tried again, that's the thing, God wants to see us fight for Him, He wants to see we really can't live without Him.

I decided to disconnect myself from sins, cause that's the thing about a sin, it makes you fall and stops satisfying you! It's a very empty sin.

God took me back after trying a million time, He decided to answer my prayers, many beautiful Christian friends helped me along the way, it is good to open up to someone, someone who has been through what you have been through.

Keep praying and trying and fighting.
I'll be praying for you.

God bless.

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Brother Turbopun,

Please understand this.... set your hope on Christ and Him alone... when you say the things that happened to you caused you to lose hope, or that sort of thing, you are identifying your hope to be based on circumstances of the flesh. Our hope is in Christ who gave Himself for us and is coming again in glory to gather us up to be with Him... and that is the hope that gives joy and peace, no matter what else is happening to us.

This is so important. Likewise, we must always set our minds on things above.. the unchanging love of God toward us. There is nothing else that lasts.

If we think on all the negative things that 'life' dishes out, where then is Christ? When He returns will He find us watching for Him... or will we be fussing on the ever changing circumstances of our time here waiting?

You are not lost.

You titled this thread, Lost Hope.

So, you are not lost.... but through Christ you are saved. Set your hope only on Him who saved you. If He has a problem with you and how you live your life, He will let you know... so rather than focus on what you see, look to Him... for He sees someone very beautiful in you... and He will never stop loving you... that is a promise and a sure reason to put your hope in Him.

Do this my brother, and the rest will sort itself out faster and much better than you can... seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.... and all these (other things) will be added unto you.

Love lasts, because God is Love. Let His peace rule in you, brother and allow Him to shower you in His love... for His love heals and restores.


Bless you ....><>

Br. Bear

 

[Fragrant Grace]

But my normal day consists of waking up and just laying in bed hoping the day will go by OR trying to find some escape so the day will go by faster

....be ready in the morning, and come up in the morning...... and present thyself there to Me in the top of the mount Exodus 34:2

Dear Brother Turbopun

Just a further thought

You are starting the day relying on your own strength....and by what you say not getting very far.

Your day will be victorious in His strength if each morning you commit everything to the Lord. Be diciplined, set an alarm clock if need be. You will be so blessed it will become your joy, your sanctuary and your strength for each day.

He loves you, no matter what you have done, no matter how you feel...you can never loose your salvation.

God bless you, I am praying

Julia

Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you James 4:8

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Turbopun,

I suggest that you read the public profiles of some of the members who've been on this site for a couple of years. Many of us have had experiences similar to yours and God has brought us through to victory. As the saying goes, "If you were the only one a thing ever happened to, there wouldn't be words to describe it."

SLE

 

[Chad]

Here you go, be encouraged by the testimonies. Most of them are general testimonies while a handful are actually testimonies of awesome things GOD has done for the member right here on this site. Reason I mention that is to show you that this site is blessed by GOD, Holy Spirit led and for sure can help you, by His grace and power in Jesus Christ.

Testimonies & Praise - Talk Jesus | Christian Forums

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

i'll pray for you too.

Hello Turbopun and welcome to TalkJesus.
I read your post and have prayed for you. I want to encourage you to look to Jesus directly for help and not to a religious system or it's participants. Take your eyes off of self and focus on Jesus. Get desperate for Him and you will begin to feel His life flow in you like it did when you first encountered Him. I will continue to pray for you and look for your update here in this thread. No matter what has happen or what you have done Father still loves you very much.


Romans 8:38&39
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[Turbopun]

Thank you so much everyone.

I have been chewing on these posts. I have been reading public profiles from the vets on this site. Chad, your testimony... awesome. Jiggy, Coconut, Bear, Nermeen and the rest... through all of your words I can feel something happening. God's hand heavy on me ? Boy, I hope so.

It's scary. Scary of the thought of being brought back to His body only to fail again. It's almost comfortable in a sense of being so far from Him so I don't have to feel the failure of disobeying Him. Through the last week I have truly come to the realization how immature I am in my faith. I could keep up with most of you in biblical knowledge and resource, but it wouldn't do me a lick of good cause I have had no faith. It is humbling.

To those that are praying for me, I am praying too. Last night in bed I had maybe my first silent session ever. Realized that I was doing all the talking and no listening. I didn't hear anything from Him, but the realization of just being silent and willing to listen regardless of Him talking to me at that moment or not was a step for me.

To those that have encouraged me, thank you for mirroring Jesus when I have been too ashamed to look at Him.

The fight continues... or is it the surrender? That sounded inspirational.

 

[Turbopun]

Just wanted to let the ones that have supported me here over the last few days know that things are not the same when I first posted here.

I don't really know how to explain it. I was laying in bed last night and I told God that I just wanted to listen. I cant really put it in words very well, but I will try to explain what happened. I asked God a question and in my conscience/mind i got a what to me was a real answer from Him to my question. Like audible, but only inside of me; real words, english and all. So I asked another question... got another answer. Another and so on. Some answers were what I wanted to hear and some were to wait and trust Him.

It was surreal. After I finished listening to His answers I sat there. I then started playing it out of my mind that it couldn't have been real. I mean, I have been praying to God for many years; me doing all the talking and my view was that a circumstance happening or not happening was God's voice. Well, I heard God's voice. Repeatedly. All in my bed.

So, for me, I said to myself, maybe I am crazy, but things cant get much worse and if that wasn't really God's voice and it was my own "wishful thinking" voice that was speaking... well, God will correct me.

I tried asking Him some questions today and didnt get any answer at all... then I realized it was because my heart was all about myself. Last night my heart was humble and not selfish.

 

[caddisman]

Re:

Turbopun,actually i think you are awsome.You just keep pushing closer to the Father never let up keep pushing.We serve an Awsome God and he will come through,he has gentely led me from the brink,after the collapse of a twenty year marriage[i am a 47 year old male with 7 children 4 of whitch live with my ex wife]i was an absolute MESS!!! Guilt,Shame,Anger all mixed in with Depression/Anxiety/Insomnia,listen it was VERY VERY BAD.God has kept me in the game and i can honestly say i am 10 times the man i was when i thought my life was great,he works so subltly with us some times that we think hes not there at all but rest assured he is anealing you like fine silver.Not everyone is equipped the same,i marvel how Mother Theresa just flat out surrendered her life to Christ and 65+ years through her never ending love for HIM she made an impact on litterally millons of people WOW!!!powerful stuff[Take a look at those eyes,they exude holliness]Full surrender can be scary,but the upshot is an undefinable peace.God is awsome i just hope i can bring him glory every day i am on earth. Karl

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

wow.. awesome and great and marvelous is our God. Who among us here has not struggled when it comes to faith, salvation and intimate relationship with God? We often struggle about this world, about sin and even our own self (self will most of the time especially when God is dealing with us some things very important/precious to us).

But the greatest thing is... still God is faithful.



2Timothy2:11-13
It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him:
If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:<table style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 100%; font-size: 100%; font-family: sans-serif;" border="0"><tbody><tr><td class="t_verse" valign="top">
</td><td class="t_text" style="width: 100%;" valign="top">If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.</td></tr></tbody></table>
Praise the Lord.

Every time we say "Lord I love you and want to follow you and want to serve you, be also ready to prove it yourself whatever it may cost. "So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33

But still in the same manner, if ever we say we choose God, it is still He who chose us first. Praise the Lord.

I'm blessed with the ongoing result of this counseling bro.

God bless you and enjoy the forums here. The peoples are caring and loving. Indeed am a recipient of God's love pour out abundantly in this site. Still praying for you.


In Christ,


Sis. Reymielin

 

[jiggyfly]

Praise Jesus Turbopun, just continue to fast and pray.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

It was surreal. After I finished listening to His answers I sat there. I then started playing it out of my mind that it couldn't have been real. I mean, I have been praying to God for many years; me doing all the talking and my view was that a circumstance happening or not happening was God's voice. Well, I heard God's voice. Repeatedly. All in my bed.

Turbopun: What an exciting message! You did indeed hear from God. God does communicate through circumstances.....sometimes. He communicates through other people.......sometimes. But, He also has the option of communicating directly - as He did with you - when He chooses.

Here's a critically important Scripture citation for you to meditate on:

"' For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

Spirit Led Ed (SLE)