Staying Married or Get Divorced

[Trishann]

Dear sister this is an old thread but praying that God will continue to guide you and help you through this situation.

Trish :friends:

 

[Maureen]

Sorry Trish
I never realized it was so long ago, it was just I could relate to it at this time, I wonder what our sisters update is today, she mustn't be around now.
Praying it has worked out God willing for her as it has for me Praise the Lord indeed.

 

[HisFollower]

We are to take Christ at His Word, If He says, "Neither do I condemn you", then we must trust this, and go forth in what He says next, "Go, and sin no more". When we are wrong, we need not analyze why, we must just to proceed forward and sin no more. We must not let Satan get an advantage of us, for we are not ignorant of his devices. Forgiveness is the one thing that he will not be apart of, because it cuts off the offence, it cuts off the sin, so that it cannot proceed from sin to sin. The heart of the Lord is mercy.

 

[Maureen]

He says next, "Go, and sin no more". we must just to proceed forward and sin no more
to quote you,

but why then do we keep on unintentionly sinning, if we are commanded GO AND SIN NO MORE?

This has me somewhat perplexed.

 

[Giggles4God]

Maureen,

We are human. I wonder if Jesus meant...Go and don't do that sin (he was talking to a prostitute) anymore....just a thought.

My pastor says that the priority is like this:

God
Spouse
Children
Job
Ministry


etc...

If you have a husband or wife...that does NOT mean you leave them to go minister! I don't believe Jesus would condone that especially if the first relationship we see in the Bible on this earth is the one between God and Adam...and then the one of Adam and Eve.

 

[Maureen]

Couldnt get logged in here for days, having much trouble with it, and wanted badly to get back here.
Giggles4God
you write 'Go and don't do that sin'
do you really think Jesus limits it to A particular 'sin'?
I had thought bout it for a few minutes and agreed then thought surely that couldn't be His intentions, really?
meaning other sin would be understandable but just don't do 'that' same one again?
or am I getting it all wrong wouldn't be like me you know.

Please let me know please.

 

[Giggles4God]

I haven't really studied it, but I think that Jesus can see into every one of us. He knows what we have done, are doing, and will do. He knows the intent of our hearts.

I think that He said that to her...the prostitute for her to stop living in the sinful lifestyle. He is also speaking to us to stop sinning. We aren't perfect, but we can sure be mature and try to live like Jesus would want us to.

Did that help? lol

 

[Maureen]

We aren't perfect, but we can sure be mature and try to live like Jesus would want us to.

yep, did the job, its what my sentiments are also, some pass it off as sure were human its expected we'll sin anyway, I don't hold with that, to me that sounds like a get out clause to do it.
If we say we know and love the Lord we will do all we can with His help, to avoid sin at all cost.
If we knowingly sin and are flippant over it as if all we need to do is say sorry, we need to sincerely repent, very different, we are not walking as we should be.

Thank you for your enlightenment, meant much.

 

[HoneyBare]

I just read all of this thread because I was "there" not too long ago. Except my dh is not a Christian. Plus, he was very abusive to me most of our married life. I have been told many times after becoming a Christian to leave him. That God would not want me to stay in an abusive situation. So far, I have not listened to them because I so want him to find Christ. I know how miserable he is, and we have lived together for such a long time, we are bonded together.

Since I decided to show him more love, physically, and by telling him how much I love and need him, he has responded positively. He does not get drunk anymore and hit me. Things are looking better, and he is actually being gentle and kind to me, and saying nice things to me. I know he wants to love me properly, but just has to be taught because he never has seen real love in his lifetime.

We went through a lot together, and I just don't believe it would be right for us to separate. Both of us have cheated on eachother, it's not one sided. But, now that I love God, I know He can forgive anything. I know that He loves me regardless of what I've done in my life. I want dh to know that too.

So, I'm starting to attend a small church, and am learning to be helpful by assisting in a children's sunday school class. I love it, it is a ministry, and my dh thinks it is a good thing also. He has been asking lots of questions and I have hope finally that he will risk giving his life to Christ in the future.

But, it would have been so easy to go to a women's crisis center, they were waiting for me at one time. But, I decided to be strong, and it paid out. I would have had every right to do it, leave him and find a better life. But I would have been haunted by leaving a man who I knew saw in me the only Christian he'd ever known, and then I left him. It would have settled it for him . . . he would have only hate for my God and for me. Now I am just waiting for when the Holy Spirit will have His way, and he will find the peace I have found, and the strength and courage. Thanx for starting this thread back up. It was an accident, but I believe it has helped lots who read it.

 

[Maureen]

oh Honeybear
I will come on later up to eyes with pets at mo.
just want to say what a testimony.
I too have had much to 'contend' with in my marriage, prob nothing like as what you've had though, you make me feel weak, but in our weakness is His strength Amen.
I will explain in next post.
You give positive assurance, re-assurance, it can be done through Jesus, but we must yeild to Him, let go, let God is a line that is always in front of my eyes.
Difficult times trust Christ
in all times trust Christ
easy to say, harder to put into action, need to find that 'space' in MY life thats were the answer lies, not throwing myself into 'work' as I've been thinking, only not work for me I dont mean that, but even we too can be taken up with His work that we can become un-centred on the Christ who just wants US.
Obedience, trust, faith, they come from asking, believing when asked, that they are given.
oh will return Honeybear,
cant wait neither can my pets.
in Christ Jesus

 

[Maureen]

well as promised,
though if I don't write at the time it goes, I loose it, my memory is woeful.

its just you made me think of what you've gone through cant even begin to imagine, and you've stuck it out and look what a change you've wrought in your hubby, thats God using you to reach out to him, he sees your persistance, your love, wow you could only love through Christs strength in that situ, for I see it.

Your right this post was meant to come up again, it gives me GREAT courage to hear your life and how you've dealt with it through Jesus, sister in Christ keep on keeping on keep on looking up and I will do the same, we have and cause we need to. Amen.

Please come back and share again, I got so much from your post.

 

[MR_777]

I know I'm new here, but I started reading about marriage issues to find answers for my own marriage problems and I came across this post. Forgive me please if this comes across the wrong way, but as a follower of Jesus I believe you will understand what I'm saying in response to somethings that you stated in your advice.
1.)

Mine was made for me and thank goodness I haven't fallen in love and married another man.

I noticed that you said, "thank goodness". There is no problem with that because thanking goodness isn't like thanking God. What's interesting is that you chose those words, yet I wonder if it was consciously, or unconsciously. My understanding is that God created man and woman to be together & find each other. He doesn't want you to be alone. There is someone put here on this Earth that you can share your love for Christ with, as well as your love for each other.
2.)

Now I pray so much to remain single and not get caught up in another relationship that will distract my love for God.

.
That just seems to be an exercise in futility. Wouldn't God want his children to experience love for each other? Isn't it God's will that we find that person who's meant for us? I really hope I don't sound foolish, but I just feel that our love for one another is just so important and to fully show our love, we must experience it in as many ways as God has intended for us to. I can only guess that you experienced a lot of pain with your previous marriage, but you know that God loves you. Don't you trust Him?

 

[Maureen]

hopefully I dont think Pixie may have meant anything harmful by saying 'thank goodness'
I rememember when I was first saved I used this a lot, rather than friviously use God's name for everything, as those who are not believers do always, I think we become very conscience when we use God's name and when not to, so much more care is taken with His name after being Born Again, I wouldn't read too much into it, I hope I dont speak out of turn, Pixie, would you not come and explain your own meaning, perhaps that would be best.

This verse in 1 Corinthians 7 v 34
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Therefore I dont see anything here in God's word saying it is wrong to stay single, quite the opposite really.
In fact it gives one more time to dedicate to God, as it explains the reason why.

I am not nit-picking Brother _777 I just perhaps see another angle, if you dont mind me saying.

 

[darkest_soul]

i can definitely understand where you are coming from. Only my husband is emotionally and psychologically abusive. He refuses to give me a divorce. Says he is keeping me here strictly for my pay check, yet will not allow me any kind of life.

he has strayed many many times.. both physically and emotionally yet never apologized for it and will not even admit to it. (even though my children and i were witness to one such event).

My husband is not Christian. He says i am into "weird crap" and "strange crap" and that i think i am perfect because i read the "f***in bible" (his exact words). He refuses to give me any kind of emotional support or encouragement. He resents that i am trying to change myself into a better person.

i can't change him or his thoughts and i am done trying. i need to learn to forgive him for the damage he did to me and i need to forgive myself for allowing him to do what he has done to me. THAT little task i am finding a bit harder. But in time it will come.

i too am in love with another man. He and i have not met face to face because he is a true Christian and has said there will be no physical contact until i am divorced. And i respect that.

Ask God to help guide you. You will get the answers you seek. Do the best you can for now until you decide what it is you want to do and what it is that God has planned for you.

Feel free to pm me or email me anytime.

May God Bless You.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Staying Married or Get Divorced?

he refuses to give me a divorce. Says he is keeping me here strictly for my pay check .....he has strayed many many times.. both physically and emotionally yet never apologized for it and will not even admit to it. (even though my children and i were witness to one such event).

While 1 Cor 7:13 says that a woman married to an unbelieving man must not divorce him, it makes no mention of the extenuating circumstances you face - physical and emotional abuse to yourself and your children.

Even if you were married outside the church, this man has violated the terms of the marriage agreement in his treatment of you. My advice to you is to take your childrfen and flee to the nearest women's shelter. They should be able to provide housing for you and, if hubby tries to find you, they won't tell him where you are. After you get settled in at a new location, get counseling for yourself and the kids and sue him for divorce whether he likes it or not. Don't give him control of you in any way.

Spirit Led Ed (SLE)

 

[Veracity]

How did this post get to the top!!! Sorry, anything I had to say was 3 years late and twenty dollars short!!!

 

[Word of Life]

Even though this post is many years old, I am glad to see people opening up and sharing their own heartaches, trials and tribulations.

Can God teach us, ''Yes'', Can God help us to readjust our ways of thinking, ''Yes'' Was it a painful process, ''Yes''.

I felt, He was directing me in ways I didn't understand.

With much crying and pleading to God, God has showed me many things during those years and He has healed me.

I am still married, and my husband is a different man and has given his heart to God also.

"we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement''.

When we go to God with a sincere heart, He is able to heal us.

Trust and speak to God, He can heal!

For those who have replied in this thread and are going through similar trials, even though it may be under different circumstances as each situation is different. Pray often, ask God to give you strength, ask Him ''How can you help me in this situation, and what must I do''.

Darkest Soul, We cannot change our husbands, it's God who is going to change them. God knows how to reach our husbands! It may take time, but He knows exactly how to reach your husbands heart.

Nothing is impossible with God.

 

[Christ4Ever]

Thank you Word of Life in talking with Darkest_Soul.
She is need of our prayers and support. My mother-in-law, who has since gone home, was in similar straights. She stayed with her husband, who was a drinker, smoker, lusted after women, and a non-believer. The husband would even take the kids to a bar and leave them out in the car while he would drink. She stayed faithful to God, and to her covenant. The pain and struggles she experienced would have hardened almost any heart. One day he just left with no forwarding address, with 6 children and her a stay at home mom! He died not knowing his grandchildren, great grandchildren or as far as I know ever accepting the Lord as his savior. Still...This Godly woman stayed faithful! My mother stayed with my father even though he was a drinker, smoker, and womanizer. One day he almost died and no friends or family were there for him. Only my mother. He asked her why she had stayed when he had done all kinds of horrible things to her. She then explained her Lord, our Lord Jesus Christ to him. Shortly thereafter he accepted the Lord and was baptized.
Your story Word of Life goes back to 07 has shown a consistency. Godly Women being faithful to God, and His Word. Keep Darkest_Soul in prayer and guide her if you can. I'm honest enough to say that I have a better chance of knowing where a man is coming from, but women’s? Only my prayers and words of hope can I provide. You all's brother in Christ.

 

[absblaze]

Dear Br. Bear,
I can relate to your cries of wanting relief from a painful marriage that seems dead, as I also had lived in much of that myslef for about 11 years. I have certainly been there. I hope my following words will flow to your heart and help you and your marriage. I gave my life to Christ 4 years ago and began to learn about God and His Love for me and my husband. I was abused in my childhood and had low self esteem and needed Jesus more than I ever knew! Before becoming a Christian I would constantly rely on my husband to be my identity, which as you know never works out because I was relying on a non perfect human just like myself to find a solid place to stand, a warm uncondidional place to land and well, humans are just not that good at that, we are all fallen. Mostly what I had to learn was that even at times I really wanted to leave my marriage because the pain of staying was more than I could bear God began to show me that He was changing ME ! He wanted to do a work in my heart before He would ever change my circumstances or my marriage. And it was painful! But it was the only way, it was a 'death to self' that I had to go through, I had to realize that "happiness" was way over rated and that feelings had nothing to do with loving someone as our feelings can be very misled by our emotions at times. I began to learn that marriage does work, because God said it can. I learned that I had to fully release my husband to God, by getting down on my knees and relinquishing all control over to Him and praying and praying and praying and praying! I had to trust God to help me to give me the "power and will to do what pleases Him" and guess what, after a few years and after doing Christian counseling alone my husband began to change by observing my behavior of following God into the path He was leading me. I highly recommend the movie Fireproof and then following up with The Love Dare, I still to this day go back and study in The Dare to help me keep loving my husband. Remember that there are very few places that will find advice about marriage that will lead you to know how much of a priceless gift it is from God above, it is after all the most complete relationship next to God you will ever have. I pray you rethink this other man in your life, and I hope you try to see your husband from God's eyes, and know that God loves your husband just as much as He loves you. Love is from God, Love the way He loves, Love never Fails. Abigail

 

[absblaze]

Keep Seeking God , He will direct your paths