Staying Married or Get Divorced

[Word of Life]

I am in a mess. Some days I can cope other days I am an absolute mess, and today is one of them, that I am an absolute mess.

The Bible tells me I can't get divorced and I know that, but I don't love my husband, I love someone else. Basically I am only staying in this marriage just for just financial reasons, and that is it. My husband knows I don't love him, but he don't discuss it. He won't bring it up and the times I have brought it up, the conversation only lasts for about 5 minutes then nothing else is mentioned, and nothing is resolved. I suggested once, some time back that we see a Christian marriage counsellor, but he won't come with me, he said he doesn't need it, but I can go. This would be no good to me, whatsoever, because they need us both there. I did go to one at a church once, and it wasn't long before being in the pastors company, and he said to me, would your husband come. I know my husband won't go, because he has already told me so.

My husband is a quiet man, doesn't talk much and this drives me nuts. Yes he will speak if I speak, but I feel it's always me who has to instigate everything, holidays, meals out etc. It's me who's in control of it. This basically has gone on, and all throughout my marriage of 15 years this September. The Bible tells me, the man is the head of the home, and he is supposed to teach me. My husband doesn't do this.

Plus/minus 3 years ago, I was witnessed too, and at that time I never knew God. I brought my first Bible and started learning and understanding who God was and who Jesus Christ was, and many other things within the Bible and I was gaining knowledge fast on what God hates and what God likes. Now I fell for the person who ministered to me and I told him so. I have met the guy, in person, committed adultery in my heart, but not physically.

My mum is also a Christian, and she said I should leave. My mum got divorced and found happiness again. But her case was different, as my dad did go out and have affairs with other women physically, and he left my mum. And according to the Bible that is okay.

Emotionally, I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know what to do, as I waited for over a year now for answers, wondering what I should do. Whether to stay in this marriage for financial reasons and stay in a marriage without love, or leave and find some happiness again.

I don't hate my husband; I just don't love him, like a wife should do. And I know this must really hurt him. I don't like hurting him, but I feel I can't change.

 

[Faithful Son]

Hi sister Word of Life. I think the problem comes in with the fact of what love really is.

1 John 3:18 NKJV
My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

2 Timothy 3:10-17 NKJV
The Man of God and the Word of God

10 But you have carefully followed my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, love, perseverance, 11 persecutions, afflictions, which happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra—what persecutions I endured. And out of them all the Lord delivered me. 12 Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. 13 But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. 14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

How did Jesus love?

Matthew 5:
Adultery in the Heart

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Marriage Is Sacred and Binding

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.




Love is service sister Word of Life, I'm being straight and honest with you today. Ask your husband more and more everyday, what you could do for him. Love is not a feeling, that's not the truth which Jesus taught us, love is from your will and your choices.

Matthew 24:12
And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.

Luke 7:47
Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”

Luke 7 says if you are not forgiven, you can't love. Did you forgive your husband yet for everything he did in the past? Did you tell him you forgive him, did you make it known to him? He needs to know he is a free man, then his love will grow and so will your love for him.

John 13
The New Commandment

31 So, when he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him. 32 If God is glorified in Him, God will also glorify Him in Himself, and glorify Him immediately. 33 Little children, I shall be with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come,’ so now I say to you. 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”


Read John 13 carefully, Jesus washed his disciples feet, he showed them love, not by his words or his feelings, but by his actions.

Sister Word of Life, I care for you and I want you to know that Jesus will not agree if you divorce your husband, He will not. That scripture above speaks of being thrown into hell, it's talking about adultery.

Faithful Son

 

[pixie]

It can hurt

Word of life, it is tough sometimes in marriage and it is tough to fall love for someone else. There are conditions for divorce, one if your husband is an unbeliever...
1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

and the other is adultery... Matthew 19:9
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

We are human and life is not perfect, that is a given if you have Christianity in mind. We all suffer, for many reasons. What you are going through is not uncommon, but if you focus on God, answers will come to you.

I did divorce my husband. He was unfaithful. Now I pray so much to remain single and not get caught up in another relationship that will distract my love for God.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit works powerfully in you, perhaps even to strengthen your marriage. Keep praying and you will be guided. Have patience too, our journey can often seem quite long when we are in a "rough spot".

I do hope you make the right choice. Mine was made for me and thank goodness I haven't fallen in love and married another man. I think you should take it easy though, on this new love. If he was ministering to you, I don't really think that he should be thinking of you in a romantic way.

Whatever you do, I hope that you find peace. You sound very agonized and it takes strength to bring your problems to this forum. I will be praying for you and I hope that soon, your heart will find peace again.

Loveixie:girl_hug::rainbow:

 

[Faithful Son]

God bless you sister Pixie, your words of wisdom even speak to me. I also doubt this man who has ministered to you has wrong intentions, but only God knows the heart.

God bless

 

[JustJesus]

How much do you value marriage itself?

 

[stephen]

My husband is a quiet man, doesn't talk much and this drives me nuts. Yes he will speak if I speak, but I feel it's always me who has to instigate everything, holidays, meals out etc. It's me who's in control of it. This basically has gone on, and all throughout my marriage of 15 years this September.

This would apply to my house also. I am a byestander in such things, and glad to be so, the arrangements are made, holidays, meals, family days out etc. I just pay the bill. My wife is in control. I am so pleased and as long as funds last.....let me enjoy. Life is short.

Now I fell for the person who ministered to me and I told him so. I have met the guy, in person, committed adultery in my heart, but not physically.

Thank God not physically. You are a married women

My mum got divorced and found happiness again. But her case was different, as my dad did go out and have affairs with other women physically, and he left my mum. And according to the Bible that is okay

.

As you say her case is different.

As I see this....your husband is not an adulterer, abusive, violent etc. He lets you get on with the arangements...Arrange for joy and for your pleasure, enjoy your life with your husband

Plan for pleasure.....with your husband.......and enjoy forget the fleeting moments of passion.......Get on with your life!

 

[Word of Life]

I would like to thank you all for your kind replies and I can assure you this is not easy for me.

Last year I left my husband for 2 months, and went back to England and I stayed with my mum during that time. My husband and I communicated a bit during that split up, via phone and email, all he kept saying, he wanted me back. But I did not want to go back to South Africa, I just felt, I wanted to start a new life in England and join this ministry. But my husband threw financial things at me, saying I was being crazy in giving up everything for going into a ministry, and everything that we have worked for. He just could not understand how I could just walk away from it all. My mum also convinced me that I had to go back and sort things out and she told me, that I really needed to sit down and talk to my husband and tell him about all these past hurts. I did try this, it did not work, I saw the look on his face, when I tried to speak, and I knew this conversation wasn't going now-where. I did not blame it all on him as I do know I have faults of my own, which need to be taken care off.

I also want to point something else out here, if one is happy in a marriage, one does not go looking for something to fulfill that gap somewhere or in something else. I was not happy with certain things in my marriage, I tried talking and tried to resolve things, but got no-where, so I hid myself behind a computer game. I got this game Tombraider, and I hid myself in that, because the outside world hurt me so much. I tried for years, telling my husband my hurts and concerns and I got ignored. Basically he said, it's you who has the problem, I do not need to seek marriage counseling. Not once did he look at himself, and even today, he still does the same thing. In my heart, I feel if you really love someone, you would do your utmost best to try and sort that out. But most couples, including me, just push these problems under a carpet, hoping that things will change and get better in the future. but when something else pops up, you suddenly remember that the root and original problem is still there, because it was not sorted out the first time around. I do not say this a ticket to sin or commit adultery. But if one party is or was willing to sort it out and the other party is not willing, where does one stand with this. I may have not been physically abused, but emotional I am a wreck.

Well I am exactly where I was all those years ago. Nothing has changed, apart from that both my husband and I are now both born again.

Now I received the holy spirit before my husband, my husband knew God, but he had religion. Now, when he received the holy spirit, I found out from someone else. My mum to be exact, as he wrote her an email. Why could he not have sent me that same email, cc'd me on it or something. Well that hurt me, because, here I am in a country where I don't want to be, to start with, living with a man and my own husband can't even tell me that God spoke to him in such a powerful way. Now when I am speaking to my mum, and she tells me this wonderful news on the phone, I am just speechless, because I knew nothing about all this. Do you think that's right?

I do hope you make the right choice. Mine was made for me and thank goodness I haven't fallen in love and married another man. I think you should take it easy though, on this new love. If he was ministering to you, I don't really think that he should be thinking of you in a romantic way.

The fact I fell for another man, this does not mean that, if I did get divorced, that I can go to be with that other man. God has shown me exactly, what I did was wrong, He has shown me, how inconsiderate I have been and not thinking of the consequences of my actions. He has also shown me, how all this can hurt many people and not just myself. He has shown me all this.

Out of my own selfish lust, I have caused hurt for my husband, for this other man, and most of all I have hurt God and let Him down.

 

[abigya]

I also want to point something else out here, if one is happy in a marriage, one does not go looking for something to fulfill that gap somewhere or in something else. I was not happy with certain things in my marriage, I tried talking and tried to resolve things, but got no-where, so I hid myself behind a computer game. I got this game Tombraider, and I hid myself in that, because the outside world hurt me so much. I tried for years, telling my husband my hurts and concerns and I got ignored. Basically he said, it's you who has the problem, I do not need to seek marriage counseling. Not once did he look at himself, and even today, he still does the same thing. In my heart, I feel if you really love someone, you would do your utmost best to try and sort that out. But most couples, including me, just push these problems under a carpet, hoping that things will change and get better in the future. but when something else pops up, you suddenly remember that the root and original problem is still there, because it was not sorted out the first time around. I do not say this a ticket to sin or commit adultery. But if one party is or was willing to sort it out and the other party is not willing, where does one stand with this. I may have not been physically abused, but emotional I am a wreck.

Well I am exactly where I was all those years ago. Nothing has changed, apart from that both my husband and I are now both born again.

Dear Sister I am sorry for what you are going through

It is great to know that both you and your husband are spirit filled believers, what i would say is nobody should look to get happiness or filling the emptiness from another person.

JESUS is the only source of happiness and he is the only one who can fill the gap in our heart. I am not married yet but if I get married I wouldn't look the happiness and joy to be mate by my husband, Jesus has the Joy and happiness that this world or our marriage can offer.

Would you try to set a time together with your husband and have a prayer time and bible study together (fasting) (morning or evening)? make Jesus the center of your marriage.
you said you want to serve full time in the house of the lord but I think it begins from your home with your husband with the limited time you have now...........then the lord will bless the limited resource, time you are giving him and lead you to the larger harvest.

I will pray for you
Blessings

 

[Faithful Son]

Sister, it's good that you show remorse, but repentance is the key.

I did not want to be harsh with you in my original post, please know that, but we need to give you the correct message, the truth. Please consider this and think about it.

Happiness is nothing, if you don't have God.
Love is nothing, if you don't have God.
Marriage is nothing, if you don't have God.

Take it one day at a time, when you are quiet at home, in the evening, during the day, whenever, pray for you husband. Pray that God will show your husband where he has to step up. If this prayer takes 10 years to be realized, it will be worth it. If it takes 2 months, praise God!

You said you let God down, so I assume you asked for forgiveness, if you did, He has forgiven you, be assure of that.

It's good when a wife needs her husband to fill those areas in her life, it's good. But remember God needs to fill it first. God is a man, I have no doubt about that. He is a man and He knows what you need.

Take it all to God sister, everything, not just one thing. Let Him fill those gaps in your life. Marriage counseling could be good, but you can't force your husband to attend it. The problems seem huge today, the lack of communication all that, but it doesn't matter really. God needs to matter in your life.

1 Timothy 5:5 NKJV
Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.

I will never marry, only God knows truly if I will or not, but in my conversations with Him I feel totally at peace when I tell Him I want to live for Him only. God has shown me, a single young man, what He is possible of giving me. He gave me everything, He took all I had and He keeps it safe with Him. I don't want it back, because it's not what I need.

Slowly but surely God is fulfilling the personal promises He made to me. God speaks to all of us in some way, by His Spirit, sometimes audibly to some people, but the thing we have to remember is that He has to be in control.

Do everything you do, for God.

Romans 16:27 NKJV
to God, alone wise, be glory through Jesus Christ forever. Amen

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Word of Life,

May I offer you these words...

Sister, your problem troubles me, and to be honest, so do some of the replies you have had so far, but since this is an open forum, I say these things in hope to express the truth or the living word of life, imparting life unto you and others who have posted and will read this.

Can I start with your declaration of being spirit filled and born again. What follows may offend, but my intention is at the most to challenge, not to offend, so let us write and read in fellowship of His love. This brings me to the first and most important point, His Love.

To whom are you married?

In fact, I am compelled now to make this the one point.

Sister, God is good, so very good.

It is our husband who is in control ..... 100%, and it is to Him we are married to as Christians, and it is to Him who we must give our love.

One of the most common mistakes in the Church, nowdays, and always has been, is our focus being taken off our love and put onto law. This results in false doctrine, and bondage. This is also adultery.

Sister, I am a self confessed love junkie. The love you speak of here comes in two very distinct forms. Love is the most wonderful thing a person can experience, taking us to heights we never knew were achievable, and taking us to lows that we would wish on no man! But it is exquisite to the soul. Never beat yourself up for partaking in it's delightfuly agonizing expression, and don't let others put any condemnation on you for being enveloped in it's passion. I love love. It's the best! I have had a few other potions in my time, but nothing is even close to it in the vigour that it imparts to us, the stimulation to an otherwise deadened soul. Fear and terror stand in awe of it. May God bless you with many more doses of it, for it is the principal thing, and reveals more about our God, who is Love, than anything else that man can muster.

But, alas, my friend, you have drawn a picture of a people who require much from God, complaining bitterly that He does not answer, accusing Him of not caring, being lifeless and void in His love for them. Sister, if we want to quote Scripture to heed our condition, we must balance the scales, for He is just who says that those who live by the law will be judged by the law. But against love there is no law, therefore let us walk in liberty. How do we do this in this situation?
Let us give thanks to God in Christ Jesus. Let us abide in the liberty, the freedom we have been given....by grace, because of love. In so doing, we shall be at liberty to love. Yes, to love without needed reason, and all the while to rejoice in the Lord for His love, an eternal consuming fire. Do you understand this?
All too often we decide the meaning of Scriptures to suit a tradition that must be upheld if we are to fit in. Jesus was crucified for exposing this deceit.
You have done well to confess your love for another man. Can I now hear of your endless dying unconditional selfgiving love for your husband. The Church is to love Christ in this manner, and can only do so by applying it to everyone in this world, husbands and wives being made one as a figure of Christ and His Bride, and therefore recognising fidelity as paramount, at all times. But Christ does not talk of the love that absorbs a soul as loving, but rather the love that a soul imparts, and makes it very clear that this is a day to day affair, thorough and self-sacrificing. Christ like.
How do you woo your Lord, Jesus the unmovable almighty fortress, how do you desire his touch, await eagerly His call, make ready for His return?

How quickly this people tire when for all their notable efforts, He remains silent, but we have answers for this. It is Him of course that needs explaining, deciphering His way. Not us. Wrong! Who is it that will empty themselves for His love, to Love Him for the sake of love, not wanting anything in return?

Jesus isn't interested in keeping a tally of your affection for strange men. If anything goes before him, our King of Love is a passionately Jealous God, desiring our complete faithfulness to Him, settling for nothing less.
Is this what you mean to be born again, to be spirit filled, to have a burning devotion to the God whose anger is kindled against those who betray him in love, offering lipservice for itching ears? The God whose wrath can no man quench, who in fury, rebukes the proud in heart, who speak for Him when He has not spoken? Oh, but we love the Lord....
how easy it is to say, my friend. You love the Lord who loves your husband with a jealous love, so will you love your husband for that, at least, and will you love your husband even more becuase God in His wisdom put you together?

How precious are children. This we all agree upon. They must be loved...full stop, without question, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. Is this true?
Have you been born again into the receiving ministry, or the conditional and comparitive giving ministry, or have you my sister been born again into the service of love, becoming like your beloved Lord and Saviour, who became a servant for and to an adulterous generation?
He was obedient to His new birth, from start to finish, and it is in His steps we must follow if we are to be named amongst His bride.
This is love.
It hurts. It hungers. It is lonely. It weeps. It gives. It dies.

Sister, you have chosen well, to remain, and end any seduction of your senses. You are strong and in my opinion, for what it is or isn't worth, you are a champion, and I cheer you all the way. It is a very strong battle you have fought. So be of good cheer and press on. Seek how you can love your Lord in loving the child He has given to you as a partner. You do well to question and seek an answer to this muddled puzzle that keeps everyone guessing in the dark....but, you are a child of light and God is not one to confuse you.
Jesus said...follow me.

Give thanks to God, and praise Him for His lovingkindness. He is the Way.

Bless you,

Br. Bear.

ps... if you do not fancy the way of the Lord, go, and get some fancy counselling tainted with the soft and excusables, the tolerance that must prevail. But...... do not squeal then if your Lord sits motionless as if you were not even there. Return to Him, rekindle that fire and warm His toes with your tears.....><>

 

[Faithful Son]

Greetings Word of Life,

May I offer you these words...

Sister, your problem troubles me, and to be honest, so do some of the replies you have had so far, but since this is an open forum, I say these things in hope to express the truth or the living word of life, imparting life unto you and others who have posted and will read this.

Brother, if you would kindly let me know which replies to this thread troubles you, please.

So far, I see nothing that sounds troublesome in this thread, most of the replies had scripture backing them up.

ps... if you do not fancy the way of the Lord, go, and get some fancy counselling tainted with the soft and excusables, the tolerance that must prevail. But...... do not squeal then if your Lord sits motionless as if you were not even there. Return to Him, rekindle that fire and warm His toes with your tears.....><>

I do not agree with your last addition to this post. I have to ask you to keep in mind that sister Word of Life did not turn her back on God, so even if she chooses to take Counseling from a Christian perspective, I see nothing wrong with that.

Are you not offering counseling as well in your post? God will decide Himself how He will treat sister Word of Life, and the assumption that He will ignore her is not very polite to a sister in need.

God bless
Faithful Son

 

[Br. Bear]

Thank you Faithful Son,

your kind words are appreciated.

Forgive me please but I think you may have mis-read the words as they were placed. Yes, it may seem harsh, certainly I do not intend to be impolite.

Brother, I will say it again if you would like me to reword it, but in all fairness, the message is the same. In haste we can overlook too much. It took several hours and much prayer to write those words, none of which refer to Christian Counselling.
How we like to make mention of the Almighty God, in all His glory, to quote His name and speak of his statutes. We declare such things as awe, as fear, as a consuming fire, terrible and steadfast. Let us not bend and twist Him to our needs, but rather rise up to His holiness. God is not mocked, no matter where you read it in the Bible. And I am glad of this, for I know that He is my strong tower and is always the same, dependable to run to, unmovable in His ways. He is not like the waves, and does not change. We can depend only upon such steadfastness, my brother. For this cause, let us fear seeking the world to replace him and maybe get a more desirable answer.

None of what I wrote about is foreign to me. God forbid I ever speak from a text book, but only shew forth His greatness as He has shown it to me. In other words, like practice what you preach, I am able to say what I say because I have been there and have learnt from God in His mercy towards me. I do not preach that which I do not know to be true.

The last section you refer to actually points straight back up at what had been written, by both me and our sister. We can not expect double standards from God. My message was written purely in love, and at times we must face the challenge. I do not presume that God will turn a deaf ear to His child. If we knock on the wrong door, and I think anyone would agree that the door mentioned is not the Christian door, and God does not answer it, do we then say He is deaf to our cry? And, I would like to think that our sister would be repulsed by the idea of squealing, and therefore be more resolute to make the right choice, and if for any reason along the way discovers she sought after the counsel of the ungodly, that her reaction would be contained and not let fly with emotion. I am not for one second saying that our sister would do so. I am saying that if she is like every other person in this world, she will come up against situations which may lead to complaint. My words were actually to encourage her to make the decision to follow the guidance and counsel of God.

As for the first question you made, I was generalising the whole matter at hand, being the debate about divorce (are you by the way, divorced or has it happened to you, my brother?). Also the thought that it might be OK to leave and start again. I can not see that anywhere in the Bible.
Please , rather, please tell me where we are told it is OK to divorce. And please don't pull out the adultery one. You will find this is written for the newly-wed who discovered unfaithfulness prior to consumation of marriage. Every other verse is contrary to the idea of it being a good excuse to divorce. God Himself has had to live with it from dot. Why can't we?

A gentle answer turns away wrath, yes. But softening God to deceive a needing soul is wrong. I have never despised the chastening of the Lord...it has been medicine, however bitter and/or painful, to my soul.
Faithful Son, I never said anything was troublesome..... I said some things trouble ME.
I appreciate your comments, and ask you to see the light that my post was written in.

I would also like to hear from Word of Life.

the word of God is a sword, and it's not used for spreading butter with.

Hope this clarifies things for you, brother.

Br. Bear

 

[Word of Life]

I would like to thank you all for your replies, concerns, advice and brotherly and sisterly love, which has been shown to me here.

I have not taken any of it, as an offense, and I have read through all your replies, but I going to need more time to reflect upon some things. I feel God has brought me back to South Africa for a reason even though I don't want to be here. Yesterday, last week, the last year may and has been difficult for me. But I have got through each day, with the strength of God and I really thank Him for that.

You all have given me some good advice above and on the previous page too, but I just need some time in prayer, which is difficult when the devil is attacking me emotionally.

So I will come back to this thread tomorrow.

God bless you all.

 

[Faithful Son]

As for the first question you made, I was generalising the whole matter at hand, being the debate about divorce (are you by the way, divorced or has it happened to you, my brother?). Also the thought that it might be OK to leave and start again. I can not see that anywhere in the Bible.
Please , rather, please tell me where we are told it is OK to divorce. And please don't pull out the adultery one. You will find this is written for the newly-wed who discovered unfaithfulness prior to consumation of marriage. Every other verse is contrary to the idea of it being a good excuse to divorce. God Himself has had to live with it from dot. Why can't we?
A gentle answer turns away wrath, yes. But softening God to deceive a needing soul is wrong. I have never despised the chastening of the Lord...it has been medicine, however bitter and/or painful, to my soul.
Faithful Son, I never said anything was troublesome..... I said some things trouble ME.
I appreciate your comments, and ask you to see the light that my post was written in.

I would also like to hear from Word of Life.

the word of God is a sword, and it's not used for spreading butter with.

Hope this clarifies things for you, brother.

Br. Bear

Thank you for the explanation brother Bear, since sister Word of Life says she was not offended, I will put the matter to rest. You do understand however that I need to point out when the line is crossed, even if it's slightly.

I have to ask to however, to please re-read my posts. I am not an advocate of divorce and I have also mentioned that I do not intend on marrying either. You will also see that I did not give sister Word of Life direction to start over, I insisted that she stay with her husband, loving Him as Jesus taught us.

I understand however that a lot has been said in this thread. I do not wish to go off topic or to have arguments or discussions which lead away from the issues sister Word of Life posted, so if you will agree with me. Let's put the matter to rest.

God bless you brother
Much love
Faithful Son

 

[Br. Bear]

Yes,
thank you Faithful Son. Now let us also agree in prayer for this our sister.
That God will brighten her days and she is able to let His peace rule in her heart, mind and soul to the overflowing of thanksgiving and praise...that the love of God in Jesus Christ lift her high above all the present problems she faces, that His love shines through. Oh glory be to God and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in harmony!
In Jesus name...amen

that there be no divisions among you
1 Corinthians 1:10

Bless you,

Br. Bear


And bless you too dear sister!!!
Keep your eyes on Jesus and give Him thanks. the devil doesn't have a chance!

 

[Word of Life]

My mind is still a bit clouded up. And I do know God will give me anything I want or want to do. But is it according to His will or my own will. During the past year, the question that goes through my mind, and quite frequently, God is good, always, but surely He doesn't want to see His children unhappy. I know we are selfish creatures, and only want to do and receive what we want in life and sometimes we think we are doing the right thing, but it could be that we are not. And this could mean that we are missing out on so many spiritual blessings, because of our own disobedience.

If I had gone into that ministry last year April, I can assure you, it would have been for the wrong reasons. I did not see it then, but I do see it today. But this year is not last year, it's a new year and a new day, and I still feel that burning desire, that's where God wants me to be. Now the reason I am saying that, is because, I have asked God to show me in South Africa, where He want's me to be here, I just don't feel settled in my heart and nor do feel as if, He has shown me anything that He wants me to do in South Africa. I have read many posts here, and I have seen how people automatically know when God is leading them in a certain direction, showing them what type of ministry He wants them be in. In fact, most of the time, I feel hindered and blocked, in all I do and seek.

I also have had spiritual attacks. I don't see anything in the physical world, but I do sense them in another dimension. But saying all this, I am certainly not saying I would go straight into another relationship, even though I have those strong feelings for someone else, as I do feel that is totally wrong and would lead to disaster. This I do feel God has shown me, and I fully understand these comments from all of you.

I did divorce my husband. He was unfaithful. Now I pray so much to remain single and not get caught up in another relationship that will distract my love for God.

I know Pixie's husband was unfaithful, and but what does unfaithful really mean. It's not just seeking closeness from another human being and committing physical adultery, I know this is what most people think. There is an emotional adultery too. Unfaithfulness, could mean, you just stay in a relationship, continue on with our own selfishness needs, and don't seek to rectify anything, or change one's self. When Pixie said she prays to remain single, I really know what she means, because now she can give her full attention to God as nothing must come between us and God. At the moment and the way I feel, my emotional bad marriage is coming between me and God. I am sorry, but that's the way I feel. I feel I can't give my full attention to Him, because of this.

Would you try to set a time together with your husband and have a prayer time and bible study together (fasting) (morning or evening)? make Jesus the center of your marriage.

I do hear you Abigya, and I have tried. For some time after work each day, I would come home, and sit in the lounge and discuss and talk with my husband, what I felt God had shown me that particular day. What He had led me too, so we as a couple could discuss it together. I instigated this, hoping that he would continue on and God would work through him (my husband), to teach me. I did this because, before I would just retreat to the study and sit on computer and play games, which I know was wrong and I was trying to change and correct something. I would bring things home, which I pulled of web site, which I found interesting and worrying things. I also emailed them to my husband, getting excited hoping that when I would get home, that we would discuss them. Well I sat and waited and I am not really much of a patient person, but I always had to ask what he thought. Well I wanted a discussion on these things and I felt he wasn't interested. So now, I study in silence again, which is sad. The Bible tells me, my husband will teach me.

1Co 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

I will never marry, only God knows truly if I will or not, but in my conversations with Him I feel totally at peace when I tell Him I want to live for Him only. God has shown me, a single young man, what He is possible of giving me. He gave me everything, He took all I had and He keeps it safe with Him. I don't want it back, because it's not what I need.

I do understand what you are saying here Faithful Son. As I too, need time on my own with God. I even suggested that my husband go and visit family on his own, and go away for a weekend to visit them. And I said this to him with a good heart, because I just wanted time to be with God alone and I told him this. It just doesn’t happen. I can't go away by myself, unless I went to a hotel. I am in a country, where all my friends have left and gone back to England or Australia. I have no family here, other than my husband. So basically I am alone. You see, I am prepared to give everything up, but my husband isn't.

Br. Bear I have read your posts and I thank you for your encouragement and support and I do understand what you are saying. In my case, my husband and I are not one spiritually, and this is causing a division, between us. If you read this thread on here, at Talk Jesus, it still remains.

http://www.talkjesus.com/counseling/13503-demons.html

My husband is still continuing with it, even after I have told him to stay away, but he just won't listen to me. He is getting mixed up with something, which I don't agree with. God's power is within us, and one does not need to go to an alternative place to drive out demons. Recently he told me, he will be going to the Botanical gardens to drive them out. I refuse to believe that this prayer cannot be done, at that person’s house, which the teaching are being taking place. If I have a spiritual problem, I don't wait until I see a preacher/pastor or man of God or go to an alternative place. I try to deal with it, at that time, in prayer with God at that moment. Some demons are hard to drive out, I know this, Jesus has told us that. Some need prayer and fasting, which I am aware of. But there is not one scripture, whereby Jesus tells us, that I need to go somewhere else. Well I haven't seen one anyway.

You asked me this question.

To whom are you married?

The answer to that is God, and He must come first.

At present I am going through a Christian website, which is called "Divorce Hope" and there is quite a lot to read on that site. There are some things, I agree with and there are some things I don't. I am taking my time to go through it and taking one day at a time. Looking, reading and meditating on scriptures, which are supplied, as I read the teachings which are provided on there?

I thank you all for your prayers and may God bless you all.

 

[Faithful Son]

I was reading your thread sister and I was just sitting and praying softly, not really praying specifics, but I saw this link, right below your thread.

I hope it is of some help you, as it definitely spoke to me with regards to your situation.

http://www.talkjesus.com/bible-chat/13009-just-share-u-married-out-there-marriage-2-a.html

God bless
Much love
Faithful Son

 

[Br. Bear]

Oh Dear Sister,

You are blessed. You think and talk Jesus. Like many of us the hearing is usually the problem.
You have been very much on my mind. I want first to encourage you to maintain a stand for righteousness, and see the Hand of God in your life as you do.
Yes, I know your relationship with God is first, and my question was to prompt you fully back into it. I didn't ask for me to know, but rather for you to remember. I do not say you forgot. I think I could safely say that at times we (you included) can get so overwhelmed by the circumstances of our lives that we forget just who our 'husband' is.
Let's liken it to being out somewhere, and some people cause us grief. Our husband/father has the reputation of a man NOT to mess with, ferocious and extremely dangerous. One mention of His name is enough to send the scoundrels flying, fleeing for cover, hoping to escape any of His fury.
The old mafia scenario, type of thing. Well, this is how we need to go about our lives, with the confidence in Christ, that at the whisper of His name, demons flee, trembling. You see, our faith needs to be tangible to us, it needs to have conviction. I have known people like this, and have been one myself, and have watched the terror as people fall over each other to hide when they see you coming.(I am not proud of this past way of mine, but thankful to have Jesus now, and for Him to have me) Evenmore so, Our Lord Jesus, is to be feared, and is feared. The same goes for all other little and big problems that come our way, not only the demon stuff.
A lot of shows about demon deliverance tend to overglorify the 'minister' and the demons. It becomes quite a following, as showbiz has proven, for it tantalizes the mind of the flesh. But really is is a very simple fact, that Jesus and demons do not mix. So take courage at all times, sister, and remember that as a Christian, in His hands, you can laugh at the notion of spiritual attacks. I would honestly tell you to repent of the idea of being attacked. Just as I asked, who are you married to, I ask, who is your Lord?
Do you understand? Don't get deceived by the folly of man. God is not mocked. The very fact that you 'sense' the attacks is because your focus is on them and the posibility that they can get you. Repent! Honestly, my sister, .... give NO place to the devil..... and he will flee from you...
Why? Because, you have given total place to Jesus and that scares the devil more than anything. Sister I have had many people tell me over the years all sorts of nonsense about demons, spirits, being posessed.... they get almost posessed when I tell them it's impossible because I have Jesus and He has me. More often than not, those full-charged exorcists end up later a mess. Why? I thought they were captians of victory, leading the way for others, clearing every demon out of their path.... well that's what they would have us believe, and I think believe themselves. Their focus is wrong.
Demons manifest when a Holy man is present. We don't need a special ministry and as you say, go places for it. If a demon does not manifest, either there is none, or the person/people present are not holy. I think you understand this.
Dear sister, you speak of ministry. What ministry are you doing now?
Is God going to call you?
You get called, my friend when you're in active service. So, what service are you active in? Do you understand? Go down the road, and I know there are plenty of needy roads in South Africa, and as you go, tell the Lord that here you are, Here I am Lord... use me today, I'm here ready for service. You will find plenty to do. You will also get so involved with such service that you'll forget you even have a problem. Best of all, it will go away.
Sister, stop looking elsewhere. It is all through your writing, and therefore in your actions. I encourage you with all these words.
So, you are married to God. Well, if you ask me that's a full time relationship. It also means that the fleshy way of seeing and analysing your marriage to the man in your life is secondary and almost of no consequence. I don't mean that love between you shouldn't exist. But, rather that we tend to over emphasise the importance of it, till it gets us down. Please don't misunderstand this, at the same time I don't want to water it down. Your relationship with your husband (meaning here the chap you are married to, and are saying doesn't talk much) is vitally important to the Lord and He cares more about it than you and I ever could, such is the nature of Christ. You do not need to worry yourself about it though, sister, but rather, give thanks. Oft times our expectations outweigh our giving of thanks, and we can get caught on this. It is God's will that you give thanks. Are you not in His care? Yes, you are, so be satisfied with that and begin each day giving thanks for your husband and everything about him. See how you seek and search with great effort to know God's will and hand on your life, wanting desperately to receive the blessings appropriated to you, and do you think such vigorous effort would be made, and the insights to God's love revealed to you should you have had a 'just so' marriage. These things are sometimes necessary and we can get caught up with the thing that spurs us on, forgetting Him who orders our days for us with such wisdom that a worldly view fails to see, and in fact regards as folly.
So be encouraged some more, my sister. The Lord loves you oh so dearly and cares very much for your situation. Trust Him with it, for He is able and willing and faithful and true. He cares for you.

You make mention of being selfish. I do not think you are. At the same time I agree with you in that we all tend towards loving ourselves .... why else would our Lord use our love for ourselves to put forth the Great command to love, using what we know best and do without effort, loving ouselves, to explain the extent we are to love one another and our neighbour. So, in confessing this you do well, but don't beat yourself up on it ... remember Jesus took the beating for you already. It is not wrong to want to be loved .... every heart yearns for it, every soul lives for it. Sometimes we just have to find a greater joy in Christ's Love, and this usually comes at a cost, a giving of self, and even a taking away from us.

I will be praying the more for you and dear sister, let's pray for your husband, let's love him to the place where he seemingly needs to be. I will be away for a while, so I won't be able to read or respond to any answers/replies you may send, but I will be praying. I can see the 'bind' your husband is in. I can not at this time put the words down for it, but I also believe that you need to see what it is you need to do, and do it. I don't mean go zooming off to the UK! I mean just gently re-focussing and finding peace IN your situation.

I pray this message helps. May you find many wonderful reasons to bless God each day, and rejoice like you never have before, even with tears of joy and laughter!

Bless you,

Br. Bear

 

[Word of Life]

Thank you Faithful Son, I have read that thread you directed me too, and thanks Br. Bear, I am grateful for your reply too. My mind is still so clouded up.

My mum rang me yesterday, telling me that I should come back, which makes this even much more harder. She feels God has a plan for me over there.

Throughout the last year, I have basically tried to avoid dealing with a lot of my deeper personal problems, because it just upsets me. I know there is problem, but knowing how to deal with it and not hurt people is the difficult part.

I will come back to this thread in a few days.

 

[Faithful Son]

I'll keep you in prayer sister Word of Life.

God bless you