Wife is lying but swears she isn't, I need some guidance

MariaA102 · Jul 1, 2012

verefx said:
That's it!! "Closure.....This is why I want to know for sure if she is lying to me and if she cheated on me so I can forgive her and have closure.... as long as she keeps telling me she didn't do these things when I have so many things saying she is lying it is super hard to let it go beause as long as I think she is lying I can't have closure on any of this......do I deserve it if she did? YES... if she has I brought it on myself but that doesn't make it right and in order for me to have piece of mind, I need to know the truth. Thank you

Pray for Guidance and Pray for God to show you the Truth! He will show you trust me. Don't beat yourself up about it. Take it easy, God Bless!

Christ4Ever · Jul 1, 2012

Until you get yourself right with the Lord, you won't be in a position to help others.

Sounds like you've been running ever since 1985. With feelings of guilt for having turned away occurring periodically which turns into a temporary highly active effort on your part not to do it again, and immersing yourself in some activity or so you believe in creating a lasting behavior with other believers, and works of charity that somehow allow you feel absolved of previous actions and behaviors.

You've been able to occasionally stop from dealing with your addiction, until something happens, and I don't necessarily mean something bad occurs in your life in which you regress. Each time it becomes harder and harder to turn back and ask forgiveness doesn't it? Toss in a little discord with your wife and you've provided the enemy a foot hold into trying to destroy not only you, but your family as well.

By continuing to confront your wife with accusations, whether founded or unfounded, takes away from the time you need to spend in getting right with God. Until you can lay all the doubts, fears, pain, at the feet of our Lord, and allow Him through the Holy Spirit that is within you, to help you. The clarity and guidance you may need in dealing with situations of which you have no control of, will beyond you, because, it is only through Him and not by your own efforts that you will be of true service to your wife and others.

Brother Brighthouse has said it correctly. You need to turn to the one who saved you and can help you. Too often we turn to others for help, when the help we need is ever present. You've already asked forgiveness for the things you've done. Not it's time to set them aside and let the Spirit of God to start guiding you, not as you want it, but as He wills it to be. He knows better than you do what will benefit you the most. You just have to let Him be about His business in fixing you up, without put more barriers in the way. You're a Web developer. Do you try to fix any issues in the testing phase all at once or one at a time? God will work on and with you. Just let Him and that means not putting a time limit on it. Do you want a temporary fix or a permanent one? Let Him do His good work through you. As hard as it may be you need to stop running away and start running towards Him.

You're in times of trouble.
Psalm 9:9 The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.
Nahum 1:7 The LORD [is] good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him,
Psalm 86:5 For thou, Lord, [art] good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

If you've asked for forgiveness, He's forgiven you. Believe it! - Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, [so] far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Don't be afraid.
Isaiah 41:3 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

This is so hard to do, but if you can do it, you will be going in the right direction, and will feel better for it, and not even know why! - Psalm 42:11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, [who is] the health of my countenance, and my God.

It starts right in that noggin of yours.
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Read the Word of God daily. Make a special time for this that you may pray, and dwell upon His written word. No excuses, no doubts, no fears, leave nothing to chance, because then that would be allowing you to be in control which is how you've gotten in trouble in the first place. Truly give God the opportunity.

In the Name of Jesus I pray that you may find the strength that is not yours to do what is His Will, and so be the servant you are meant to be, not only for our Heavenly Father, but to your wife, and family as well. That you may be comforted in the knowledge that you will never be alone, and berate of Hope through Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior. Amen.
YBIC
C4E

verefx · Jul 2, 2012

Christ4Ever said:
Until you get yourself right with the Lord, you won't be in a position to help others.

Sounds like you've been running ever since 1985.

In the Name of Jesus I pray that you may find the strength that is not yours to do what is His Will, and so be the servant you are meant to be, not only for our Heavenly Father, but to your wife, and family as well. That you may be comforted in the knowledge that you will never be alone, and berate of Hope through Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior. Amen.
YBIC
C4E

Yes I have and running fast too. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your prayers. What is funny is that I used to have all of those scriptures you quoted committed to memory and many of the things you said I know...but I have just stopped using them. You are so right about me needing to get right with God and let him work His wonderful will out in me...not mine, buit his... and that has been a big problem in the past. I am a control freak and always try to do things my way and in my time. This is where I have to stop and pray and quit trying to control everything. Thank you again and God Bless!

Quasicentennium · Jul 2, 2012

I would set up a friend visit, let's say a very handsome doctor to your home and introduce him to your wife while leaving his business card with his name and phone number deliberately near the phone so that she can pick up the card if she wants his service. A hidden camera will be set up in the doctors office to record her conversation and behavior to see if she is true to her word as your only sexual partner.:*:.

watchman F · Jul 2, 2012

Love your wife as Christ loves the Church

Christ4Ever · Jul 2, 2012

Quasicentennium said:
I would set up a friend visit, let's say a very handsome doctor to your home and introduce him to your wife while leaving his business card with his name and phone number deliberately near the phone so that she can pick up the card if she wants his service. A hidden camera will be set up in the doctors office to record her conversation and behavior to see if she is true to her word as your only sexual partner.:*:.

If this may seem a bit sharp, I apologize ahead of time. Because the truth is that the only sure fired way of knowing that the outcome of any situation is the right one is if God is in control and not man.

What you have just described is how the world would deal with the situation. Remember there is no one without fault, or sin. Yet you would set temptation out to one who should be loved like Christ loves the church as watchman F stated. Worse yet you would do this not knowing the end result of initiating this type of action. This is the perfect opening for Satan to step in and do what he does best because you've turned from seeking God's guidance and made the determination that you know better on how to deal with the situation.

Let us play part of the scenario out where she is proven innocent, but finds out that this was set up to test her fidelity. Do you think her trust, or even his has been regained by this? What if for some reason your friend has a secret attraction for your wife? What then? If you don't know the heart of your wife, what makes you think you will know the heart of your friend? I don't know the future, and unless you have some prophetic insight which you haven't disclosed, the outcome outside of God is bound to fail, or create even greater heartache and pain then envisioned. Yes trusting God is the safe way to go, but it is also the sure way. He never lets you down. Everyone else in your life may let you down, but He never will. Better to lean on Him, then to place your trust in your own devices.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. [6] In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

2 Corinthians 1:9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:

I pray that in your life as a believer or anyone else's for that matter, that when the trials and tribulations enter your life, and they will that you will turn to the only one who can help. God and none other!
YBIC
C4E

willy · Jul 22, 2012

Tell her that you either have to believe her or let this eat away at you until it destroys you and your marriage.
Then tell her that you believe her and that you WILL trust her from this moment on!
Then TRUST her!
Don't try to check her story when she tells you something ,, just believe her.
Act as though she is the most trust worthy person on earth.
Then you BOTH will be able to get on with your marriage and live it with love instead of misstrust and playing detective.
If you love her ,then this is the only way to save your marriage!

Brad Huber · Jul 23, 2012

A good response to her

Tell her that if she was tempted to get involved emotionally with someone else while you were "absent" due to your failings as a husband, that its understandable, and already "FORGIVEN", but that any further nurishment of that emotional bond with another man during that time would only break down what little bond is left in yours with her. Then if she tells you there is nothing for you to worry about, trust her.... trust her and truly forgive her.

Michelle71 · Jul 23, 2012

You have been clean for 110 days right? So, say someone found proof that you did drugs at that time, and applied it to now even though you are not doing anything now. Don't try to dig up proof of something on your wife that may have been done in the past as though it is true today. She may be fearful of what your response would be. I say go from this point forward, stop looking for proof, and start rebuilding your life together. Go back to bible study and prayer instead of spending the time looking for things that may or may not be true.

Paranoia is never a good thing to fall into. Being aware of something that happened in the past does not mean you should live in present paranoia. There is something put together here dealing with paranoia that may be of help to you..

Mazor-wound/turn aside from truth
Anah/Apokrinomai(Gr)-conclude for self/answer Mt 26:62
Paraphronia-paranoid/misthink 2 Pe 2:16
Tuphloo-make blind

These are the words that would help if you looked them up in the concordance, and took the verses to heart. Praying the precepts of the Lord.

Euarestos-well pleasing to Lord Haplotes-singleness of heart
Yare-fear of the Lord
Douleuo-serve the Lord
Tabun-understanding
Paliyt-escape
Sagar-deliver
Qodesh-holiness
Ginosko-be aware Act9
Parrhesiazomai-bold/confident
Paraklesis-comfort
Anistemi-arise
Pisteuo-faith in Lord
Aletheia-truth
Photismos-light of the Lord
Siopao-hold peace/silent/still
Dunamis-power of God

Even if there is a type of "conspiracy" happening with your wife, your faithfulness to the Lord will be what she sees. Sometimes the Lord calls one spouse to be the more mature in order to help the other through their own trials. Be a support for her, and offer to pray for her. Ask her to pray for you as well.

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oNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w

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ontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> "Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, Your only begotten Son, and My Lord and Savior, I ask you to bind the spirit that would make each of these spouses blind. Take away the paranoia, and misthinking in each mind that would cause them to conclude the truth for their own self, or to turn them aside from the truth.

Father, I ask that you cause each to be well pleasing to You with a singleness of heart. Cause them to dwell in the fear of the Lord, and serve You with understanding. I ask that you cause them a way of ecape and deliver them according to Your holiness. Cause each to be aware of the pits they are falling into, and to be a comfort for one another. Help them, Father, to arise, placing faith in You, to abide in Your truth with the light of the Lord. Place upon them Your spirit of peace and stillness so they may hold their peace. All in Your Power through Your right hand, Jesus Christ. Amen.

bgsda · Jul 23, 2012

HELLO Verex. please dont consider suicide. its not that bad to consider it. i too was in a situation well a little similiar to yours at one point. See i was with my wife, girfriend then, for about 10years had 2 beutiful girls together back in 2005. Then she found out i cheated on her and was on drugs. she took the kids and left and was getting ready to serve me papers for custody of our kids. They were my life. I got even more into Drugs and have sex with random females. one day I was making this plan to kill my girlfriends boyfriend maybe her then myself.
But i got interrupted by a friend. So ill think about ways. One day on top of all this i was getting caught with drugs on me by the police. I was selling too. so one day I said im fed up i got on my knees and said" God whoever you are help me show me who you are, Im stupid smoked alot of drugs help me to know who you are" a couple of months later I go to visit my kids at my girlfriends house and she asks me if i wanted to go to church. What she used to curse God. So i took it as a sign. Now we are happily married in our 6 yr. Got an adiition too twins. But give it time. pray. Be real with God as if He was one of your buddies. read His Word daily. God bless

steveandmell · Aug 23, 2012

Hey Verefx,
I hear what you're saying bro. I know the pain you're saying and it does eat you up beyond measure.
Yes, pray and seek God, that is right. But, there is much we are expected to do also in service to the Lord.
If a person is untruthful, and is unwilling to do what is required in order for there to be peace, what can you do?
Unfortunately, not everyone will surrender to the Lord no matter how much we pray. Remember the Pharisses, Saducces and even the Israelites. Regardless of who was sent to them by God, they would not yeild to his will for them.
Ultimately, if your wife wants to serve the Lord, she will come to you as her husband and confess simply what is true and be willing to be examined and not be a stumbling block.
We do need to look at the past, God does it all the time. Sins he will remember no more are those that have been confessed before Him for forgiveness.
Until these things that remain hidden and are responsible for todays heartache and sorrows are brought into the light, the will continue to yeild a wage causing death.
You did fall, and have confessed it and your heart is toward your wife just as hers was toward you.
We can't judge confessed sin, but we are to judge one another so to walk together in love.
Bro, I hope she does confess the truth to you in absolute sincerety, and I hope if she has been unfaithful that you will forgive her and still accept her as your wife.
I just wish these kinds of things didn't happen at all.
I would probably go about it the same way, I love my wife too much to ignore it.
Don't ever end your life at your own hands Bro, remember that the Lord cares for you so continue to cast your burdens on Him.
There has to be complete open transparent lives in marriage, failing that among other crucial things it will fail.
Trust God, pray as you have been.
I hope she forgives you.

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Wife is lying but swears she isn't, I need some guidance

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