Hi brother Bear.
Thank you for your post and for the private messages.
Firstly, I've mentioned this before, I don't think I'm worthy of receiving your prayers, but I will ask for them non the less.
I was involved in another physical fight last night, at the same place. As it turns out, there must be written on my face, look for trouble with this guy.
I went to play a game pool with a friend and we had a few drinks, I actually had quite a few. We met a guy there and he was with a group of friends. I was sitting at the bar and the one guy rubbed and shoved his hand against me, I left it and he mocked me, I ignored it. There was a homosexual in the group and he kept looking at me.
Now, there is no other way to say this, so I'll say it straight. It wasn't me. I didn't do the fighting, I didn't do the drinking and I don't do the talking either.
The guy we met came to the bar and started talking to me, I asked him why he's talking with the homosexuals, he said let's step outside. When we came outside, he said that I said he's a homosexual, I defended myself and said I did not say that, he lifted his fist and hit me in the face. I hit him back (not me, but I hope you understand).
I gave him about 6 shots in the face and my friend broke us up and helped me. I'm not that scarred as 2 weeks ago, but my face is swollen and I've got pain all over.
Br. Bear. You sent me a private message with a link to a video. I downloaded it to my computer and I watched it, but I'm sorry to say, I can't relate at all.
The spirits with whom I deal with are real, they don't form part of witchcraft and I've never exposed myself to anything like that before. Let me start from the beginning to give you a clear picture.
4 years ago in 2003 I was living in this same house, in different circumstances, my parents were married and my two sisters and myself stayed together with my mom and dad, like a normal family. I had dropped out of school and I was supposed to finish schooling at home, which I never did.
Mid 2003 I had a revival within me, I had the urge to find God, because I knew I was lost. About September that year I was in a sorry state one evening, because my passed sins from my school days, which were sexual in nature were dragging me down. I remember a few months before I stated in plain language that I will rather burn in hell than stop committing those sins, well God proved me wrong.
That night, I went online and I typed "save me Jesus" into a search engine. I came across a website which had a short message on how to receive Jesus in your life. There was a prayer and I prayed it and I started sobbing and crying like I have never done in my entire life. I felt the power of Jesus as He came into my heart and I believed that He was there with me. I'm sitting in the same spot, albeit times have changed at this moment.
The first week was a lesson for my life, I remember that I was so prone to mistakes and I kept reminding myself not to sin, which is impossible if your life was a certain way, but I slowly and surely succeeded with the help of Jesus, then things changed.
This is where my mind took on the spiritual realm. I had thoughts in my mind, not a choice, but a command that I should open my Bible and read. I should've mentioned this before I got this far in the story, but previously after that night reading and saying that prayer I started living for God, but unnaturely. I got thoughts or commands as I call them and God showed me Job, how this is explainable, I can't say, but for about 5 times on different evenings, I opened my Bible and I opened it by chance on the exact same place in Job, where God said that I have sinned and He will punish me, something along those lines.
I feared God at that stage in my life. I remember a few nights later I was lying in bed and I opened my eyes, I looked at the foot of my bed and I saw a spirit, which I've mentioned on this forum as well. I was overcome with fear and I went and slept in the television room, with the tv on.
My life was different at this stage than anyone I've ever known. I remember I prayed constantly, asking God if I was allowed to have some cool drink, asking God if I was allowed to eat, asking God if I was allowed to go with my mom to town. Each time I got an answer, I got an answer by hearing certain sentences which related directly to my thought process on television, or, by receiving direct thoughts or "answers".
I can't remember the exact steps, but shortly afterwards, my life changed slightly, I got back into past activities and I started smoking marijuana. One evening I smoked it and I heard the most irritating sharp pitched voices in my head which made me want to scream. I went to the bathroom, looked into the mirror and I pulled at my hair. I saw a siluhette of Jesus in the mirror, which left me frightened as I could ever be.
I walked out and went to lie down on the couch. I think I was alone at home. As I watched television I was physically feeling very strange, and suddenly I heard "hello", "hello hello hello", those sharp pitched voices said hello, I felt at peace for some reason and I said hello back, after which felt like an eternity.
When I said hello, the voice became soft and clearer, which is the voices I speak with and live with today. The voice told me He was God and that everything will be okay. I've never found out what my mission is with God, why I was chosed or where I am headed, all I ever hear is everything will work out, everything will be okay.
About 2 days passed and I heard the voice audibly, loudly and clearly in my head, which is the most beautiful and serene and peaceful comforting voice I have ever heard. The voice told me that same day I was Jesus and as we stood on a small hill, everything changed around me and I heard a voice from the sky, "You are my son and I love you", that was a different voice.
I am telling a story, I am telling my experience. I may or may not be defying God, but I don't believe I am Jesus, I am way too wretched for that.
My life got harder and harder. I was involved in spiritual, mental battles, with scenarios created by this voice, I was tortured with excrutiating pain and headaches and cramps and boils and mosquito bites, scratched and beaten with my own hands.
The voice took it a step further and asked me one day, about 2 months prior it happening, "would you like to go to hospital?". I was and am a child, on the inside and mostly on the outside, I am a child, a small boy of merely 5-6 years old. I have always liked a hospital, mainly due to the fact that as a child I wanted to become a doctor. I was also in hospital quite a few times as I grew up, with diferrent illnesses, so I thought I would get sick or something.
2 months passed, the voice made it public to my friends and family that He was God the Father and the Holy Spirit and that His boy living inside Him is Jesus.
It wasn't as fluent and quiet and peaceful as it sounds, it was stay's in hospital. This happened in 2005. By May 2005 I was locked up in one of the biggest mental institutions in our country, locked in a cell, left to defecate on the floor. I yelled and no one came, I had no blanket and I had to sleep on a cold cement floor, next to my feces.
I told the doctors I was Jesus, as the voice filled my mind with commands and thoughts. If I say a command, it's not a command with a voice, it's a choice, mental choice, but I have no other choice to choose from. I can't choose not to do it, because it is part of who I am.
The voice said, don't tell them you are Jesus and I stopped. I was in a cell for 4 days and finally released to walk freely among the other patients. It was rough and boring like you can't imagine.
I was in mental hospital for 2 and a half weeks. I got out and here I am. Taking on the world with my friends and their prayers. If my God can hear me, open up the sky, come down from Heaven, reach out Your hand and deliver me!
