My teenage son

[Yeshualives]

Help. I don't know what to do - how to move forward. My son is nearly fifteen and he is so rude to me. He lives with his father, who he moved in with some years ago after I got ill.
When he was smaller I shared the gospel with him and I have shared it with him since - they were real 'God moments' when he seemed really touched and we seemed really together. However, despite this he now spends 90% of his time playing computer games at his dad's (World of Warcraft, and other war games). He speaks to me with contempt. I now have been blessed with my own permanent home with space where he can come and stay, but he shows no interest in coming. He came once and complained how bored he was - it seems we have little or practically nothing in common.
I pray for him, but this is so difficult - seeing him at his dad's and feeling totally undermined by his dad's notion of discipline and what's okay. I am so lonely without him coming round. I am finding it so difficult to move on. I have stayed friends with his dad, who helped me a lot when I was ill, but now it seems that this undermined my walk with God and my relationship with my son. I am so tired. Any advice or prayer would be gratefully received.
(I just gave him an Easter present - cake and a DVD (skaters sharing their testimony which he hasn't watched before) and he said it was a (edited by LLJ) present.) Should I stop visiting him for the time being?

 

[Faithful Son]

Your son sounds like me when I was that age sister

I can't predict the future, but I can share part of my life with you.

I felt a bit pushed in my faith when I was younger, a teenager. I didn't care much for God, nor could I feel anything for Jesus, mainly because I was hurt.

I'm going to tell it like it is. Don't force faith on your son, you are going to push him further and further away. Pray for him, each day, all day if you have to and are led to. Thank God for him although he isn't living according to your standards and bless him.

I'm putting myself in his shoes at this moment and I'm not judging you in any way. He said you gave him a horrible present, firstly, he doesn't care much for God and why would he then spend 30 minutes or more watching skateboard kids sharing their testimony? I wouldn't if I was him.

You have to remember another thing as well, your boy is confused, he's growing up and there's a whole world which seems much bigger to him that God. Make sure you bring that world down to size for him.

If you do spend time with him, you could mention small things, like a Christian is someone who believes in Jesus. Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world. A christian is someone who belongs to Jesus. We have a Father, Son and Holy Spirit, but all three Persons are God.

You don't need to list it out like I did, make it a quick statement, 30 seconds or less and leave it up to God to cultivate that seed. The gospel is the cross and I'm not just saying it because it's Easter, it's the truth. The cross has so much power you have no idea.

Instead of buying him certain things that sort of "shove" or "push" the faith into him, why not buy him an attractive Jersey or Pulloever with a huge modern Cross on it?

He'll wear it, you don't even have to mention the religious conotations, but he'll look at that garment and the seed of the Cross will be planted in him, causing him to grow and it allows Father to draw him close.

It's tough sister, he's not 6 or 7 years old anymore, he doesn't really care what you have to say, not because he doesn't care, but because he's being blinded by the world.

I hope I gave a positive, edifying message to you, I'd like to edify you further by letting you know that I will pray for you and your family, you have my word.

Btw. I forgot to finish at the top, I spent years living a life of absolute nothingness, my mom is a stern woman, she just said to me, you better repent or you will spend eternity in hell, that stuck with me. I would've appreciated it more if she told me how not to spend eternity in hell however and that is to have faith in Jesus, and that's what God taught me Himself with His Word, which I read with a joy and a need to nourish the gaps in my soul and mind.

God bless
Much love
Faithful Son

To answer your last question, no, don't stop visiting him, you need to get to know this new young man and what better way to do it than to spend time with him, it's better to fight and see each other than to stay apart and don't see each other.

 

[Yeshualives]

Thank you Faithful son for your reply and for your support in prayer. I didn't mention it in my OP, but i'm pretty sure he is hurting. I have to go now because his dad has just come in, but just want to say I really appreciate your reply.

God bless,

Yeshualives

 

[Faithful Son]

By His stripes we are healed sister

God bless you

 

[ladylovesJesus]

sister I can relate to you. Being a single mum it was not easy having a son and daughter growing up. I am not going to say what happened during their teens but the teen years are difficult times as they are changing and growing into adults when they reach 18.

However, a good piece of advice which does work is to pray each day and thank God for the fine young man he will become.

I have a wonderful caring and kind son now. He did have issues that needed resolving and at one time church was boring for him. He did get to become a youth leader for a time too.

God bless

LLJ :rainbow: :rose:

 

[Br. Bear]

Dear sister,

I would like you to see what a wonderful time of blessing has come upon you now.

At first this might not make much sense.

We all try to parent in our own strength, and easily get too closely involved emotionally in the changing ways of our children.

Your son is no longer the little boy he was once. He has entered into the realm of an individual. I am an individual, too.
How would you react to me, in Jesus name and strength, if I did what your son did? Would you lose faith in the Lord because of my reaction to you? And anyone else? It is here that a blessing awaits you.

You love the Lord...yes? Because He first loved you, right? Has He stopped loving you? No...NEVER!
Your son is very special to the Lord, too. Like you, he is more special than you or I can ever grasp in this lifetime, except if we fully believe and trust in His love and allow His perfect peace to reign in our hearts and souls.... when we have that unspeakable joy that floods our soul.

A wise man once told me that they (the youngsters your son's age) need us to hold their mental hand during this time.
We have before us, you have before you, an opportunity to love your son through this seemingly difficult time, in a way that will bear the fruit of righteousness in season.
You have always loved him, of this I am sure, so don't stop now. When he was two or three and a bit naughty at times, what did you do.... I will tell you... you continued to love him, and like then, you need to draw on God's strength in Christ Jesus the Lord to deal with him and ... yourself.

Your son will do best if you are his friend. His mate and buddy. Life is exciting and boring in one, just now, for him and I guarantee you that he wants friendship. Now, it (friendship) is more important to him that ever before. BUT, we can never push our friendship on another and expect it to work.
If you have told him about Jesus before now, you must now trust in the Lord to work His work. You also need to show Jesus to your son, not with words as much as in longsuffering and patience, with love and joy.

We would all like a smooth sea in life, sun gently shining upon our every move, with a pleasant gentle breeze blowing our cares away. But, as you know, sometimes it rains and blows..and even snows and for a while, the sun seems to disappear... yet it always returns. It is because of the unpleasant weather in life that we so appreciate the good weather.

Be a friend to your son....where he is at. He knows where you are at...but where is he?

Jesus meets us all where we are at. We can learn from Him.

This season in your son's life, and indeed in yours, dear sister, is but a season, and like a cold winter, it will pass. Remember how quickly the time has flown since you held the young child in your arms.... Oh how quickly they grow (sound familiar?) and this season will pass quickly, too.
Be there for him, offer your friendship and don't demand or even expect a normal or civilized response. He will remember your motherly love and before you know it you will see a man who treats you with his love.... just remember he is still learning from you.

Gently, gently, steer him when you can. Gently, gently.

Thank God for the situation, that He is in control, and has your best interest in mind, for His glory, and that includes this time in your son's life.

And yes, pray for him as you would.
Believe in the love of God in Christ Jesus the Lord.
You are experiencing what most parents experience. It's called growing up. It is at first hard to deal with. Don't beat yourself up about it...just trust the Lord.

Let me put it another way...

How will Jesus deal with your son?
The same way as He deals with us all. With amazing grace and patience! And love. The Lord loves us as we are...He just loves us and offers His holy hand in friendship.
He is not interested in our failings and does not stop loving us because of them... He loves us because He is Love....
Let Jesus now love your son...and you continue to love him too!

Bless you,


hope this helps...><>

Br. Bear

ps...I may make it all sound easy, but having eleven children and seeing this pattern repeat in individual ways, I have come to learn of the Lord it is my part to trust Him..and leave the rest to He who knows every hair on each childs head!
Always remember to hold onto His hand, and have His peace, through every wild storm that comes your way.

And finally.... it is really beautiful to see how much you love your son...bless you sister....bless you.

 

[Yeshualives]

Thank you LLJ and thank you Brother Bear for your support and advice. Later this evening he let me kiss him and hug him - thank you Lord!

It is humbling to think how Jesus loves, how God loves us, yet we do not deserve it - it is because of His wonderful grace and mercy and because He is love and has such compassion for us. I guess this is something I need to learn. I have not been a 'good' parent and yet God has blessed me so much. Please help me LORD to learn of you and be a better parent to my son and may it be for your glory. Thank you Jesus.

 

[Faithful Son]

I'd like to come back to this discussion, just to say thanks to Jesus for having your son show you the love you deserve, I am keeping you in prayer.

Then I'd like to say thanks to dear Brother Bear who always lends a supporting hand on this forum, you rarely speak of yourself brother, but like you mentioned you have 11 children and that isn't something small, that's huge! God really has blessed you brother and he gave you the opportunity to become wise, even if that wasn't you expected, we aren't perfect, only Jesus is.

You also mentioned that our dear sister must love her child the same way as she did when he was 3 years old, I can't really relate to that type of love since I have never had children, but I do know something. My sister married this past weekend, she had a child which she conceived 3 years ago, he is almost 3 (september) and he is staying with us while my sister in on honeymoon.

He is quite the little young man and I haven't spoken so much in the last 5 years, we talk and talk, say yes and no, get frustrated when he won't eat and only want sweats and then we laugh again, but it really speaks to me that advice brother bear gave, because, I really don't become angry, but you get a bit frustrated when he's a bit a naughty and "somehow" by the Grace of God I get a renewed smile and love in my heart every time I see him.

God bless you all.

 

[Yeshualives]

Thank you for your prayers Faithful Son - may the Lord bless you and keep you, and guide you in the Way everlasting. And yes, thank you Brother Bear - you are great!

The Lord has been really been blessing me through my son's dad, who has been helping me get my home more straight - so hopefully my son will be able to relax more here when he comes. Thank you Father God, thank you Jesus.

Thank you to all who are such an encouragement here at TalkJesus, who faithfully pray and bless me and others with messages of support.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

YeshuaLives: Your son has been hurt badly by the family life he experienced. I don't know hows long you and your ex have been seperated, but I do know that it will probably be years before the boy mellows toward you. Avoid trying to push the issue. Wait until he personally asks you to visit him, or until he personally asks if he can come visit you.

I empathize with your situation, I really do. My wife and I were both unbelievably dysfunctional when our kids were growing up. My daughter fled our home when she turned eighteen (she'll soon turn thirty-eight) and cut off virtually all communication with us (especially with me). It hurts that she won't communicate, but, since I joined AA some twenty + years ago, I've learned to cope by not placing expectations on her. Plus, by God's grace, I now have a wide circle of loving family and friends I am plugged into. I am not isolated and I am never lonely.

SLE

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Yeshualives,

God is great, and I am honoured if I can be used for any purpose for Him in helping anyone.

I am glad things are starting to sort themselves out for you.

Remember to give thanks to the Lord and rejoice in Him always. We only need to trust Him.

Keep us posted.

Bless you,

Br. Bear

 

[Ann]

Yeshualives Hi...

Just wanted to share with you from my experience as a child in almost the same circumstances.

Being a teenager is very difficult not knowing where you fit in and being unsure of the future. What I really wanted as a teenager was love from my parents - unconditional love without any presure or strings attached. And also the reassurance that in spite of the situation in our home, that they accept me for who I am and not who they want me to be.

Not receiving that made me angry and bitter which created a big rift between me and my parents for many many years.

The good news is that God found me and saved me and healed the relationship between me and both my parents. I just wish it happened when I was still a teenager because there are so many unnecessary years lost, because they did not try to understand what is happening inside of me due to the difficult circumstances I had to live in.

I think being patient, loving and kind and not forcing anything will be the best way to handle this for now.

I agree with this statement from ladylovesJesus, it is great advise.

However, a good piece of advice which does work is to pray each day and thank God for the fine young man he will become.

I pray that you will receive from God the strength and the patience to handle this situation in a way that will glorify Him and that He will touch your son's heart.

I hope it helped some, I had some difficulty explaining myself, as I always have talking about my own life.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

The good news is that God found me and saved me and healed the relationship between me and both my parents. I just wish it happened when I was still a teenager because there are so many unnecessary years lost, because they did not try to understand what is happening inside of me due to the difficult circumstances I had to live in.

Ann,

I disagree with your belief that those years were unnecessary and llost. God doesn't waste anything. Those years were not unnecessary and lost. The fact that you have posted what you posted in this thread is evidence that He is using you to comfort and encourage others who are involved in similar situations. Keep up the good work.

SLE

 

[bonnie_girl]

Hey girlfriend,
I read your letter with complete understanding. I am the mother of 4 and have been raising teenagers for the past ten years. At only 42, yes it does get tiring. However, I believe that its time for you now. Your boys have made it clear that although they love and care for you, they have their own lives and own ways of going about things. Your ex was fab to have stayed by your side but now its time for him to move on and you. These are the best years for you, read the Song of Solomon in your bible, ask the Holy Spirit to minister to you, and see how much the Lord adores you. The next time your son speaks to you rudely tell him plain and simple, you are his mother wether he likes it or not and you will have some respect- thankyou. The scriptures to support this are heaps. Your son is probably going through a tough time right now - tell me- what teenager isnt? But, at the end of the day, you are his mother and you will be respected as such. Your little boy is now a young man and wants do it his way. Let him. Pray against the games that he plays in that they will have no effect on him, remember "greater is He that is in you then he that is in the world" and believe it, cause, its true. Tell your son that you love him and God loves him, that will never change, when he is ready, you will be there for him, its your job, thats what mothers are for. He will gain stability by knowing that. Dont forget that, through your teaching, your son has solid foundations, the gospel is the foundation that is built upon the Rock, it will stand the storms of time, your son has those foundations, nothing will move them, remember that.
Next thing, its time for you. What do you want, and more importantly, what does the Lord want. He has a plan for you, and it is an amazing plan, The Lord never gives second best. You havnt been well and you have been vulnerable, but now its time, time for you to stand up and say, I am the daughter of the Most Migh God and He has a plan and a purpose for me and then ask Him to tell you and/or show you what it is. My goodness girlfriend, I truly belive that you have a wonderful time ahead of you. One day, your son will see, until then, go outside, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the beauty of His creation as you have never seen it before, then ask Him to show you what He sees and feels for you. And then ask Him to reveal His plan for your life and then tell Him that you love and trust Him and mean it- He will take care of the rest. For you, this is just the beginning, for your boys, God has everything under control, trust Him. With much love, excitement and expectation for you- bonnie

 

[Yeshualives]

YeshuaLives: Your son has been hurt badly by the family life he experienced. I don't know hows long you and your ex have been seperated, but I do know that it will probably be years before the boy mellows toward you. Avoid trying to push the issue. Wait until he personally asks you to visit him, or until he personally asks if he can come visit you.

I empathize with your situation, I really do. My wife and I were both unbelievably dysfunctional when our kids were growing up. My daughter fled our home when she turned eighteen (she'll soon turn thirty-eight) and cut off virtually all communication with us (especially with me). It hurts that she won't communicate, but, since I joined AA some twenty + years ago, I've learned to cope by not placing expectations on her. Plus, by God's grace, I now have a wide circle of loving family and friends I am plugged into. I am not isolated and I am never lonely.

SLE

Hi SLE,

Thank you for your post - I will be pray for your situation with your daughter. Perhaps we can help and encourage each other. We serve a good God and He is faithful and true.

I am just about to send Stormie O'Martian's book The Power of a Praying Parent to someone, and as I browsed the book again I saw that it had some good ideas for prayer.

Love Yeshualives :girl_hug:

 

[Yeshualives]

Greetings Yeshualives,

God is great, and I am honoured if I can be used for any purpose for Him in helping anyone.

I am glad things are starting to sort themselves out for you.

Remember to give thanks to the Lord and rejoice in Him always. We only need to trust Him.

Keep us posted.

Bless you,

Br. Bear

Hi Br. Bear,

Thank you for your post. I saw my son yesterday hear at my home with his father and we had a meal together. It was great, although I have been looking at a page that my son viewed on the internet - not so good. However, I know that God is faithful and I have been praying that he will be protected - thank you LORD.

I will endeavour to speak to him about it somehow.

God bless,

Yeshualives

 

[Yeshualives]

Yeshualives Hi...

Just wanted to share with you from my experience as a child in almost the same circumstances.

Being a teenager is very difficult not knowing where you fit in and being unsure of the future. What I really wanted as a teenager was love from my parents - unconditional love without any presure or strings attached. And also the reassurance that in spite of the situation in our home, that they accept me for who I am and not who they want me to be.

Not receiving that made me angry and bitter which created a big rift between me and my parents for many many years.

The good news is that God found me and saved me and healed the relationship between me and both my parents. I just wish it happened when I was still a teenager because there are so many unnecessary years lost, because they did not try to understand what is happening inside of me due to the difficult circumstances I had to live in.

I think being patient, loving and kind and not forcing anything will be the best way to handle this for now.

I agree with this statement from ladylovesJesus, it is great advise.



I pray that you will receive from God the strength and the patience to handle this situation in a way that will glorify Him and that He will touch your son's heart.

I hope it helped some, I had some difficulty explaining myself, as I always have talking about my own life.

Hi Ann,

Thank you for your post - I too agree that the advice from LLJ is really helpful. Thank you for your prayers. I understand about having 'what if' thoughts about coming to the Lord earlier. I will pm you soon.

Love Yeshualives :girl_hug:

 

[Yeshualives]

Hey girlfriend,
I read your letter with complete understanding. I am the mother of 4 and have been raising teenagers for the past ten years. At only 42, yes it does get tiring. However, I believe that its time for you now. Your boys have made it clear that although they love and care for you, they have their own lives and own ways of going about things. Your ex was fab to have stayed by your side but now its time for him to move on and you. These are the best years for you, read the Song of Solomon in your bible, ask the Holy Spirit to minister to you, and see how much the Lord adores you. The next time your son speaks to you rudely tell him plain and simple, you are his mother wether he likes it or not and you will have some respect- thankyou. The scriptures to support this are heaps. Your son is probably going through a tough time right now - tell me- what teenager isnt? But, at the end of the day, you are his mother and you will be respected as such. Your little boy is now a young man and wants do it his way. Let him. Pray against the games that he plays in that they will have no effect on him, remember "greater is He that is in you then he that is in the world" and believe it, cause, its true. Tell your son that you love him and God loves him, that will never change, when he is ready, you will be there for him, its your job, thats what mothers are for. He will gain stability by knowing that. Dont forget that, through your teaching, your son has solid foundations, the gospel is the foundation that is built upon the Rock, it will stand the storms of time, your son has those foundations, nothing will move them, remember that.
Next thing, its time for you. What do you want, and more importantly, what does the Lord want. He has a plan for you, and it is an amazing plan, The Lord never gives second best. You havnt been well and you have been vulnerable, but now its time, time for you to stand up and say, I am the daughter of the Most Migh God and He has a plan and a purpose for me and then ask Him to tell you and/or show you what it is. My goodness girlfriend, I truly belive that you have a wonderful time ahead of you. One day, your son will see, until then, go outside, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the beauty of His creation as you have never seen it before, then ask Him to show you what He sees and feels for you. And then ask Him to reveal His plan for your life and then tell Him that you love and trust Him and mean it- He will take care of the rest. For you, this is just the beginning, for your boys, God has everything under control, trust Him. With much love, excitement and expectation for you- bonnie

Hi bonnie_girl,

Thank you for your post - wow - four children!! I can sense from how you are speaking that it is important to be firm - thank you for this - I appreciate your advice - particularly about speaking to my son and saying that I do love him and that God loves him.

I think also I need to do some research on scriptures about parenting/children - I know there's one somewhere about the children of believers but I'm not sure where it is.

God bless,

Yeshualives :girl_hug:

 

[Ann]

SpiritLedEd
I disagree with your belief that those years were unnecessary and llost. God doesn't waste anything. Those years were not unnecessary and lost. The fact that you have posted what you posted in this thread is evidence that He is using you to comfort and encourage others who are involved in similar situations. Keep up the good work.

You are completely right and everything did turn out for the best, it also equipped me to be compassionate and caring. Thanks a lot for your reply I do appreciate it.

 

[abigya]

Dear all,

Just wanted to bring this post to your attention again

http://www.talkjesus.com/parents/16399-let-them-come-home.html#post89543


In prayers

abigya