Retirement villages - yea or nay

[amadeus2]

I think if your own children turrn away from the Lord why not adopt or foster or mentor others who never had christian parents to teach them. If you need help sometimes you actually need to employ someone who might be glad of a pay packet and something to do. If you cant afford to pay anything that then just provide a meal or something, or some sort of thankyou.

But by the time a person realizes that there is such a case, it is really rather later to consider adopting. Inviting someone from the outside is not necessary as there are quite a few within the apartment complex where we live who love my wife dearly... because when she can she is always there for anyone in need, young or old. My wife has always been a devoted mother and grandmother and now great-grandmother, but she knows she cannot physically provide the necessary care for a young child.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a church meeting a couple of hundred miles away without my wife because she knew I really wanted to go and she could not go. We have some close friends who would keep an eye on her when I am too distant to respond effectively to any real emergency. But... as I was on the road driving toward my destination, our youngest granddaughter [to be 17 in December] called me on the cell phone expecting to find both of us at home. I told her to call her grandmother and she did. She drove the 50 miles from her home to ours, bought lunch for the two of them and they spent the day together. That is the kind of thing that thrills me. My wife, needless to say, was overwhelmed with joy. Give God the glory!

 

[Lanolin]

I think you can be adopted at any age. Well God adopts people at any age...

I have heard something very disturbing is that the people that own the retirement villages have put the age of entry up to 70 and they want older people there because the older they come in, the more turnover they get. When the people die (sooner rather than later )they can then sell the place to someone else and make more money.

I think...what a scam. Advice to oldies, stay with your children, set up a granny flat if you have to. Dont be conned. Your grandchildren want to spend time with you and cant do that if you locked far away in these gated communities that hate younger people so much they cant stand to live with them.

Besides, retirement living isnt all champagne and travel. That only lasts a few years or even a few weeks after you finished work. Then what you going to do with the rest of your life. I dont think its really up to you...its up to God what He wants you to do with the life Hes given you. And we need oldies to teach us all the skills that are being lost like how to knit or make stuff by hand and all that kind of thing.

It isnt that we need oldies to look after us, its that we youngers need to look after our elders. I just dont quite understand the nuclear family model because to me a family isnt just parents and children but grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins (and pets).

When you start segregating everyone into apartments and people just live all over the place miles away I dont know it just loses this whole notion of family.

The prodigal son left home for the world but his father told the other son who stayed home all I have is yours..Jesus told Joseph and Mary who were afraid Jesus had gone missing were else would I be but in my Father's house?

I think home is really important. Those who have no fixed abode...living in rentals...its just not the same as being home. Or maybe its just me. You know that the land under your feet is where you belong and every plant you planted and every gully and hill and tree, river and stream. Every brick is one that you placed ir its been handed down generations to you. Something so important that people are giving up to live generic worldly lives where you can just buy a lifestyle.

Today stayed late at work at the retirement village and then saw all these people, never seem so many oldies in one place before cos it was Friday and was happy hour. I dont really see many people come out during the day and wondered what they did all day as they dont need to work but since they come out at evening and night was surprised the place was buzzing. Maybe they have oldies kareoke or dance parties?!

I asked one lady why she moved to this village and she said since her husband died it wasnt safe to live in her own place, like she got robbed or broken into and her daughter wanted her there. i dont know why she dont live with her daughter but I suppose there isnt room? Why doesnt her daughter move in with her or vice versa.

She wasnt that happy about it but she did say it was her choice. I guess safety wise, because its gated and they have security then you would assume that its safe. But speaking with one of the receptionists I said ive heard this place people call it the Hilton hotel. But the receptionist said well some people think its a jail!

I wondered why there isnt church accomodation for widows. Or is the concept of a retirement village to look after widows, like a widowage instead of an orphanage.

This is a song I remember my schoolmate made up - we performed it as a group and dressed up as old people

Nobody loves me cos Im old and gray
They say I'm always in the way
So in a rest home I have to stay
Singing the rest home blues

....
Does anyone think the way elders are treated these days is shameful. Or is it a generation thing. Remember this show absolutely fabulous and how the daughter ends up mothering the mother cos the mother just wont grow up and she ages disgracefully. When people get older, arent they meant to be wiser, not more foolish.

 

[amadeus2]

This is a song I remember my schoolmate made up - we performed it as a group and dressed up as old people

Nobody loves me cos Im old and gray
They say I'm always in the way
So in a rest home I have to stay
Singing the rest home blues

....
Does anyone think the way elders are treated these days is shameful. Or is it a generation thing. Remember this show absolutely fabulous and how the daughter ends up mothering the mother cos the mother just wont grow up and she ages disgracefully. When people get older, arent they meant to be wiser, not more foolish.

Everyone of us is selfish in a measure. Ideally as it is the parents responsibility to care for children while they are young, those same children should care for their parents when the time comes that they need it. What really happens is that people get involved in themselves and what they want or even think they need to do and little or no time is made available for the parents who are no longer able to fend for themselves. Naturally there are exceptions to this, but too many simply don't want to be bothered. They have their own lives to live and their parents would take them away from that. In world of carnal men we would perhaps expect this, but for those say that they love God it should happen.

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." Phil 2:3

Consider what Jesus did for all of us.

 

[Lanolin]

I wondered if the daughter paid for the mum to live away or if it was really the mums choice. Maybe she was coerced into it?
I have heard sometimes of elder abuse that their children take power of attorney and make the decisions for them. They may claim best interests by sending them away but isnt that absolving them of any responisibility.

Just like Jesus said that is a corban, or payment.

is it easier to pay someone else to look after someone than actually do it yourself. Sometimes I think this is the case, but you lose out. Its like if someone pays me to garden when they could do it themselves, they lose the joy of it. It can be hard work, but theres also joy in caring for someone. Especially your own parents...? Is it really loving to send someone away even if its a fancy hotel like village thats got entertainemnt and happy hours.

I understand if the daughter is married maybe her husband does not want his mother in law come to stay. I dont know if she has sons, maybe its different for sons?

 

[amadeus2]

I wondered if the daughter paid for the mum to live away or if it was really the mums choice. Maybe she was coerced into it?
I have heard sometimes of elder abuse that their children take power of attorney and make the decisions for them. They may claim best interests by sending them away but isnt that absolving them of any responisibility.

Just like Jesus said that is a corban, or payment.

is it easier to pay someone else to look after someone than actually do it yourself. Sometimes I think this is the case, but you lose out. Its like if someone pays me to garden when they could do it themselves, they lose the joy of it. It can be hard work, but theres also joy in caring for someone. Especially your own parents...? Is it really loving to send someone away even if its a fancy hotel like village thats got entertainemnt and happy hours.

I understand if the daughter is married maybe her husband does not want his mother in law come to stay. I dont know if she has sons, maybe its different for sons?

Remember that not everyone is even trying to be like Jesus, and many who are quick to take on the label of Christian, have little or no inclination to do things as Christ would do them. Thus we see not only in the care of elderly parents but in many things, people, children and parents alike, are far from where God would like them to be. But He gave all of us the choice and He has made a Way where there was no way.

 

[Lanolin]

True not everyone is born of spirit so just doing what the world expects of them.

But then I do recall reading a scripture about if anyone hate not their mother or father they are not worthy of me...(meaning if people put their family above God) so I guess it can cut both ways.

It is hard to live with and care for your aged parents esp if they are unbelievers. But we still need to honor them, dont we.

I wonder if there is a christian book about this.

Letter to timothy suggests only widows over 60 be taken in and ONLY if they have shown good works and washed the saints feet. Being the wife of ONE man i.e not married five times.

If not, esp if they are young dont take them in because theyve learned to be idle and tattlers and busybodies. And they will want to marry again,

It doesnt say anything about elderly couples/parents they still have each other and so can look after each other. And it doesnt say anything about widowers presumably they ok on their own.

She that lives in pleasure is dead while she lives...

Am reading 1 timothy 5. I find it interesting that Paul writes how younger widows have cast of their first faith and will wax 'wanton' against Christ. Is it because they dont have children?

I cant imagine my mum marrying anybody else if my dad God forbid passes on before her.

Talking about honor..for elders are worthy of double if they laboured in word and doctrine.

On retirement..we cant take our riches with us or trust in uncertain riches but be rich in good works.

 

[Dave M]

My mom pleaded with me to send her to a nursing home in her old age (mainly because she was worried about my social life and she was a unslfish person who always thought of others before herself) , she had the insurance that would cover it also. I would not do it, as the bible says its our duty to take care of our parents. I look back now, and it was hard at times but I say it was one of the best things I have ever done in my life, and I thank God for allowing me to do it, as I was a terrible son and that gives me a little comfort looking back and has been a huge stepping stone in growing my faith. I love the way God works !! Nursing homes may be great for some people just was not for me and I thank God for that. I saw God work miracles in that time as well

 

[Lanolin]

Bible says we are to honor our parents in the Lord, requite them and obey them.

Isnt this a picture of our relationship with God our Father...He loved us first, so we can return His love.
What is our social life compared with our parents. Am thinking of the prodigal son. Eventually he grew tired of the high life and wanted to return home. His dad was gracious and took him back. I imagine it would be a different scenario if his mother was all by herself and aged. Would he have still squandered everything.

On nursing homes (or rest homes) as opposed to retirement villages...I have heard the care and facilities of many of them are not up to standard. You will be paying thousands of dollars a week but staff are stretched...and since they are strangers they cant really minister personally as a son or daughter can to their own parents. One friend said her dad was in a home and the nurses didnt bother to turn him over in the bed which they meant to do everyday and he died of sepsis. He had dementia but he didnt die of that, he died from negligence. And they were paying thousands.

He wasnt put in the home by his daughter though it was his wife who put him away. I know some wives have husbands who are aging but they are actively looking after their spouses. That is a vow people presumably make when they marry to say I do in sickness and in health.

Do you only look after your spouse if he or she is healthy and the moment they get sick just send them away. I would say the wife was at fault here and not leaning on God to provide her the strength to sustain that marriage and help her but she might have learned by now.

Most of the elderly people I know do NOT want to ever have to go into a rest home and die there. There is home help available! But thing is what are people really doing about alzheimers and dementia. I understand physical health and frailty is difficult in old age but at what point do people decide they spend the rest of their life in a home away from family. Its a big thing to downsize and move house when you are old.

Yes some homes are far too big and once all the children leave how are you going to maintain it and what do you do with all the empty rooms. I always thought well isnt that an inheritance for the grandchildren. Do people not actually think about that when they build these homes or have land. Because if you sell it to a stranger, you have lost it. You wont ever get it back.