Abstinence and late marriages

[Markus80s]

Abstinence before marriage and monogamy after marriage is a Bible teaching that all Christians should follow, and I agree with it.

However, a lot of people who promote abstinence also promote late marriages. While telling teens to abstain from sex until they graduate from high school is reasonable, telling them to abstain until they have finished college/university and have a job, may not be. In this day and age, a person would be aged 25 or so by the time they have those things.

Telling a bunch of teenagers to abstain from sex until marriage, and at the same time, tell them that they have to wait several years until they are ready for marriage, is not going to encourage many of them to wait.

Are we telling teens to wait too long? Should more marriages be encouraged after high school graduation?

 

[Cody]

I see what you mean and I've often thought of the same thing over and over. Back in the Bible days they married at a very early age. The reason was because they started working at a very early age and was treated more adult-like. Now days, college and school is delaying marriage for teenagers. I believe school and college is good because now days you need a good education to make it in this world. Well in the south that is the case, I don't know about other places.

I am 19 year old male and I'm not going to lie to you at all. Abstaining from lustful thoughts is the hardest thing to do in my Christian life. It seems that the more I want to live for God, the harder the devil fights me and the more I try not to think about lustful thoughts, the more the devil fights me again.

I know that marriage will not destroy lustful thoughts, but I'm pretty sure it will help a great deal. I'm currently attending college and will continue to do so because I want to have a good job to provide for my future wife and children. I believe going to college is the best thing to do as of right now, but maybe that is my flesh saying that. Maybe I'm more concerned about having enough money than living for God. Maybe if I just quit everything and lived for God, He would give me a good job, even without a college education and provide me a good Bible Believing wife. ...or maybe I think too much lol.

Right now I'm studying my King James Bible, going to church, growing in Christ as much as I can and also going to college. I believe the time now, before I'm married is a great opportunity to grow in Christ and get Bible smart for the things coming in my life. The Bible teaches me that I need to be the man in order to be a husband and being close to God will help a lot. When I get older, I am to raise my family by the Bible and keep God in the center of my life always and make sure my family does the same.

You've raised a good subject and I look forward to reading more posts about this subject.

Love in Christ and God Bless

 

[Markus80s]

Well, at least for some people, having a morally acceptable outlet for sexual feelings in the form of marriage, might be better for them than several additional years of abstinence. I've heard of high school couples marrying after high school graduation and going to college/university together. I'm not saying that everybody should do this, but for some, it may be the right thing for them.

I'm also not saying that a person should marry just for sex. A lifetime commitment involves true love. But let's face it. Sex is one of the main parts of marriage. One pastor even mentioned that it's the #3 most important thing in a marriage. So while it's not number 1, it's definitely high up there in marriage priorities.

 

[sarah_kuving]

I don't think so, I'm a youth leader and I tell my teens that if they can make it all the way through high school, they can wait four or so more years. Cold showers are key!

 

[solidsnakeslug]

Well, it is very important that we abstain from our desires because it is the devil who wants to claim us when we think of such lustful thoughts. Iam 19 years old, and there are many times where the devil has taken control of me agaisnt my own free will but i must obey christ. My plan is to abstain until iam married and then will i feel that it will be right to love my partner.

 

[Markus80s]

I don't think so, I'm a youth leader and I tell my teens that if they can make it all the way through high school, they can wait four or so more years. Cold showers are key!

I strongly disagree. While some people might be able to do that, not everybody can. If you are looking at making abstinence until marriage at age 25 or so as some kind of standard, you are going to fail.

There is nothing in the Bible that says that a person has to wait that long to get married.

 

[cerebus]

I strongly feel that the most important of those matters is abstinence before marriage. Of course I would encourage a young person to wait until graduation and so forth until marriage, and I personally was 30 when I married, but if they cannot wait and they feel strongly that they have met the right one, then as the Bible says, it is better to marry than burn with lust. On the other hand, sexual relations outside of marriage are always defiling and should never be permitted.

For this reason I have been happy to bless marriages that I may have personally felt were too young, because at least marriage is a sanctified union before God, and preserves a young person's vessel to be useful to Him. On the other hand how many young people have I seen be destroyed in their Christian lives because of this matter of sexual impurity?

I should also add that I have happily been proven wrong about some of those marriages .

And Cody, marriage has made a world of difference to me in the matter of struggling with desire. You will discover that when you marry brother. But if you have the strength, give yourself fully in your youth to the Lord, those years are too precious, and it's a privilege that you can consecrate them to His service and just wait for Him to give you the right one. I can assure you that the Lord's choice is the best. Also in regards to your education, imagine if you have no 'tent making' abilities when you are older, how useful can you really be in the Lord's hands? Rather be diligent in what is in front of you and commit the rest to Him. May the Lord grace you to wait for His choice.

 

[sarah_kuving]

I strongly disagree. While some people might be able to do that, not everybody can. If you are looking at making abstinence until marriage at age 25 or so as some kind of standard, you are going to fail.

There is nothing in the Bible that says that a person has to wait that long to get married.

But if they do decide to wait that long, its very important to abstain completely.

 

[Markus80s]

But if they do decide to wait that long, its very important to abstain completely.

That is indeed true.

 

[By His Grace]

Cerebus has written my mind and i agree with him. Thank you.

 

[Markus80s]

I think that we all need to remember that the primary purpose of abstinence is to discourage sex until marriage. It was never intended to discourage people from getting married.

 

[stephen]

Abstinence before marriage and monogamy after marriage is a Bible teaching that all Christians should follow, and I agree with it.

However, a lot of people who promote abstinence also promote late marriages. While telling teens to abstain from sex until they graduate from high school is reasonable, telling them to abstain until they have finished college/university and have a job, may not be. In this day and age, a person would be aged 25 or so by the time they have those things.

Telling a bunch of teenagers to abstain from sex until marriage, and at the same time, tell them that they have to wait several years until they are ready for marriage, is not going to encourage many of them to wait.

Are we telling teens to wait too long? Should more marriages be encouraged after high school graduation?

It was just this week that I heard on National News that only 25 folks in 1000 will marry here in the U.K..

As a senior citizen I ride toll free on local transport, which I use every day. Every day young mothers board the bus with their children........none of them married. I speak to them, ask how they go. They tell me. Not married, but he supports.

We had a local case recently where a child had become lost....was missing. Following this case on local news it came to light that the missing 10 year old was one if 5 children, all having different fathers.

The bible exhorts "Flee youthful lusts" I would encourage all young folks to do the same. When tempted in sexual areas....get running. Flee youthful lust. It is the only way to deal with it.....run away. To indulge will surely bring sorrow, bondage....for years to come

"Keep thyself pure" Amen.

Age in this matter, is not important, irrelevant in fact.

 

[Lost]

You should marry someone primarily because you love them and will continue to love them even if they become unatractive to you sexually.
So someone might not get married until their thirties if they haven't found the right person. In the mean time I think you can enjoy sexual relationships that do not consumate, that leaves you free to explore your sexual feelings and find someone who's feelings are compatible with yours. So that means that when you do get married you'll have the correct things in place all together, love, freindship and sex which then equals marriage and children

Sorry, I haven't been here for a long time I should really introduce myself in the introductions thread..

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Abstinence & Late Marriages

Where does raising our children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (see Eph 6:4) fit in with what you are saying, Marcus? If you are only speaking of posting a list of rules and trying to force teens to obey them, you are probably correct.

However, I believe that there is a preponderance of evidence showing that the children of loving, truly Christian parents, having been raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, are filled with the love of and for God and have grown up with understanding of the reasoning behind God's sexuality laws. They know the why of celibacy before marriage and, while they struggle against temptation, they are willing and able to wait until the person God has chosen for them comes around.


SpiitLedEd (SLE)

 

[emily445455]

Are we telling teens to wait too long? Should more marriages be encouraged after high school graduation?

YES!! Way too long!! lol.
I don't think people should be pressuring young adults into waiting until after college (which now a days usually takes 5-8 yrs (with going to graduate school)) to get married. My parents tried to push my husband and I into waiting...but we were tired of living in sin (yes we gave into temptation)...so we got married when I was a junior in college.

I think marriage should be encouraged whenever the couple feels ready and has been dating for a long enough time to get to know each other very well. If this happens after high school, great, if this happens when they are in their 30's, great. It is in God's timing, not ours.

 

[billyeah]

I got married when I was 19...my wife 18. Many people, including my parents were slightly concerned, but didn't really show it.

I know we are some exception to the rule, but marriage has been a breeze! We do our best to apply biblical principles to our marraige like, I love her and she honours me. Biblical marriage is amazing!

Are we asking too much of teens to abstain from sex till 25? A resounding NO from me! It almost seems comical that we as Christians would ask that...is it too much to ask for teens to abstain from stealing? Is it too much to ask teens to abstain from lying? Is it too much to ask a Christian to act like a Christian?

Hormones or not, if we have crucified our flesh with Christ, to serve Him should be our only desire. Sin will become repulsive to us, because it is repulsive to God.

Am I claiming to have obtained perfection? No. We will fall, and continue to do so until we die, but we will be growing in holiness, and growing in our desire to serve God, and the older, and closer to God we get, the easier it will be to withstand temptation, not harder.

I think the biggest reason abstainance seems unreasonable, is because modern Christianity is based more upon a Godless culture than it is upon the Word of God. If God says I can resist temptation, I am going to believe Him. If God tells me to be Holy as He is Holy, I will strive.

We should exhort our teens to grow in their walk with Christ, which will automatically result in holier living, and a Godly lifestyle.

 

[redfox]

Hey y'all.

Im 20 and I am single and I am happy to be that way until I am married however long that may be.

I have struggled with lust and sexual temptation but praise God I am mostly free from all that and now I am determined to serve God as a single man as long as he wants.

I think it is important to be lead by God on this matter. There is no right age to marry. There is only a right voice to listen to and that is the voice of God. The argument that 'it's really hard to abstain that long' is true, but God never promised us an easy path. The cross is simple to understand and very hard to follow!

I am rejoicing in being single because God can do things with me now that he could not do if I chose to get married young.

What d'y'all you lot think? Love Jack

 

[oublie]

Are we telling teens to wait too long? Should more marriages be encouraged after high school graduation?

No, I don't think we are telling them to wait too long. I'm a teen and I'm single. It's just a matter of perspective, we either view singleness as a gift or a curse. In the first place, married or not, we should keep ourselves pure.

Of course, as some of you already said it's still a matter of God's timing. The bottomline is we should wait for the Lord.

Before deciding to enter a relationship or a marriage, we should ask God first what He thinks of it. Even if we know each other well, we love each other and we're both Christians, if God did not will it, it will not really work out, if not for God's grace.

And I also don't think we should marry someone primarily because we love them, for me that's just secondary, we should marry them because we love God and it is His Will.

 

[emily445455]

When it is God's will...you will love the other pesron very much

 

[redfox]

AMEN Emily!

I think it's so important to commit this part of our lives completely to Gd and surrender our own plans because it is a part of our lives that we can so easily lose sight of God over.