Seeker Of Jesus
Member
- Joined
- May 28, 2010
- Messages
- 131
First and foremost my purpose for me asking this is because i have been troubled by this and not to bring about trouble and grief in any ones else's heart or to cause someone to doubt there salvation, because in my opinion to go through what i'm going thru is far worse than anything, this in my opinion is torture and i would never wish anyone to be in this place.
Predestination regarding someones salvation seems to be indisputable in the bible with verses like Mathew 24:22, Colossians 3:12, 2 Timothy 2:10, Romans 8:29-30, Ephesians 1:4-5, 1 Thessalonians 1:4. Spiritually i've been in a real bad state and hearing this does nothing but cause more confusion, pain, great grief in my heart. I know that we as sinners deserve absolutely NOTHING good from God, and the fact that we are even breathing right now at this moment in time is a sign of his mercy from Him but my goodness... to read something like this from the bible (which is the TRUTH because it was completely inspired and written by God thru humans) causes me to think and ask God, what is the purpose of those not "Chosen"? why even create us knowing that because of our nature and inherited infection (sin) all we can do is sin and nothing good is in us to then have them drown in there own sins and cast them to hell for something that YES we are completely guilty for but for something that we could help but to do? In my case why reveal the filth that is in me?, reveal just how deprived i am?, reveal the Gospel to me and tell me about Christ and about who and what we are apart from Him and say "I did not choose you so you can't have this". It's like me drowning in the pool because i can't swim and you throw a rope in the water, yell out to me that there is a rope and quickly remove it before i got to it or for what ever reason i couldn't use any part of my body to grab the rope but you knowing how to swim did not help but just told me that if only i knew to swim then i would be able to live.
Apart from these questions i wonder if this is why i've been struggling so much spiritually, why i've been wanting and praying to be saved and delivered from myself, my sins and from this horrific state that i'm in but nothing happens, is this why no matter how much i wanna do good and please God my desire to do wrong seems to be greater, is the reason that i'm not an elect the reason why i don't do anything that's good but everything thats bad, is that the reason why i can't seem to be able to trust in Christ like scriptures says even though i know that i can and that there is no reason to not trust Him, is that the reason why i feel like my heart is so hardened, is this the reason why if i was to die in this very moment i would breath my last and instantly be in hell awaiting to be judged and thrown in the lake of fire?
This state i'm in and been in for a while now is worse then torture, i can't imagine anything worse than the state im in (but i'm not ignorant regarding this, i know that there are people who are in far worse spiritual shape than i but it sure doesn't feel that way), my sins are so great, i even continue to do them even though i know it's wrong, deep down i wanna stop all my sins but i can't seem to and if i do it doesn't last long. This torture i feel is horrible i've even at times regret my very existence, suicide has crossed my mind but i don't allow it to stay in my mind very long plus if i am not an elect predestined for salvation then i would just be sentencing myself to hell much quicker, and why in the world would i do that. I confessed my sins to the Good Lord and repented (or at least i think i repented), they are also people that say that only God can bring about true repentance in a persons heart, that He does everything, then my question is why hasn't he. Jesus said that none can come to Him unless The Father draws them near to Him, has he not done this yet? is this why i can't seem to do anything no matter how much i try and ask Him?
If the the doctrine of predestination is not how i am understanding it then what in the world can i do then??? I know that I can do nothing and only God can help me but i can't seem to get Him to save me from all this, no matter my prayers. I rarely even pray anymore. I honestly don't see myself out of this spiritual ditch i'm in, i can't see myself being delivered, being the man that God wants me to be, being Holy. This seems completely impossible to me and yes i know that God does the impossible but i can't picture myself being that man.
Predestination regarding someones salvation seems to be indisputable in the bible with verses like Mathew 24:22, Colossians 3:12, 2 Timothy 2:10, Romans 8:29-30, Ephesians 1:4-5, 1 Thessalonians 1:4. Spiritually i've been in a real bad state and hearing this does nothing but cause more confusion, pain, great grief in my heart. I know that we as sinners deserve absolutely NOTHING good from God, and the fact that we are even breathing right now at this moment in time is a sign of his mercy from Him but my goodness... to read something like this from the bible (which is the TRUTH because it was completely inspired and written by God thru humans) causes me to think and ask God, what is the purpose of those not "Chosen"? why even create us knowing that because of our nature and inherited infection (sin) all we can do is sin and nothing good is in us to then have them drown in there own sins and cast them to hell for something that YES we are completely guilty for but for something that we could help but to do? In my case why reveal the filth that is in me?, reveal just how deprived i am?, reveal the Gospel to me and tell me about Christ and about who and what we are apart from Him and say "I did not choose you so you can't have this". It's like me drowning in the pool because i can't swim and you throw a rope in the water, yell out to me that there is a rope and quickly remove it before i got to it or for what ever reason i couldn't use any part of my body to grab the rope but you knowing how to swim did not help but just told me that if only i knew to swim then i would be able to live.
Apart from these questions i wonder if this is why i've been struggling so much spiritually, why i've been wanting and praying to be saved and delivered from myself, my sins and from this horrific state that i'm in but nothing happens, is this why no matter how much i wanna do good and please God my desire to do wrong seems to be greater, is the reason that i'm not an elect the reason why i don't do anything that's good but everything thats bad, is that the reason why i can't seem to be able to trust in Christ like scriptures says even though i know that i can and that there is no reason to not trust Him, is that the reason why i feel like my heart is so hardened, is this the reason why if i was to die in this very moment i would breath my last and instantly be in hell awaiting to be judged and thrown in the lake of fire?
This state i'm in and been in for a while now is worse then torture, i can't imagine anything worse than the state im in (but i'm not ignorant regarding this, i know that there are people who are in far worse spiritual shape than i but it sure doesn't feel that way), my sins are so great, i even continue to do them even though i know it's wrong, deep down i wanna stop all my sins but i can't seem to and if i do it doesn't last long. This torture i feel is horrible i've even at times regret my very existence, suicide has crossed my mind but i don't allow it to stay in my mind very long plus if i am not an elect predestined for salvation then i would just be sentencing myself to hell much quicker, and why in the world would i do that. I confessed my sins to the Good Lord and repented (or at least i think i repented), they are also people that say that only God can bring about true repentance in a persons heart, that He does everything, then my question is why hasn't he. Jesus said that none can come to Him unless The Father draws them near to Him, has he not done this yet? is this why i can't seem to do anything no matter how much i try and ask Him?
If the the doctrine of predestination is not how i am understanding it then what in the world can i do then??? I know that I can do nothing and only God can help me but i can't seem to get Him to save me from all this, no matter my prayers. I rarely even pray anymore. I honestly don't see myself out of this spiritual ditch i'm in, i can't see myself being delivered, being the man that God wants me to be, being Holy. This seems completely impossible to me and yes i know that God does the impossible but i can't picture myself being that man.
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