Abstinence and late marriages

[Estrella]

As for the encouraging to a later age of marriage: I believe that's how today's world works, and altough it's hard it's a very reasonable way. In order to get a good job people need to have university; high school often is not enough. At least that's how it's here. And I believe it's important to have a steady job and a place to live before getting married, and these both can be very difficult to acheive and can take very long to acheive.

So it's not like the adults are pressuring teens to wait till after college; I believe it's just reasonable regarding the difficult situation with education, jobs, finances, appartements.

Also I think generally people in their early 20's are just too young for getting married, and also for being sure that their partner really is the right one. At least that's my perspective...

I'm 22 and definitely don't see myself mature enough for getting married or even be responsible for a child; even when I love my bf deeply and we both believe that we are going to be together for whole life. And we both still haven't finished the uni yet, and we wouldn't even have a place to live if we wanted to get married now... so we still need to wait yet for maybe 3 years. However, I believe generally about 27 is the best age to get married; so I don't need to panic. And we need to trust in God because he knows the best what is good for every person... He has lead us two together, and we trust that he will also help us to get over all the practical difficulties of life and become a couple and family that will glorify him.

 

[emily445455]

IMO being ready for marriage has little to do with age but with maturity. I know some men in their late 40's who aren't ready for marriage...yet have seen many 20 yrs olds get married and succeed

 

[Estrella]

Probably yes... So far what is stopping me are both the immaturity and the practical reasons I had mentioned... Sometimes I imagine that I would like it if we could get married already but I know that I couldn't make it because of these factors... I hope I will become more mature and ready for marriage by the time I finish university and have a job (I mean I'm a person who is thoughtful/intelligent/mentally mature, but I also have kind of "Peter Pan complex" XD all the responsibility that comes with marriage and family life kind of scares me...:/ So it's probably good for me that I must wait yet some years.)

 

[Markus80s]

YES!! Way too long!! lol.
I don't think people should be pressuring young adults into waiting until after college (which now a days usually takes 5-8 yrs (with going to graduate school)) to get married. My parents tried to push my husband and I into waiting...but we were tired of living in sin (yes we gave into temptation)...so we got married when I was a junior in college.

I think marriage should be encouraged whenever the couple feels ready and has been dating for a long enough time to get to know each other very well. If this happens after high school, great, if this happens when they are in their 30's, great. It is in God's timing, not ours.

This is exactly the situation that I'm talking about. Pushing a couple who may be weak in this area (and have been seeing each other for some time), to put off marriage might not be a good idea. Such a couple should be encouraged to marry.

 

[emily445455]

Markus, I agree. Couples should be encouraged to marry when they feel comfortable, I would say the parents should make sure they have been dating for enough time to get to know each other...but I know some people who got married within months of meeting each other and are doing just fine, lol. I think it all depends on the people in the relationship, their maturity level, their goals in life, etc etc.

 

[Markus80s]

As for the encouraging to a later age of marriage: I believe that's how today's world works, and altough it's hard it's a very reasonable way. In order to get a good job people need to have university; high school often is not enough. At least that's how it's here. And I believe it's important to have a steady job and a place to live before getting married, and these both can be very difficult to acheive and can take very long to acheive.

So it's not like the adults are pressuring teens to wait till after college; I believe it's just reasonable regarding the difficult situation with education, jobs, finances, appartements.

Also I think generally people in their early 20's are just too young for getting married, and also for being sure that their partner really is the right one. At least that's my perspective...

I'm 22 and definitely don't see myself mature enough for getting married or even be responsible for a child; even when I love my bf deeply and we both believe that we are going to be together for whole life. And we both still haven't finished the uni yet, and we wouldn't even have a place to live if we wanted to get married now... so we still need to wait yet for maybe 3 years. However, I believe generally about 27 is the best age to get married; so I don't need to panic. And we need to trust in God because he knows the best what is good for every person... He has lead us two together, and we trust that he will also help us to get over all the practical difficulties of life and become a couple and family that will glorify him.

I used to believe that marriage should take place after completing post secondary education and having a good job. But because it takes so long to attain that, I no longer believe that. I also believe that society needs to change "how today's world works" because the amount of schooling these days is way too much. Twelve years of grade school and then 4+ years of college or university on top of that is way too much. This issue deserves a thread of it's own.

I'm not saying that everybody should marry earlier. I'm just saying that for some people, it is better for them to marry earlier, than to put it off and fornicate in the meantime.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

My parents tried to push my husband and I into waiting...but we were tired of living in sin (yes we gave into temptation)...so we got married when I was a junior in college.

Emily, In your case, getting married young was probably the biblical thing to do. But, In my opinion, that doesn't make it a good thing generally.

SLE

 

[spitnot]

i'll be honest to everyone, i became a Christian when i was 20, and i've done a lot of crazy things particularly in relationships. in my walk with Jesus, i learned a lot of TRUTHS. and with these truths came choices i had to make. it wasn't til i turned 22, by God's grace i've grown... i have to give up my relationship with my x-gf because it's not pleasing the Lord. the Lord asked me "is she your wife?" i replied "No." then again He asked, "is she gonna be your wife?" God knows i know she's not. then he rebuked me... what's the point of having that relationship? it's was God's grace that rescued me from that mire, coz i tell you, it was really a great struggle for me. even my past, the enemy's using it to taunt me and tease me. but God's grace is always sufficient. i'm 23 and the Lord had kept me pure since then and i know he will keep me for the rest of my time here on earth. i've been thinking about marriage lately, and for the past months... a lot. not because of sex but because of that longing to love someone genuinely (as my wife). that same love of Christ. but the Lord convicted me again. and that conviction is what i think should be and biblicaly the STANDARD LAW i'm gonna share to all of you guys. if you can't accept this then you're not compelled to embrace it. But as a Christian, it's not about before or after schooling but... NOT UNTIL YOU FIND COMPLETENESS IN CHRIST, NOT UNTIL YOU ARE FULLY SATISFIED IN HIS LOVE, NOT UNTIL YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE SELFLESS AND PRACTICE IT, then you can't be ready for marriage. because marriage is dying to oneself like Jesus died for us.

marriage is not our excuse or escape from lust, because even in marriage, the enemy can stir up lust still. lust is unquenchable, it doesn't aim that you fulffill its selfish desire but it desires to keep you desiring for more. and the only way it can be confronted is through Christ, when we find our satisfaction and completeness in Him.
right now, im praying for my wife though i don't know her yet or maybe i haven't met her yet or i don't know. but i'm praying that God will keep her safe and that God would prepare our hearts together til that appointed time He'll cross our paths, and as for now i'm relying on God's grace that may he continue to sustain me, to keep me patient and pure while waiting and even after then.

God knows it's not good for man to be alone, and so He put Adam to sleep... then after sometime He brought the woman to Adam.

to all of the guys out there, my fellow believers who are waiting like me, let's all go to sleep to let the time pass by and before we know, God will wake us and we'll be astonished in amazement and awe because He Himself will present our wives before us.
and for the sisters, it will be God leading you to your husband.
isn't that awesome and lovely when God Himself writes your love story rather than you trying to work on it?



Godbless everyone! keep the fire burning and never let it burn out.

 

[emily445455]

SLE, as long as the couple feels ready and feels it is God's plan for them...why should they wait, IYO?

 

[SpiritLedEd]

God knows it's not good for man to be alone, and so He put Adam to sleep... then after sometime He brought the woman to Adam.

The actual quote (Gen 2:18) is: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'" If Adam had not had a partner, he would not have fulfilled his humanity and the earth would not have been populated. I do not believe that God meant that quote to be applied to every man.

We keep forgetting that the celibate single life is ordained by God just as the married state is.

SLE

 

[redfox]

I agree completely SpiritLedEd.

There is a calling into marriage.

But there is also a calling to remain single.

And God can do things with someone who is single that he cannot with a married person.

So respond to your calling, because if we are obedient God will give us the desires of our hearts.

Love Jack

 

[Truedawn]

Praying for our future spouse is cool. I prayed for my husband before I ever met him. I believe that the Lord answers prayers.

I have to say in regards to abstinence and late marriages: I think that abstinence is key to having the best blessed marriage. I was married at 27.5 years and my husband was 33 years old & we waited. I do think that if a person has not been abstinent and their heart is to be pure they can repent to the Lord ask for forgiveness and walk in that new purity that the Lord will give. But it's a clear choice. I have a friend that this happened to and she said that although she had some struggles (b/c if we sin there are consequences) she is blessed in her marriage now.

I can't imagine myself dealing with all kinds of memories if I hadn't waited. I've heard that each person that you connect with there is a soul tie. B/C that's how the Lord intended it to be in marriage. A bond in the soul between husband and wife. You can pray and ask the Lord to break those ungodly soul ties and release you both from that, so that when you do enter into marriage you can connect with your spouse alone.

Also, If a person struggles with purity before marriage it makes sense that they will more than likely struggle with it in marriage as well. It's a heart condition mostly in my opinion. Choosing to love the Lord more than any thing else. And loving Him so much that we make the best choices out of Jesus' love for us and our love for Him.

There are some of my thoughts...

 

[spitnot]

I agree completely SpiritLedEd.

There is a calling into marriage.

But there is also a calling to remain single.

And God can do things with someone who is single that he cannot with a married person.

Love Jack

absolutely. there's a calling for everyone and how we respond to that calling measures our impact and affectivity in the society.

SpiritLed, the quoting of Genesis bout Adam and being asleep is of course to those who have desires in their hearts implanted by God. i totally agree that there are callings on how we should serve our Master. that includes the calling of "single blessedness."

oh Love... so much more to learn. thank God for Jesus. :wink:

 

[nzdaughter]

I also agree with spiritleded that there can be a calling to be either single or married. I also believe that God answers prayers but that it will come in God's timing, and I believe that a spiritually mature couple should marry when they're ready to rather than having to put it off. Thats how I feel anyway as a single person lol.

 

[rizen1]

Praying for our future spouse is cool. I prayed for my husband before I ever met him. I believe that the Lord answers prayers.

I have to say in regards to abstinence and late marriages: I think that abstinence is key to having the best blessed marriage. I was married at 27.5 years and my husband was 33 years old & we waited. I do think that if a person has not been abstinent and their heart is to be pure they can repent to the Lord ask for forgiveness and walk in that new purity that the Lord will give. But it's a clear choice. I have a friend that this happened to and she said that although she had some struggles (b/c if we sin there are consequences) she is blessed in her marriage now.

I can't imagine myself dealing with all kinds of memories if I hadn't waited. I've heard that each person that you connect with there is a soul tie. B/C that's how the Lord intended it to be in marriage. A bond in the soul between husband and wife. You can pray and ask the Lord to break those ungodly soul ties and release you both from that, so that when you do enter into marriage you can connect with your spouse alone.

Also, If a person struggles with purity before marriage it makes sense that they will more than likely struggle with it in marriage as well. It's a heart condition mostly in my opinion. Choosing to love the Lord more than any thing else. And loving Him so much that we make the best choices out of Jesus' love for us and our love for Him.

There are some of my thoughts...

Thanks for sharing..the one thing that stood out for me was this.

I do think that if a person has not been abstinent and their heart is to be pure they can repent to the Lord ask for forgiveness and walk in that new purity that the Lord will give

Alot of people beat themselves up, but in Christ you are a new creation , born again..so guess what you are a new virgin.

 

[Trwil2008]

I wish that I would have wanted until I was married. My whole life up until I was 19, I am 23 now, I said I would wait. Now, I was raised going to church, but my heart was hardend. I strayed from the straight and narrow path. How thankful I am that God is forgiving. How thankful I am that He sent His Son to die on the cross for me, that my sins may be forgiven. I don't know what plans God has in store for me, but I know that even though I strayed it was a part of his plan. I am thankful that He brought me back on the narrow path.

- Praise be to the God Most High.

 

[Bunnytus]

You present a very interesting thought. I hope you don't mind if I share my thoughts.

I honestly feel encouraging young people to marry right after high school is not heathly. Granted trying to solve the promiscuity issue is very important, but I trully believe marriage is not the answer. Teens need time to enjoy their young lives and their freedom away from mom and dad. They need to prepare themselves for a world that is difficult enough to live in, why add teenage marriage to it too?

What teen marriages will bring:
1) financial distress
2) pregnancies
3) emotional distress
4) more divorces

If you consider each of these with a clear mind and understanding heart you will know what I am attempting to share.

Younger people who get married just to meet the biblical requirements to have sex with one another is not an acceptable thought to me. First of all God did not want us to marry just so we can have sex sin free; respect the sanctity of marriage. Second of all, young people have not been "seasoned" yet, which is what living as a young adults (experiencing what the real world has in store for them) does. Let's say young adults married right after high schol, most will attend college and probably play it safe to put off potential pregnancies. BUT what if a child is then brought in to the marriage? Marriage then becomes a chore, not one that most young people truly want. (A lot of adults struggle with the mentalilty and responsibility of marriage - do you really think teenagers could do it?)

A small glimpse into my experience with this:
It was very difficult to live pay check to pay check; finding time and money for college was also difficult. I did not have parents that supported me in any financial way because I was married - it was my husbands' job. We have finally made it beyond those years of struggling. My husband has worked long and hard, without a college education, to get himself in the Mgmt. position he is currently in. I am finally able to work completely uninhibited on my Bachelors' degree; but I am 12 years down the road with 3 children. 9 of those 12 years were absolutely misreable for us; fighting, anger, abuse, depression, loss - it goes on. The main thing about marriage is the mentality it requires to handle the every day living with one another. Another thing one must learn prior to marriage is what kind of person you're really marrying; date and have a decent engagement.

The point is this: the work that goes into a marriage is hard enough for mature adults, what makes one believe teenagers can pull it off? They are not mature enough mentally and especially emotionally. They have their lives to live...so there must be a better way to work through the sex before marriage thing. A lot of praying and faith that God will present us with the answer is the key.

** Although the hardships of my life have really taught me a lot and I thank God daily for the good and bad experiences. I have learned through experience but I would rather see young people find the hard work of marriage enjoyable not as a sentence. Does that make sense? **

Abstinence before marriage and monogamy after marriage is a Bible teaching that all Christians should follow, and I agree with it.

However, a lot of people who promote abstinence also promote late marriages. While telling teens to abstain from sex until they graduate from high school is reasonable, telling them to abstain until they have finished college/university and have a job, may not be. In this day and age, a person would be aged 25 or so by the time they have those things.

Telling a bunch of teenagers to abstain from sex until marriage, and at the same time, tell them that they have to wait several years until they are ready for marriage, is not going to encourage many of them to wait.

Are we telling teens to wait too long? Should more marriages be encouraged after high school graduation?

 

[Bunnytus]

What an excellent point. I was trying to make the same but ended up a bit long-winded.

I agree completely SpiritLedEd.

There is a calling into marriage.

But there is also a calling to remain single.

And God can do things with someone who is single that he cannot with a married person.

So respond to your calling, because if we are obedient God will give us the desires of our hearts.

Love Jack

 

[redfox]

Thanks for that post bunnytus!

** Although the hardships of my life have really taught me a lot and I thank God daily for the good and bad experiences. I have learned through experience but I would rather see young people find the hard work of marriage enjoyable not as a sentence. Does that make sense? **

That is so true. I speak as an unmarried, inexeperienced 20 year old, but I truly believe that marriage is a gift from God and God wants to give good gifts to those he loves. Marriage is an amazing thing and it is such a blessing, but with all gifts we have to use it sensibly or else it is going to get damaged.

The most important thing is that we respond to God's will. It is HIM who leads us into marriage. I have been really challenged recently to commit my marriage to God. To surrender my desire to be married and have a wife and instead desire first and foremost the will of God. God has promised that he will give us the desires of his heart but he requires us to trust in him. So we don't give ourselves the desires of our hearts, we give everything to God and then he blesses us because we are obedient to him.

We have to be led by the Spirit and not by our own mind (our in some cases our desire to have sex). When it is right, God will lead us into marriage. At any other time, we are being disobedient, because we are not trusting God.

I really believe that if we go into marriage led by the Spirit then it will be SO enjoyable and God will help us overcome any struggles that are encountered.

Love Jack

 

[SpiritLedEd]

That is so true. I speak as an unmarried, inexeperienced 20 year old, but I truly believe that marriage is a gift from God and God wants to give good gifts to those he loves.

Jack,

You said something in that sentence that has caused me to feel great respect for you. You referred to yourself as being an inexperienced 20 year old. I wonder how many 20 year old males in so called "advanced countries" like yours and mine would admit to being inexperienced. Not many, I'm certain.

I commend you for that statement. In making that admission, you are showing a character trait that, in my opinion, is essential to lasting quality relationships of any kind - humility.

SLE