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partner problems

mackem lady

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2008
Messages
117
My partner is very difficult.I fee helples.he tells me I speak and answer him wrong. I worru about how to speke he gets so mad.if I say yes or no its too short. If I try to tell him longer answer I'm talkin too mucch. He is really hurtinng me but I loove him

Ml
 
Grace and Peace

Woman to woman.

How much do you consider yourself worth ?
When I was younger we did a purity class and there was 4 cups, plastic cup, paper cup, styrofoam cup and china tea cup.

We had to choose the cup that represent our value.
Everyone choose the china tea cup of course. They are used on special occasions, they are cherished, some people pay to have their china cleaned professionally, they are protected and hidden from harms way. They cost more and as time passes increases in value.

It was a nice illustration, but today at 26 I have a new terminology for the china cup I choose then as my value.

What my youth leaders fail to mention is, when a china cup is broken it loses it's value, if not some but all of it. As women we need men who will cherish us, love us, value us, as though they are caring for an expensive china tea cup. He would never push or place that cup to the edge of a table knowing it can get damaged. He must see us as his helpmate, his wife and not a playmate. For he would never take his expensive tea cup to a sports event but respect the value of the cup and use it in an appropriate manner, making sure it never gets a scratch.

An expensive china tea cup in the hands of a person who only sees it for it's function and not value, would not take special care of it. As time passes that tea cup will collect scratches ( scars ) and cracks
( scars). It no longer have the privilege to be seated or placed in a high end antique store for it's value have been reduced to thrift store or trash can.

Everyday scratch after scratch, emotional scar after emotional scar, what is going to be left of you ? What will be your value ?
If you're only being recognized for your function and not value something is wrong.
The craziest things come out of my mouth every day and my partner ( God bless him ) puts up with it, he encourages my expression of all things. I'm way pass talkative, if God puts something in my mind I wanna share it, if I read something got to share it. He would call me to complain if I didn't call him while at work..lol He's just funny. I don't know anyone who would be able to put up with a strong woman like me. He's not threaten by me knowing something he doesn't.

I don't know your partner, it's not my place to judge him and I also do not know the circumstances that led to him act the way he did. I'm not into man bashing, we all have scars and baggage that we bring into relationships.

If you're feeling helpless and not happy with how he's treating you do something about it. I believe relationships must end in marriage. If this is what you're seeing and feeling today what is next ? You're a tea cup with some scratches don't let him or anyone damage you so much you lose your value.

When a man knows a woman does not value herself he will treat her according to HER value system. You worrying how to speak shows his control over you and evidence of emotional abuse. I can be annoying sometimes but the day he makes me feel fearful to speak, we have a problem. No one should hold that type of power over you. You didn't say Husband, therefore everything in this relationship is by choice. You can walk away if you're unhappy.

Ask yourself ..
Am I a people pleaser ?
Do I need the praise and acceptance of others to feel good ?
Do I have anxiety around this person ?
Is my happiness based on the feelings and actions of other ?

If your answer is yes to even 1, you need Jesus and Jesus alone right now. Your value and relationship with God is more important. If you marry this person you will have to submit to him. It's a must.

Can you see yourself submitting to this person for the rest of your life ?

People will say pray for him, thats nice and dandy, just make sure you're praying from a distance.

Regain your self worth, spend time with God, read the bible, study what God says is love. Speak to you partner, let him know who God says you are and how you should be treated. If there are things you know you did to upset him ask him for forgiveness and ask yourself why you did it. If this type of treatment from was day one, something is wrong. If in the beginning he was not like this, then something may be bothering him..so ask if he needs to talk.

Women we are emotional beings, we can be overly sensitive and take things the wrong way...so search your heart and ask God to show you if you're the problem and he's just feeding into you.

The danger of losing your value is a lifestyle of settling for low standards of treatment. When a person feels unworthy they would do things they once considered wrong and unacceptable.

Thank God for his mercy and loving kindness, that when we are broken, when we feel dirty, useless or hopeless his arms are stretched out.

Galatians 2:20 ESV

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.


Take this to God in prayer be honest and do what is right for you. What is to be will be.

1 Corinthians 7:23 ESV

You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men.


Now if he is your Husband
Be mindful of his feelings, be honest to him about yours and seek counsel from church elders. Don't have a church home ask God to help you find one. We all know what makes each other tick. Be wise and read the bible, believe me when I say it's the best manual on this earth. There's no situation the bible does not address. A marriage is a covenant, handle with care.
 
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Thank you for your reply so useful. Yes we are maried and I feel I have to obey him or he says I'm wrong.

How much do you consider yourself worth ?
When I was younger we did a purity class and there was 4 cups, plastic cup, paper cup, styrofoam cup and china tea cup.

We had to choose the cup that represent our value.
Everyone choose the china tea cup of course. They are used on special occasions, they are cherished, some people pay to have their china cleaned professionally, they are protected and hidden from harms way. They cost more and as time passes increases in value.

It was a nice illustration, but today at 26 I have a new terminology for the china cup I choose then as my value.

What my youth leaders fail to mention is, when a china cup is broken it loses it's value, if not some but all of it. As women we need men who will cherish us, love us, value us, as though they are caring for an expensive china tea cup. He would never push or place that cup to the edge of a table knowing it can get damaged. He must see us as his helpmate, his wife and not a playmate. For he would never take his expensive tea cup to a sports event but respect the value of the cup and use it in an appropriate manner, making sure it never gets a scratch.

An expensive china tea cup in the hands of a person who only sees it for it's function and not value, would not take special care of it. As time passes that tea cup will collect scratches ( scars ) and cracks
( scars). It no longer have the privilege to be seated or placed in a high end antique store for it's value have been reduced to thrift store or trash can.

Everyday scratch after scratch, emotional scar after emotional scar, what is going to be left of you ? What will be your value ?
If you're only being recognized for your function and not value something is wrong.
The craziest things come out of my mouth every day and my partner ( God bless him ) puts up with it, he encourages my expression of all things. I'm way pass talkative, if God puts something in my mind I wanna share it, if I read something got to share it. He would call me to complain if I didn't call him while at work..lol He's just funny. I don't know anyone who would be able to put up with a strong woman like me. He's not threaten by me knowing something he doesn't.

I don't know your partner, it's not my place to judge him and I also do not know the circumstances that led to him act the way he did. I'm not into man bashing, we all have scars and baggage that we bring into relationships.

If you're feeling helpless and not happy with how he's treating you do something about it. I believe relationships must end in marriage. If this is what you're seeing and feeling today what is next ? You're a tea cup with some scratches don't let him or anyone damage you so much you lose your value.

When a man knows a woman does not value herself he will treat her according to HER value system. You worrying how to speak shows his control over you and evidence of emotional abuse. I can be annoying sometimes but the day he makes me feel fearful to speak, we have a problem. No one should hold that type of power over you. You didn't say Husband, therefore everything in this relationship is by choice. You can walk away if you're unhappy.

Ask yourself ..
Am I a people pleaser ?
Do I need the praise and acceptance of others to feel good ?
Do I have anxiety around this person ?
Is my happiness based on the feelings and actions of other ?

If your answer is yes to even 1, you need Jesus and Jesus alone right now. Your value and relationship with God is more important. If you marry this person you will have to submit to him. It's a must.

Can you see yourself submitting to this person for the rest of your life ?

People will say pray for him, thats nice and dandy, just make sure you're praying from a distance.

Regain your self worth, spend time with God, read the bible, study what God says is love. Speak to you partner, let him know who God says you are and how you should be treated. If there are things you know you did to upset him ask him for forgiveness and ask yourself why you did it. If this type of treatment from was day one, something is wrong. If in the beginning he was not like this, then something may be bothering him..so ask if he needs to talk.

Women we are emotional beings, we can be overly sensitive and take things the wrong way...so search your heart and ask God to show you if you're the problem and he's just feeding into you.

The danger of losing your value is a lifestyle of settling for low standards of treatment. When a person feels unworthy they would do things they once considered wrong and unacceptable.

Thank God for his mercy and loving kindness, that when we are broken, when we feel dirty, useless or hopeless his arms are stretched out.

Galatians 2:20 ESV

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.


Take this to God in prayer be honest and do what is right for you. What is to be will be.

1 Corinthians 7:23 ESV

You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men.


Now if he is your Husband
Be mindful of his feelings, be honest to him about yours and seek counsel from church elders. Don't have a church home ask God to help you find one. We all know what makes each other tick. Be wise and read the bible, believe me when I say it's the best manual on this earth. There's no situation the bible does not address. A marriage is a covenant, handle with care.
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Does it mean I have to submit and cope cos he's my husband? Its so hard to deel with everyday. I feel scarred to speak?
 
Does it mean I have to submit and cope cos he's my husband? Its so hard to deel with everyday. I feel scarred to speak?

There are a lot of absolutely horrifying scriptures that deal with different relationships and the believer. One of which is the way that a wife is to be toward her husband regardless of how he treats her.

I wish I could give you the magic answer that will cause it all to get better. Unfortunately as I read scripture more and more, I come to the understanding that this life we live is not about being happy. Not that we can't be happy or even satisfied in marriage, it is possible.

Jesus was probably the most miserable man to ever walk the planet from a earthly life perspective. He came here with a mission to be beaten, ripped and torn followed by a slow painful death. Not only that he was ill treated by most who knew him. Nobody understood him. He had no wife, helpmeet. He never took a thought for himself but sought the good of everyone else. He had to walk around knowing that the very world he created wanted nothing to do with him. Of course this brought upon his weeping over Jerusalem. Paul reaffirms this reality by saying if only in this life we have hope we are of all men most miserable.

Because of sin there is misery in the world and many of us are deeply touched by it. Jesus went through with all he did because of the joy that was set before him. Not in this fallen world but that to come. Paul was the same way. When I began to see things from the eyes of Jesus things began to have a different effect on me. It truly is easier to do the hard things in life like putting up with sinful people if you empty yourself and become a servant like Christ did. All of the worlds talk about self valuing is of the world and not of Christ. Self is the problem. We must die daily to self. The self is what becomes wounded when we aren't treated as we believe we ought to be. After being physically assaulted so badly that you couldn't even tell he was human, Jesus asked for their forgiveness. Our Lord worried about his enemies. He understood their end.

When my wife is sharp with me or murmurs against my commands and is irreverent toward me, I am saddened. Not because of how I am being treated but because I know that she must stand before the judgement seat of Christ and give an account of every idle word. I know that the bible says that she is to treat me as if I am Christ himself. Just as I am to wash her in the water of the word and give my life for her. Knowing that her works don't match her profession of faith I worry for her on judgement day. I ask God to forgive her for she doesn't know what she is doing. If my life were about being satisfied in my marriage I would be miserable. Instead I set my sights on eternity. A time when I won't be married. Until such a day comes I will work to sacrifice myself on the service of other peoples faith.

Until the Kingdom Comes,

Gary
 
Thanx Gary

I just feel like I'm treading on thin ice all the time. Witing for the next blow or coment. If I say I feel hurt he just mimics me or walks off talking about me to himself.

He says I a a drama queen but I darent react let alone be dramatic.

ML
 
Thank you gary. I am so scarerd by his coments and shouting. He tells me how I should behave speak and respond. He mimics me if I react in any way. He tells me I'm dramatic but I am scared to speke let alone react dramatic like.

Can I go on like this?

Thankx ml
 
Rizen, gdemoss;

Do you think I'm wrong to say there is a huge difference between submission, which is a voluntary laying down of yourself and your great worth for the sake of your God...

And what mackem is describing which is living in fear?

I believe that she COULD submit to her husband. But I believe that before that happens she needs to have the confidence and self value to say that if it wasn't for God's command and her love for her God she would never need to accept less than china cup treatment.

I am worried about encouraging submission when it seems the issue is he is making her into a doormat. It sounds abusive.

I am not saying leave or any such nonsense, but I would seek a Christian counsellor mackem to talk through your own perception of yourself, your husband and your marriage.

All the best to you all.

Edited to clarify: I'm not really disagreeing with that either Rizen or gdemoss have said, both have wisdom for sure. I am just worried you, mackem, will not take seriously the message that: you are of immeasurable worth!
 
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Thank you gary. I am so scarerd by his coments and shouting. He tells me how I should behave speak and respond. He mimics me if I react in any way. He tells me I'm dramatic but I am scared to speke let alone react dramatic like.

Can I go on like this?

Thankx ml

If what you say is true and, in no way am I saying otherwise, if what you say is true, you are right in reaching out here at TJ. Based on your description, there is no doubt that this does not sound like abuse, it IS abusive behaviour.

You are getting some good counseling here but, there is actually nothing any of us can do but encourage; it is ultimately up to you.

You must reach out locally to family and friends. Do you have a church family? What about a Pastor? Ask him to go to counsling.

Of course, you can't go on like this, who could? You have certain obligations in a relationship but, being the recipient of abusive behavior is not one of God's commands.

What if you do nothing and his actions get worse, this is all too often the result of abuse! Maybe it is time to get out!

Please, stay on your guard and try not to do anything to provoke him and, please seek out help.

You are in my prayers that God will open another door for you and provides a solution or a way out.

I am not suggesting this but, don't discount that your answer may be to leave.

God Bless
 
RARE!! I would even touch on couples!! As I am not married. So what do I know about couples?? Well I can say this, I have sure seen enough of them to render this statement to consider. Your man sounds like self is all that matters to him,seems he is very unsecure within himself as well,needing to knock you down every chance he seems to get.Why is that? Something I sure would ask him.You see,as far as I am concerned,when or if I ever do get married,she is not an individual,she is now part of me! And I her!

Most men love the first part of Ephesians 5:22-24 why some men even quote this,they just forget the rest of the Scripture!(!Eph 5:25-33!!!) Sometimes a woman needs to remind that part of them this as well. I know many woman who are abused in just this way.I better bite my tongue saying more then this.This is a very sensitive subject for me,and that is why I do not partake in speaking on this issue much.RJ makes a valid point,but I do not wish to say this,as I have never married.

To me dear sister,a man is an example as long as he chooses to be an example.Once he starts rendering to the woman all power over her,he gives up being a good example, and become an example no woman needs to see or be around!

I only wish I could be in a room with him one on one!!Some men need a good, ah talking to from another man! I would rather cut my own arm off then make the best part of me feel lower then me! Be angry and sin not,that is what this statement is.My prayers are with you,and woe to him if he does not wake up and smell the coffee!The Lord takes a very dim view!!VERY DIM!!!! VIEW!!! of causing another to stumble!! IN ANY WAY!!( matt 18:6-7!!!) Blessing to you my sister in Christ!
 
Sister, when one part of the body hurts the rest feel the pain. I have much to say regarding your position but haven't the time at the moment as I am already 2 hours past my bed time.

I understand your fear and how it manipulates you to act in ways contrary to your own wishes.

I understand your sorrow and the helplessness that comes with it.

I understand your confusion.

My job as part of the body is to build you up. I am learning about you as you reply to posts as out of the over abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. You are full of fear and we need something to help you with that immediately. People can be in a bad situation and terrified. This is a living hell for that them (The men in the boat with Jesus). Another can be in a bad situation and sleep like a baby (Daniel and the Lions Den). The difference is in how well they knew their God.

I don't know how much time you spend in scriptures getting to know God but I would recommend increasing your frequency. Pray that God will manifest himself unto you through his word. Ask that he show you his ways so you can walk in all of them. Most importantly do 'everything' he shows you as that is the key to being shown more. When I became a Christian I was blind, then Jesus put something on my eyes and then I saw men walking as trees. Jesus made adjustments and now I see men clearly.

Dear sister, it is hard. I give no false promises that it will get better, but what I have to offer is what Jesus gave me and that is the peace that surpasses all understanding. The ability to be at peace when things are not well. The ability to smile at a froward boss, a flat tire or an angry driver.

When your blind, you can't see but with Jesus blindness is curable. There are some extremely important realities that are not reality for you yet because of some form of blindness you suffer from. But don't worry it is as the text in Romans says, "For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith." It is from 'faith' to 'faith', as your spiritual sight grows clearer.

Paul said that he could do all things through Christ who strengthened him. He was only able to endure by keeping his eyes on the person of Christ. Paul always prayed for people that they might have a more excellent understanding of Christ. It is by the knowledge of the person of Christ that we are enabled to escape the corruption that is in the world through human desire.

Just a few thoughts for you to consider

With Love in the Beloved, who is our husband,

Gary
 
Rizen, gdemoss;

Do you think I'm wrong to say there is a huge difference between submission, which is a voluntary laying down of yourself and your great worth for the sake of your God...

And what mackem is describing which is living in fear?

I believe that she COULD submit to her husband. But I believe that before that happens she needs to have the confidence and self value to say that if it wasn't for God's command and her love for her God she would never need to accept less than china cup treatment.

I am worried about encouraging submission when it seems the issue is he is making her into a doormat. It sounds abusive.

I am not saying leave or any such nonsense, but I would seek a Christian counsellor mackem to talk through your own perception of yourself, your husband and your marriage.

All the best to you all.

Edited to clarify: I'm not really disagreeing with that either Rizen or gdemoss have said, both have wisdom for sure. I am just worried you, mackem, will not take seriously the message that: you are of immeasurable worth!

will come back to you
 
Thank you so very much for all these replys. ITs given me lots to think about.

He won't consider concelling as he would say all concellers are rubbish.

I try to keep my mouth shut a lot of the time cos it stops the tension.

I am just scarred I won't beable to cope with it if it gets much worse than it is.

He hasn't hit me but slams doors shouts and gives me the terrible silense treatment.

I pray that things will get better

Thankx very much again to yous all.

ML
 
You don't need him to go to counselling for you to go to counselling. I encourage you please my precious sister, see yourself as God sees you, go to a counsellor. Counsellors are not the be all and end all, but they will achieve more than most of us on here can speaking to you in this limited way.
 
mackem lady

Do you read the Bible and pray everyday, or have you allowed your current situation to keep you from spending as much time with the Lord? Do what you have to do to keep your mind on the Lord, praying, reading. Ask Him to help you to know what to do about your situation. Put your trust in Him. You need answers: Seek and ye shall find.

I will begin praying for you, mackem lady, that you find the answers for this. Real, true answers only come from one place, and you have to be willing to put the effort into getting them. I am willing to help you to go to the Lord for them. I'm sure that everyone else that has posted in this thread are willing to pray for you too, as well as continue to talk to you until those answers come from the Lord. Keep your head up, and your mind on the Lord.

Peace be unto you
 
Thankx for the answers. I am very grateful indeed. I certainly need to read the bible and pray much more.

I don't think I wud be allowed to go to concelling. He wud see it as wrong as he wud not want me talking about mariage stuff.

He is not keen on me going out without him.

I feel I must disapoint him all the time.

Thankz so muc again

Ml
 
Originally Posted by MrsMree
Rizen, gdemoss;

Do you think I'm wrong to say there is a huge difference between submission, which is a voluntary laying down of yourself and your great worth for the sake of your God...

And what mackem is describing which is living in fear?

MrsMree, I appreciate your sincere desire to help your sister out of love. I am going to address your points but am going to do so as if I am addressing them to Mackem and you, as it is her thread. When I read what you asked, I think about those words 'your great worth' and then about our great Savior who is the only one who is worthy. We truly are only worthy when we are like him. My problem before coming to know Jesus was partially due to overvaluing myself (pride). If we do that we are living in sin. The opposite being seeing ourselves as worthless which is also bad (pride in reverse). What we ought to work toward is seeing ourselves for who God created us to be and that is servants. Created to serve God and one another in love. Nobody being any better or worse than anyone else. An equality in worth.


I believe that she COULD submit to her husband. But I believe that before that happens she needs to have the confidence and self value to say that if it wasn't for God's command and her love for her God she would never need to accept less than china cup treatment.

What you say teaches me about you. How you see things. If I am going to be able to help others I must first understand where they are in their walk with Jesus. Our words we speak let others know just that. You are absolutely right that she needs confidence to be able to submit to her husband correctly. I also agree that she has to have a proper value of self, but as I spoke of it above.

I am worried about encouraging submission when it seems the issue is he is making her into a doormat. It sounds abusive.

Yes, he sounds like an abusive man. I used to be just like him but then Jesus came into my life. I am going to address the abuse and how we should encourage her to handle it later.

I am not saying leave or any such nonsense, but I would seek a Christian counsellor mackem to talk through your own perception of yourself, your husband and your marriage.

I agree with you here as God has clearly stated in his word that there is to be no divorce among Christians. If she were to depart it must be with the understanding that she will remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. As far as a counsellor goes, this kind of counselling would probably best be done by one of the elder women of the church who truly loves the Lord and understands his ways since the scriptures teach that the elder are to teach the younger how to love their husbands.

Now for the difficult part. Addressing how God expects us to handle abuse. I just so happen to be reading 1 Peter today and was in chapter 2. Lets take a look:

18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps.

This speaks of domestic servants who live in the same household with their masters. They are to be in submission to them in fear. This word for fear is means to have a reverence for one like as we have for God. Note that they are told to be this way with the 'froward'. The froward are the exact opposite of the good an gentle. It is an example of suffering wrongfully because to do otherwise would be to sin. If a servant were to rise up against his master and usurp his authority he would be no better than the abusive master. As we continue to read we see Peter reference being 'buffeted' for faults vrs when one does well. Buffeted means to be struck with the fist. Peter said to be struck with a fist when you have done no wrong and take it patiently is acceptable with God. He completes the thought by saying we were called to suffer in this way just as Christ did.

Gods word did not paint a pretty picture of hope for the servant who has an evil master. The servants hope is only in Christ and the Resurrection of the just. When sinful men dominate other human beings the result is horrific but it happens and is allowed by God just the same.

But what does all of this have to do with a wife and her husband? The answer is found immediately after this text in Chapter 3 verse 1.

1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;

Likewise or in this same manner the wife is to subject herself to her husband. She is to take the abuse just as the servant who did not deserve to be struck with his masters fist or as Christ who was struck with fists and worse yet and took it patiently.

Now lets talk about the real value of people. How valuable is Jesus Christ? He ceased being in the form of God permanently to become a man so that he could live his life in complete subjection to God the Father and give his own life a ransom for many, rescuing a lost and dying human race. He valued people. While we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly. Lets look at the rest of 1 Pe 3:1.

1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Why does our wife here take the abuse and live a godly life reverencing an ungodly husband in submission to him? It is out of love for the ungodly man who is treating her so badly. She is being like Christ. It is so that he may see her faith of Christ in action and be won over without her ever having to speak a word to him about it. She is a missionary in her own home.

My heart is with you Mackem. We all have our own roads to travel while we journey home to be with Christ. But if we truly believe we receive at the end of our faith the salvation of our souls and glory with Christ forever in perfect bliss, then we can persevere like Moses who did it as if seeing him who is invisible.

I love you in Christ Mackem, if I can assist you in anyway please feel free to come to me.

Gary
 
Thanx Gary for your answer. I find it hard to understand when you saya the woman has to accept the abuse as part of been submisive.

I am so worn down by the sycological abuse that I don't now how much more I can take. I am scarred to be me any more.

I am so grateful for help nad prayers it is so good of you all to do this for me.
 
mackem lady I suggest you bring your husband to meet other members of your family/church who have a good understanding of a godly marriage. If a husband is abusive he needs to be instructed by other men who will guide him into the correct way to treat a wife. Some husbands need stern rebuking from other men to understand this.

God bless.
 
Thanz agua.
I don't think he wud talk to byone from church. He wud walk out or get angry if he felt challinged. I will try and. See if ther is anyone I can talk to.

He is so controlling I can't describe how trpped feel.

I don't like writing like this about him but I I am at the point where I need to takk.
I think he views himself as better than anyone else includinG the minister and elders. He always says their teaching is rubbish and tells them too.

His temper is scary. I am just. A mouse walking on thin ice to avoid his anger.
Thank you again for replies

ML
 
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