WOW,
After reading all this I'm starting to get a picture in my head of things.
I love NY...great place and wonderful people everywhere I went. I especially liked the food.
Anyway,
On your situation,
Living a Christian lifestyle isn't exactly one of those things that can ever be carved into a set of rules of "do this" and "don't do that". It just doesn't work. We don't have idol statues to offer incense up to or idols that support orgies or pig strangling these days for pagan worship. We just don't, so not doing those things is kinda easy.
And then the scriptures surrounding hand washing would be rather weird if we didn't wash our hands regularly to avoid bacteria...
What I'm pointing to is that Christian living is about an attitude...a change in purpose and focus in your life. It's about admitting that your "self focus" and constantly trying to "feel good" by living "a good life" isn't good. You do tend to be a lot more altruistic... really focused on relationships (platonic) and how others are feeling and doing. What do others need vx what they want. And will they accept what you have to offer.
You have a LOT of good things in your life given to you by God himself. Precious gifts that only God can give you. Maybe focus on your daughter and concentrate on how she might be taking all of this upheaval in her world. You also have good and kind parents. If mine heard I was coming with my child they might lock the doors and take a trip. Family is always difficult...but apparently yours are better than others.
Your health also, where it isn't perfect (whose is?) It's still good enough to get to work on a regular basis and earn a living.
You never understand how precious these things are until you lose them.
This breakup is a mess.
Two "wounded souls" don't make a marriage...they make a ward in the hospital for injured souls that need serious medical attention.
When you started withdrawing from your boyfriend/husband because he wouldn't join you in church...he instantly took it as rejection. You instantly told him that he wasn't good enough. Exactly and precisely the worst thing to say to him and the last thing he ever expected to hear from you who had accepted him and loved him in spite of the many faults he knows he has. You are the one who knows him best and just told him that "he wasn't good enough". He is feeling the hurt of the divorce too and has no idea why. He is talking and flirting with others just to try to replace what he has lost while trying to figure out what he did wrong. (Just like you are)
Yes, I know that you weren't legally married...but even if the state doesn't recognize it that way three hearts most certainly do. (Yours, his and your daughter's)
He was committed to you and your daughter until you started withdrawing from him.
And likely this is where you get to make the choice. Reunite with him or get him to play the role of part-time father who gets to visit and learn how to be a happy and whole person all by yourself.
(If she is his daughter he has a right and obligation to her)
Even if you reunite with him the relationship is severely damaged for the rest of your lives...and he doesn't focus on forgiveness the way evangelicals do. So you will have to suffer the consequences of what you did forever. (It won't be pleasant with either choice) Your daughter also will have to suffer no matter what choice you make as well.
That's the price for sin... you commit it and everyone around you, that you love most, has to pay for it.
I wish for peace for you. You got some tough days ahead.
Hello and welcome to TJ.
A lot of my fear, anxiety, and depression has to do with being a mom in this situation, but a child is always a gift from God no matter how, and I am thankful to have her in my life. I am now doing what I can, but I may not be able to cope. and this is what scares me the most and causes these panic attacks.
Indeed, family is very difficult. It got so tough with my mother. I have a very Christian family. They love God so much. My father is also a Baptist pastor, so I do not have to tell people much lol. Some friends teased about it. This was so difficult for my father. He told me how I broke his heart many times. I have a good relationship with my father, but things are not always going well with my mother. My father said she also backslide just like me and she did not want me to repeat her mistakes so I tried to understand, but at some point, I could not tolerate it, and we cut ties for years. She shamed me for calling myself a Christian, she wished she never had me, asked me to leave the house before, used to tell me all the time how I need to get saved. I was living contrary to biblical standards so I can’t say she was wrong. I remember her telling me once how only something that can break me might finally bring me to God, and she was right. Even my second arrest did not bring me to my knees. Only after a suicide attempt in my cell, I finally realized how the devil had me all these years.
Well my physical health is good. I am in good shape and I am thankful that I work and earn a living. That is not a problem for me. It is my mental health that is not good, especially with this stress. It gets so dark sometimes and I can be suicidal. I used these psychedelics to help me cope with life but that ended badly, too.
I am not forcing him to go to church or convert. I also was not withdrawing from him. I understand that he was committed to me and his daughter. I only said that because I wanted him to witness my baptism. He did not take my conversion seriously and made fun of me. He only knew me as a worldly woman, and I am not that person anymore. This is so hard because we also think very differently. He is a mathematician, and works as a math teacher. So, he calculates and thinks logically all the time, but he also has these ‘mystical beliefs’ that he relates to quantum mechanics. He was telling me how the universe is conscious by itself without God, and talked about this double-slit experiment.
I honestly do not understand this stuff, but I try because I do not know how to witness to him. I am a director of photography. I am more of an artist, if you want to put it that way, so my psychology and thinking is just so different, but for some reason I really like this man and I am so hurt because it is not possible to reunite. This was an inner battle for months. After becoming a born again Christian, I knew living together and having sex has to stop. Before this breakup, he promised that he would bring a ring after I told him I can no longer live the way it is now. I was willing to marry him, and I wanted to make peace of it, but he did not agree about living separately, and he made threats many times about leaving if that happens.
Also, we can’t reunite, if I can’t feel secure about leading my children to Christ. I can’t say he is ok with it. I have no idea why he can't be a bit more accepting or respectful about it. Last time, he said I have a fear-based religion. I can never reunite, if he flirts and dates other women. We both need time to heal. If things do not improve, I pray he will not make me an enemy by removing me from my daughter. If he wanted, he probably could.
Thank you for your kindness. God bless you.
