Marriage, a failure of church & Christian

[Repent2BSaved]

Somebody once said, "If you want to have a friend, be a friend."
This of course means we have to become vulnerable.. but of course, there's the process along the way
in actually meeting someone with whom you'd like to be friends with.

Yes, I know. I am the shy type (until I get to know people, then I just talk, talk, talk), and the couple of friends I did make while I was at that church, I did not see the last 6 months to a year. They may have moved or stopped coming to that church; clearly we weren't that close. I know one couple got divorced and you don't see either of them anymore. So then I was thrown into making new friends. It takes me awhile...but I did not like the new direction the church was going in since the other pastor left and the new pastors decided to change things. I will try the church my cousin goes to. Much smaller, and more intimate.

I myself, am not interested in a "bible" study group. I want to connect with like-minded men, and others
who are looking for support in their Christian walk. Iron sharpening Iron is what I'm after.

Back in the 90's (in the old days...) I went to a small church and made some good friends, one of who was like Paul. He really got the whole witnessing thing, and he did that all the time. He never went to one church, just wherever he happened to be he went to a church there. He passed on to the Lord last year. I miss him, especially since I am now like-minded and it would have been nice to have his experience and advice. I had no idea, that long ago, that I would have a friend who would be like that- like Paul! Amazing really.

"He knows what you need before you need it", you said. My question back to you would be, " what do you need, ..that God allows you to go find?" Because He said if you'll seek (ie.. for a group your interested in), you'll find it. If you'll "ask" around, you might be given a name of contact ; )

Yes, I asked my cousin to recommend a church so she asked me to come to hers next time I have a Sunday off. I hope to get some connections to a group, so I can hone my fellowship skills. I have been out of the loop for too long now. At least I have one "friend" there. My cousin is a prayer warrior. I should learn a few things that I don't get at family functions (not many Christians in my family).

BTW.. This you mentioned. Another question for you..

Do you have a daily devotional you read separate from your bible?

Look forward to your reply ...can't wait :b


LoJ

I have read the Daily Bread devotionals for years now. I also have a book from Billy Graham that combines the Psalms and Proverbs into a 30 day devotional. It is meant to be ready daily for like, forever. It is a great resource of God's love and mercy and also His direction. Psalms is really great for when you have circumstances that are confounding you or when you are suffering or in pain. Really great to read David's wisdom. I forget which version it is of the bible, but it is really helpful. I have read it twice now, usually before I go to sleep. It helps me to get perspective, especially after a day of work listening to the swearing and taking of the Lord's name in vain, and hostility. Who knew women could be like that??

And of course I come here and learn new things daily...Seriously, this place is a blessing to me.

Look forward to reading more from everyone!
Mae

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

"My Utmost for His Highest"

I have read the Daily Bread devotionals for years now. I also have a book from Billy Graham that combines the Psalms and Proverbs into a 30 day devotional. It is meant to be ready daily for like, forever. It is a great resource of God's love and mercy and also His direction.

You sound like your always steering toward being balanced. :2thumbsup:

Still trying to figure out why my Christian walk does not seem too successful..

I imagine you've heard of Oswald Chambers. And his daily devotion called "My Utmost for His Highest".

I can't recomend this book highly enough! I've been reading this for over 10 years now. Probably closer to 15.

Like what you said:

usually before I go to sleep. It helps me to get perspective

God uses this little book of Oswald Chambers to mold us more into His image.
He brings the perspective to our day like you'll never know.. until you pick up this book.

Can't tell you how many times I've given away this little book. I just can't speak highly enough about it.
Really. If your looking for the next level in your walk... get it. I promise, you will be blessed.


Nuff said I fig'r.

God bless, LoJ

 

[Repent2BSaved]

Thanks for the tip LoJ; I have heard of that book but for some reason never chose it as one to read. They offer it through Daily Bread all the time. I will look at their web site and see what is what.

Wow! Recommendations by Dr. Charles Stanley! I guess I better get on top of this. They have a nice leather one at the web site. Charles Stanley's sermons were one of the reasons I felt God calling me to do all the things that I have been doing for the past 6-8 months, so if he thinks it is a good book, then I guess it is a good book. And of course your recommendation just seals the deal!

Thanks again! I certainly need all the help I can get :shade:

 

[Gideons 300]

Great post- I pray my answer measures up!

As I sit here wondering why I am about to be dragged into a divorce by a Christian woman, I wonder why? And to answer the question before you ask, No, there is no biblical reason for her to seek a divorce unless she has been committing adultery on me during our separation.

Why is it that the Christian divorce rates are equal to secular divorce rates? Is not marriage to a Christian man or woman also a Covenant with God as well? WHERE IS OUR FAITH, OUR CONVICTION, OUR SUBMISSION TO HIS WILL?

When I was not a Christian, I divorced without care. But since I have been saved I find a Christian divorce is an abomination to me because it is to God. Why are so many Christians so willing to get divorced so freely, knowing that we are not meeting God's standard for a divorce and thereby knowingly sinning in God's face? Why are Christians so willing to disobey Jesus and throw our marriages away so easily? What is driving this tend?

Is it the failure of the church? I mean many churches today only preach the feel good message. They don't talk about Jesus coming back as a Lion & judging people, casting the ones he does not know, or who were luke warm for him, into hell. Nor do they ban the sinful spouse who seeks the divorce from the church unless he/she repents. Its like well OK Joe (or Sue), just keep sending the check every week & you can get a divorce, Jesus will forgive you.


Or is it simply the selfishness of ourselves who are to blame? We don't want to fight for the righteous act of keeping a marriage together anymore. No we would rather take the easy way out, even though it is a horrible sin that tears apart what God has joined together as well as crushes our children & other loved ones & families.

I remind you, Faith without works is dead & dead faith equals hell. Use Jesus's blood not to just forgive your sins but to also be born again & to change your evil ways. What did Jesus say to the prostitute, the woman at the well, etc? He said, Go and sin no more. We can't keep sinning freely like this, as an individual Christian, as an individual church or as the body of Christ as a whole.

It just fills me with anger & embarrassment that we who call ourselves Christians can disobey the Lord so easily & so often. Christian marriages should remain together 100% of the time. Even if we are having a "bad year" as Christians overall, maybe 95%. But to be consistently equal with the secular population at a 50% divorce rate, we are failing Christ beyond belief & our moral inability to witness to the secular people is at the very least, worthless and worse, part of the reason for all the immorality in the world.

Think about it. Are we not damned if we continue on this path of selfish behavior? Is this not the most urgent thing Christians need to correct? Per God's command, Marriage is forever, right? A Christian Marriage glorifies God, a Christian divorce only bears false witness against God that he is impotent to keep marriage as a sacred & holy Covenant of his people, of his flock. Of course we know the truth, it is our selfish flesh we would rather serve then the Covenant of marriage & all of our past testimony for God all becomes nothing but hypocritical hype.

So I ask you all, what can we do to start to change this downward to hell trend NOW?

There is a very good reason, Cowboy, as to why the church is in the state it is in. We have been taught to lean on our own strength in walking the walk and unfortunately, the flesh is not dealt with scripturally. We discipline it, chain it up, whip it, hope it goes away if we ignore it, try to make our flesh more religious and nice, but we refuse to do the one thing we are commanded to do with it that works. What is that? We are to reckon it dead by faith and believe all things are become new. Until we are convicted of the fact sin is still in our midst when Christ died to set us free not only from the penalty of sin but its very power, the church as a whole will wallow still. We are worldly so why shouldn't our divorce rate be the same as the world's? The promises of God are there to lift us up out of the mire of our flesh and sin and worldliness and the devil and set us up in heavenly places in Christ. We need to re-discover the promises of God. How about:

You are dead and your life is hid with Christ in God.

I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me

Praise be to God who ALWAYS causes us to triumph in Chirst Jesus

Unto Him who is able to keep us from falling.....

Reckon yourselves dead indeed unto sin....

...for sin shall NOT have dominion over you

For it is God in us, causing us to will AND to do of His good pleasure.

The word tells us that God has given us: "exceedingly great and precious promises, that by these (promises), we might be partakers of the divine nature."

Until we see that unbelief has crept in to our walks and that for safety we have not run to the promises of God but to the law of commandments which works death, not life, we shall see the church remain in its paltry condition. God give us men and women who will launch out boldly to believe the scriptures and fight the good fight of faith.

I hope that makes some sense.

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Amen to that!

 

[Whendancer]

What did jesus say...

Montana Brother,
When I divorced an alcoholic mate, I was thinking of the safety of our, then, toddler daughter. It was during the course of our separation where I became aware of what Jesus had to say about it. God hates divorce because He wants marriage to "mirror" the Covenant relationship that Christ has with the Church. We are the Bride and Jesus the soon returning "Bridegroom." In jewish customs, an engagement has the same legal ties as the actual marriage (without consumation). The making of a two into one, is one of the things that God has ordained to "inspire awe of His work."
Take, for example, God's covenant with Israel. When we look at all that Israel has displaced an inconstant heart and God STILL remains faithful, therein lies our hope. God will ALWAYS be faithful to those that He is avowed to. God wants us to hate divorce like we hate murder or theft or any sin. God wants us to hate whatever separates those joined together by His will to honor Him.
Whom God has joined, let no man put asunder. Because God does what pleases Him. When we decided to treat marriage with the same contempt as the world, we dishonor Him. God Help Us.

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Amen to that Sister! Especially the part of marriage & how sacred it is re our marriage as the church to Christ. And if we take it even further, it must mirror the relationship between God the Father, God the Son & God the Holy Spirit. And then you can even see that s the idea role model of the trinity of their marriage, as our marriages should also be a trinity between the bride, the groom & the Lord.

 

[peeps]

Why are Christians so willing to disobey Jesus and throw our marriages away so easily?

Hi, this has become a huge thread,
Im sorry I cannot follow it all. . .
too much input for my little brain . . .

I just wanna add:

Im not sure if "they" throw away so easily. . .
there might just be more too it. . .
are we willing to find out?

Can we listen and try to hear what "they" are saying?

Do we give "them" the chance to recover from this status and find "their" way back to our hearts?

like it was said before . . .

We have to choose to love

and if we are children of the ALLmighty God in heaven . ..
than the rest is not really our business. . .
is it?

Cause who else can touch hearts than God?

God is love. . .He taught us well hopefully

This subject is very good and very important Montana Cowboy. . .
for christians and non-christians . . .
for married couples, happily ever after or not

Thank you for starting it. . .
How are you and your wife?

 

[hiselect]

Why is it that the Christian divorce rates are equal to secular divorce rates?

That's just the thing, as others have pointed out.

Christian divorce rates - true Christian divorce rates - are much lower than the secular rates. The problem is that you are calling "Christian" or "the church" what is not really the church. The visible church (meaning, people who profess to be saved) is full of false converts and unregenerate people.

There are tares among the wheat, foolish virgins among the wise, and goats among sheep. The true Christian divorce rates are very, very low. The Bible is clear that God's people have a very different lifestyle than the world. In the grand scheme of things, true Christians lead lives that show victory over sin, for the most part.

 

[MontanaCowboy]

and if we are children of the ALLmighty God in heaven . ..
than the rest is not really our business. . .
is it?

Sorry to disargee with my Brother, but YES, it our business. When Christ's name, His honor, His word is trashed by folk who say they are Christians and then divorce for what ever reasons they decide are good enough, then we as Children of God need to stand up & defend God & his word. We need to stop tolerating all this sin. Yes we are to accept them back with loving arms IF they have truly repented but until then they are also to be treated as non-belivers. It is our business because families are dystroyed, kids are hurt & have higher incidents of drug abuse & crime. It decays our whole society & destoys our own lives too & I promise you ALL divorce is done because 1 or both parties are selfish & only see themselves & will not, do not, want not to see our Lord Jesus.

How are you and your wife?
She is seeking divorce, refusing any interventions, will not communicate at all & is supposedly already living with her old bar buddie. So I guess, not to good. But God is working in my life & I have found a new calling that I will announce here if He opens the door. Then we can all let out a collective PRAISE GOD!!!

Blessings MW

PS, Hiselcet, I agree with you on your comments. That is we as the body need to start holding our Brothers & Sisters accountable to their "faith". AT least then when they blatently act in non Christian manners with no repentance or guilt, we can witness that they are not of the body.

 

[Whendancer]

A testimony of grace

My Montana Brother,
You have to factor in some grace. Not everyone marries for the right reasons. Not everyone has a knowledge, let alone a fear, of God to use as a guideline.
When I applied for a job at Moody Bible Institute, I had to go through a special interview because they have a policy of not having divorced people on staff. The interview was to give me a chance to tell, in as much detail as I wanted, why the divorce came about. After prayer and review of the facts, I got the job.
When Jesus told the Grecian woman that He could not give the childrens' bread to dogs, He was stating a guideline of His ministry. But, after she worshipped Him and stated a truth that even the dogs ate the crumbs from the table, His compassionate nature responded to her humility and to truth. Jesus told her that because of her answer, her child was healed. Letting us know, that God's heart is one of compassion. He knows that not all marriages are put together by Him (in otherwise, Whom God has put together..) and He is the God of Amazing Grace knowing that some, like me, will have to get out of unions that were more dangerous than loving.

My Montana Brother, right now, you are going through one of the toughest things any man could ever go through. Your family is torn apart and that, of course, is making you angry. I've often pondered on the fact that Jesus was about to experience one of the worst scrougings in all humanity. Was it really necessary that He should be in ear-shot of hearing one of His closest friends curse and deny Him? Must He take with Him such a blow to His heart, too? But, He did.

Many are called but few are chosen. God requires us to love those who hurt us so that the world would marvel and know that their is something different about us. We love, in spite of, what others have done. Is this easy? No. Is this worth it? Obeying God at all cost to our own selfish pride? YOU BET!!

When you have had time to heal, Montana Brother, you will see things from a more peaceful place. You will pray for the mother of your children as if she were still under your roof. I have prayed for my ex and his new family numerous times. We are good friends. I want them to know, love, and serve the Lord of All!

Choose to speak Grace and Mercy for those that have had to make the awful choice of letting go. Ask God to allow people who worship Him in spirit and in truth to come into their lives and plant a seed of hope. The more you pray for mercy and grace to be poured out on them, the more you receive...that I can assure you of.

Your Chicago Sister IN Christ,
Whendancer

 

[peeps]

Sorry to disargee with my Brother, but YES, it our business. When Christ's name, His honor, His word is trashed by folk who say they are Christians and then divorce for what ever reasons they decide are good enough, then we as Children of God need to stand up & defend God & his word. We need to stop tolerating all this sin. Yes we are to accept them back with loving arms IF they have truly repented but until then they are also to be treated as non-belivers. It is our business because families are dystroyed, kids are hurt & have higher incidents of drug abuse & crime. It decays our whole society & destoys our own lives too & I promise you ALL divorce is done because 1 or both parties are selfish & only see themselves & will not, do not, want not to see our Lord Jesus.


Blessings MW

hi

I*m sorry if I didnt finish my thoughts correctly all the way . . .

I meant to say:

and if we are children (not "christians" but children of God, followers of Jesus Christ, disciples) of the ALL-(not some but ALL) MIGHTY God, then the rest (of our worries, sorrows, feelings, pain and not-understanding situatons, ppl and things that happen in life) is not our business, is it?

What im trying to say (maybe im not able to explain it right somehow):

I believe when storms come to run and tell my Father in heaven about it, not because I cant do nothing, but He expects us to come and tell Him first . . .as well as He expects us to trust and obey, that He doesnt make mistakes in His plans for our lives. . .

So as a child of God, Im supposed to tell Him my problem, trust Him to know better than me and see His miracles happen, while Im on my way . . .

1. Peter 5:6+7
6Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you,

7Casting the [c]whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, [d]once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you [e]watchfully.(B)

. . .which means to me to bring Him alone it all in prayer and leave everything there

Part of message from Joyce Meyer reminds me on simular thoughts . . .

Burnout comes from physical and emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress. When stress depletes our bodies, our immune systems become weak and sickness (even depression) can set in. Signs of burnout include extreme fatigue, headaches, insomnia, gastrointestinal problems and tensions. Other manifestations may also be your nerves tied in knots or an inability to relax—but the doctor can't find anything wrong. Emotional exhaustion (crying easily), anger, negativity, irritability, depression, cynicism and bitterness about the blessings of others can still be considered burnout syndrome.

Burnout causes you to be "out of control" and no longer producing good fruit. Ignoring God's laws causes burnout. You can’t overwork your mind, emotions or body and not eventually pay the price.

I believe we can live stress free in a stressful world, but it’ll require some decisions—possibly radical ones. Allow God's Spirit to lead you out of a stressful lifestyle and into one of peace and joy.

Here are some wise instructions from God's Word to make the practice of peace a part of your everyday life. First of all, be still! Hush. Stop all the rushing around. Psalm 46:10 says, Be still, and know that I am God… (KJV). Chill and listen!

Thats all I wanted to say with "if" we are children of God. . .then . . .

I didnt want to disagree with what you were saying . .just adding another direction of thought. . .and im not sure if I was allowed to say all this either since Im a sister not a brother and I dont know how this sounds to you right now coming from a woman . . .

I really didnt wanna offend you . .just spoke some thoughts . . .

God bless you Montana Cowboy, may our Father in heaven help you heal and recover and bless your heart daily with His love

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Peeps, <laughing sadly> , Joyce Meyers, she is one of those who tossed her marriage out the door for non-biblical reasons. And as far as I know to date has not made any repentance for those actions. Now I will be the 1st to admit I wasn't there, don't know the story but from what was reported, she is no better walking her faith than the gnostics of the early church days were.

WD, I do pray fr my wife several times a day & more like 100s of times a day with those 1 liner prayers we do. And I will also tell you I have been divorced before because of my selfishness. The difference was the Christianity that we profess to be. Secularist will never care about a covenant promise to God but "Christians" better.

That is my point. We (collectively speaking) Christians are all talk when comes to marriage because our divorce rate is just as dismal as theirs & that should not be. Will we fall, you betcha but how can we say we have faith in Cjhrist in that faith is not baring fruits, like marriages of life & families that stay together? We (collectively speaking agan) have just as much faith as the non-belivers.

You said "God requires us to love those who hurt us so that the world would marvel and know that their is something different about us. We love, in spite of, what others have done. Is this easy? No. Is this worth it? Obeying God at all cost to our own selfish pride? YOU BET!!" Does that not apply to marrriage too? Your famliy is greatly blessed, more then so many families that I know. & I betcha every one of the couples that remained together, like my parents, had the same stress, pressures, trials & tribulations that we face today. But they made it so why don't we?

Christ said (I thhink in Revelation) in the last days people will sin with boldness. That is what we do with marriage & other stuff too.
Like Isreal wanted a King they suffered for breaking thier covenant with God. In the past God was the authority of marriage. All you did was go to the city billboard & post that Jim & Sue will be wed on 3/3/03, But then the Government got involved & issued marriage licenses. Intersting fact few know or the reason why they did that. It was to stop blacks & whites from being able to get married.
But we allowed it as sinful as that was. And what did we get. A government who cares less about marriage now than God. They undermined His word & His authority, thay allow divorces, heck so erasily now days its even No Fault. Noboday has to do anything wrong. You just tired of the same ol squeeeze, hey no fault it and find a fresh one. Disguesting that Christians do it with such ease.
Ok my rant is over, God bless you all!!! And please help me change these sad stitistics by staying married!

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

She is seeking divorce, refusing any interventions, will not communicate at all & is supposedly already living with her old bar buddie. So I guess, not to good. But God is working in my life & I have found a new calling that I will announce here if He opens the door. Then we can all let out a collective PRAISE GOD!!!

Blessings of peace & wisdom to you MC.

If this is what she is pursuing, and is indeed with the bar fly,

I exhort you to continue on with God working in your life, let her go, and fall into His awaiting arms.

Mourn if you must still, but if she's in anothers arms, let her go and embrace Gods future for you.

We talked some time ago, and the issue remains.. trust.
How will you trust her if she returns to you? Where do the lies end & the truth begin?

Start afresh with the Holy Spirit each morning brother.


Praying and lifting you up before the Father,
LoJ

Luke 11:13

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Thanks LOJ for your support & uplifting. I am staying closer to God than ever. I see His will being worked for the greater good, which is His good. I try never to trust people, LOL, we get disappointed when we do that but on the other hand I trust God enough to be able to trust others because God has had to trust in me a few (OK I admit it a lot) of times. Praise His Grace & Forgiveness!