Hi David,
I've just picked up this thread. Having read your OP I'm pretty sure that the problems stem from the murder of your dad when you were younger. That must have been horrific, I don't think any of us could even begin to imagine how you felt at that time, and even now. It's no wonder you went off the rails; how were you supposed to get your head around that? I'm guessing it screwed up all logic, rationality and sense about that situation. Satan being Satan sees your situation as an opportunity to mess your head up even further with all sorts of sinful activities that would have eventually lead to your destruction but thankfully somehow, I don't know how, but God was able to reach through all that fog and grab you and draw you back to Him. That tells me we have a fantastic and amazing God whose care, power, patience and love are totally infinite.
One thing I do take issue with you is when you say: 'I’ve made my mistakes I know that and I accept that the way my life has turned out is entirely my fault.' I really couldn't disagree with you more. This was NOT your fault, this was a predictable response to a really horrid situation that was thrust upon you. Thankfully God has rescued you and now your recovery is underway. Bro, I really thank God for that; had He not, goodness knows where and what state you'd be in by now.
Can I please urge you to really look after yourself? You are a precious son of the most high creator God who purchased you at the cost of His own Son who obediently died on the cross to rescue you from your inevitable fate. If God loves you that much, you have to agree with Him that you are very precious and must take great care of yourself. I'm so please you've kicked drugs, occult, booze & C. Well done, that's a massive step in your recovery.
I'm pretty sure that Satan is missing you and wants you back so he can continue his work of destruction, where he left off. The thought of you giving him the snub and instead giving your life over to his enemy, God, will cause him total rage. So expect further attacks - read, memorise and recite Ephesians 6:12-18 I think Paul wrote it for you.
If you haven't already can I please urge you to join a local church. Choose it carefully, looking on the web and visiting a few to see which one you feel most comfortable with, and preferably one with good levels of pastoral care. The friends that you fell out with were they believers? If so it would be nice to try re-establish contact with an apology and hopefully repair the relationship. If they were not believers, I'd just move on.
Can I recommend to you an App that I love to bits? YouVersion. It's a Bible on your phone or tablet. The default is King James version but with wifi you can download any of 20 - 30 other versions, the NIV is good because it's easier to understand, closer to modern day English. The app also has lots of Bible reading plans and a verse of the day, all totally free of charge. I really love it.
Most important of all. Seek God out as a best friend. You love Him, tell Him and why and what it is about Him and what He's done for you that ignites your passion for Him. Ask His help, protection and guidance, ask for His Holy Spirit to bring you closer and give you the wisdom you need to get through each day and each situation.
I know that you don't doubt God's existence deep down. You've chosen Him, He's called you. Your problem is that you want instant results; well if you'll complete your surrender by giving everything and asking God to completely rebuild you from the ground up, you'll be amazed at the results and the speed of results.
God bless you bro.
Love Andy
===============================================
Dear Lord God,
We all come to you broken and damaged goods, yes, some more than others but even the best of us has righteousness as filthy rags. We all of us needed that cleansing, forgiveness and restoration that can only come from you. No one else has the power or capability to restore us to you other than your Son, Jesus. We thank you God for Him, for His sacrifice and obedience to you.
I want to pray for protection for my lovely sweet brother David. He's been through utter torment but you've pulled him out of that - thank you dear God. I pray now that his rescue is complete, you'll work on that restoration and make him a happy, loving and worthy son that oozes your joy and happiness. I pray that he'll feel your presence and protection, leading and guiding that like us all, he so desperately needs. Bless him Lord with a myriad myriad blessings.
We love you God.
Amen.
