April,
I feel for you greatly. Difficult though it may be to hear, rlowe does make sense in the advice he gives you. I know because when my doctor suggested similar things for me, at the time I felt that he wasn't taking me seriously. I had come to him in desperation as a last resort and to imagine that getting a bit of exercise would help to stop suicidal thoughts/actions seemed completey insufficient and insensitive to me.
It is important that you do not trust the negative thoughts and feelings that you have. I might not be able to explain very well but I will try my best to put it into words.
If you have a hunger so severe that you are starving even delusional, you may not even feel like eating as you have gone past that point but your logical mind tells you that not eating will prolong your suffering. You feel so weak that everything seems imposible but you pray and find the courage from somewhere to take that first step. So you eat eg a grape (this grape is a metaphor for getting some fresh air and exercise maybe). This will not cure your hunger alone, so you have a few peanuts (this would be a metaphor for making sure you get a deep sleep which gives your head respite). You are still hungry and weak so you have some bread (metaphor for eg developing you relationship with Jesus by reading the bible). You confide in trusted people, you watch a funny film, you research your condition, you focus on nutrition and before you realise you are positively altering the chemestry in your brain and bit by bit the spiral starts to go up instead of down.
It sounds too simple and too easy to be true but it does help, it really does.
I know that trapped, helpless feeling and over powering negativity. It is a rocky road we travel and it is very easy to slip but trust me when I say that things will improve. You are in a dark place that is very scary at the moment but you will find your way out, you will be guided by the Lord and people you can trust. Trust that you will get though this and you will. You are not alone and you can do it.
It is easy at the moment to tell yourself that you can't do it, initially doing these positive things will feel very hard and it will feel pointless, useless and you will feel like rotting away somewhere. Your motivation will be at rock bottom but this is when you have to grit your teeth most to get you life back on the right track again. It maybe shear stubborn mindedness that the devil will not win, whatever works for you grab it, crawl with it, walk with it, run with it. Do not listen to the Devil when he tells you, you are not worth it or you are bad in someway. This is not the truth you will come to recognise the signs when you start to say negative things to yourself. You cannot trust any inner voice that tells you negative things.
It's not about telling yourself to be happy it's about making it happen!
'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.' Romans 15:13
God Bless
Eve
