Abstinence and late marriages

[Laudite]

So I am in agreement with most of the posts here, but I want to ask a question, because I think I see a fundamental problem that needs to be resolved. God does not want sex before marriage- I am fairly convinced of this point. But I think the thing that we don't give enough weight to is that God does not want us to be abstinent either. I don't mean abstinent until marriage-I mean just plain abstinent. There's a tension here- if indeed, as ya'll have done, acknoledge that sex is good and one of God's great gifts- then you cannot seriously think that God wants you to live a quarter, third, or more of your life without its blessing. There is no precedent for this in scripture, and I think that we unthinkingly deny God's grace and will by not giving serious consideration to the fact that God wants us to share in all his blessings.

So... the question is, how do you work out the tension of the need for abstinence and the need for marriage in a secular world that denigrates and disrupts marriage?

 

[emily445455]

So I am in agreement with most of the posts here, but I want to ask a question, because I think I see a fundamental problem that needs to be resolved. God does not want sex before marriage- I am fairly convinced of this point. But I think the thing that we don't give enough weight to is that God does not want us to be abstinent either. I don't mean abstinent until marriage-I mean just plain abstinent. There's a tension here- if indeed, as ya'll have done, acknoledge that sex is good and one of God's great gifts- then you cannot seriously think that God wants you to live a quarter, third, or more of your life without its blessing. There is no precedent for this in scripture, and I think that we unthinkingly deny God's grace and will by not giving serious consideration to the fact that God wants us to share in all his blessings.

So... the question is, how do you work out the tension of the need for abstinence and the need for marriage in a secular world that denigrates and disrupts marriage?

Actually the Bible talks about how it's better to remain single than get married

 

[Chad]

So I am in agreement with most of the posts here, but I want to ask a question, because I think I see a fundamental problem that needs to be resolved. God does not want sex before marriage- I am fairly convinced of this point. But I think the thing that we don't give enough weight to is that God does not want us to be abstinent either. I don't mean abstinent until marriage-I mean just plain abstinent. There's a tension here- if indeed, as ya'll have done, acknoledge that sex is good and one of God's great gifts- then you cannot seriously think that God wants you to live a quarter, third, or more of your life without its blessing. There is no precedent for this in scripture, and I think that we unthinkingly deny God's grace and will by not giving serious consideration to the fact that God wants us to share in all his blessings.

So... the question is, how do you work out the tension of the need for abstinence and the need for marriage in a secular world that denigrates and disrupts marriage?

The Holy Spirit is the One who tells a man or woman to be either abstinent or married. GOD will make it happen. Its not for any man to guess what another's situation should be. GOD calls the shots. Our job is to be surrendered to Him in humility and obedience. If we seek His Kingdom and His will, everything else will fall into place on His timing according to His will.

 

[redfox]

The Holy Spirit is the One who tells a man or woman to be either abstinent or married. GOD will make it happen. Its not for any man to guess what another's situation should be. GOD calls the shots. Our job is to be surrendered to Him in humility and obedience. If we seek His Kingdom and His will, everything else will fall into place on His timing according to His will.

AMEN! God is control we are following the Spirit's lead.

Love jack

 

[SpiritLedEd]

But I think the thing that we don't give enough weight to is that God does not want us to be abstinent either. I don't mean abstinent until marriage-I mean just plain abstinent.

Laudite:

Can you give a scripture citation to back that up? The Scriptures I know say otherwise: "For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven."(Mt 19:12) and "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.(1 Cor 7:8-9)

SLE

 

[Bunnytus]

Excellent point there Jack! I often consider my marriage and God's hand in it from time to time because it has been riddled with pain and misery. Even now when we feel we are able to equalize our happiness I find there is something still not clicking - further explaination needs to be made for better understanding, but I don't want air out my laundry here. I trust that God is working in our lives, it's myself and my husband who seem to be failing to recieve his offerings I guess. :embarasse

Thanks for that post bunnytus!



That is so true. I speak as an unmarried, inexeperienced 20 year old, but I truly believe that marriage is a gift from God and God wants to give good gifts to those he loves. Marriage is an amazing thing and it is such a blessing, but with all gifts we have to use it sensibly or else it is going to get damaged.

The most important thing is that we respond to God's will. It is HIM who leads us into marriage. I have been really challenged recently to commit my marriage to God. To surrender my desire to be married and have a wife and instead desire first and foremost the will of God. God has promised that he will give us the desires of his heart but he requires us to trust in him. So we don't give ourselves the desires of our hearts, we give everything to God and then he blesses us because we are obedient to him.

We have to be led by the Spirit and not by our own mind (our in some cases our desire to have sex). When it is right, God will lead us into marriage. At any other time, we are being disobedient, because we are not trusting God.

I really believe that if we go into marriage led by the Spirit then it will be SO enjoyable and God will help us overcome any struggles that are encountered.

Love Jack

 

[Markus80s]

You present a very interesting thought. I hope you don't mind if I share my thoughts.

I honestly feel encouraging young people to marry right after high school is not heathly. Granted trying to solve the promiscuity issue is very important, but I trully believe marriage is not the answer. Teens need time to enjoy their young lives and their freedom away from mom and dad. They need to prepare themselves for a world that is difficult enough to live in, why add teenage marriage to it too?

What teen marriages will bring:
1) financial distress
2) pregnancies
3) emotional distress
4) more divorces

If you consider each of these with a clear mind and understanding heart you will know what I am attempting to share.

Younger people who get married just to meet the biblical requirements to have sex with one another is not an acceptable thought to me. First of all God did not want us to marry just so we can have sex sin free; respect the sanctity of marriage. Second of all, young people have not been "seasoned" yet, which is what living as a young adults (experiencing what the real world has in store for them) does. Let's say young adults married right after high schol, most will attend college and probably play it safe to put off potential pregnancies. BUT what if a child is then brought in to the marriage? Marriage then becomes a chore, not one that most young people truly want. (A lot of adults struggle with the mentalilty and responsibility of marriage - do you really think teenagers could do it?)

A small glimpse into my experience with this:
It was very difficult to live pay check to pay check; finding time and money for college was also difficult. I did not have parents that supported me in any financial way because I was married - it was my husbands' job. We have finally made it beyond those years of struggling. My husband has worked long and hard, without a college education, to get himself in the Mgmt. position he is currently in. I am finally able to work completely uninhibited on my Bachelors' degree; but I am 12 years down the road with 3 children. 9 of those 12 years were absolutely misreable for us; fighting, anger, abuse, depression, loss - it goes on. The main thing about marriage is the mentality it requires to handle the every day living with one another. Another thing one must learn prior to marriage is what kind of person you're really marrying; date and have a decent engagement.

The point is this: the work that goes into a marriage is hard enough for mature adults, what makes one believe teenagers can pull it off? They are not mature enough mentally and especially emotionally. They have their lives to live...so there must be a better way to work through the sex before marriage thing. A lot of praying and faith that God will present us with the answer is the key.

** Although the hardships of my life have really taught me a lot and I thank God daily for the good and bad experiences. I have learned through experience but I would rather see young people find the hard work of marriage enjoyable not as a sentence. Does that make sense? **

I am not saying that everybody should marry after high school. I'm just saying that for some people, it would be better for them to marry after high school or a few years after that, than to put off marrying and risk fornication. Not everybody has the willpower to wait until they have finished all of their post-secondary education. It may be possible for some if they are doing a 1 or 2 year college or vocational school program, but if one is going to university for the next 4, 6 or 8 years, waiting until one has finished all that to marry may be unbearable.

Don't confuse young marriages with quick marriages. I am not saying to marry someone that you've just met. I'm referring to couples who have been seeing each other for some time such as a 2 year period.

I believe in abstinence programs, but I think that abstinence was originally designed to help temporary delay sexual activity; not to be celibate for several years of one's life. The modern Christian community advocates abstinence above all else, but in Bible times, marriages were advocated more than abstinence programs to deal with this problem. It's time we get back to this.

 

[redfox]

I am not saying that everybody should marry after high school. I'm just saying that for some people, it would be better for them to marry after high school or a few years after that, than to put off marrying and risk fornication. Not everybody has the willpower to wait until they have finished all of their post-secondary education. It may be possible for some if they are doing a 1 or 2 year college or vocational school program, but if one is going to university for the next 4, 6 or 8 years, waiting until one has finished all that to marry may be unbearable.

Don't confuse young marriages with quick marriages. I am not saying to marry someone that you've just met. I'm referring to couples who have been seeing each other for some time such as a 2 year period.

I believe in abstinence programs, but I think that abstinence was originally designed to help temporary delay sexual activity; not to be celibate for several years of one's life. The modern Christian community advocates abstinence above all else, but in Bible times, marriages were advocated more than abstinence programs to deal with this problem. It's time we get back to this.

I understand why you are saying what you are saying, but something in me is unsettled with it.

Risk of Fornication should not be a motivation for Marriage.
Let me expand what I mean: marriage is a gift from God where two people are joined together by a covenant with God. Marriage is a VERY GOOD thing. It is not primeraly a prevention of sin but a good gift from God. I know that Paul says that it is BETTER to be married than to burn with lust. So he is saying that if you do not have self-control then you had better get married to avoid falling into sin.

I believe Self control is the solution against fornication.
I think it is so sad that (even in this sex-centred culture) we give in to the ways of this world. Romans 12:2 says not to conform any longer to the ways of the world. Eph 5:18 says to be filled with the spirit instead of being drunk on wine. 1 Peter 2:11 says to be aliens and strangers in the world and to abstain from sinful desires. God knows that it is HARD to maintain purity in a culture so opposed to it. But he gave us Holy Spirit to make us strong. Galations 5 says that one of the Fruits of the Spirit is self control. We are not living in our own strength but in God's. Zeph 3:17 says the lord is with us and he is mighty to save.

I also don't think it is Biblical to place parameters on God's plan in our lives. If God wants us to get married young, we must get married young. If God wants us to get married old, we must get married old. If God wants us to get married quickly we must get married quickly. If God wants us to get married slowly we must get married slowly. We have to be spirit led. Marriage is not about weak will-power against fornication; we cannot go into marriage with this mentality. It is about responding to God's plan for our lives, in His timing, in His way.

The modern Christian community advocates abstinence above all else, but in Bible times, marriages were advocated more than abstinence programs to deal with this problem. It's time we get back to this.

I think that ABOVE ALL ELSE we should be following God's plan for our lives. We shouldn't be advocating abstinence above all else, we should be responding to God. Jesus says take up your cross daily and follow me (luke 9:23). He doesn't say take up your cross daily, and if it gets really hard get married.

To speak a bit more personally:

I am 20 years old. I want to have sex. I know that sex is for marriage. So I want to get married. BUT I want to get married when GOD says get married. I don't want to get married simply because I can't wait. I think that is a really BAD reason to get married. I would rather follow God's will for my life and (in my weakness) stumble along the way, than follow my will for my life and be 'secure' by getting married. The latter would mean rejecting God. I NEVER want to reject God. and in regards self control, yes it's hard, but God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE! so hard is hardly an obstacle!

I would go further and say You are not ready for marriage until you have overcome lust. Marriage is not a solution to lust, it is a REJECTION of Lust. I think that each member of a marriage needs to be whole in Christ as individuals before they can become united as one. I am told that lust does not GO AWAY when you are married. So it is VERY important to overcome it before you get married, so that it does not jeopardise your relationship once you are married.

I believe that God will enable me to abstain from sex until he grants me a WONDERFUL wife. By trusting in God and not copping out and marrying someone because of our own weakness, we are recognising that God is sovereign over all things.

Sorry if I have spoken a bit forcefully, I hope I have not offended or upset anybody. It is something I am passionate about. Also, forgive me because I do not have a bible with me at the moment, so allthe scripture is from my memory and might be wrong, I will check asap.

Love Jack:thumbs_up

 

[Laudite]

Laudite:

Can you give a scripture citation to back that up? The Scriptures I know say otherwise: "For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven."(Mt 19:12) and "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.(1 Cor 7:8-9)

SLE

Ah! excelent point. If you examine this part of Corinthians, Paul essentially is saying drop everything and preach, because He's coming. You'll note that St. Paul makes absolutely no provision for making babies, and the entirety of his sexual ethics are in reference to fornication. This makes sense if you believe (as Paul did at least initially) that the world will end before the next generation grows up. Of course, Paul wasn't right about the world ending and in later writings such as Ephesians he talks about why marriage is a good and godly thing. Of course, the commandment to be fruitful and multiply holds as much force in its purpose today as it did when first spoken. God wants humanity to continue to exist- this requires sex. The joy of sex is the meet reward for obeying God's will. Heh... of course, if St. Paul were right in Corinthians, the effect would be that humanity would have ceased to exist nearly 2000 years ago.