Need prayer for separated marriage please

[philjohnson]

Hi all.. first time here.

I have been separated from my wife for just over 7 weeks now. I've been somewhat of a jerk for our 22 years of marriage. No infidelity or physical abuse, but I have not taken good care of her heart and my codependency and emotional disorders have wounded her deeply. Lots of emotional and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, the kids were wounded as well.

Since she left God has broken me completely. I am a shattered man and I have turned to the Lord to meet my needs. He has met me there and I have had a complete change of heart. I am not who I was and will never be who I was again.

But she doesn't believe me. And she has a right to be skeptical. She is thinking we need to be apart 6 - 12 months, but she is not looking to divorce.

I am praying that the Lord would speak to her regarding the changes He is making in me. I can't convince her of anything. But being apart from my best friend and the love of my life is devastating.

If you are a prayer warrior, I would covet your prayers for the speedy healing and reconciliation of our marriage. I've never experienced anything so painful in all my life.

Thank you,

PJ

 

[Michali]

I will be praying for you and your family. Remember that God is faithful. Trust in Him. Be patient and use this time to continue strengthening your walk with the Lord. I'm so sorry that you and your family are suffering through this pain right now. Trust in the Lord completely. Romans 8:28 His timing is perfect. Jeremiah 29:11 I would also like to suggest you look up "fireproof my marriage" in Google or another search engine. (Sorry I can't post the website. I don't have enough posts on here yet to do so. You could PM me if you're not able to find it.) Give your wife time to heal, while continuing to show her your love and affection, through letters and gifts and showing her that you are sincerely sorry for your past actions. I do not know how much of this to suggest; because I believe she also needs time to heal and not feel pressured by you. Remember Proverbs 3:6 Nahum 1:7

Love and peace to you, through our Lord Jesus Christ

 

[Brighthouse]

Brother Johnson,I will be praying for you,but the Lord in me,wanted to give you a couple of Scriptures,to both encourge you,and let you know he is watching, and is with you as well!! Jeremiah 17:10 and Jeremiah 29:11-14 in Jeremiah 17:10 it says I the Lord search the heart,I test the mind,Even to give to each man according to his ways,according to the results of his deeds. My brother he who is faithful in little,is faithful in much.(Luke 16:10) As you stay faithful in the little things,God will allow you to be trusted in greater things. Take heart,many good people are going through a lot right now,let the Love of Christ richely dwell in you,this helps us tame our tongue,and cause us to think more then speak,I say this from expercience!! LOL I found out the hard way!! Because in learning this,Jesus restores what we lost. ask Job! No one condems you!! ( good example!! john 8:3-11!!) I have found I was my worst enemy!! I allowed the enemy to lie to me,because when looking at it from my own eyes,I derserved what I got as well,then one day in prayer the Holy Spirit spoke so clear to me and said"mark? What separates you from my love?( rom 8:37-39) NOTHING!! unless you let it! Put you sins in the sea of forgetfullness next to where I already put them!!( Psalms 103:11-17) Be what I have called you to be,be love. I hope this encourges you brother,because as one who really knows!! Jesus does LOVE us!! blessing to you!

 

[AudreyNicole]

I'll definitely pray for you. I know somewhat of what you're going through because I'm going through a similar time in my life. Granted we weren't married but we have been separated for 7 months now. I am still hoping and praying that it is only a break.

In regards to your situation, I advise you to take this time to truly look critically at your relationship with God, not your relationship with your wife- that comes later. Before you can have a truly loving relationship with those around you, you must have a true and invincible relationship with Christ. He must be all you need and all you could ever want. Before you want anything else you must want Him. Pray sincerely that He help you realize those things deep within you that must be confronted, and use this time you've been given wisely as you grow and mature as a child of God, and as a man of Christ. Do not try to rush anything. Wait for the Lord to direct you... don't do anything or go anywhere without Him. Pray for Him to direct your footsteps as you start walking out of this dark wilderness. Patience is a great feat to achieve, but you must attain it before you proceed. I know 7 weeks seems like forever, and thinking of going even another few days without your wife and family seems like torture. But trust me, I do not regret the 7 months this has taken so far. In this time, I have learned things that I will carry for the rest of my life, both as a person, as a wife (someday), and as a child of God.

Ask for the Lord to take You quickly through this trial, but do not rush it. In His perfect timing He will bring you to where you are supposed to be, and He will carry you through. Remember that you can never do it on your own, you will always be coming back to Him. Rely on Him for everything. As you grow in your walk with Him you will become more dependent on Him; but that's a good thing because remember only He knows what's best, and when's best.

Continue to pray every day and night, as I will, too. And don't get discouraged if things don't happen as quickly as you would like them too. God is using this time to strengthen your faith and love so that when you are reunited with your family, you will love them with the love of God, and you will be the strength of their faith- the man God intended you to be.

God Bless you!
AudreyNicole

 

[philjohnson]

Thank you for these wonderful words of encouragement!

Yes, God is teaching me much. It's been almost 2 1/2 months now and she is ANGRY with me. She isn't talking to me except about surface stuff.

But she DID give me a Christmas gift. It's a book of Psalms. And our counselor says she is NOT leaving the marriage.

So I must press into the Lord and continue to seek Him. I know she is doing the same. I can't see how or when we will begin talking, but I believe it will happen.

And I so appreciate your statement of faith standing for my marriage as well! So many people say "well maybe she won't come back." That's not faith!

Bless you today!

PJ

In regards to your situation, I advise you to take this time to truly look critically at your relationship with God, not your relationship with your wife- that comes later. Before you can have a truly loving relationship with those around you, you must have a true and invincible relationship with Christ. He must be all you need and all you could ever want. Before you want anything else you must want Him. Pray sincerely that He help you realize those things deep within you that must be confronted, and use this time you've been given wisely as you grow and mature as a child of God, and as a man of Christ. Do not try to rush anything. Wait for the Lord to direct you... don't do anything or go anywhere without Him. Pray for Him to direct your footsteps as you start walking out of this dark wilderness. Patience is a great feat to achieve, but you must attain it before you proceed. I know 7 weeks seems like forever, and thinking of going even another few days without your wife and family seems like torture. But trust me, I do not regret the 7 months this has taken so far. In this time, I have learned things that I will carry for the rest of my life, both as a person, as a wife (someday), and as a child of God.

Ask for the Lord to take You quickly through this trial, but do not rush it. In His perfect timing He will bring you to where you are supposed to be, and He will carry you through. Remember that you can never do it on your own, you will always be coming back to Him. Rely on Him for everything. As you grow in your walk with Him you will become more dependent on Him; but that's a good thing because remember only He knows what's best, and when's best.

Continue to pray every day and night, as I will, too. And don't get discouraged if things don't happen as quickly as you would like them too. God is using this time to strengthen your faith and love so that when you are reunited with your family, you will love them with the love of God, and you will be the strength of their faith- the man God intended you to be.

God Bless you!
AudreyNicole

 

[Jeff726]

Phil I am right there with you. Me and my wife have been separated going on 6 weeks now. Some days are better than others, but I know that through it all God holds me up. I also stand on faith and His word that my marriage will be restored in God's perfect time. May He richly bless you!

 

[Christ4Ever]

Hi all.. first time here.

I have been separated from my wife for just over 7 weeks now. I've been somewhat of a jerk for our 22 years of marriage. No infidelity or physical abuse, but I have not taken good care of her heart and my codependency and emotional disorders have wounded her deeply. Lots of emotional and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, the kids were wounded as well.

Since she left God has broken me completely. I am a shattered man and I have turned to the Lord to meet my needs. He has met me there and I have had a complete change of heart. I am not who I was and will never be who I was again.

But she doesn't believe me. And she has a right to be skeptical. She is thinking we need to be apart 6 - 12 months, but she is not looking to divorce.

I am praying that the Lord would speak to her regarding the changes He is making in me. I can't convince her of anything. But being apart from my best friend and the love of my life is devastating.

If you are a prayer warrior, I would covet your prayers for the speedy healing and reconciliation of our marriage. I've never experienced anything so painful in all my life.

Thank you,

PJ

Praying for you bro. Been married 27 years two weeks ago with my awesome other half. Don't know if this book will work for you, and to be honest I haven't read it myself, but some God fearing married men have read it and are doing a study group for men on it which I just found out about yesterday! God does work in mysterious ways. Bible based, it's called The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott. Realizing what it means to be not only a husband, but a Christian one might be right up your alley. Been hard at times for me and my wife and we both realize that if it hadn't been for the grace of God, our marriage would not have lasted. So once again, my prayers are with you and your family and whenever you need to talk, just drop me a line. Remember prayer should not be your last resort, but your first one! Stay strong.

 

[thewings]

Nevertheless, I hope Christmas will be able to take away some of the emotional despair you feel. All the best.

 

[philjohnson]

Nevertheless, I hope Christmas will be able to take away some of the emotional despair you feel. All the best.

We spent Christmas together with our kids and her family. It was good to be with her and serve her any way I could. I'm very genuine with where I am right now and plan on staying this way. But man, the littlest things set her off and confirm in her mind that I am not changed at all. Of course, there is nothing I could or should say to persuade her otherwise. It is up to the Lord to show her.

But, yeah, Christmas was hard. And we got home and she took off for her place without hardly a "Goodbye." I can't figure out if she is hurting at all or if she is just happy to be away from me. Does she miss anything about our marriage? Does she hate me? Does she think we can make it work?

I keep reading that time is my friend. I just miss my best friend so much, and the fact that she is so angry with me tears me up. I just want to make things right again...

Lots of sorrow and remorse. I look at the man I was and can't believe I said and did the things I did. Even though I was a Believer, my flesh was in charge and ran rampant in our relationship.

I'm very sad tonight. Especially when I see how this is affecting our sweet daughter. She is definitely hurting as well...

Thanks for all your prayers. Feel free to PM me if you can identify or don't want to share your thoughts publicly.

PJ

 

[spirit1st]

The children really suffer lots! We do too!
Take your flowers and bless her and try lots for your marriage! I count marriage holy and the family needs if they can? stay together !I too am praying and agreeing with others who want your family together!

all things work for good!
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Gal 5:6 For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love.

We do everything as unto Him !
We want what we want for his glory and honor !

We want to be a good husband and dad for His glory !

We do our best ,when we do it for HIM !

We trust in HIM and let him work it out !
We just show LOVE , til He does?

 

[AudreyNicole]

Of course, there is nothing I could or should say to persuade her otherwise. It is up to the Lord to show her...

...I can't figure out if she is hurting at all or if she is just happy to be away from me. Does she miss anything about our marriage? Does she hate me? Does she think we can make it work? PJ

She may be angry with you, but that shows she still cares deeply for you. I'd rather have someone I love hate me than not care, because the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. She still cares about you and the relationship, and in fact, this anger is a good thing. Its all a part of the growing process. From what you imply, she has the right to be angry, and she needs to express those emotions. Now its up to you to pray that God will use those emotions in a positive way. He gave us emotions, both good and bad, for a purpose; and through these emotions He will work to strengthen the two of you, and your relationship... but remember, you must be a strong individual before you can be a strong couple, and you must be strong with God before you can be strong with anyone else.

Now, lets hope she recognizes this opportunity for growth and draws closer to God, too. But through her emotions she may be a bit blinded so you must also pray for her heart and for her growth through this process; and ask that God take both of you through this journey individually helping each of you to grow.

And as for showing her you've changed, its all about the walk. You must walk by Jesus, and pray for His light to shine through you because His light will crush any facades and destroy any lies... it is the absolute truth. As long as you show her that, you're doing God's will, and He will be able to move you and her where He wants you two to be. Allow Him complete control to work within you, and remember what Jesus said, "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth" (1 John 3:18).

 

[philjohnson]

She may be angry with you, but that shows she still cares deeply for you. I'd rather have someone I love hate me than not care, because the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. She still cares about you and the relationship, and in fact, this anger is a good thing. Its all a part of the growing process. From what you imply, she has the right to be angry, and she needs to express those emotions.

She told me she wasn't going to give me anything for Christmas. She actually bought me a book of Psalms. It's a small gift, but it is a treasure to me. I take it as an encouraging sign that she does care about me.

but remember, you must be a strong individual before you can be a strong couple, and you must be strong with God before you can be strong with anyone else.

Yes, God is doing a work in me unlike anything I have ever experienced. I look at the man I was just 80 days ago and wonder what in the world I was thinking. He has changed me so much, and I know there is still much work to be done. God definitely gets all the credit for this one!

Now, lets hope she recognizes this opportunity for growth and draws closer to God, too. But through her emotions she may be a bit blinded so you must also pray for her heart and for her growth through this process; and ask that God take both of you through this journey individually helping each of you to grow.

I could be wrong, but I feel like she is just happy to be out of the fire for the time being. And I guess that's okay. In time, the Lord will lead her through whatever she needs to go through in order to heal and open her heart to me again. I do love her so much...

And as for showing her you've changed, its all about the walk. You must walk by Jesus, and pray for His light to shine through you because His light will crush any facades and destroy any lies... it is the absolute truth. As long as you show her that, you're doing God's will, and He will be able to move you and her where He wants you two to be.

Sigh.. yes. It's just such a long walk. Every day is such a challenge. I am assuming it gets better and better as I walk closer with the Lord, whether or not she re-engages, right?

PJ

 

[AudreyNicole]

Yes! It does get easier. Early on in my break up I thought I could never be happy without having him back in my life, and I would be lying if I said I completely trusted God. I just wanted my relationship back, whether God willed it or not. But in this separation, I have learned that God is my one and only, and I have given Him complete control and trust. I now know that He is the only one that will ever fully fulfill me, and I am at the point finally where I am happy no matter what happens, because i know God will lead to me what's best.

It can be hard to give up something you desire so much, but I don't look at it as giving it up... more just wanting what God wants more than what I want. I want my bf and my relationship back, but if that's not in God's will for my life, I want nothing to do with it. I only want and desire what He wants!

Now your situation is a bit different because you're married; your relationship was joined in holy union by God. I don't know if God promises to always heal His marriages, but I do know with your heartfelt sincerity to be reunited with your wife and family, God will most likely answer your prayer. He surely wants you all to be together for the rest of life, and I am sure He will bring you back together in His timing. Your job now is to let go of the hurt and pain, let go of the worry and anxiety, let it all go to God and focus on yourself. Live your life and grow while HE takes care of your problems.

You know the story of the Israelites, and how they took 40 years for an 11 day journey? Well the reason it took so long is because they complained, and didn't let God take control, and they didn't fully trust Him. If you want this process to go quickly, you must let God do His work, and give Him ultimate control and trust.

It took me 5 months to get to this point of full trust, and I still struggle with some sadness and pain sometimes, but I always just remember that this trial is making me stronger, and that God is preparing something for me that is better than I could ever imagine. Have you ever listened to some of Joyce Meyer? She has some really great sermons on trusting God and patience. They have helped me quite a bit... I suggest you check some out.

God Bless... and keep praying!!

 

[Peterorange]

We spent Christmas together with our kids and her family. It was good to be with her and serve her any way I could. I'm very genuine with where I am right now and plan on staying this way. But man, the littlest things set her off and confirm in her mind that I am not changed at all. Of course, there is nothing I could or should say to persuade her otherwise. It is up to the Lord to show her.

But, yeah, Christmas was hard. And we got home and she took off for her place without hardly a "Goodbye." I can't figure out if she is hurting at all or if she is just happy to be away from me. Does she miss anything about our marriage? Does she hate me? Does she think we can make it work?

I keep reading that time is my friend. I just miss my best friend so much, and the fact that she is so angry with me tears me up. I just want to make things right again...

Lots of sorrow and remorse. I look at the man I was and can't believe I said and did the things I did. Even though I was a Believer, my flesh was in charge and ran rampant in our relationship.

I'm very sad tonight. Especially when I see how this is affecting our sweet daughter. She is definitely hurting as well...

Thanks for all your prayers. Feel free to PM me if you can identify or don't want to share your thoughts publicly.

PJ

Be encouraged by every little thing she says and does that gives you hope. I was separated 6 years ago for 3 months and my wife is still very bitter and resentful *, it echoes in almost every thing she does and says to me. Its difficult to deal with and the only way is to throw yourself on God's mercy and love each day - He has given me each day what I need to keep going and keep hoping.

It takes a long time for emotional hurt to be healed, she needs to be seeing someone who can help her with this, she needs to be 'renewed by the transforming of her mind' - the mind controls the emotions (or should do) so the mind need to lead the way in forgiving and deciding to move forward.

I'll be praying for you, brother.

edit * I should say that she had deep problems already coming in to the marriage; this doesn't mean it will take 6 years for your marriage to be restored

 

[philjohnson]

It sure seems like a long journey.

But I am doing much better than I was in the beginning. Man, those first couple months were ROUGH. Serious grieving and depression.

I can now say that it DOES get better. Lots of prayer, time with the Lord, talking it out with friends and my counselor, reading encouraging materials... it all has helped so much.

She still doesn't believe there is any change in me. The irony is that I have never changed more in my life! But if she allows herself to see the change than it means she has to risk all over again. She needs healing before that takes place. And I can't hurry that. All I can do is pray for her and wait on the Lord.

He will take care of it in His time.

Thanks for your continued prayer!

PJ

 

[Jeff726]

Phil may I suggest you go to Rejoice Marriage Ministries' website? As of today, I have been separated from my wife for 2 months, and the devotionals along with the other media contained on the site are a great help for me. Just type it in on Google because I cannot link to pages yet. May God bless you brother!

 

[sunshineaaks]

She told me she wasn't going to give me anything for Christmas. She actually bought me a book of Psalms. It's a small gift, but it is a treasure to me. I take it as an encouraging sign that she does care about me.



Yes, God is doing a work in me unlike anything I have ever experienced. I look at the man I was just 80 days ago and wonder what in the world I was thinking. He has changed me so much, and I know there is still much work to be done. God definitely gets all the credit for this one!



I could be wrong, but I feel like she is just happy to be out of the fire for the time being. And I guess that's okay. In time, the Lord will lead her through whatever she needs to go through in order to heal and open her heart to me again. I do love her so much...



Sigh.. yes. It's just such a long walk. Every day is such a challenge. I am assuming it gets better and better as I walk closer with the Lord, whether or not she re-engages, right?

PJ

My Dear Brother...... the book of Psalm is far from a 'small gift'. What had and is helping me from Psalm is to concentrate on Psalm 139:23-24.

Search me, Oh God, and know my heart........

We are not asking God to search us so that HE knows our hearts....... HE already knows us inside and out...... what we are praying for is for HIM to show US what HE already knows about our heart.

try me, and know my thoughts.............

Again, God already knows our thoughts..... we are praying that through tests and trials of our faith that HE shows US where our thoughts need His cleansing, purifying and structure.

And see if there be any wicked way in me..........

This isn't asking God to 'see' if there is wickedness in us........ HE ALREADY knows the wickedness...... we are pleading and begging HIM to show us what HE already sees....... so that we might bring that to HIM to cleanse, purify and draw us much closer to Him

and lead me in the way, everlasting.

This almost gives an air of peace past the turmoil of trials, tests, repentance and change.

Asking,,,,,,, Him to lead us in HIS way, HIS will, HIS command...... a way that will last for all eternity.

Seeking........ for HIS will, His command, His will for our lives. Searching for truth throughout His word. Studying His word to know where He would have us.

Knocking..... persistently pleading for His will be revealed instead of our own will constantly slapping us in the face. In following His will ........ what we ask will become what HE wants for us...... what our desires will become are what HIS desires for us are.

I don't have doubts that you two will get back together again. And I also agree with her that 6 months to a year separation is needed and a must.

Yes, she is angry and rightly so. She is also, (hopefully) searching her own heart as well in this time away but that is not for you to question what she is or is not doing........ what matters to you at this point and for the next 6 months or so.... is your relationship with Christ. Improving, correcting and growing in this one relationship where it was broken by your own actions.

I don't mean to be rough on you, that is not my intent because these are the same things I've told myself time and time again. I still pray for my ex who is unsaved and wanted the divorce. Though I don't believe we will get back together, (I also believe in miracles) because of so many things that have happened, I wish him well but more importantly pray for his eternity. My children were also harmed because of the abuse suffered, but they are also healing and God is drawing them (now grown) to Him a little each day.

You will suffer much pain (growing pains) as you search yourself these next few months, but these pains give way to insight you never thought possible before.

I also have to agree, the short....... yes short...... 7 weeks that you have been separated is not enough time first for change to have taken total hold....... and second for her to believe there is total change to where she and the children won't have to suffer again at the hands of the man they are suppose to be able to trust with their very being will be their protector..... not their abuser.

It sounds like you are getting the counseling you both need which is wonderful. Taking full responsibility for your actions causes the reaction of change. Someone once said (not sure who) We are responsible for our own actions..... AND we are responsible to each other for those actions. In other words, we CAN"T blame our actions or reactions on anyone BUT ourselves.

The pain you suffer at the moment is for yourself...... your loss..... you have lost a great deal...... that pain will, however, become greater when you realize the One Person your actions harmed the most. THEN you will come to Him knowing the full extent of your actions and HE is faithful and will forgive because your sorrow will be great. This one I know as well, and how great is His mercy. Though I wasn't the abuser, I did my fair share of destroying my marriage as well and had to realize the one who was hurt the most through it all.

I will keep you and your family in prayer and through it all God will be glorified. Please keep us informed on how you all are doing?

 

[sunshineaaks]

It sure seems like a long journey.

But I am doing much better than I was in the beginning. Man, those first couple months were ROUGH. Serious grieving and depression.

I can now say that it DOES get better. Lots of prayer, time with the Lord, talking it out with friends and my counselor, reading encouraging materials... it all has helped so much.

She still doesn't believe there is any change in me. The irony is that I have never changed more in my life! But if she allows herself to see the change than it means she has to risk all over again. She needs healing before that takes place. And I can't hurry that. All I can do is pray for her and wait on the Lord.

He will take care of it in His time.

Thanks for your continued prayer!

PJ

I'll be praying that she doesn't allow bitterness to take a hold of her life. Such a horrid thing bitterness can be.

 

[philjohnson]

Just an update...

I think she is beginning to see that I am changing. But the core of my lack of perceiving her feelings continues to haunt me. She won't believe it until she SEES it in me again and again, over a sustained period of time.

In some ways I feel like I am starting over. But I guess that's just my emotions talking.

I don't know. There's a part of me that just wants to move on with my life regardless of whether she ever returns to me. But I also know I love her and want to see God get the victory in our marriage. That's His heart and I embrace it as my heart as well.

It's just so hard. I never imagined anything could be so difficult.

I appreciate your continued prayer. The best prayer would be that I would be focused on the hearts of my wife and my family before my own.

PJ

 

[AudreyNicole]

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

~Matthew 7:7