Thanks Brothers for sharing your wisdom.
So this is where things are.
Her perspective
Of course there are two sides to every conflict. I'm not saying I agree, but just in fairness,
if you were to ask her what the problem is, I assume (based on things said in therapy, and in our home) she would say:
He is the problem. He thinks he is always right. He makes me feel like a sinner. He is always trying to work to make himself
better and fight his issues of sin but he just needs to give it to God. He doesn't want us to watch rated R movies, He doesn't want
me to drink alcohol. He even doesn't want me to watch shows like scandal. He is controlling and has problems letting go which is why
I filed a peace order in court against him. He is always talking about us doing what is best for our marriage, but we need to do what is best for
ourselves. Sometimes the marriage can't get better until we work on each other. He isn't supportive to me emotionally. Yes he has gotten better
with dates and compliments, but it is not consistent. He thinks that I left him because of a relationship or a job but it wasn't that, I didn't feel
appreciated. I didn't feel loved. I needed Him to tell me I am beautiful. I want Him to get excited about me the same way He gets
excited about his stupid articles or hobbies. His eyes lights up when he talks about computers or science, I want his eyes to light up
when he talks about me. Yes, I did see another guy during our separation but it was because I was emotionally
low and he wasn't filling me up. I wanted him to pursue me and maybe if he felt he had competition for her he would
spend more time and pay more attention to me. I admitted it was wrong and I even confessed it to him.
No I don't want to be in this marriage. We rushed into it, we got engaged after only 2 months of knowing
each other. We met on Eharmony so we never really knew each other, though we thought we did.
Many people stay in marriages and are miserable. I don't want to be miserable my whole life.
What is the point of making a marriage work, just to be in the marriage and miserable , like my parents their whole life.
I believe God wants more for me than that. This is his first real relationship he doesn't
want to left go of me. He is a nice guy which is why I married him, but i'm not really attracted to him. I was just drawn to him by his kindness
but we didn't really know each other. People are complicated and complex, he things I want to hurt him but if I do something, there
are many layers to it and its not because I want to be mean but there are many factors to think about and life is complex.
He needs to get more friends and have other things to focus on so he won't be so focused on me and critical of what I do.
My God is a God of Grace and He needs to learn to live by Grace instead of trying to control everything.
I still wish him the best in life but I don't know why we are so mean to each other and I can't stay in a marriage
where we just hurt each other.
<HER PERSPECTIVE>
My perspective
The whole process has been so weird. The pattern has always been her leaving me. I've never threatened to ever leave her
during our marriage. I believe because of her past trauma she is very sensitive to confrontation and sees things in a threatening manner
when there is no danger. Her self defense coping style seems to be running away and fleeing. It seems she is still dealing with PTSD
from past abuse and transfers that over to me. Our therapist even told her that she looks at me and sees her past abusers even though
I'm not like them. Also because of a traumatic past with her father who never affirmed her worth, she takes the slightly thing as a negative
criticism because her father was always critical of her. I have learned that I can be critical, but not to the degree that she magnifies it to.
She wants constant compliments, and I do my best to shower her with them but it is never enough. It is like a bottomless pit, I keep pouring
and pouring into her but she never appreciates what I do and is always telling me I'm not doing enough, when I'm giving her my all.
I've been always begging(in a sense) her to come back when she leaves, but I learned that I had to give her, her space. The more
I pursue the more threatened she feels and the more it allows her to treat me like cr*p.
I admit I can be very naive and clueless to what is really happening, I'm finding. And I've learned that my wife is very deceitful and dishonest.
I think she has a good heart at times, but ultimately seeks her own interest. I also think that there is a lot of spiritual forces influencing her
just based on the impulsivity of her actions. She goes from calm one moment to I want a divorce over what seems like nothing. I know
it is because of unforgiveness she has towards me for something that may have happens months ago but for her it all runs together.
We all have our issues and I don't say these things about her to say look I'm good and she is bad, no! We are all sinners and we need
to forgive. I have forgiven her and hold no anger towards her, though it is sad. I'm willing to make things work but she is telling me she
does not want to. Ultimately I know God is in control and i'm praying for Him to work out His perfect will for our marriage. When she left the
first time I prayed day and night for God to bring her back, after 3 months my prayers were answered and God brought her back with the
event of having her get fired from her job. With no place to live she told me she was coming back.
After 6 months of being back when she got another job she left again after an argument. Now I still pray for her, but
I don't pray for God to bring her back. I just pray for His Will to be done for our marriage. I love her but am tired of the hell. I know God can
save our marriage. I am praying for God to change her heart, and when I pray for God to work on her I always try to pray for myself as well
know I too have issues. For me now it is not a matter of me being mad at her, or not forgiving her, it is mainly that I don't trust her, and
just sense a lot of evil (not in your face evil, but deceitful, smiles in your face but doing something else) from her. It's to the point that I feel
sick in my stomach when I get a text message, because I get traumatized just thinking about her. The trauma just comes from her
trying to use the courts against me(failed), threatening to sue me for money(failed), and just the evilness that stains my spirit even when
I just think about her. Once again, I'm not mad at her, I think she doesn't think of herself as doing evil things but just acting in her best interest,
which is a matter of selfishness. But I remain open to reconciliation if it happens before the divorce papers that she has nearly blackmailed
me to sign get processed. I even told her if we do get divorce I'm open to remarrying her if the LORD leads us that way. I'm open to what God is doing(I hope).
Its interesting because she was pushing[nearly blackmailing me] the divorce, but when I got the papers[for her to sign], her response was, "What's the rush. I didn't think you would get them so early. We don't have to sign them just now do we." So she just confuses me(but my issues is I tend to be clueless it seems). She is begging for a divorce then when the papers come, she gets scared, she eventually signed some of them, but not all and there is another paper the court says we need to sign, and not court date is set yet.
Status
We are still currently married, but the process has started for divorce, but no court date is set and no more document remains for her to sign, and I don't even
know when I will have her sign it because at times I just even the respite of giving her, her space. When I had her sign the papers that she requested, I
asked her if this was what she wanted[divorce]. She stated, no this is not what I want but is what must happen. I didn't ask her what she meant as I didn't want
to know. Perhaps she is tired of the stress, perhaps she is in another relationship, IDK.
If anyone of us doesn't attend the court date to be set, the divorce will not happen since ours is not a contested hearing with attorneys but a mutual agreement.
I try to rejoice randomly throughout the day knowing that God is working things out for His Glory, no matter how it turns out.
Yea is in control and I'm trying to draw closer to Him during this time and allowing Him to do what only He can.
Any changes and that would include "self", should be left in God's hands. He's the one who has consecrated/joined this union not us. We realize that in our own lives that it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that God's Grace, Mercy, and Love are showered upon us. What would ever lead us to believe that in marriage that it would be somehow different? 
