What do you do when you simply can’t forgive someone?

[Sue D.]

With Me -- it's the former son-in-law who caused so much trouble 'back then'. He's moved out of the area -- Far away -- out of sight - out of mind.

For Me -- it's being able to 'let go of' relationships.

 

[a.b.4.]

I've struggled to forgive certain people in my life as well, sometimes for years.

I think part of the problem is that I may not necessarily "feel" the innate goodness of forgiveness. I try to forgive more to fulfill a duty God commands of me. But it's hard to really feel the value of this often. The mind turns to justice. And then I feel deteriorated from holding onto the burden of that.

I find that I have to shift my mind to a more loving mindset towards the person, and then I just have to consciously, "tightly" hold onto that mindset always, as I know letting my mind drift back to what feels like its "natural" attitude will result in the more enraged, self-destructive mentality. So I have to keep watchful of my thoughts always, from moment to moment. When I need to focus on another matter, I focus on that. And then once I have stopped focusing on that, I try to return my mind to "holding onto" the more loving, peaceful attitude. Or I do that the moment a potentially angry memory starts to sneak back up.

 

[Br. Bear]

I've struggled to forgive certain people in my life as well, sometimes for years.

I think part of the problem is that I may not necessarily "feel" the innate goodness of forgiveness. I try to forgive more to fulfill a duty God commands of me. But it's hard to really feel the value of this often. The mind turns to justice. And then I feel deteriorated from holding onto the burden of that.

I find that I have to shift my mind to a more loving mindset towards the person, and then I just have to consciously, "tightly" hold onto that mindset always, as I know letting my mind drift back to what feels like its "natural" attitude will result in the more enraged, self-destructive mentality. So I have to keep watchful of my thoughts always, from moment to moment. When I need to focus on another matter, I focus on that. And then once I have stopped focusing on that, I try to return my mind to "holding onto" the more loving, peaceful attitude. Or I do that the moment a potentially angry memory starts to sneak back up.

Greetings,

thank you for your honest post.

may I suggest, though, that you are going about it the wrong way?

Let me know if you'd like me to say more, but until then, hold on to the lovingkindness of God. He knows what's happening both for you and the other person(s) and He wants both parties to fully comprehend his love for them.
Someone done someone wrong? I think you'll find He has that covered.
We must learn to trust in His way as it is the only true way, as you probably appreciate.
Don't struggle and don't even say you do.... simply trust in Him Who gave His Son, even for you.


Bless you ....><>

 

[a.b.4.]

Greetings,

thank you for your honest post.

may I suggest, though, that you are going about it the wrong way?

Let me know if you'd like me to say more, but until then, hold on to the lovingkindness of God. He knows what's happening both for you and the other person(s) and He wants both parties to fully comprehend his love for them.
Someone done someone wrong? I think you'll find He has that covered.
We must learn to trust in His way as it is the only true way, as you probably appreciate.
Don't struggle and don't even say you do.... simply trust in Him Who gave His Son, even for you.


Bless you ....><>

Thank you.

I mean more so that in the past, I have struggled with forgiveness. But, it's different when I use the mental technique I mentioned, of tightly holding my mind to God's love. My mind tends to wander a lot if I don't keep a grip on it, and when it wanders on its own, it becomes obsessive. So I do have to keep a tight control of it, but I wouldn't say that's so much of a struggle. When I am focusing on God's loving and forgiving nature, allowing that to permeate through my perspective, my mind seems much stronger and healthier.

 

[Br. Bear]

Thank you.

I mean more so that in the past, I have struggled with forgiveness. But, it's different when I use the mental technique I mentioned, of tightly holding my mind to God's love. My mind tends to wander a lot if I don't keep a grip on it, and when it wanders on its own, it becomes obsessive. So I do have to keep a tight control of it, but I wouldn't say that's so much of a struggle. When I am focusing on God's loving and forgiving nature, allowing that to permeate through my perspective, my mind seems much stronger and healthier.

yes, there is truth in the words:

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.


Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:4-8


Bless you ....><>

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

Thank you.

I mean more so that in the past, I have struggled with forgiveness. But, it's different when I use the mental technique I mentioned, of tightly holding my mind to God's love. My mind tends to wander a lot if I don't keep a grip on it, and when it wanders on its own, it becomes obsessive. So I do have to keep a tight control of it, but I wouldn't say that's so much of a struggle. When I am focusing on God's loving and forgiving nature, allowing that to permeate through my perspective, my mind seems much stronger and healthier.

Blessings and you just described what we are commanded to do by taking Every Thought Captive.

Its so vital that we are taught this over and over.

Its our enemy who continues to bring these thoughts and feelings up. So in all truth its our enemy in which we should be angered with and not the offenders at this point.

For me I say turn the tables on our enemy..... he brings up the hurt and frustration BUST OUT Laughing and say Father I forgave them and I not falling for satan's trickery BUT that REMINDS ME ..... I want to pray over them.

Pray blessings and protection and bind the strong man from them and the pray in the Spirit over them.

Be determined that every time you get hit with anger and hurt that it is the reminder to say I forgave them and interceded for them. satan won't stay long and God has a platform to totally heal your heart.

Blessings

 

[Demaria005]

I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you

You really can forgive as a Christian you forgive them ahead of time,let the word of God guide you for the word of God is power.

 

[Br. Bear]

You really can forgive as a Christian you forgive them ahead of time,let the word of God guide you for the word of God is power.

Greeetings,

I have been in a similar situation and upon re-reading the parable of the unjust steward, i realised I was doing wrong, big wrong. It was then that the Lord could minister to me. He is good and His merciful lovingkindness endures forever.

21Then came Peter to Him (Jesus), and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

23Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Matthew 18:21-35


Bless you ....><>


Seek ye the LORD while He may be found, call ye upon Him while He is near:

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and He will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD. Isaiah 55:6-8

 

[Brad Huber]

I seek the Lord to bring that man/woman into a good relationship with Himself, to do what is necessary to make them saved and living for God, so that I have no reason to find any fault with them.

 

[Dave M]

I guess I am blessed because I have done so many bad things in my life to people and know that I need much forgiveness it is easy for my to forgive others, kind of crazy but true, but I just get sick at my self when I think of the way I used to live and treat people it makes forgiving others so easy .

 

[Br. Bear]

I guess I am blessed because I have done so many bad things in my life to people and know that I need much forgiveness it is easy for my to forgive others, kind of crazy but true, but I just get sick at my self when I think of the way I used to live and treat people it makes forgiving others so easy .

therefore I say to thee, her many sins have been forgiven, because she did love much; but to whom little is forgiven, little he doth love. Luke 7:47

 

[Curtis]

Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

The only person who suffers from "unforgiveness" is the one who has "unforgiveness". If you have unforgiveness against someone that is the last person you want to see, and if you do see them you go the other direction to try and get away from them. That is "torment" which comes from fear because fear has torment. (1 John 4:8)

Forgiveness is an act of faith. Jesus said you must forgive, "from the heart". You will always remember what that person has said, or done to you to cause your unforgiveness. Its an act of faith that we forgive all who might have offended us.

 

[Montgomery]

I don’t want to carry this burden anymore, all the hatred and fury, but there is one person that I simply cannot forgive. And I know being a Christian I should forgive, even pray for those. But I just can’t. What do I do? Thank you

I have had trouble big time with forgiving my husband who assaulted me for many years and eventually gave me a brain injury resulting in a movement difficulty including visual problems of the cerebral kind, co ordination problems, and many other brain injury limitations on my life but I have of recent times been able to cut the anger quickly but say - God have mercy on his soul. I get some relief and purpose to my life by educating women about the dynamics of domestic violence when it is appropriate and I always tell them that abuse was not their fault - the offender must wear the judgement not the victim. It is still hard as my disability is a constant reminder of him and his fury upon me from his short fuse. But I say God have mercy on his soul which puts a full stop to my resentment towards him if any. I was told forgiveness is a process.
And I think it surely is. Do not be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself and trust the process. To be able to pray for the one who hurt you so much must be forgiveness in action. I hope so. Means I am healing.