I've been struggling with forgiving myself

[Lev]

Hi guys,
I am new here.

Recently I hurt a girl by dumping her. We had this amazing months of „Hollywood love“ + the gospel talks and something. . but then i became lukewarm toward her and was searching for an excuse to get out of the relationship. We tried „Staying friends“ thing but it didn't work. I could not managed to blame her in anything and I just dumped her.
I know it sounds wrong for many of you. . but before the „Hollywood love“ thing started, I tried 2 or 3 different times to end the relationship.
But out of pity or out of loneliness. . I could not stopped that.
Now,
The hardest part (additional issues):
Even though she's doing okay (I know that for sure), in the country where we live, a girl must be a virgin to get married. Yes, for the minority of my people - it's okay.
But for the majority - It's a horrible thing.
And I feel like I kinda ruined her whole life. I know this is partly true. . but, the guilt is within me and I don't know how to free myself from it.
I know the Lord has forgiven me. And even the girl has forgiven me. . But it seems hard to me to enjoy the forgiveness.
And I don't want to change anything. I do not love her. I just don't.
Any suggestions?

P.S.
We (The girl and me) do not belong to any religious organizations or churches.
So, there are no pastors or elders to turn to.

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

And I feel like I kinda ruined her whole life. I know this is partly true. . but, the guilt is within me and I don't know how to free myself from it.
I know the Lord has forgiven me. And even the girl has forgiven me. . But it seems hard to me to enjoy the forgiveness.
And I don't want to change anything. I do not love her. I just don't.

She must be a really awesome person for forgiving you.
Before you marry someone else you should try hurting them at least as much and see if they forgive you.

Proverbs 19:22 What a man desires is unfailing love.

 

[Lev]

Okay. You helped.
-_

 

[Fragrant Grace]

@Lev

May I ask whether you are a born again believer?
Whether you know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour?

 

[Lev]

„My Father is working until now.“ -John 5:17

 

[Brad Huber]

Why is it you cannot see yourself loving her? Is she more immoral than you? Is she not attractive enough to keep you interested? Is she too righteous for you?

The reason I ask is, you basically already married her when the two became one, and now you give her a no-paper divorce. You dont share the reason you feel you had to divorce her.

Last of all, I have no idea what Hollywood love is to you. To me hollywood love is greedy sexual union with no thought about the feelings of your partner or how you might hurt them down the road when you dump them. Its all about making yourself feel good for the moment.

Simply ask yourself, what would Jesus tell you to do? If you respect Him by coming here, what do you think He would tell you?

 

[Lev]

When married (by the church or the government) couples get divorced, Christians are really sorry for them. And they pray for them. And even if they won't make getting back together, Christians still love 'em.
But when it comes to people like me, phrases like these comes into your minds „Are you a born again?“ „Is she immoral than you?“
-Stop it, you guys.
Sometimes people change and everything within them - changes too. It happens.
If any of you have something valuable to share, share.
If not, then walk away.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

But when it comes to people like me, phrases like these comes into your minds „Are you a born again?

Greetings @Lev

I was not judging you simply asking a question to understand a little more

And Brad Huber in his reply was just seeking to offer you some thoughts and advice

I also don't understand the context in which you use the Bile verse you quote

„My Father is working until now.“ -John 5:17

People here will seek to help and support you with Christian love and care....that may mean asking you a few questions to clarify.

 

[Brad Huber]

How can anyone give advice to a questioner who shares so little of the problem? Was not King Solomon given information needed to help make his decisions? If you want someone to respond as Joseph did to Pharaoh, telling both the situation, and interpreting it, I doubt anyone here can help you.

 

[Lev]

An eternal Seventh Day where everything is „Very good!“ is still hidden from space and time, where we live now.
Therefore: „My father is working until now. .“ to make all things new. . including me.
: )

 

[Lev]

Re: Brad Huber

I know what Jesus would say to me,
He would say something like this, „Hey kid, stop worrying about it. Fear not. Heaven and earth. . and all that is within it will pass away!“
And then he'd laugh and he'd say to me, „That's why in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage“

: )

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

Maybe you got it bad for this girl why else would you come to this site and put yourself out there to be judged.
I'm not judging...Just tossing out a possibility.
Peace

 

[Brad Huber]

Re: Brad Huber

I know what Jesus would say to me,
He would say something like this, „Hey kid, stop worrying about it. Fear not. Heaven and earth. . and all that is within it will pass away!“
And then he'd laugh and he'd say to me, „That's why in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage“

: )

Well, if you know that, then I guess you have no worries.

 

[Emilia]

@Lev Hi. You sound so frustrated, confused and lost. You seem to be dealing with a lot of issues. There seems to be more to what the story is about. I can easily judge you but we all have our own process and things that god wants to deal with us. You both made a choice and you both knew the consequences of those choices. You seemed to be well versed with the word then learn to apply it in your life instead of being defensive. Don't get distracted by petty things focus on god and all that he has for you. This God we serve is an amazing God. By the way I don't really know what hollywood love is but I know what god's love is like. I dare you to find that amazing love. God Bless you.

 

[Lev]

@Emilia

Maybe I struggle still because I secretly believe that there is something I can do for the girl.
Sure, it's easy for me to be her friend. 'Cause I don't want more. . with her. But for her it would be like a hell. We tried and I know that.
And I think I am kinda abused mentally by this relationship. Sometimes when I watch somethin on TV or doing something, suddenly these pictures come into my mind where we were couple and loved each other and I feel physical pain when it happens.
I cannot contact the girl. I know it would help me a little but. .

I need to meditate on this verse: „Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.“ -John 14:27

 

[Emilia]

@Lev you definately got it bad for this girl. I think you know what to do. All the best mate.

 

[Lev]

Thank you.

 

[Emilia]

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

 

[Cturtle]

@Emilia

Maybe I struggle still because I secretly believe that there is something I can do for the girl.
Sure, it's easy for me to be her friend. 'Cause I don't want more. . with her. But for her it would be like a hell. We tried and I know that.
And I think I am kinda abused mentally by this relationship. Sometimes when I watch somethin on TV or doing something, suddenly these pictures come into my mind where we were couple and loved each other and I feel physical pain when it happens.
I cannot contact the girl. I know it would help me a little but. .

I need to meditate on this verse: „Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.“ -John 14:27

Father, thank You for Lev, thank You that He is Your child and that You love Him. Surround him with Your presence, and give him wisdom and peace. As we know that he is Your sheep and he knows Your voice, thank you for making Yourself so very real to him. Thank You for giving him guidance as to where to go in Your Word to build his future. We give You all of the glory, and praise....In Jesus Name, Amen!

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

When married (by the church or the government) couples get divorced, Christians are really sorry for them. And they pray for them. And even if they won't make getting back together, Christians still love 'em.
But when it comes to people like me, phrases like these comes into your minds „Are you a born again?“ „Is she immoral than you?“
-Stop it, you guys.
Sometimes people change and everything within them - changes too. It happens.
If any of you have something valuable to share, share.
If not, then walk away.

Hi Lev,
How about answering some questions like are you born again. My father is always working just by-passes the question.
You speak as Christians as the other guys. Why is this ?
You say when it comes to people like you, we say things like are you born again? Why is this a problem for you.
I am not jumping at you but I do exspect you to treat others here in the same way you want to be treated. It's called love.

If you are serious and want to talk then reply.....
Blessings
Jim