My story in a nutshell

[Seekerofthetruth]

I’ve heard about God all of my life but never had a drawing to Him. I remember back in 2012 watching several videos about hell and it didn’t even move me. My neighbor even gave me a gospel tract “this was your life” back in the summer of 2012 and it didn’t even move me. I remember back in June of 2013 discovering the unforgivable sin. It scared me and gave me anxiety about it. My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better. I looked up videos reassuring me there’s no unforgivable sin and that comforted me at the time and the fear of it went away. And I around that time I was into backmasking of songs as well and exposing rock music And king James only stuff. After that I just continued my life. And in 2015 I got into astral projection and things related to that and I remember getting into foot fetish as well. Back in November of 2016 I attempted to take my life because of this God stuff. And in 2017 I started to listen to gospel music thinking it would draw me God but no. In late 2018 To April 2019 I tried it again but didn’t work. I am not afraid of any sin anymore not even the unpardonable sin. I don’t have any guilt like a normal human being should. I have a reprobate mind unfortunately. It’s driving me insane intellectually but not from the heart. When I try to look to Jesus my mind and heart get extremely hostile. I wish I could go back in time and unlearn all of this but I can’t :/. I’ve numbed my conscience beyond recovery :/ when I think about Jesus Christ my mind doesn’t want to retain it at all.

 

[StewardoftheMystery]

That’s why you need to be born again of the Holy Spirit, and be given a new heart and mind that is not opposed to the will of God.

Romans 8:7
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

By the way, welcome to the forum. Peace.

 

[Andrew1999]

That’s why you need to be born again of the Holy Spirit, and be given a new heart and mind that is not opposed to the will of God.

Romans 8:7
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

By the way, welcome to the forum. Peace.

But God has turned me over to a reprobate mind. I just know it. I know so much about the gospel I’ve heard it all my life.

 

[PloughBoy]

I’ve heard about God all of my life but never had a drawing to Him. I remember back in 2012 watching several videos about hell and it didn’t even move me. My neighbor even gave me a gospel tract “this was your life” back in the summer of 2012 and it didn’t even move me. I remember back in June of 2013 discovering the unforgivable sin. It scared me and gave me anxiety about it. My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better. I looked up videos reassuring me there’s no unforgivable sin and that comforted me at the time and the fear of it went away. And I around that time I was into backmasking of songs as well and exposing rock music And king James only stuff. After that I just continued my life. And in 2015 I got into astral projection and things related to that and I remember getting into foot fetish as well. Back in November of 2016 I attempted to take my life because of this God stuff. And in 2017 I started to listen to gospel music thinking it would draw me God but no. In late 2018 To April 2019 I tried it again but didn’t work. I am not afraid of any sin anymore not even the unpardonable sin. I don’t have any guilt like a normal human being should. I have a reprobate mind unfortunately. It’s driving me insane intellectually but not from the heart. When I try to look to Jesus my mind and heart get extremely hostile. I wish I could go back in time and unlearn all of this but I can’t :/. I’ve numbed my conscience beyond recovery :/ when I think about Jesus Christ my mind doesn’t want to retain it at all.

I fell out laughing when you said this:
"My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better."

When The fear of God start to Come in you. The parents and The school and the counselors are called upon.

But it is a reason, when fear come upon you when you get to close to the edge of "THE Grand Canyon" OR The edge of "Niagara Falls"

Or the when baby 1st. learn how to crawl and come to the edge of the steps and turn around and if his feet do not touch the floor,, He understand s what that Means. he does not need a "Psychologists" and he cannot talk! or do he knows His "Alphabets". You can say come on baby you can do it. A smart after a couple of bums, ain't coming, Fear is Also Heathy. Fear tells you something ain't right. Keep ignoring fear. My mother told me when I was little, do not run out into that street, you are going to hit by a car, About 2-3 times of getting hit by car, I understood, fear! is a warning, Just because you haven't got hit yet, keep ignoring that fear. Keep running out into that street,,, the last time I got Hit by a car 27 days in hospital, I understand all kinds of Fear. ALL!!!!

So if I was you, I would restore My Fear in GOD and What He will do in the end, and find out the solution, For there is solution, HIS name is "JESUS", Not Billy or Mary.

Proverbs 9:10
The Way of Wisdom
…9Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man, and he will increase his learning. 10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. 11For through wisdom your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.…

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◄ Matthew 1 ►

​

 

[Andrew1999]

But God has turned me over to a reprobate mind. I just know it. I know so much about the gospel I’ve heard it all my life.My heart is so hardened I cannot repent I just know it.

 

[Andrew1999]

I fell out laughing when you said this:
"My mom wanted to take me to my psychologist to make me feel better."

When The fear of God start to Come in you. The parents and The school and the counselors are called upon.

But it is a reason, when fear come upon you when you get to close to the edge of "THE Grand Canyon" OR The edge of "Niagara Falls"

Or the when baby 1st. learn how to crawl and come to the edge of the steps and turn around and if his feet do not touch the floor,, He understand s what that Means. he does not need a "Psychologists" and he cannot talk! or do he knows His "Alphabets". You can say come on baby yo can do it. A smart after a couple of bums, ain't coming, Fear is Also Heathy. Fear tells you something ain't right. Keep ignoring fear. My mother told me when I was little, do not run out into that street, you are going to hit by a car, About 2-3 times of getting hit by car, I understood, fear! is a warning, Just because you haven't got hit yet, keep ignoring that fear. Keep running out into that street,,, the time I got Hit by a car 27 days in hospital, I understand all kinds of Fear. ALL!!!!

So if I was you, I would restore My Fear in GOD and What He will do in the end, and find out the solution, For there is solution, HIS name is "JESUS", Not Billy or Mary.

Proverbs 9:10
The Way of Wisdom
…9Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man, and he will increase his learning. 10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. 11For through wisdom your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.…

​

◄ Matthew 1 ►

​

How can I restore the fear of God into me and to be born again? Write down the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom forever if need be? That fear back then was only a shallow fear not from the heart. I know I have a reprobate mind. I’ve had many opportunities to respond to God growing up but blew it…..

 

[PloughBoy]

How can I restore the fear of God into me and to be born again? Write down the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom forever if need be? That fear back then was only a shallow fear not from the heart. I know I have a reprobate mind. I’ve had many opportunities to respond to God growing up but blew it…..

If it is that important do not take short cuts, Start at The Gospel According to Matthew and read the whole "New Testament" with a dictionary in hand. word for word even if you do not understand it, The "NIV" is link in that post. turn the Television off and spend time in that book unto The LORD comes to your aid, and pray for him to help you read it. I did not say to studied it, I said read it and pray for him to help you and show you what he wants you to see and understand daily. donut seek aid from another read it.

now that is simple.

 

[PloughBoy]

it will be like a trip across the desert, then the mountains, the valleys. the sands, some places will be easy and some hard and boring, but keep on going even through dry places, you will get sleepy, people will interrupt you of all kinds of interruptions, keep going, your head will get dull, seems like you cannot think, keep going. and keep asking God to help you read it. you can do it, there are unseen forces trying to stop you, you will see. The more you work out the bigger your muscles get and the more your endurance become in reading it. it is not going to be easy, just like getting into tip top shape.

I hope that has help you.

 

[PloughBoy]

 

[Andrew1999]

When I think about God or Jesus I get deliberate bad thoughts against God’s spirit I know they are my thoughts and not some demonic spirit. I don’t think I have a demon problem I just have NOTHING. I am writing all of this with a straight face. No real emotions at all.

 

[StewardoftheMystery]

But God has turned me over to a reprobate mind. I just know it. I know so much about the gospel I’ve heard it all my life.

He will if you keep ignoring His warnings and reject His words. My advice to you is repent of your sins, seek the Lord and His righteousness, and bring forth fruit worthy of repentance.

 

[Andrew1999]

He will if you keep ignoring His warnings and reject His words. My advice to you is repent of your sins, seek the Lord and His righteousness, and bring forth fruit worthy of repentance.

Oh God had turned me over already. I can study the Word of God to death and it will not move me one tiny bit. God had hardened my heart and I know it because when I try to humble my heart I can’t I grind my teeth I gnash. I have passed the point of no return already unfortunately.

 

[Andrew1999]

Look I’ve been trying to seek God or so i thought for many months now and nothing had changed at all. Oh God had turned me over already. I can study the Word of God to death and it will not move me one tiny bit. God had hardened my heart and I know it because when I try to humble my heart I can’t I grind my teeth I gnash. I have passed the point of no return already unfortunately.

 

[StewardoftheMystery]

When I think about God or Jesus I get deliberate bad thoughts against God’s spirit I know they are my thoughts and not some demonic spirit. I don’t think I have a demon problem I just have NOTHING. I am writing all of this with a straight face. No real emotions at all.

That is the spirit of Devil that is causing you to have bad thoughts. Cry out to the Lord for help, and rebuke the Devil in the name of Jesus Christ.

This is a spiritual war you are experiencing between good and evil, resist the Devil in the name Jesus and he will flee from you.

You Have to be willing to repent, resist, and fight.

 

[Andrew1999]

I honestly don’t think it’s the devil preventing me from coming to Christ. those are my thoughts and I know it. I don’t believe I have a demon problem. My conscience is seared beyond recovery and I know it. I can’t be forgiven by God. I am not making excuses. I am miserable right now and will be infinitely more miserable in hell.

 

[StewardoftheMystery]

Oh God had turned me over already. I can study the Word of God to death and it will not move me one tiny bit. God had hardened my heart and I know it because when I try to humble my heart I can’t I grind my teeth I gnash. I have passed the point of no return already unfortunately.

Doubt in the power of God is of the Devil. You need to believe in the power of God and in the saving grace of Jesus Christ. It’s not too late, don’t believe the voices that cause you to doubt. Believe and have faith in Jesus Christ.

 

[Andrew1999]

I honestly feel nothing when reading the word. It just makes me condemned. I have no Holy Spirit conviction let alone sin. Again I’ve had many opportunities to come to God but blew it that’s the same as blaspheming Him. I am not experiencing spiritual warfare like I thought I was. I am confident that it is too late for me.

 

[StewardoftheMystery]

I honestly don’t think it’s the devil preventing me from coming to Christ. those are my thoughts and I know it. I don’t believe I have a demon problem. My conscience is seared beyond recovery and I know it. I can’t be forgiven by God. I am not making excuses. I am miserable right now and will be infinitely more miserable in hell.

All those who are still of the world have the spirit of the Devil in them. That is why you must be born again of the Holy Spirit.

The only way you can resist and overcome the spirit of the Devil is to have the Spirit of God come in and cast him out. When the Light comes in the darkness will flee.

Matthew 12:28-29

King James Version

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28 But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you.
29 Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house.

 

[Andrew1999]

How about I write the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom over and over again forvever if need be.

 

[PloughBoy]

When I think about God or Jesus I get deliberate bad thoughts against God’s spirit I know they are my thoughts and not some demonic spirit. I don’t think I have a demon problem I just have NOTHING. I am writing all of this with a straight face. No real emotions at all.

How about I write the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom over and over again forvever if need be.

That’s why you need to be born again of the Holy Spirit, and be given a new heart and mind that is not opposed to the will of God.

Romans 8:7
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

By the way, welcome to the forum. Peace.