Is refusal to trust again unforgiveness?

[Enxu]

I have searched the Scriptures on this but cannot find an answer.

As a Christian woman, if a man betrayed your trust before and later on truly repents and wants to start a relationship with you, is refusing to trust him again a sign of unforgiveness? Previously there was no relationship between you two.

My own belief is that you don’t have to trust him again even if you’ve forgiven. Trust is to be earned and sometimes broken trust is truly unredeemable. It would be better to just keep a healthy acquaintance relations with someone who had seriously broken that trust before.

What have you guys learned from your experiences or from Scriptures?

 

[Trevor]

I have searched the Scriptures on this but cannot find an answer.

As a Christian woman, if a man betrayed your trust before and later on truly repents and wants to start a relationship with you, is refusing to trust him again a sign of unforgiveness? Previously there was no relationship between you two.

My own belief is that you don’t have to trust him again even if you’ve forgiven. Trust is to be earned and sometimes broken trust is truly unredeemable. It would be better to just keep a healthy acquaintance relations with someone who had seriously broken that trust before.

What have you guys learned from your experiences or from Scriptures?

Hi Enxu, Helen and I have been together for over fifty years and our love is now full grown. However that was not always the case, in the early days I was extremely insecure and because of that I sinned, and not just once. A time arose when our relationship almost ended but God, bless him, took a hand and moved us to stay together. Had we parted, we would never have come to experience the love we have today. We are now old, I'm seventy eight and Helen is seventy two. When I look at her I'm moved to tears with love, as is she. I don't know if you are married or not, or if there was love at the start of your relationship. If there was love, he's still the same man. bless you.

 

[brighthouse98]

Psalm 118:8 Loyality is everything to me. You do me wrong once, you will not do it a second time to me. I forgive of course, but will not cause that person to stumble again with me.( 1 Cor 8:13) see where it says never again?? Same with people to me.

 

[Enxu]

Hi Enxu, Helen and I have been together for over fifty years and our love is now full grown. However that was not always the case, in the early days I was extremely insecure and because of that I sinned, and not just once. A time arose when our relationship almost ended but God, bless him, took a hand and moved us to stay together. Had we parted, we would never have come to experience the love we have today. We are now old, I'm seventy eight and Helen is seventy two. When I look at her I'm moved to tears with love, as is she. I don't know if you are married or not, or if there was love at the start of your relationship. If there was love, he's still the same man. bless you.

Your situation is very different from mine. I don’t have any relationship with the person in question.

I was just hoping to get an insight on whether refusal to trust someone who had wronged you severely is considered unforgiveness.

 

[Trevor]

Your situation is very different from mine. I don’t have any relationship with the person in question.

I was just hoping to get an insight on whether refusal to trust someone who had wronged you severely is considered unforgiveness.

Hi Enxu, I think I misunderstood, sorry. I believe one has to forgive without trust. Forgiveness is more for us than for the one being forgiven, unforgiveness causes us pain and often bitterness, so to forgive releases us from that. Trust has to be earned through trustworthy deeds. Jesus gave advice regarding the untrustworthy, He called us not to cast our pearls before the swine or they might trample on them. Only you know the situation, trust your own heart, put on your armour, your a soldier, whack whoever it is with your Sword, a few well chosen words can work wonders. Be Strong. Bless you, the helper is in you.

 

[Hekuran]

Yes. Love and forgiveness without condition. Trust only conditionally.

 

[Andyindauk]

I have searched the Scriptures on this but cannot find an answer.

As a Christian woman, if a man betrayed your trust before and later on truly repents and wants to start a relationship with you, is refusing to trust him again a sign of unforgiveness? Previously there was no relationship between you two.

My own belief is that you don’t have to trust him again even if you’ve forgiven. Trust is to be earned and sometimes broken trust is truly unredeemable. It would be better to just keep a healthy acquaintance relations with someone who had seriously broken that trust before.

What have you guys learned from your experiences or from Scriptures?

If you catch next door stealing your favourite new shirt from the washing line, you could tell them you've got another very similar and ask, 'Do you want that one as well?' That's either sarcasm or forgiveness, depending on exactly what you really meant. That's real, God-like forgiveness. Matthew 5:43-48

 

[Dave M]

forgiveness is a must,

but boundaries are good to set up for someone that is not trusted.

 

[hopefulson]

Is refusal to trust again unforgiveness? I think the term REFUSAL is the key term. It requires volition or choice. You can simply not trust someone. There are certainly times where that is a correct choice. Trust means you have let down your guard. It is not a requirement of forgiveness but refusal denotes a prejudice that your heart and conscience must sort through. The counsel I would put forward would be to be sincere to The Spirit of God dismissing selfishness as the hand on the rudder . Be prayerful let the Love in your heart provide your temper.

 

[Enxu]

If you catch next door stealing your favourite new shirt from the washing line, you could tell them you've got another very similar and ask, 'Do you want that one as well?' That's either sarcasm or forgiveness, depending on exactly what you really meant. That's real, God-like forgiveness. Matthew 5:43-48

I remember watching a real report on how someone discouraged a robber from robbing his/her shop. I would rather do that than encourage thieving tbh.

 

[Enxu]

Thanks guys for the inputs.

 

[Enxu]

Is refusal to trust again unforgiveness? I think the term REFUSAL is the key term. It requires volition or choice. You can simply not trust someone. There are certainly times where that is a correct choice. Trust means you have let down your guard. It is not a requirement of forgiveness but refusal denotes a prejudice that your heart and conscience must sort through. The counsel I would put forward would be to be sincere to The Spirit of God dismissing selfishness as the hand on the rudder . Be prayerful let the Love in your heart provide your temper.

I don’t see it as prejudice. Someone backstabbed me and caused me harm when I did nothing wrong. There is a consequence to that. Losing my trust permanently is that consequence. David sinned with murder and adultery and there was a consequence that God pronounced on his family even after he repented, I don’t see why anyone should escape consequences for doing wrong when they should have known better.

 

[brighthouse98]

Enxu, I understand( Col 3:25) I also understand most would never go along with what I stated earlier, I just do not look at us believers as doormats either. ( John 21:25) Perhaps, just perhaps Jesus may have stated this to all those who left him when he went on the cross.( Matt 26:56) He forgave them,but isn't odd that no disciple wrote down anything? Perhaps this was a consequence.

 

[Enxu]

Enxu, I understand( Col 3:25) I also understand most would never go along with what I stated earlier, I just do not look at us believers as doormats either. ( John 21:25) Perhaps, just perhaps Jesus may have stated this to all those who left him when he went on the cross.( Matt 26:56) He forgave them,but isn't odd that no disciple wrote down anything? Perhaps this was a consequence.

The church has been indoctrinated into a false set of doctrines about basically everything, including the issue of forgiveness. Jesus was forgiving, but not to everyone. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him in ignorance as well as those disciples who left Him in moments of weaknesses but He was not forgiving at all to the Pharisees and scribes who wished nothing but ill against Him.

Many people are victimised inside the Christian community because the church pressurises people to forgive and forget (as though the wrong never happened) and continue to be doormats to those who ill treat them. This actually enables the evildoer to continue the evil that is being done. Forgiveness with consequences is the godly way to do it, which means not letting people abuse you over and over for the sake of forgiveness.

If you will never trust them again, that’s the consequence of their actions. If you need to stay away from them for the rest of your lives, that’s also a reasonable consequence as long as that’s what makes you feel safe. No one has the right to say otherwise.

 

[Trevor]

The church has been indoctrinated into a false set of doctrines about basically everything, including the issue of forgiveness. Jesus was forgiving, but not to everyone. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him in ignorance as well as those disciples who left Him in moments of weaknesses but He was not forgiving at all to the Pharisees and scribes who wished nothing but ill against Him.

Many people are victimised inside the Christian community because the church pressurises people to forgive and forget (as though the wrong never happened) and continue to be doormats to those who ill treat them. This actually enables the evildoer to continue the evil that is being done. Forgiveness with consequences is the godly way to do it, which means not letting people abuse you over and over for the sake of forgiveness.

If you will never trust them again, that’s the consequence of their actions. If you need to stay away from them for the rest of your lives, that’s also a reasonable consequence as long as that’s what makes you feel safe. No one has the right to say otherwise.

Hi Enxu, We all, eventually, face the final judgement. I don't believe that Jesus was being unforgiving toward the Pharisees, I believe he was reminding them that they will eventually face their judgement and it would be harsh. Forgiveness isn't for the benefit of the one who perpetrated the crime, it is for the victim, who by forgiving, releases themselves from the pain the perpetrator inflicted on them. As for allowing people to abuse us, are we not called to turn the other cheek? As for your point as to not trusting those who abuse you, your right, we are called not to cast our pearls before the swine. Bless you.

 

[Enxu]

Hi Enxu, We all, eventually, face the final judgement. I don't believe that Jesus was being unforgiving toward the Pharisees, I believe he was reminding them that they will eventually face their judgement and it would be harsh. Forgiveness isn't for the benefit of the one who perpetrated the crime, it is for the victim, who by forgiving, releases themselves from the pain the perpetrator inflicted on them. As for allowing people to abuse us, are we not called to turn the other cheek? As for your point as to not trusting those who abuse you, your right, we are called not to cast our pearls before the swine. Bless you.

There is a fine line between the biblical concept of turning the other cheek and the misguided concept that we should turn the other cheek at every situation without evaluating what is really going on. When Jesus said to turn the other cheek, He meant not repaying evil for evil based on the context of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. It has nothing to do with allowing people to treat you badly and still going on to say “it’s alright I don’t mind.” That’s not forgiveness that’s cruelty to self.

Furthermore in some cases it’s possible that by not retaliating the conscience of the guilty party is pricked and the evildoing stops. But in many cases abusers have seared consciences and they don’t ever feel bad about what they did. Such evildoers need to receive consequences and turning the other cheek just makes them continue their evil without any repercussions. This again has nothing to do with forgiveness it’s enabling evil to prosper.

 

[Trevor]

There is a fine line between the biblical concept of turning the other cheek and the misguided concept that we should turn the other cheek at every situation without evaluating what is really going on. When Jesus said to turn the other cheek, He meant not repaying evil for evil based on the context of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. It has nothing to do with allowing people to treat you badly and still going on to say “it’s alright I don’t mind.” That’s not forgiveness that’s cruelty to self.

Furthermore in some cases it’s possible that by not retaliating the conscience of the guilty party is pricked and the evildoing stops. But in many cases abusers have a seared conscience and they don’t ever feel bad about what they did. Such evildoers need to receive consequences and turning the other cheek just makes them continue their evil without any repercussions. This again has nothing to do with forgiveness it’s enabling evil to prosper.

Hi Enxu,
Jesus allowed People to nail him to a cross when he'd done nothing to deserve it, he could have called down an army of angels to defend him, however I've said my piece and you have a right to your understanding Bless you.

 

[Enxu]

Hi Enxu, We all, eventually, face the final judgement. I don't believe that Jesus was being unforgiving toward the Pharisees, I believe he was reminding them that they will eventually face their judgement and it would be harsh. Forgiveness isn't for the benefit of the one who perpetrated the crime, it is for the victim, who by forgiving, releases themselves from the pain the perpetrator inflicted on them. As for allowing people to abuse us, are we not called to turn the other cheek? As for your point as to not trusting those who abuse you, your right, we are called not to cast our pearls before the swine. Bless you.

I also don’t think we should take Jesus’ words literally and really turn the other cheek as a subtle invitation to ill treatment and abuse. Jesus also said we should pluck out our eyes and cut off our hands if they cause us to sin, how can these things be taken literally? Why do Christianity turn Jesus’ words into mantras of cruelty to self? Such ugly teachings don’t come from God, they come from the devil to make God look bad as though He delights in His people being treated badly. If these are the things Christianity is teaching, then it is only logical that people will reject the Gospel and mock it.

 

[Enxu]

Hi Enxu,
Jesus allowed People to nail him to a cross when he'd done nothing to deserve it, he could have called down an army of angels to defend him, however I've said my piece and you have a right to your understanding Bless you.

He allowed it because there was a purpose to it. He will still repay the evil that was done to Him. In fact He already pronounced damning judgments on those Pharisees who put Him on the Cross before He died. We are called to ENDURE suffering, not invite it by being doormats.

 

[Trevor]

I also don’t think we should take Jesus’ words literally and really turn the other cheek as a subtle invitation to ill treatment and abuse. Jesus also said we should pluck out our eyes and cut off our hands if they cause us to sin, how can these things be taken literally? Why do Christianity turn Jesus’ words into mantras of cruelty to self? Such ugly teachings don’t come from God, they come from the devil to make God look bad.

Well I'm sorry that you believe my posts emanate from the devil Enxu, but if you can't see that to forgive is for your benefit, and not your protagonists, I suppose you must have a reason for carrying the pain, maybe to give you an exuse to continue the fight, and if you can't see that when a person abuses you it's to get a reaction and if you react, then they have defeated you. then I suppose we have to agree to disagree.