partner problems

[Stickz]

mackem lady

Though gdemoss' words seem difficult, I do agree with him ( not that I necessarily disagree with others that have posted in this thread, it's just that his line of thought is what I'm following here ). We are in a fallen position right now, here on earth, in the flesh. We were not meant to enjoy our lives here. We were not meant to try to take up permanent residence here. When the Lord has already said ( and true Christians know when God says something it will come to pass ) that He was going to come and destroy this earth and make another, you had people that lived their lives in tents because they knew that their stay on this earth was only temporary, but you had others that began working on large structures designed to last. Some of us are just looking forward to getting out of here, others are trying desperately to get as much out of this life as they can because they are unsure about what is to follow. Our actions are a reflection of our faith.

Are you happy, mackem lady, with where you are in the Lord ( take no offense to anything that I say, ML, I'm only trying to find out some things and focus on the things that I think are what is truly important here )? If you are happy with where you are in the Lord, then act like it. Draw close to God through prayer and reading the Bible. Discover with God how you should behave toward your husband to either win him over, or run him off. No matter what happens, your relationship with the Lord is all that truly matters. When you draw nigh to God, He takes care of your other needs, including your marriage. When you separate yourself from God, everything begins to crumble.

From what you say, your husband is in a dark place right now. I would guess that he is angry about something, and you may even have an idea about what that is. Be a Christian first, ML, and let God help you to take care of the rest. He will, but you do have to let Him/ask Him. Pray to Him everyday, three times a day, what do you have to lose?

I will continue to pray for you, ML
( Peace be unto you )

 

[gdemoss]

Thanx Gary for your answer. I find it hard to understand when you saya the woman has to accept the abuse as part of been submisive.

Me too Mackem. Me too. I don't remember when or how it happened but there came a point in my Christian walk where I started trying to stop seeing things through my eyes and see them through the Lords. I had issues like "what do you mean I have to listen to my boss even when he is a jerk who is screaming and yelling at me about how worthless I am?" I'm supposed to be nice to him? Yes. The carnal mind as it is called cannot understand the ways of God. Today I see someone like that for who they are. Someone who is on the fast track to eternal damnation like I once was. They need my help. I need to Love them as Christ loved me. I don't know, I just understood one day and it changed everything.

I am so worn down by the sycological abuse that I don't now how much more I can take. I am scarred to be me any more.

Scarred is the optimum word here. Your husband only has power over you because you fear him. He uses it just like Satan uses the fear of death against people. The reason you fear your husband so much is probably directly related to your distance from God. Only knowing God can truly relieve the fear that others pose as threat to you. You can't understand this by reading the words I write to you. You must experience it by doing everything in your power to draw close to God. If you read something he wrote in the bible, truly believe it and take it to heart. Your faith in what God has said will show itself in your actions.

Your afraid of the power you husband has over you. When Pilot tried to manipulate Jesus with the whole don't you know who I am routine, Jesus merely stated the fact "You could have no power over me except it be given you from above". One sentence put Pilot in his place. The same is true for you and your husband. He has no power over you except it be given him from above. Do you believe that? Do your actions support that belief? Of course we have to remember that power was given over Jesus and Pilot delivered him to be crucified but it was Gods will that it happen so that you and I could live forever. Whatever happens know that God is in control of your suffering. And mine too.

I am so grateful for help nad prayers it is so good of you all to do this for me

I truly only have one interest and that is to help you. Ultimately, the best help that I can give you is to aim you in the direction of Subjection to God as he is God and deserving of all of our worship.

In the beloved,

Gary

mackem lady I suggest you bring your husband to meet other members of your family/church who have a good understanding of a godly marriage. If a husband is abusive he needs to be instructed by other men who will guide him into the correct way to treat a wife. Some husbands need stern rebuking from other men to understand this.

God bless.

Agua, this is solid. There is so much that can happen if a person is subject to being around truly godly men who are not afraid to withstand someone to the face when they are to be blamed. Men who are willing to take a punch if necessary.

 

[mackem lady]

Thanz Gary that is very helpful. I have a lot to learn and want to be a better christian.

I think I'm stuck with how to deal with it when its hapening. If I retaliate then he accuses me of being rude, dramatic etc. If I'm quiet I am called frigid personalityless etc. If I say please stop this he says that I'm avoidinng him.

Perhaps quiet is best

 

[mackem lady]

Also I find it so hard if its infront of my son, whogets very upset and angry. I feel I want to run away and just have some quiet peace for a day or two.

I do not have any family as such who I can turn to and church people are quite distant althugh freindly enough.

I wud love the home to be full of God and Jesus and not fear all the time.

 

[Kit Carson]

Hi Troubled One:

Internet advice is dangerous, so I have a simple question. What does your husband get upset about. Is it all things, things of daily life or is it because of your belief in God , or going to church or trying to convert him or something of this nature?

Or daily things like home activity, cooking, household duties and so on.
Or just total lack of respect and so on.

A hint as to what is on my mind........Jesus tells us that two can live together one believe and another not, but they may or may not accept. There is no guarantee on that one.

I disagree with many of the comments in this thread that a woman is a mans property and so on. Man and woman were created equally to have dominion over the world. It was man who made women slaves and items of property. It was man who decided it was ok to have hundreds of wives and so on. This was all man. Gods intent was one and one make two.

What many do not realize also is many women become trapped in these relationships with no where to go. There are financial concerns and many other concerns and many times just no way to go or to turn. This is why some stay in abusive relationships .

Not sure what to say to you as there is no real known full truths of the situation.

Whatever is said has to be said very carefully, as it can effect lives and be good or bad.

Maybe a P.M would be best.

I have known some real turds in life.........men who are totally worthless. With no intent of changing. It is what they are. But also to push a belief on them will only cause them to become more aggressive and resist even more.

Just saying, internet advice is hard to do, as the full knowledge of the situation is assumed not known.

Respectfully
Kit

 

[gdemoss]

Thanz Gary that is very helpful. I have a lot to learn and want to be a better christian.

I think I'm stuck with how to deal with it when its hapening. If I retaliate then he accuses me of being rude, dramatic etc. If I'm quiet I am called frigid personalityless etc. If I say please stop this he says that I'm avoidinng him.

Perhaps quiet is best

Mackem, I see by your attempts to deal with it are sourced in trying to find an acceptable result. Understandable. This is why my counsel is directed at changing that course of action. Counselling you do what you can with what you know for now but making serious efforts to come to know God and his ways better. I pray everyday that God will show me his ways more perfectly that I might be able to help others.

Ask yourself this question: Am I interested in finding the quickest way to get relief from this situation or would I rather do what is right in Gods eyes regardless of the outcome?

It is a tough question to answer. The truth is that I have experience in both arenas. I know the things that can be done to bring a manipulative man like your husband to a place of treating you better for the sake of treating you better. I learned all of that type of counselling before becoming a Christian. But it involves sin and I no longer partake. To be a Christian one has to choose like Moses to forsake the pleasure of sin for a season and to suffer reproach with the people of God.

Some people seem to think that it isn't God's will for you to suffer. They really should read the bible. 1 Pe 3:17 For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.

Is quiet best? Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

Has anyone ever told you that the bible teaches that you are supposed to treat your husband as if he were Christ? Submitting to him as unto Christ? Reverencing him with godly fear? I come from of history of believing in equal rights with women and men being coequal partners in life. Decisions were thought to be best made by both and if one disagreed the decision should be postponed until things could be worked out. Then I met the God of the bible. He didn't seem to agree with me much. God believes in treating women very well. Taking care of them and providing them with everything they need to accomplish their ministry. Being gentle unto them etc. But he doesn't promote equality when it comes to authority or making decisions. He has given that position to the man. There are no exceptions based upon a mans desire to good or evil, he is still the one who has authority in the home and he must one day answer to Christ for the way he rules. I personally choose to allow my wife to make certain decisions for our family but have others that are mine alone. God has warned me to be careful as Satan has an easier time manipulating a woman than a man. Just the way were built I suppose. Either way we all need to work together to achieve peace Gods way. That means that every piece needs to be in its place as God designed it. One piece out of place and confusion ensues.

Praying you will be moved into the right direction and choose to be the godliest possible wife unto your ungrateful husband the sake of your relationship with God.

Gary

 

[JRFifty]

reply

I don't know anything about other peoples love lives you have to make these decisions for yourself.
I think you might be perceived as a wounded animal, I would just suggest walking in more confidence, and get a little bite back.
But it sounds abusive and thats concerning.

 

[JRFifty]

reply

I don't know anything about other peoples love lives you have to make these decisions for yourself.
I think you might be perceived as a wounded animal, I would just suggest walking in more confidence, and get a little bite back.
But it sounds abusive and thats concerning.
Your meekness may be giving off a walk over me sign in this case.

 

[mackem lady]

Thank you Kit for your reply. I thimk you are right and Everyone needs to be carefull with internert advise.

I have found it useful and helpful but it has raised lots of emotions.

Like - I am a woman who is supposed to be submissive so do I just have to take the abuse. That is preety hard to accept.

And also what do I do to protect myself if things take a turn for the worse, do I sit there and smile sweetly.

I am worn down and just don't know what to do.

Praying that God will be my guide and strength thru this.

Thankz to you again Kit

ML

 

[mackem lady]

Thankz Gary for your reply.

Yes I undertand what you say about a man been the authority in the home.

You suggest that's the case even if the man is not acting in a good Godly way.

Am I to submit to his unchristian Godly actions?

I am not perfect but I can honestly say that I try to be good to him all the tome. I do all the cooking, housework, childcare, shopping, everything alone while he watches tv, plays on the pc and does his own thing.

I just get on with it and get critisized all the time with anger and bad language.

Is this submission?

ML

 

[mackem lady]

I don't know anything about other peoples love lives you have to make these decisions for yourself.
I think you might be perceived as a wounded animal, I would just suggest walking in more confidence, and get a little bite back.
But it sounds abusive and thats concerning.
Your meekness may be giving off a walk over me sign in this case.

JR I wud be scarred to bite back as he wud get very angry.

Yes I maybe need more confidence.

I am not sure if I am meek or weak.

THankz for your reply it is food for thought.

ML

 

[mackem lady]

Ok I need help with this

Husband spends evening winding up son with unneedful coments till he retaliates. Son gets sent to bedroom for beeing rude. I'm then told to not communucate with my son cos of his behaviour.

My quietness throughout the situation was not cos I'm meek but cos I'm scared..

Should I just submit to that and aacpet that's the way he is.

ML

 

[gdemoss]

Ok I need help with this

Husband spends evening winding up son with unneedful coments till he retaliates. Son gets sent to bedroom for beeing rude. I'm then told to not communucate with my son cos of his behaviour.

My quietness throughout the situation was not cos I'm meek but cos I'm scared..

Should I just submit to that and aacpet that's the way he is.

ML

You poor dear, no one should have to deal with such sinful behavior. Unfortunately, till we get to the new heaven and earth we will have to not only deal with it but deal with it righteously or be judge unrighteous ourselves.

As for being submissive to your husband, this you should do. But do not confuse being submissive with obeying his unrighteous commands. Peter and John were submissive unto the authorities who were over them. Then freely without resistance went to prison and were examined by their accusers, beaten and told not to preach in Jesus name anymore. Their godly response was to ask them to judge whether it was right to obey men more than God.

You must obey God first, then those that he has put over you in the flesh. The word of God says that it is your responsibility to bear children and guide the house. How can you do that without communicating to your son?

Now as for your son, he may have been provoked but that doesn't make him justified. Your sons response to his father provoking him is a sign of either a lack of relationship with Christ or a weak one at best. If your son is a believer, then he needs to be shown what his responsibility is in dealing with sinful men like his father. Jesus is the only example one needs for suffering affliction righteously. The one who voluntarily went with his accusers who illegally tried him, beat and scourged him, then led him out to crucify him. His response "father forgive them for they know not what they do". The best thing you can do for your son is to show him that if someone is evil to another and that person responds with evil then they will both be judged by God as evil doers. But if someone for conscious sake toward God endures suffering wrongfully then this is thankworthy. It all goes back to 1 Peter 2 and the suffering servant.

My counsel to you is to read 1 Peter 2 prayerfully until it makes clear sense as to suffering wrongfully.

 

[Stickz]

mackem lady

When you reach the point that you can no longer stand living with your husband, leave him and remain unmarried. Spend the rest of your life serving the Lord with your full attention. Married women are often hindered serving the Lord because they are wives too, but widows and single ladies are completely free to serve the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. If you have no interest in staying single, you'd better stay where you are. Pray and read, asking the Lord to show you how you should handle being married to this man. A good Christian example can do wonders, but you have to make sure that you are the example. I am continuing to keep you in my prayers, ML, I hope that you are continuing to pray for yourself. If not, my efforts may be in vain. The answer to your situation is in your own personal relationship with the Father and nowhere else.

Peace be unto you

 

[mackem lady]

Thankz for your answers Gary and stickz

So much for me to think about.

Ys Gary I am tryin to show my son how to behave biblically. He ca be rude but he is often provoked into that way.

My husband will often mimic him or call him a baby if he gets upset.

This hurts me so much to see.

Sometimes I want to run away or scream but I just a too scared to react in a gentle way lat alone a dig way.

Thankz to you all.

ML