Staying Married or Get Divorced

[lettheredeemed]

I am in a mess. Some days I can cope other days I am an absolute mess, and today is one of them, that I am an absolute mess.

The Bible tells me I can't get divorced and I know that, but I don't love my husband, I love someone else. Basically I am only staying in this marriage just for just financial reasons, and that is it. My husband knows I don't love him, but he don't discuss it. He won't bring it up and the times I have brought it up, the conversation only lasts for about 5 minutes then nothing else is mentioned, and nothing is resolved. I suggested once, some time back that we see a Christian marriage counsellor, but he won't come with me, he said he doesn't need it, but I can go. This would be no good to me, whatsoever, because they need us both there. I did go to one at a church once, and it wasn't long before being in the pastors company, and he said to me, would your husband come. I know my husband won't go, because he has already told me so.

My husband is a quiet man, doesn't talk much and this drives me nuts. Yes he will speak if I speak, but I feel it's always me who has to instigate everything, holidays, meals out etc. It's me who's in control of it. This basically has gone on, and all throughout my marriage of 15 years this September. The Bible tells me, the man is the head of the home, and he is supposed to teach me. My husband doesn't do this.

Plus/minus 3 years ago, I was witnessed too, and at that time I never knew God. I brought my first Bible and started learning and understanding who God was and who Jesus Christ was, and many other things within the Bible and I was gaining knowledge fast on what God hates and what God likes. Now I fell for the person who ministered to me and I told him so. I have met the guy, in person, committed adultery in my heart, but not physically.

My mum is also a Christian, and she said I should leave. My mum got divorced and found happiness again. But her case was different, as my dad did go out and have affairs with other women physically, and he left my mum. And according to the Bible that is okay.

Emotionally, I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know what to do, as I waited for over a year now for answers, wondering what I should do. Whether to stay in this marriage for financial reasons and stay in a marriage without love, or leave and find some happiness again.

I don't hate my husband; I just don't love him, like a wife should do. And I know this must really hurt him. I don't like hurting him, but I feel I can't change.

I see this over and over in marriages and it is heart breaking. People are so emotionally hooked on the idea that love is a feeling to the point it sabotages their marriage from the very beginning. Love is a choice and just as you chose to love this other person you can choose to love your husband. The decision rests with you but the possibility exists that it could happen again. People think if they only had this or that then we would be happy when in reality all we need is to fall deeper in love with Jesus.

 

[Word of Life]

I see this over and over in marriages and it is heart breaking. People are so emotionally hooked on the idea that love is a feeling to the point it sabotages their marriage from the very beginning. Love is a choice and just as you chose to love this other person you can choose to love your husband. The decision rests with you but the possibility exists that it could happen again. People think if they only had this or that then we would be happy when in reality all we need is to fall deeper in love with Jesus.

Please read the good news!

Even though this post is many years old, I am glad to see people opening up and sharing their own heartaches, trials and tribulations.

Can God teach us, ''Yes'', Can God help us to readjust our ways of thinking, ''Yes'' Was it a painful process, ''Yes''.

I felt, He was directing me in ways I didn't understand.

With much crying and pleading to God, God has showed me many things during those years and He has healed me.

I am still married, and my husband is a different man and has given his heart to God also.

"we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement''.

When we go to God with a sincere heart, He is able to heal us.

Trust and speak to God, He can heal!

For those who have replied in this thread and are going through similar trials, even though it may be under different circumstances as each situation is different. Pray often, ask God to give you strength, ask Him ''How can you help me in this situation, and what must I do''.

Darkest Soul, We cannot change our husbands, it's God who is going to change them. God knows how to reach our husbands! It may take time, but He knows exactly how to reach your husbands heart.

Nothing is impossible with God.

I will reply properly to this thread, hopefully at the weekend!

 

[lettheredeemed]

I look forward to hearing more about it this weekend. May your marriage continue to be blest as you submit to the Lord.

 

[HisFollower]

We know that God hates putting away, so we must make our sincere effort to do the things which God does not hate. I´ve been married for twenty seven years, and if I were to view marriage from a secular view, then I would have divorced long ago. But we which do believe are suppose to look at this life from heavenly principles and practices view, and deny our own will. Therefore in the simplicity in Christ, if we are bound to marriage, we must not seek to be loosed; and if we are loosed from marriage, we should not seek it. In the world by worldly principles, it is endlessly allowable to excuse ourselves from sacrifice and service, that we may pursue our own selfish desires, and comfort and convenience; but it is not so with those that shall follow Christ.

 

[Maureen]

It is possible to fall in love with your husband over again, at a later stage in life, further down the line so to speak, I know, its taking those steps in my own life, so I do know, its possible, and my husband is not saved 'yet' if we stop looking at him with our own eyes and see him as Jesus does, if we stop finding faults with him, and choose to look at the 'good' points he has...they are there, if we only just look for them.
I does work, with the help of God.

Stop yourself in your tracks when criticism creeps in, end it and fill your mind with the good traits he has or does, it over comes the negitivity thinking, and you'll find yourself having that heart that Jesus requires us to have, He sees us 'in' love, His agapy love, sacrifical it is, so we to must be prepared to make sacrifices toward others, even our husbands, they are worth it, please give it your best try, but make sure and ask Jesus to lead you.

 

[Jeff726]

I am currently in a terrible time in my marriage myself. The thing is, I am the one who is to blame for the breakdown between me and my wife of almost 9 years. Right now we have been separated going on 7 weeks and in this time God has brought me to my knees as a completely broken man. She has told me that she no longer feels for me as a husband and is giving serious consideration to divorce.

While I am indeed completely broken, I have used this period as time to recommit my heart and life to Christ (my wife and I are both Christians). God has changed me in so many ways it's indescribable. I have also been praying hard for a miracle restoration of my marriage. My wife has said that if God lays it on her heart to reconcile with me that she would. God has revealed scriptures to me and I feel that He has also spoken to me in dreams, showing me that my marriage will be saved even if the road to recovery is a long one.

I believe that God can restore any marriage and God's word says,"For nothing is impossible with God." (Luke 1:37) This thread is something else that shows me hope as well.