I did really believe now I really do not. I use faith as your book defines it. Not how any particular Christian defines it.
Greetings Vincent
@Vincent
What you are saying, correct me if I am wrong, is you read the Bible and in doing so think you had done what it said.
Anyone can read the Bible, to many it is text on a page, only to those who are born-again can see and read it and know it is 'The Living Word'
Academics read it, highly qualified people read it, ministers who are qualified read it, all of these are probably good people in their own mind, all of these are good readers for sure, many of these will be good speakers, but if they are not born-again it is words of paper.
Some may be athiests, some may be agnostic, some may be simply head Christians. To them, all it is words on paper, they are not born-again. There are many of each of these in the world, there are many head Christians in the churches/places of worship. But none of these are Saved.
Matthew 18:1-3 (NKJV)
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them,
3 and said,
"Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted (born again) and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.
Unless we become like little children, we will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven!
Unless we are born-again we will not see the Kingdom of Heaven
We can all relate to this, no one is born saved. All born again Christians have been where you are, it is words on a page, it doesn't make sense, it cannot be sussed out, it cannot be seen, it won't be either, unless we are born again, born anew.
John 3:3 (NKJV)
3 Jesus answered and said to him,
"Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."
The trouble is as we get older, we feel we can suss things out for our self, we over complicate things, we read things, take them into our heads, analyse them, try to apply our logic and in doing so it remains in our head.
Unless we become like little children, is hard for an adult to accept, we are older, we understand more, we are not kids anymore. Jesus didn't say that, he talks from the heart, when he says we should be like little children he is saying trust me, trust my Word, trust my Father in Heaven. Submit to the Father through me, it is as simple as that. God is saying, don't just read The Word, take what I say to heart, believe me, trust me, as a little child does.
A child may say, daddy is the moon really made of cheese, if daddy says yes love, the child believes, because the little child trusts daddy, loves daddy, accepts what daddy says. Jesus is saying, my Word is Truth, trust me, trust my Father, my Father loves you so much, I died for your sins, believe me, allow me into your heart, I can do nothing for you if I am only in your head.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
John 12:44-50 (NKJV)
44 Then Jesus cried out and said,
"He who believes in Me, believes not in Me but in Him who sent Me.
45 And he who sees Me sees Him who sent Me.
46 I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.
47 And if anyone hears My words and does not believe, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world.
48 He who rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him--the word that I have spoken will judge him in the last day.
49 For I have not spoken on My own authority; but the Father who sent Me gave Me a command, what I should say and what I should speak.
50 And I know that His command is everlasting life. Therefore, whatever I speak, just as the Father has told Me, so I speak."
1 Corinthians 2:14 (NKJV)
14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
None believers, not born again are veiled from the Truth in God's Word. Hence it is words on a page. 2 Cor 4:3.
Faith in God, through Jesus, is the simplest thing in the world, realise we are sinners, come to the cross, accept Jesus died for our sins, repent, believe as little children. and the veil is removed.
If it is in the head, it is dead!
If it is in the heart, it is where life starts.
May the Lord Bless you, may His light shine upon you, once you realise your sins, you realise you need a saviour. Come to Jesus as you are, repent and accept Him as a child does, come to the Father, through Jesus, repent and accept Him, call Him Father, Abba Father, call Him daddy, He loves you and is waiting for you to open the door and let Him in. God made the first move to save you, Jesus died for our sins so that we may be saved. He says that in John 12:47 above and elsewhere in scripture.
Jesus stands at the door of your heart my friend, but only you can open it.
Peace be with you.