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Purpose in life

Benoriel

Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2022
Messages
11
I don't know why I'm still alive. I feel I have little to contribute. I lost two relatives to suicide a year apart from one another yet this did not stop me from making an attempt on my own life last October. I don't know why they succeeded and I failed. A few years ago I was in and out of county and city mental institutions four times in a period of two years. It started with another attempt on my life. I was originally treated for severe depression and anxiety. Some of the meds I was on brought on a severe psychoses and I was latter diagnosed again with schizoaffective disorder. I am on different meds now and I don't hear voices or feel things like I used to. Even with the new meds though I still feel like I've outlived my usefulness.
 
I don't know why I'm still alive. I feel I have little to contribute. I lost two relatives to suicide a year apart from one another yet this did not stop me from making an attempt on my own life last October. I don't know why they succeeded and I failed. A few years ago I was in and out of county and city mental institutions four times in a period of two years. It started with another attempt on my life. I was originally treated for severe depression and anxiety. Some of the meds I was on brought on a severe psychoses and I was latter diagnosed again with schizoaffective disorder. I am on different meds now and I don't hear voices or feel things like I used to. Even with the new meds though I still feel like I've outlived my usefulness.
Thank you.
 
I don't know why I'm still alive. I feel I have little to contribute. I lost two relatives to suicide a year apart from one another yet this did not stop me from making an attempt on my own life last October. I don't know why they succeeded and I failed. A few years ago I was in and out of county and city mental institutions four times in a period of two years. It started with another attempt on my life. I was originally treated for severe depression and anxiety. Some of the meds I was on brought on a severe psychoses and I was latter diagnosed again with schizoaffective disorder. I am on different meds now and I don't hear voices or feel things like I used to. Even with the new meds though I still feel like I've outlived my usefulness.

I must admit as a former health care professional. What were the voices that you used to hear saying? We all have dreams, and sometimes within the dream there is a testing
of our spirit, sometimes we wake ourselves out of the testing other times we go through it and succeed or sometimes fail. So I wonder if the voices are indeed testings or
unclean spirits that are bothering you?
 
I must admit as a former health care professional. What were the voices that you used to hear saying? We all have dreams, and sometimes within the dream there is a testing
of our spirit, sometimes we wake ourselves out of the testing other times we go through it and succeed or sometimes fail. So I wonder if the voices are indeed testings or
unclean spirits that are bothering you?
They said a lot and it changed as time went on. While I was in the mental hospital, I believe it was for the third time, the voices told me that all of my family was dead and that it wasn't really my parents that came to visit me. The voices claimed that they were imposters. It seems ridiculous now but at the time it was quite frightening.
 
They said a lot and it changed as time went on. While I was in the mental hospital, I believe it was for the third time, the voices told me that all of my family was dead and that it wasn't really my parents that came to visit me. The voices claimed that they were imposters. It seems ridiculous now but at the time it was quite frightening.
So nothing that would lead you to harm yourself, but rather to believe some alternative truth? And I would wonder to what end?
 
So nothing that would lead you to harm yourself, but rather to believe some alternative truth? And I would wonder to what end?
They lead me out from the group home I was at in the middle of the night and had me wander the streets of the city. They also forbade me to eat at one point. They may not have called for self harm directly, however they were anything but harmless.
 
They lead me out from the group home I was at in the middle of the night and had me wander the streets of the city. They also forbade me to eat at one point. They may not have called for self harm directly, however they were anything but harmless.
So what was the purpose of wandering the streets? And how did they control the eating issue?
 
So what was the purpose of wandering the streets? And how did they control the eating issue?
I don't know what the purpose was, but it cost me some connections that could have lead to some training in indesign. As for the eating, they claimed to be God speaking to me and they kept calling me to fast.
 
I don't know what the purpose was, but it cost me some connections that could have lead to some training in indesign. As for the eating, they claimed to be God speaking to me and they kept calling me to fast.
Well, it is good that things are better, but know that your usefulness in life is truly relevant as you are still breathing and above ground God still has things for you to do.

Last thing, if whatever these spirits are saying, if it doesn't line up with the word of God then rebuke them in Jesus name to depart from you and be done with them.
 
On a somewhat unrelated note, I think that my brother is steeling from me and my family. I can see from the hallway how some of my books have mysteriously ended up on his bookshelf. Could you pray that he stops 'borrowing' things with out permission?
 
On a somewhat unrelated note, I think that my brother is steeling from me and my family. I can see from the hallway how some of my books have mysteriously ended up on his bookshelf. Could you pray that he stops 'borrowing' things with out permission?
You can ask politely if he had been borrowing books form you and that if he was done reading them, to please return it, because you would like to read your books again at your choosing.

If he denies it, then suffer it and forgive him for he knows not what he do. That can be your purpose in life in following Jesus since He set the example to suffer such things while we hope in him to deliver us soon when He comes as the Bridegroom.

Believe me, the things Jesus is asking us to do is something I look to Jesus Christ to help me to do in suffering these offenses.

Matthew 5:38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. 41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. 42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. 43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

But Jesus did set the example below.

1 Peter 2:19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: 24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. 25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.
 
I don't know why I'm still alive. I feel I have little to contribute. I lost two relatives to suicide a year apart from one another yet this did not stop me from making an attempt on my own life last October. I don't know why they succeeded and I failed. A few years ago I was in and out of county and city mental institutions four times in a period of two years. It started with another attempt on my life. I was originally treated for severe depression and anxiety. Some of the meds I was on brought on a severe psychoses and I was latter diagnosed again with schizoaffective disorder. I am on different meds now and I don't hear voices or feel things like I used to. Even with the new meds though I still feel like I've outlived my usefulness.
One thing I learntly from an early age, some people simply dont belong in this evil and sin driven society. If you try to immerse yourself in organised religion and this world, you will end up in a very bad place. I have experienced the same, and learnt to recognise who I am, mentally, spiritually and for many of us, physically. The answer is the truth, and the truth is in heaven, not here. So my advice is to seek Jesus ASAP. He will teach you and show you the way through.
 
I don't know why I'm still alive. I feel I have little to contribute. I lost two relatives to suicide a year apart from one another yet this did not stop me from making an attempt on my own life last October. I don't know why they succeeded and I failed. A few years ago I was in and out of county and city mental institutions four times in a period of two years. It started with another attempt on my life. I was originally treated for severe depression and anxiety. Some of the meds I was on brought on a severe psychoses and I was latter diagnosed again with schizoaffective disorder. I am on different meds now and I don't hear voices or feel things like I used to. Even with the new meds though I still feel like I've outlived my usefulness.
Hello @Benoriel,

My grandson (26yrs) has schizoaffective disorder, and I know that delusion is symptomatic of it. He also is on medication which is controlling it.

Benoriel, my grandson believes in God, and has acknowledged the Lord Jesus Christ as his Saviour and Lord, and although his understanding is imperfect, it helps him to know that God loves him, and that He is with Him, enabling him to cope with his condition. He also has Asperger's syndrome and Dystonia, which is a painful condition. He loved history and photography, and is constantly engaged in those two occupations, as well as working locally on a voluntary basis in several charity shops. He gets depressed sometimes, and needs encouragement, suffering from low self-esteem, and self-worth, largely because he compares himself with those of his age who do not have his disadvantages.

Yet simply being alive and caring for those around you, smiling and acting out of love and kindness toward those around you, makes your life worthwhile, for it brings sunshine into the lives of others, and ultimately into that of your own.

Forgive me if this does not address your particular problems, but I thought it may help.

With love in Christ Jesus
Who loves us, and gave Himself for us.
Chris
 
@GodB4Us , confronting him, politely or not, is not a good idea. I am trying to turn the other cheek but it's hard when it is not just my brother taking things. My parents also are remembering things as being bought by them that I know I bought. That and things go missing in this house frequently. It's the continuing losses and not just the objects being lost that is taking a toll on me. I struggle with depression in the best of times. The constantly having to surrender property only makes things worse.

@Gregoryp @complete, thank you for your advise. I am honestly struggling with my faith at the moment. What do you think of Hebrews 6:4-6 ?
 
@GodB4Us , confronting him, politely or not, is not a good idea. I am trying to turn the other cheek but it's hard when it is not just my brother taking things. My parents also are remembering things as being bought by them that I know I bought. That and things go missing in this house frequently. It's the continuing losses and not just the objects being lost that is taking a toll on me. I struggle with depression in the best of times. The constantly having to surrender property only makes things worse.

@Gregoryp @complete, thank you for your advise. I am honestly struggling with my faith at the moment. What do you think of Hebrews 6:4-6 ?
I dont think its that impossible if you return to Jesus, as per the prodigal son parable.
 
@GodB4Us , confronting him, politely or not, is not a good idea. I am trying to turn the other cheek but it's hard when it is not just my brother taking things. My parents also are remembering things as being bought by them that I know I bought. That and things go missing in this house frequently. It's the continuing losses and not just the objects being lost that is taking a toll on me. I struggle with depression in the best of times. The constantly having to surrender property only makes things worse.

@Gregoryp @complete, thank you for your advise. I am honestly struggling with my faith at the moment. What do you think of Hebrews 6:4-6 ?
Hello @Benoriel,

Faith comes by hearing and believing the words of God concerning the Lord Jesus Christ. His words bring conviction of sin, and reveals the Lord Jesus Christ to be the One through Whom we can be reconciled to God, receive forgiveness of sin, and have His righteousness imputed to us. This comes by believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that He by dying in our place, bore the penalty of our sins upon Himself, that we may receive the gift of resurrection life through Him.

Faith grows by hearing and believing God's word too, so if you are 'struggling' with your faith, simply read God's word and believe what it says: praising God that He is not a man that He should lie. He is faithful and will do all that He says He will do. So simply trust Him in and through Christ Jesus your risen Lord.

Your condition is characterised by delusion, and unfortunately it is something you are having to live with. Just give your family the benefit of the doubt, and let go of your claim to those things which are causing dispute, and producing dismay within yourself, for in Christ Jesus you have everything that you need. God loves you: :love: So trust, trust, trust, in the God of all grace. Ask Him to give you the love and grace you need to bear with your family and live peacefully among them. For I should imagine that your happiness is their chief concern.

Thank you
With love in Christ Jesus
Chris
 
@GodB4Us , confronting him, politely or not, is not a good idea. I am trying to turn the other cheek but it's hard when it is not just my brother taking things. My parents also are remembering things as being bought by them that I know I bought. That and things go missing in this house frequently. It's the continuing losses and not just the objects being lost that is taking a toll on me. I struggle with depression in the best of times. The constantly having to surrender property only makes things worse.
Well, you know the situation better than I do but as bad as you described that to be for yourself, may the Lord remind you of this while you suffer it with His help.

1 Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
 
@GodB4Us , confronting him, politely or not, is not a good idea. I am trying to turn the other cheek but it's hard when it is not just my brother taking things. My parents also are remembering things as being bought by them that I know I bought. That and things go missing in this house frequently. It's the continuing losses and not just the objects being lost that is taking a toll on me. I struggle with depression in the best of times. The constantly having to surrender property only makes things worse.

@Gregoryp @complete, thank you for your advise. I am honestly struggling with my faith at the moment. What do you think of Hebrews 6:4-6 ?
Hello @Benoriel,

You question Hebrews 6:4-6,

'For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened,
and have tasted of the heavenly gift,
and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
And have tasted the good word of God,
and the powers of the world to come,
If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance;
seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh,
and put Him to an open shame.'
(Heb 6:4-6)

First of all, @Benoriel, these people to whom Paul spoke, were believing Hebrews. The believing remnant called out of Israel during the Gospel ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the ministry of the Twelve and the other Apostles during the Acts period that followed. They were SAVED, and would not lose their salvation, what they could lose were those things which accompany salvation, that is the reward for faithful service and of reigning with Christ at His return.

Though saved, they were in danger of giving up and going back into Judaism. Paul urges them to 'go on' to perfection (i.e., maturity) to stop wavering, to become strong in faith, nothing doubting, so that God could permit them (Hebrews 6:3) to go on into further enlightenment without fear of them falling away.

This cannot apply to you, though it is worth seeking to become strong in faith, by reading the Bible record and looking to your Saviour, prayerfully, for His grace, and enabling.

Thank you
In Christ Jesus
Chris
 
Hello @Benoriel,

You question Hebrews 6:4-6,

'For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened,
and have tasted of the heavenly gift,
and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
And have tasted the good word of God,
and the powers of the world to come,
If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance;
seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh,
and put Him to an open shame.'
(Heb 6:4-6)

First of all, @Benoriel, these people to whom Paul spoke, were believing Hebrews. The believing remnant called out of Israel during the Gospel ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the ministry of the Twelve and the other Apostles during the Acts period that followed. They were SAVED, and would not lose their salvation, what they could lose were those things which accompany salvation, that is the reward for faithful service and of reigning with Christ at His return.

Though saved, they were in danger of giving up and going back into Judaism. Paul urges them to 'go on' to perfection (i.e., maturity) to stop wavering, to become strong in faith, nothing doubting, so that God could permit them (Hebrews 6:3) to go on into further enlightenment without fear of them falling away.

This cannot apply to you, though it is worth seeking to become strong in faith, by reading the Bible record and looking to your Saviour, prayerfully, for His grace, and enabling.

Thank you
In Christ Jesus
Chris
In case any one applies Hebrews 6:4-6 in any other way as if one can lose their salvation and thus cannot be saved again, if we include the verses at the beginning of the chapter, we can see why there is no need for any saved believeer that fell away that needs to be saved again to go through all that after they got saved the first time because they could never become unsaved after having been saved by Jesus Christ.

Hebrews 6:1Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, 2 Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. 3 And this will we do, if God permit.

That is why the above is not necessary to repeat again for that would mean the unthinkable below as if Christ has to die for them again which He does not.

4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, 5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

Since that foundation has been laid by Jesus Christ that can never be removed with that seal of adoption that is not going anywhere, is why the rain is Jesus Christ that has been received in the earth but the saved believer sowed to the works of the flesh instead thus producing weeds and thickets fit to be burned but the life has still been received in the earth.

7 For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God: 8 But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned.

One can see this analogy in verses 7-8 above in this reference below for why they are still saved in that day when God judges the works on that foundation, burning off all that offends as they die a physical death but are saved anyway..

1 Corinthians 3:10 According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. 11 For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; 13 Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. 14 If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.

15 If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire. 16 Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? 17 If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

So no loss of salvation, but there is a consequence more dire than just losing the rewards of crowns, because one may find himself as a castaway; left behind to die, but their spirits will be with the Lord in heaven awaiting for their resurrection after the great tribulation as vessels unto dishonor in His House, vessels of wood & earth, in serving the King of kings on earth.

1 Corinthians 9:
24 Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. 25 And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. 26 I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: 27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

2 Corinthians 5:
7 (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) 8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

9 Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. 11 Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.


That is why we are to call even former believers to look to Jesus for help to discern the lies that turned them away from Him so they too can obtain that eternal glory of being that vessel unto honor in His House that comes with our salvation in Christ Jesus. As former beleivers would deny him verbally for why He would deny them, yet though left behind, He is faithful for He still abides for why they are still to be called to depart from iniquity.

2 Timothy 2:10 Therefore I endure all things for the elect's sakes, that they may also obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. 11 It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: 12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: 13 If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.

2 Timothy 2:18 Who concerning the truth have erred, saying that the resurrection is past already; and overthrow the faith of some.19 Nevertheless
the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. 20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour. 21 If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.

Anyway... as there is necessity to run that race by faith in Jesus Christ to help us lay aside every weight & sin daily, it is not for obtaining salvation since those left behind are still saved but for the high prize of our calling to be that vessel unto honor in His House to attend the marriage Supper in Heaven held in His honor and to His glory as the crowns we receive are really His crowning achievements in us for why we would cast them at His feet.
 
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