What is wrong with me?

[Filthy]

This is probably going to be the stupidest thing ever posted. However, it is something that I can't share with anyone who knows me. I can only pray that God will carry me through.

I have been married for 21 years to a woman from oversees. Early on in our marriage, she had a really tough time being away for her family. Had God not stepped in, I don't think it would have lasted.

Somewhere around our 15th year, we arranged an 8 week trip for her to visit her family. At that time, I had an 8th grader and a 4th grader. I truly believe that I was excited for her as she was. The timing of the trip got accelerated due to her father passing about 3 months before the trip. On short notice we had to get the tickets changed and get her in the air.

Something happened to me mentally within the first week. I was shocked to find that I really missed her and by the end of the week was in a fog, couldn't eat or concentrate. During this time in my life I was not in God's will. After the third week, I called and pleaded that she cut this trip down some, reluctantly she agreed and cut it to 5 weeks. I was rebuked for having so much reliance on her and told that I needed to seek God. I had no reason to disagree and decided that I needed to get back into God's will. However, I was still shocked about what happened. Going in I would have never dreamed it would turn out like it did.

Next there was the 4 week trip........ The fog, and the inability to eat started again and just would not go away. Again, this darkness isn't what I was expecting and I just couldn't get to a point where I was doing anything but surviving.

Ok here we are today. I am on day 4 of a 21 day trip. I really didn't want this trip as I couldn't see any sense in going through all of this again. While a bit nervous I found that I was at peace with the idea, and in prayer have asked God to stay right here with me. For some reason, just like the last three here I am dull, foggy barely able to put any food down, and wondering just what is wrong with me?

I believe God will see me through, as I do have moments of peace and clarity. It utterly shocks me to think that this sits on me like it does. I want to be nothing but supportive of my wife getting to see her family, but cannot seem to find out why this separation seems to just beat me up every time.

Thanks,

 

[Coconut]

This is probably going to be the stupidest thing ever posted.

No worries, stupidest and I go way back, so you are not taking the banner that easily

There is nothing wrong with you, but you obviously have a deeply rooted fear of something, that is causing you to experience extreme separation anxiety, and you need to figure out what that is.

Blessings

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

I think you are suffering withdrawal symptoms from an addiction.
I know about that Ive been married for 29 years and have we only been apart a few times.Like you after a few days I couldn't eat or focus,so I started fasting on purpose and drank lots of water for three days and my joy was restored.It actually began an upward escalation of peace,joy and blessings that touched my whole family.
There is a certain amount of pain in separation in the healthiest of situations but torment and loss of appetite is probably a sign there is a dependency that is out of balance.

Don't worry though all things work together for good so it will be a time of renewal for you,yes,it will.

 

[farout]

Filthy: I believe you could learn much about your self and find some answers that wouls cause a closer realtionship with God and your wife, is you went to a Chrisstian counselor. There are some definate reasons for some of your actions. I am wondering why you chose the name filthy? Is that something you would want to share?

You might look in the back of your BIBLE and look at ANXIOUS, and read those Scriptures. Blessings and welcome to TJ>

 

[Peace Seeker]

No worries, stupidest and I go way back, so you are not taking the banner that easily

You may have the banner but did you get the t-shirt as well ?

 

[Peace Seeker]

Filthy, I sometimes get all mopey when my wife isn't around, but Thiscrosshurts is right that in your case some dependency issues may be involved. Perhaps instead of looking at yourself and the situation that causes you anxiety, just look at God instead, and praise and thank Him for what He has, is and will be doing in your life and marriage.

When we look at ourselves it is easy to let life throw us off track; when we look at and rest in the Lord we have peace, joy and love.

PS, I too was immediately curious at your choice of handle..........

 

[Coconut]

You may have the banner but did you get the t-shirt as well ?

I own the factory...do you need one?

 

[Coconut]

I`m afraid my response was`nt very helpful, chalk the dangling thought process up to late night rambling...

I should have added, when you figure out what is causing you so much anxiety, then you might better be able to find ways to diminish it or cope with it.

It may be something as simple as, you just hate to be alone...I don`t know.

I think most married couples experience a little anxiety when they are forced to be apart for lengthy periods, whether they recognize it or not, considering a married couple are "one"...and when the other half is gone, it would be normal to feel a little lost without them.

I was going to suggest maybe you fear running out of clean dishes...but that could get me throttled by the men for being insensitive. :coocoo:

(sorry, I have been married 29 years, and my hubby forgets to eat when I`m gone...I never could quite figure out how a man can forget to eat....maybe his state is worse than yours lol)

Truly, I am sensitive to your plight, anxiety can be very crippling. The good news is, there are things you can to do to cope...Is it possible to use Skype to interact with your wife while she is away? You might also complete some project, something that your wife has always wanted, to surprise her when she gets back. I understand it would be difficult to distract yourself if you can`t even concentrate, but I think you would find it makes a difference if you could manage to. If all else fails you could also invite some friend to bunk at your house, so it won`t feel so empty.

Its not usually our lack of talking to God that causes us so much problems...its all the self talk in between. If we change what we tell ourselves, it can have a profound impact on our perspective...

Anyways, I hope your day is good...

 

[Peace Seeker]

I own the factory...do you need one?

Do I need what, the factory or the shirt? :wink: I don't want to be greedy.............

(sorry, I have been married 29 years, and my hubby forgets to eat when I`m gone...I never could quite figure out how a man can forget to eat....maybe his state is worse than yours lol)

Oh yeah, that too - add to my moping, forgetting to eat when my wife is gone.....

 

[Coconut]

Do I need what, the factory or the shirt? :wink: I don't want to be greedy.............

You are welcome to the whole factory, lock stock and barrel ...it won`t make you a dime, and will cause you no end of trouble LOL

Oh yeah, that too - add to my moping, forgetting to eat when my wife is gone.....

That just begs to be on a Talk Jesus man poll!

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; He also is become my salvation.
Isaiah 12:2


Greetings brother

I do not want to call you by your screen name......as you are a precious child of the King of kings, clothed in His righteousness and washed whiter than the snow.

Just a few thoughts to add to the goodly advice you have already been given....

Somehow it seems you have put all your hope for peace into your dear wife.....to the point that when she is away all falls apart.
That awful deceiver and liar satan will be whispering all sorts of doubts and fears into your ears and reminding you of those past experiences.

Commit all your feelings, worries and anxieties to the Lord...the one who is our true peace.
Leave everything at the foot of the cross and.....
Focus on the marvellous infallible promises in His word and claim His beautiful peace

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.
Isaiah 26:3

Fear not for I am with thee
Isaiah 41:10

For He is faithful that promised
Hebrews 10:23

Focus on rejoicing when you think of your wife. Praise the Lord for bringing you together and for the love you share. This will help you to miss her in a more healthy way.

May the Lord bless you brother.....He is good and He will never ever fail you.


And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28


Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still, small voice of calm*


*John G Whittier

 

[lawrenceb]

spiritual warfare

This is not some "medical condition" invented and thus manipulated by agents of the god of this world. This man is under spiritual attack.

Your several comments and my brief replies:

...you obviously have a deeply rooted fear of something, that is causing you to experience extreme separation anxiety, and you need to figure out what that is.

Fear is a spirit of satan's. (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV)

I think you are suffering withdrawal symptoms from an addiction....probably a sign there is a dependency that is out of balance.

There is also a spirit of addiction (aka Bacchus) - another of satan's boys.

... look at ANXIOUS, and read those Scriptures.

Be anxious for nothing.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. (Philippians 4:6 KJV)

Somehow it seems you have put all your hope for peace into your dear wife...

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26 KJV)

....to the point that when she is away all falls apart.

And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:27 KJV)

Perhaps instead of looking at yourself and the situation that causes you anxiety, just look at God instead, and praise and thank Him for what He has, is and will be doing in your life and marriage.

When we look at ourselves it is easy to let life throw us off track; when we look at and rest in the Lord we have peace, joy and love.

Forget the "Christian" label -- are you born again? If so, then the following applies:

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. (1 Corinthians 2:12-13 KJV)

i hope you are able to find the strength of character to get there.

[God,] Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none to help. (Psalm 22:11 KJV)

Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man. Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies. (Psalm 60:11-12 KJV)

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16 KJV)

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; (Ephesians 6:10-18 KJV)

 

[Filthy]

Thanks for all the replies. I am taking it one day at a time. I have found that prayer, reading the bible, and going to church brings the clarity back.

For those that asked. I don't remember why I chose filthy. Seemed like a way to express that I am a human who needs Jesus.

I am not going to get ruined by this. But am still amazed at what happens....

All the duties of the house are easy. Not my idea of fun. But not a problem.

Before, I was in the word, I said it was because she is my best friend. Those who know us make fun of us because we are rarely seen apart. However, now I have some bit of understanding of God's ways, I see that the two becoming one flesh runs deep.

 

[Peace Seeker]

You are welcome to the whole factory, lock stock and barrel ...it won`t make you a dime, and will cause you no end of trouble LOL

LOL
Hmmmmm, no profits and ongoing trouble? This is too good to be true, there must be a catch.........

Oh yeah, that too - add to my moping, forgetting to eat when my wife is gone.....

That just begs to be on a Talk Jesus man poll!

LOL, maybe someone will take you up on the suggestion. Something to add to the poll :room-pacing ..... :wink:

 

[Coconut]

LOL
Hmmmmm, no profits and ongoing trouble? This is too good to be true, there must be a catch.........

Haaaaa...there is one tiny catch, all the employee`s are as bright as me

 

[Filthy]

Wow!!!!

I am claiming Victory over this mess!!!! First was revelation, second was practicing God's word.

In the dullness I was reminded of the scripture pointing out that two become one flesh. It was easy. See.... this is why I have such a hard time.... Followed with this isn't right what about me. It was quickly a slipperly slope to Jealousy, Anger, Frustration...... Once there, it was a matter of begging God.... Oh please stop this.... Why?????? I am trying to lay this down!!!!! How do I stop this????

Then..... WOW one Flesh????? So could it be that I am just consuming my/our flesh when I allow these things in? This will destroy two people, If it doesn't stop.

My next prayer was for her to enjoy her trip and enjoy being with her family. Period.... Whoooo!!!!!! It lifted right there, in just an instant.

This morning, there was just a small moment of what usually starts this. I was reminded of the scripture that says not to be drunk but full of the spirit and started to hum/sing a few hyms, and again it left immediately.

The Peace that has followed is something to get excited about.

 

[Peace Seeker]

Haaaaa...there is one tiny catch, all the employee`s are as bright as me

Self-deprecation...I like that in a company. And being that you're Canadian seals the deal for me. :wink:

What was the OP topic again? :embarasse

 

[Peace Seeker]

I am claiming Victory over this mess!!!! First was revelation, second was practicing God's word.

In the dullness I was reminded of the scripture pointing out that two become one flesh. It was easy. See.... this is why I have such a hard time.... Followed with this isn't right what about me. It was quickly a slipperly slope to Jealousy, Anger, Frustration...... Once there, it was a matter of begging God.... Oh please stop this.... Why?????? I am trying to lay this down!!!!! How do I stop this????

Then..... WOW one Flesh????? So could it be that I am just consuming my/our flesh when I allow these things in? This will destroy two people, If it doesn't stop.

My next prayer was for her to enjoy her trip and enjoy being with her family. Period.... Whoooo!!!!!! It lifted right there, in just an instant.

This morning, there was just a small moment of what usually starts this. I was reminded of the scripture that says not to be drunk but full of the spirit and started to hum/sing a few hyms, and again it left immediately.

The Peace that has followed is something to get excited about.

That's great to see the change of perspective and focus, and the resultant peace of God that comes from it! I have discovered, as well, that when I pray for someone else instead of myself all the time, things change for the better. God bless!

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

OK here goes ....divorce #3 ....Man did it put me in a Fog so i ubderstand what you mean...God meant for us to have a help mate and when there far away its like the rib is taken all over again ..My mind was on my realationship with Her not on my realationship with Christ !! distance between mates is always hard to handle ,,BUT you are equiped to be all you need to be in this time of distance ....enjoy the children and youre lords time and it will be over before you know it ..let youre sights be in Christ not youre mates absence..and when she comes home it may be to a new and better man..IMHO.

Lord i pray comfort and assuance for our brother and ask you undergird him at this time ..show him his joy is not in his mate but you oh Lord ! and that this is a chance to get closer to you than ever before ..In Jesus name ....Rev

 

[Brighthouse]

Brother Filthy, I read your post,I wanted to consider very carefully before answering. Many good thoughts here! Ok first a scripture to show you. ( matt 19:5) and the two shall become ONE FLESH!! Now with this in mind,let me give you just a thought as to the reason.

If I was a watchmaker, and lost my eyes,would I not miss them? If I was a surgeon but lost my hands, would I not miss them? The reason you are having some problems right now,is not that you do not love the Lord. I believe you really do! What you miss, is you heart,your love,your helpmate.

For how can one help if they are not around to help? It is this you miss. Now, perhaps there is a lesson to be learned by you as well! If you wondered how much you love your wife,you sure do not anymore! If fact, when she returns there may be a few changes you will make with yourself towards her.

Perhaps you will not be as selfish? Perhaps you will put your wife with you more when a decision is to be made? Just a thought,Not saying you do not already! But we sure do find that when we do not have what we are used to,we sure do start to think! Thinking is not bad! Now!

Jesus is this way towards us! he does not enjoy someone who is always praying and reading his Word daily, and then for some unknown reason, stops doing this! Or the person may have a reason, but it is a lie, they receive to stop doing what will help them the most.

The devil is not a thief for nothing you know!! LOL ( john 10:10) It is his very nature,meaning he will never not be a thief! Are you being robbed in more then one way while your dear wife is away?? Only you know for sure bro.I sure would never judge! But I just was lead to give you this one thought.I hope it blesses you and helps encourage you!! My prayers are with you always! A friend loves,a friend gives his life to love,a friend is Jesus!( john 15:11-17!!)