Question About Cosmopolitan

[happyharold4]

Harold, I have a few quick points to address,

1) We're not talking about what you think is best; we're talking about the relation between your daughters feelings and your feelings concerning cosmopolitan and what to do about it. I'm not questioning your reaction of the magazine; I'm questioning your course of action because you're essentially making the decision for your daughter, and warning you that - what we know from previous research - is that an authoritarian principle in parenting is not going to help your daughter in the long run.

2) You're equating Psychology and Humanism which is a big, fat, 'No.' The Humanistic approach to Psychology was something pioneered by Carl Rogers and his Client-Centered Therapy. It's also the case that "and how does that make you feel" is certainly not something out of Psych 101; I'm honestly a bit flabbergasted that you could say that it is. While you could make the case that an introduction would skim over CCT, it's also the case that CCT is not "and how did that make you feel" therapy. In fact, that's a bad representation of the idea behind the therapy as it is simply to give the client an outlet and elaborate on whatever is said. "And how does that make you feel" is an antiquated stereotype about the practice.

3) What I believe is completely irrelevant to the fact at hand. Essentially, if I'm not a believer, you'll say that my advice is not valid because it does not have a biblical basis (which isn't entirely true as I can be a non-believer and still give a biblical basis). However, all of this is beside the point because you didn't ask for a biblical answer. You only asked for someone to "shed some light on this." I decided to focus on the relation issue and suggested that you sit down and talk with your daughter about the issue; I'm not saying that she can give you a good rational for reading the magazine, however there's no reason that you can't (and plenty of reasons for why you should) have a conversation with her.

Why - in any case - does my belief affect whether or not my suggestion is valid, especially when this is an issue we know about - from Developmental Psychology - what is often most effective?

I didn't specify I wanted Biblical based answers as that is what is to be expected, (by default). from a site that is operating as a Christian forum---Secondly, yes I have of course sat and talked with my daughter about why I feel the way I do and have listened carefully to her responses as to her opinions---We have a pretty decent relationship and are pretty open to one another---She has chosen not to agree with me on this one and being 18 now, buys the magazine every month---So I can't change that, (all I can do is pray), but I have asked her to respect my position, (as I don't want that type of material in our home), and store them somewhere else til she has her own place and then of course she can make the rules for that home as she feels best---And as I explained to her, that when I visit her home, I will abide by her rules wholeheartedly out of respect for her---I also explained that those mags were tempting for me to look at and read and be tempted into lustful thinking which could lead me onto many paths that I'd rather not venture.

You didn't answer my question---I asked if you were a Christian.

Happy

 

[Neuroscience101]

I didn't specify I wanted Biblical based answers as that is what is to be expected, (by default). from a site that is operating as a Christian forum---Secondly, yes I have of course sat and talked with my daughter about why I feel the way I do and have listened carefully to her responses as to her opinions---We have a pretty decent relationship and are pretty open to one another---She has chosen not to agree with me on this one and being 18 now, buys the magazine every month---So I can't change that, (all I can do is pray), but I have asked her to respect my position, (as I don't want that type of material in our home), and store them somewhere else til she has her own place and then of course she can make the rules for that home as she feels best---And as I explained to her, that when I visit her home, I will abide by her rules wholeheartedly out of respect for her---I also explained that those mags were tempting for me to look at and read and be tempted into lustful thinking which could lead me onto many paths that I'd rather not venture.

You didn't answer my question---I asked if you were a Christian.

Happy

No, Harold, that's not the default. For instance, if I go to a forum on Buddhism and ask their opinion on chocolate, I'm not necessarily expecting a diatribe on desires causing human suffering; likewise, if I go to a forum on The American Constitution and ask their opinion on Cosmopolitan, I'm not necessarily expecting them to recite the elastic clause of the constitution or even quote certain articles of the Constitution. If you wanted specific scripture, you could have asked and even I would have given you that scripture...but you didn't.

Second, all you had to do was answer my original question with the above instead of dancing around it in the last few posts. There wasn't any reason you couldn't just say "I have of course sat and talked with my daughter about why I feel the way I do and have listened carefully to her responses as to her opinions" when I originally asked.

And, yes, I did answer your question just not in a way that you want to accept. I told you that my personal beliefs are irrelevant to the point that was being made. To be fair, you didn't answer my question either.

Harold, I'll gladly continue this particular conversation with you in a PM, but I would say - for your situation - you did everything correctly and I don't think there is anything else you can do. Your daughter will make her own decisions and hopefully the two of you will be able to fully reconcile them and maybe, with time, she will fully understand the Christian faith. Good luck to both of you.

 

[strawberry]

And, yes, I did answer your question just not in a way that you want to accept. I told you that my personal beliefs are irrelevant to the point that was being made. To be fair, you didn't answer my question either.

mkay? *crickets*

:regret:

 

[SpiritLedEd]

So my daughter thinks I am out in left field and just a big dinosaur ----Those of you who are familiar with the magazine perhaps you can shed some light on this---Thanks

Harold, your post reminds me of a man I sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I met this fellow he had just received Christ as his Lord and Savior and was beginning to feel the Spirit moving against parts of his lifestyle. I tried preaching to him about the neccessity of change in these areas and I met with polite but serious resistance. When I finally gave the situation over to God and began to wait for His promptings as to what to say and when, the tide began to gradually shift. This young man had to suffer a very embarrasing comeuppence that was a wake-up call, but he has been growing spiritually (albeit sometimes painfully) ever since and we are very close - he's like a son to me.

Bottom line - give it to God. Let Him direct your steps one day at a time. He's the One who has all power.

SLE

 

[happyharold4]

mkay? *crickets*

:regret:

Hmmm---I'm a little tired and don't understand.

SLE---I understand what you are saying---I originally posted to sort of validate myself concerning the corruptness of the mag and wanted to let my daughter read the posts so she could see it's not just her dad who disagrees with the mags content---It's difficult---She's a real sweetheart and pretty pure minded in most things---She's my little girl, ( "I'm 18 dad"), and I cringe thinking of her reading that stuff---For most, it's first reading, then fantasizing and then God forbid putting it into practice----Well dad's down to his knees for spiritual warfare.

Happy

 

[SpiritLedEd]

----Well dad's down to his knees for spiritual warfare.

Harold, I think we all agree that what you're asking for is according to God's will; so now is the time to stand on the Word (Mk 11:20-23) and refuse to let doubt take over your mind on this issue, no matter how long it takes for the situation to be resolved.

SLE

 

[happyharold4]

Harold, I think we all agree that what you're asking for is according to God's will; so now is the time to stand on the Word (Mk 11:20-23) and refuse to let doubt take over your mind on this issue, no matter how long it takes for the situation to be resolved.

SLE

Amen.

Happy

 

[Yvette Tanson]

as someone who has read cosmopolitan magazine in the past, i have to admit to not understanding the big deal here,and yes i am a christian.
Cosmopolitan can answer questions that some girls of your daughters age may be to afraid to ask, especially in christian circles.
I wouldn't be too worried about it, if your daughters was in her mid teens say 14, 15 16, then yes i would be worried, but not at 18, i know she's your baby and she'll just have to get used to the idea, that she'll always be your baby no matter how old she is, dads are wierd when it comes to their daughters.
Like i said cosmo may answer questions that she's too afraid to ask, sex isn't talked about much in church,young people are told sex before marriage is a sin, but not why, i could go on but i won't.
I don't read cosmo anymore, 1 it's far too expensive, 2 and the main reason is cosmo is a beauty magazine and they can make you feel ugly, and lower your self esteme, coz they are full of impossibly georgous models, and celebs who have enough make up on to sink a battleship and have been airbrushed within an inch of their lives.
Is your daughter a christian, coz if she isn't that may have a bearing on why she reads it.
Saying all of that i wouldn't recommend it to anyone, not because of the sexual content, even christian young people have wqquestions about sex and they have to get their answersfrom somewhere, better for them to read about it in a magazine than experiment, and just becasue they read about it, doesn't mean they are gonna go out and try it, i never did and i read cosmo for years.
I wouldn't recommend it simply because beauty magazines make you feel ugly.

 

[strawberry]

as someone who has read cosmopolitan magazine in the past, i have to admit to not understanding the big deal here,and yes i am a christian.
Cosmopolitan can answer questions that some girls of your daughters age may be to afraid to ask, especially in christian circles.
I wouldn't be too worried about it, if your daughters was in her mid teens say 14, 15 16, then yes i would be worried, but not at 18,...

If one is too afraid to ask their Christian friends about something, then maybe it's not worthy of a second thought.

Saying all of that i wouldn't recommend it to anyone, not because of the sexual content, even christian young people have wqquestions about sex and they have to get their answersfrom somewhere, better for them to read about it in a magazine than experiment,

Is it safe to assume these Christian young people are married? If not, then why would Christian young people have questions about sex beyond grade school health class, if they're not engaging in sex? Do you really think a Christian young person is going to find direct answers to their questions about sex in Cosmo and not be tempted to experiment with Cosmo's recommendations? Cosmo seduces their readers. So I'm guessing cosmos sex education is a tad kinkier than a curious single person needs to know.

 

[Alice.]

(first off, sorry, I've been away awhile)

I've read cosmo, and cosmo girl and I can say I am not shallow nor selfish.. and I sort of agree with some of what Yvette wrote.

Why would Christian young people have questions about sex beyond heath class? School doesn't teach you everything and some parents just are not approachable, also those young Christians will someday be married Christians who will be having sex. Maybe they don't want to be completely clueless on their wedding night.

I also find it funny when parents teach nothing but abstinence and nothing about "safe sex" (I.E birth control options and things of that matter) because someday those children will be married, and you know what? They may not want babies right away.

 

[AudreyNicole]

Ladies are probably a little more familiar than the guys---I am a single dad and have a teenage daughter that the forces of darkness are pulling at like crazy---She has an issue of Cosmopolitan and I looked through it and couldn't believe the content---I thought the magazine, (years ago), was a fashion magazine for women---I told her I didn't approve of it---Apparently she got it from a girlfriend who's mother apparently gave it to her---So my daughter thinks I am out in left field and just a big dinosaur ----Those of you who are familiar with the magazine perhaps you can shed some light on this---Thanks

Happy

I am a 19 year old girl going on 20 and I don't think I am even old enough to read this magazine. I don't know how old your teenage daughter is but I'm sure she's not 20 so I would advise you not to let her read it. I was saved about a year ago, and before that I read cosmo. At that time I was un-saved and the things in it were interesting and funny and the articles gave me ideas on how to have the best sex, how to hook up with a guy (aka have sex) and not get hooked (aka not fall for him), how to get revenge on ex boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, how to hide birth control and condoms from parents, and how to wear the teeniest-tiniest bikini without any mishaps.

Let me give you some examples of their most recent articles: "50 fun things to do with your breasts", "the sex trick you've gotta try on him after work today", "sh** my boyfriend says", "the most OMFG outfits of the week" (OMFG= oh my f****** god), "a naughty new twist on a striptease", "77 positions in 77 days", "10 sex wishes men have"... and yeah they have other things like fashion, diet, health, relationships, horoscopes, but people don't read it for those things.

Even before I was saved, reading through this magazine just felt trashy and filthy... some of the articles were so crazy my friends and I would just laugh at them. The only reason I read the magazine was because my friends all did, and I felt left out. But after being saved I haven't touched the thing. And I praise the Lord He was able to save me from it. Unless you want your daughter learning these things and DOINGthese things, I would recommend she get a different magazine.

This magazine is hardly appropriate for mature married couples, much less young girls. Perhaps she is the most spiritual and Godly young woman... then why would you want to soil that purity with filth? I suppose you probably don't let her see X rated movies, you oughtn't let her read these types of magazines either (sex positions are often drawn out in graphic formats).

As a parent and a Godly man, it is your job to protect and raise your children in a Godly way. Discipline is sometimes necessary... even God disciplines His children. I don't mean to tell you how to raise your children, after all I am only a child myself... but as a 19 year old girl that has read this magazine, I feel compelled to keep it away from as many girls as possible and I just hope that you will do this for her. I would never let any daughter of mine see the thing. There are so many better reads out there.

I hope this has helped you. God Bless and may He help you and your daughter through these difficult years.

 

[Alice.]

Not every person who reads cosmo reads it for the sex.


and what kind of person decides to have sex because of a magazine?

 

[AudreyNicole]

Not every person who reads cosmo reads it for the sex.


and what kind of person decides to have sex because of a magazine?

This is a true statement... not everyone does read it for the sex, but that is probably quite rare.

Every girl I know that reads Cosmo reads it for such articles, and every person I know that reads Cosmo is sexually active. And though it may not cause girls to have sex, it does present them with ideas... that alone ought to be enough to stay away from it. The Father said to stay away from things that might cause people to stumble. And presenting to someone a manual of ideas about sex presents the very temptation and opportunity to stumble, so why even bother with it?

Pornography magazines may not cause people to have sex.... but that does not make it any better of a magazine. The mere fact that it has the possibility to cause people to stumble should be the red flag for Christian people.

Perhaps you have different experiences, but I have over 15 friends that are pregnant or have children... and I just graduated high school 3 years ago. Seeing this and working with teenage mothers I feel it is my duty to help keep girls away from these types of negative influences-- even if they are not the cause, they do cause people to stumble. Jesus Christ would not be happy with young girls reading this material, so I am not happy with it either.

Perhaps you can read these such magazines and they don't affect you... that is perfectly fine, but the Lord says, "Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way." Romans 14:13

He also said this, "Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

and this, "Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled." Titus 1:15

The fact that Cosmo promotes sexual immorality makes it an unrighteous and unclean thing, therefore we are commanded to flee such things and focus on "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

As brothers and sisters in Christ, it is our responsibility to help others flee from temptation and sin, so forgive me, but I am just doing my job. And I do hope and pray the Lord will help you do yours as well.

 

[dannibear]

Philippians 4:8


When I am in line at the grocery store, I have found that looking at
such magazines on the rack don't put good thoughts in my mind.
I always found it ironic that Cosmo magazines were next to tabloids
selling a story about another movie star's affair, or how another famous
couple are getting divorced, or some woman I never met before got into a
fight with her best friend for 'stealing her man' and landed in jail.
Sexual sin in my opinion, is a harder sin to
not commit, since even thinking about it is adultery in God's eyes.

Matthew 5:28

 

[natters]

I found this interesting. I became a christian when I was 24 and before this read all the trashy magazines..and probably for some time after. It's been 3 years now and I actually feel tempted when going through the check outs at the grocery store which is a good sign to me that I shouldn't be looking at them. They are simply "filler" for your brain - not even worthy of being called entertainment.

To say that 18 year olds shouldn't have questions about sex in today's world is insane. But to get those answers from a magazine!? eeeee. Get them at the doctor....you can even find good information online - show your kids some medically professional website to look things up.

It's not just the sex content that is sinful. The consumerism of it, the selfishness....the provocative clothing and poses of the models....it's all very much against what the bible asks us to do. Not something I'd encourage in my house anymore.

And married people should be able to communicate to each other what they desire in bed - you don't need a magazine to give you ideas..

My daughter is 2...don't even want to imagine what will be on the shelves when she's a teenager

 

[Still_CrYiNg]

I am 20 years old and have had many issues of Cosmopolitan in the past. It is definitely not a good thing for a younger girl to be reading. I am a little older now and less impressionable, but when I was younger - the magazine (mostly the sex "advice") led me to believe things that actually aren't the case. It also idolizes young women actresses, singers, etc. that are no better than any of us but make young girls feel less confident and that can lead to self esteem problems. Cosmo girl however, is completely acceptable. It has more of the fashion advice that Cosmopolitan used to be about.