Women who want to be holy, don’t marry men who choose bad women

[Godbehonored]

21 years together. The control. The deflection when faced with themselves. Always my fault. The Ego that eventually presented itself larger than life.

21 years… Those signs you mentioned would have started to surface 2-3 years into the relationship (even earlier if you pay attention). But you either refused to see them or you deluded yourself into thinking your partner will change.

 

[Godbehonored]

I don’t think that secondpart of what you are referencing says the same thing you are trying to make it say.or are comparing it too…
Else you find yourself in the same situation (chasing strange Gods) not realizing it.
As you speak from the traditions of Christianity that have been spoken for so long. And not so much your fault. Until you seek God yourself through the Spirit that leads to His Truth. Then he will show you, and you may feel what he feels. Else you project your humanity (flesh) upon God(spirit) And they are not equal!

Again you fail to understand what I’m saying, just like you did many times already.

I am going through what God has been going through with the entire human race:

1) God wants the best and cares deeply for humanity, but humanity don’t appreciate that and run after and love idols

Vs

2) I want the best and care deeply for a man, but this man don’t appreciate that and run after and love evil woman

The feelings in both situations are similar, hence the comparison.

 

[Godbehonored]

I simply go off your own words…. Neith do I draw hasty conclusion. I allow your own words to speak for themselves.

But I do agree that no relationship should be rushed into, and that we shouldnt be impulsive with our feelings. You are simply learning self control.

But you say your on the lookout for certain “qualities”. To avoid. All kids of books that speak of them, which means you listen to them.
And the thing with this is these “qualities”, can also be apart of simple human nature. None of us are perfect, and all have our flaws. And your judgment is based upon past hurts and current pains…which blurs your vision.

All are at different levels of maturity and are growing. You don’t know if you don’t have it in you to be the one to change that man. As long as he is willing. And it will take you going through it over and over, as this is how majority of men are raised. It’s engrained in them. So how would you know if God wasn’t using you to be his tool to make such a change in one? Since this is a reaccuring theme in your life?

This is why your healing is so important, and why your own “ego” must take up its own Cross and follow until “death”, so you may be raised to new life!

I’m not saying put up with it by multiple men. But I am saying that when that one comes along, that grabs your heart and you can’t help it, and he walks away to another, but then comes back, and walks away again and then comes back and walks away again and comes back…..if he keeps coming back…there is possibility that he can and will change with Gods Love, patients, forgiveness, mercy and Grace. For that is what will change him.

Like attracts like. Yet also it’s opposite. And can be both at the same time! Not your fault, as it’s how your made. But is choices you choose to make.
Yours to figure out. Why is the wrong question.

When I say be on the lookout, I mean pay attention to the red flags WHEN THEY APPEAR rather than ignore and dismiss them. I did NOT mean actively look for them in everyone.

Perhaps God is using me in some way, but that does not mean I will stay around to get used over and over. I am NOT God. You are suggesting something very deadly, that I stick around for a man to leave and come back, over and over. The only thing guaranteed by doing this is that my heart will be stepped on over and over.

Whether the man will change by me sticking around is NEVER a guarantee. You are essentially telling me to stay in an abusive situation, when you earlier on said you don’t advocate anyone staying in one. You contradict yourself and make unreasonable demands on women. Goodbye.

Don’t bother replying to me because I’m not responding anymore. I did not go about looking for red flags but the red flags you have shown is flying in my face right now. Lol

 

[Luminary]

21 years… Those signs you mentioned would have started to surface 2-3 years into the relationship (even earlier if you pay attention). But you either refused to see them or you deluded yourself into thinking your partner will change.

No man can know another man’s Spirit, except that man himself! You can neither know my mind nor my heart to say such a thing…

I have already expressed why. You must pay attention

I was green to the world. Naïve. Ignorant. Sheltered!
I was 14 and they were 18. So how could I have know better? I was still a child. And an abused one at that already. It was familiar!

Yet when I did become aware, I was already too deep. They had my heart, and a child together later. I made excuses for them, just like I did my parents. Really thought something was wrong with me! As my Father didn’t love me properly. My mother didn’t love me properly. And neither did they! It Must have been something wrong with Me!
Something I was doing wrong!

My Love, for those closest to me, is what blinded me. Fear, of loosing them, is what kept me there. It took a suicide attempt, facing death itself! To have the courage to walk away, from All of them! And took me a long time to get there. Alone.

And when I did walk away, it caught my partners’ attention! They conceded, and -attempted- to change. They made effort to change. And have continued to do so. Failed every step of the way! As Humans do! Yet, continues to show a willingness to make an effort. So I choose to continue to give them a chance! 70x7. Now, 4 Children later.
And OH how far they have come! Even if by baby steps, falling and scraping their knee the whole way…

Foolishness to the world! …lol
Yet God himself, working through us both. Only one of us is aware of it, and gives the recognition where it belongs.

It would seem you are projecting yourself upon me!

I have been quite self aware since the age of 5. Observant of myself and those about me all my life. And has guided me through life. I may not know the term(s) of a lot of things, but I recognize things for -what they are-. And always have. Now my reaction to them, is another story. And still is, as I’m still growing , only being a 10 year old (in) Christ.

I was a weak, timid, shy, fearful
little thing most of my life.
Until I was equipped with the inner peace, understanding, courage, knowledge, grace, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, and wisdom, to overcome all of them. On my way to overcoming the world, like my Savior taught me too.

And now they can either come along, or get left behind. It remains Their choice, as I have made mine.

Which I strongly encourage you to make yours also. For yourself first, and then for those who’s life you will touch.
As either way, you will have an impact on the world around you, like it or not. Life or death. These were and are the choices given, by the one you have chosen to be called by. Thereby hold a responsibility too such.
Just a friendly reminder!

 

[Godbehonored]

No man can know another man’s Spirit, except that man himself! You can neither know my mind nor my heart to say such a thing…

I have already expressed why. You must pay attention

I was green to the world. Naïve. Ignorant. Sheltered!
I was 14 and they were 18. So how could I have know better? I was still a child. And an abused one at that already. It was familiar!

Yet when I did become aware, I was already too deep. They had my heart, and a child together later. I made excuses for them, just like I did my parents. Really thought something was wrong with me! As my Father didn’t love me properly. My mother didn’t love me properly. And neither did they! It Must have been something wrong with Me!
Something I was doing wrong!

My Love, for those closest to me, is what blinded me. Fear, of loosing them, is what kept me there. It took a suicide attempt, facing death itself! To have the courage to walk away, from All of them! And took me a long time to get there. Alone.

Was I in a better state of mind than you? No.

My state of mind:
1) Abused? Check.
2) Walking in lots of fear/self doubt/anxiety? Check.
3) Parents didn’t love me properly? Check.
4) Young, ignorant and naive? Check.
5) Thought something was wrong with me? Check.
6) Fear of losing those I love? Check.
7) Suicidal? Check.

I had all (or almost all) of the reasons/weaknesses you had for staying in an abusive relationship. Yet I never did, and definitely not for 21 long years.

It is a mindset difference. You believe sticking around, making excuses for them, forgiving them unconditionally (70x7) will change their hearts and make them better persons. I don’t believe in that, not for one second.

Your pattern of thinking shows that you have no clue about human nature and psychology.

Sticking around and forgiving them without seeing true repentance is REWARDING bad behaviour, not changing them. Even God does not forgive unless there is true repentance, and it takes WALKING AWAY to wake people up to repenting. Even God abandoned/walked away from His people to bring them to true repentance.

That is why your suggestion that I stick around for men to change repulsed me. You still have that erroneous mentality that you need to stick around and forgive people for them to change, even if they never repented. Your 21 years wasted showed that your solution of sticking around does NOT work.

Judge for yourself whether I am saying the truth.

 

[Godbehonored]

No man can know another man’s Spirit, except that man himself! You can neither know my mind nor my heart to say such a thing…

I have already expressed why. You must pay attention

I was green to the world. Naïve. Ignorant. Sheltered!
I was 14 and they were 18. So how could I have know better? I was still a child. And an abused one at that already. It was familiar!

Yet when I did become aware, I was already too deep. They had my heart, and a child together later. I made excuses for them, just like I did my parents. Really thought something was wrong with me! As my Father didn’t love me properly. My mother didn’t love me properly. And neither did they! It Must have been something wrong with Me!
Something I was doing wrong!

My Love, for those closest to me, is what blinded me. Fear, of loosing them, is what kept me there. It took a suicide attempt, facing death itself! To have the courage to walk away, from All of them! And took me a long time to get there. Alone.

And when I did walk away, it caught my partners’ attention! They conceded, and -attempted- to change. They made effort to change. And have continued to do so. Failed every step of the way! As Humans do! Yet, continues to show a willingness to make an effort. So I choose to continue to give them a chance! 70x7. Now, 4 Children later.
And OH how far they have come! Even if by baby steps, falling and scraping their knee the whole way…

Foolishness to the world! …lol
Yet God himself, working through us both. Only one of us is aware of it, and gives the recognition where it belongs.

It would seem you are projecting yourself upon me!

I have been quite self aware since the age of 5. Observant of myself and those about me all my life. And has guided me through life. I may not know the term(s) of a lot of things, but I recognize things for -what they are-. And always have. Now my reaction to them, is another story. And still is, as I’m still growing , only being a 10 year old (in) Christ.

I was a weak, timid, shy, fearful
little thing most of my life.
Until I was equipped with the inner peace, understanding, courage, knowledge, grace, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, and wisdom, to overcome all of them. On my way to overcoming the world, like my Savior taught me too.

And now they can either come along, or get left behind. It remains Their choice, as I have made mine.

Which I strongly encourage you to make yours also. For yourself first, and then for those who’s life you will touch.
As either way, you will have an impact on the world around you, like it or not. Life or death. These were and are the choices given, by the one you have chosen to be called by. Thereby hold a responsibility too such.
Just a friendly reminder!

I can’t be sure WHY you have that erroneous belief that one needs to stick around, allow people to come back and walk away over and over for them to change, but if you think it is because that’s what God does, your belief is faulty.

When a generation of God’s people sin against Him and don’t repent, He always walks away first. When they genuinely repent, God comes back. But when the NEXT generation of God’s people do the same and sin against Him, He again walks away first. You see this pattern of God forgiving His people over and over because He is dealing with different generations of people.

The same does not apply to you or me. Neither you or me deal with generations of people. So the pattern of forgiving over and over does NOT apply to you or me either. God’s principle for EVERY generation is this: there is no forgiveness without repentance.

If a particular person needs to be forgiven over and over, this person has never repented in the first place and doesn’t even qualify for forgiveness.

 

[Luminary]

Again you fail to understand what I’m saying, just like you did many times already.

I am going through what God has been going through with the entire human race:

1) God wants the best and cares deeply for humanity, but humanity don’t appreciate that and run after and love idols

Vs

2) I want the best and care deeply for a man, but this man don’t appreciate that and run after and love evil woman

The feelings in both situations are similar, hence the comparison.

 

[Luminary]

Again you fail to understand what I’m saying, just like you did many times already.

I am going through what God has been going through with the entire human race:

1) God wants the best and cares deeply for humanity, but humanity don’t appreciate that and run after and love idols

Vs

2) I want the best and care deeply for a man, but this man don’t appreciate that and run after and love evil woman

The feelings in both situations are similar, hence the comparison.

I get get what saying

But you are not listening to me….and rather speaking for me. As you have many times already. Being extremely Presumptuous.

15 Bible verses about Not Knowing God

A topical Bible which shows the most relevant Bible verse for each topic

bible.knowing-jesus.com

As has been ruled already, since OT, They didn’t know the God they claim. And we suffer from the same issue today in Christianity.

So how can anyone appreciate what they don’t know? They don’t know themselves(hence the learning by mistakes) let alone a God who is Spirit!

Humanity runs after what they can see and touch. They live from the outside (flesh) in, instead of the inside(Spirit) out!
Hence the wood, stone, idols and temples.

Pleasure seeking. Feel good sensations from the flesh!!! From women.

And since you present this example, to presume how God feels….Did you truly know the one you speak of? Or was it a lot of Presumptions like you have done here with me, and God himself?

You dig your own hole

 

[Luminary]

Was I in a better state of mind than you? No.

My state of mind:
1) Abused? Check.
2) Walking in lots of fear/self doubt/anxiety? Check.
3) Parents didn’t love me properly? Check.
4) Young, ignorant and naive? Check.
5) Thought something was wrong with me? Check.
6) Fear of losing those I love? Check.
7) Suicidal? Check.

I had all (or almost all) of the reasons/weaknesses you had for staying in an abusive relationship. Yet I never did, and definitely not for 21 long years.

It is a mindset difference. You believe sticking around, making excuses for them, forgiving them unconditionally (70x7) will change their hearts and make them better persons. I don’t believe in that, not for one second.

Your pattern of thinking shows that you have no clue about human nature and psychology.

Sticking around and forgiving them without seeing true repentance is REWARDING bad behaviour, not changing them. Even God does not forgive unless there is true repentance, and it takes WALKING AWAY to wake people up to repenting. Even God abandoned/walked away from His people to bring them to true repentance.

That is why your suggestion that I stick around for men to change repulsed me. You still have that erroneous mentality that you need to stick around and forgive people for them to change, even if they never repented. Your 21 years wasted showed that your solution of sticking around does NOT work.

Judge for yourself whether I am saying the truth.

Again, you have not listened to what I have said.

Neither did I ask that question. And not sure of the relevance of it. You keep comparing us, and this I have not done. Nor advocated you stay in a -unrepentant- abusive relationship, thus bear false witness against me, manipulating my words.
Like narcissists do….I see you! And you have said as much yourself. I told you, you put yourself on display.

If I have said such or advocated for such, please show me in my own words where I have done so. And I Will correct myself.

I did walk away from my situation. They did show remorse. But went back to old ways. So I confronted it, they recognize it and repeat…

This….is no different than Gods own people. Because the Flesh, cannot accomplish it. “Nothing we can do”. It’s our Nature!!!!! Hence to die in the cross with him, and be “born again” by the Spirit. As flesh gives birth to flesh, and Spirit to Spirit!!!!

I only speak for myself, and have never told you to do the same thing, only suggested something to think about. A different perspective than the one that you currently hold in your very limited scope that you try and bind me too.

I do not judge you. Nor will I. You judge yourself, by your own words, and actions against the WORD that you claim….and you are found wanting and guilty by your own admission.

We all give account for every word spoken. And you display it for the worlds to see. May want to re-read Ecclesiastes again….much for you to gain from it. The whole chapters, and not just verses slicked out..
(Much Love<3…Godbehonored)

 

[Luminary]

When I say be on the lookout, I mean pay attention to the red flags WHEN THEY APPEAR rather than ignore and dismiss them. I did NOT mean actively look for them in everyone.

Perhaps God is using me in some way, but that does not mean I will stay around to get used over and over. I am NOT God. You are suggesting something very deadly, that I stick around for a man to leave and come back, over and over. The only thing guaranteed by doing this is that my heart will be stepped on over and over.

Whether the man will change by me sticking around is NEVER a guarantee. You are essentially telling me to stay in an abusive situation, when you earlier on said you don’t advocate anyone staying in one. You contradict yourself and make unreasonable demands on women. Goodbye.

Don’t bother replying to me because I’m not responding anymore. I did not go about looking for red flags but the red flags you have shown is flying in my face right now. Lol

Now you are back tracking. It’s there to be read, as I don’t have time to go back and quote you here….

God is IN us! And when God is in us, this becomes guaranteed. Because it’s Not you, but God within you.

You seek to protect your stone cold heart, instead of allowing God to change it, transform it(circumcise it), and protect it, thus bring it it back to Life<3
Thus show a lack of Faith and mere lip service.

What I suggest is deadly. It’s death to the ego that you seek so hard to protect. You must die with him, to be raised with him. There is NO other Way!!!!!!!!

Mankind always has a way, of Twisting the Truth, believing their own twister, and shutting out the one That is given. You are a modern example of what was spoken so long ago, thus showing the validity of the scriptures.

You need not be that kind of example. And as you are alive today, still have a chance to turn it around. This choice always, always remains yours. Please choose to Live….as he wants NONE to parish. Even the ungreatful and wicked.

 

[Luminary]

I can’t be sure WHY you have that erroneous belief that one needs to stick around, allow people to come back and walk away over and over for them to change, but if you think it is because that’s what God does, your belief is faulty.

When a generation of God’s people sin against Him and don’t repent, He always walks away first. When they genuinely repent, God comes back. But when the NEXT generation of God’s people do the same and sin against Him, He again walks away first. You see this pattern of God forgiving His people over and over because He is dealing with different generations of people.

The same does not apply to you or me. Neither you or me deal with generations of people. So the pattern of forgiving over and over does NOT apply to you or me either. God’s principle for EVERY generation is this: there is no forgiveness without repentance.

If a particular person needs to be forgiven over and over, this person has never repented in the first place and doesn’t even qualify for forgiveness.

Please go back through and re read the words I actually spoke. And not how they entered your mind and came back out. You will find I did no such thing.

You are also reasoning with a carnal(fleshy) mind, and not that of the Spirit. This going down a road I never paved.

You must be born again and learn to walk from the Spirit, to understand what I’m saying and getting at. For it is foolish to those who are Spiritually discerned.

“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.”
1 Cor2:14

 

[Christ4Ever]

I don’t look for love in men or people anymore. They are unreliable.

I’m just waiting for the day I can leave this world behind.

Dear Sister,
I've been reading this thread for a while now, and have wanted to comment now and again, with the hope of reaching you where you're at and pulling you up out of the hole of bitterness you find yourself in and in some ways seem to relish. Yet, the Spirit has said no. At least not to respond until now anyway. I know despite your words; you have a great love for even those who have done you wrong and continue in the games they've been playing, at the price of peoples lives. (No bitter laughter now!) I believe this to be true by the words you have shared. You won't have Him in you if it were not so.

Still, that doesn't change the frustration/bitterness that you feel for the blindness of humanity, both women, and men. You too have an affect in those you come into contact with who may seek guidance in knowing our God's great love and how immutable it is. If this were not so how could He continue to show His Love towards us through His Mercy and Grace? Do you believe His love to us just limited to the Sacrifice of His Son on the Cross?

We all feel it at some time in our life what you have experienced way too much of. Still, in so having experienced, you have been given a discernment that many do not have, for they lack the very experiences you hate and despise that which has been given to you. Oh, that you had not had to go through in your life what you have, in order to have this gift!!! If only, sadly, is not available to you. You have it whether you wanted it or not. For you are His Child, and obedient. Though difficult at times it may be!!!

What I see in your words, is an inability to show the Love of Christ, while at the same time you are using a cudgel to beat everyone that dares try to show that you must temper calling it like it is with the same love that resides inside of you that you've hidden. There are many believers who do that. Maybe, not in the topic that you have opened here on in this thread to share/warn of but the same disappointment inherent in holding unto that which should be let go of, others do/have done as well. So, by your experiences you have determined that one size fits all and so it must be so and you know best. You know enough of Scripture I'm sure, to realize that this is not so. In fact, just look at the bios of believers on Talk Jesus and you will see the variety of ways that God has drawn each to Himself in Christ Jesus. The same happens in relationships with others, even in those who profess to be believers and are your Brothers & Sisters in Christ Jesus!

I won't tell you that you are wrong in your assessments because they are founded on your own experiences, and observations. What I will tell you is that there is more depth to what you experienced and have observed in the very people you are seeing move before you. Life is through Christ Jesus, but when it comes to relationships Man/Woman, we have a tendency to lock Him in a closet inside of us, and instead of Him being in the forefront, we allow for our baser instincts/emotions to take over in determining the right/wrong of it. The devil loves when we do that!

I myself have been married 38 years, with my wife who now is disabled. Her experiences through her own parents were polar opposites of mine with my parents. The one constant was that each woman, Godly woman married unbelieving men! Both drinkers, and womanizers. Both women stayed faithful, while experiencing two different results with the men they married. My wife's Dad did not receive the Lord and abandoned her with 6 children in a place they had only been there for 6 months. While my father received the Lord and was Baptized in his 60's and they stayed married until he went home to be with the Lord at the age of 78.

I could tell you stories about both these women, that would bring tears, and laughter to your eyes. Not the fake/bitter LMAO that you have used many times in this thread, but the ones that would show you that even in the trials that we all go through, it is possible to have the joy of the Lord always though at the times we are going through them we find it hard to do so!!!! I love this Scripture written by Paul. He wrote it while he was in Prison of all places!!!

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Philippians 4:4 NKJV

Now one may ask how we can go through the trials and tribulations that we are told we would go through, and have/are going through, and still be able to "rejoice"! Well, not easily that's for sure!!! But there is a way to do so, and that is not to put our focus on the object of our pain, but rather on the One who can and will wipe away every tear/pain that we have known. Jesus!!!

The following verses after the above Scripture tell you.

(5) Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord [is] at hand. (6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-7 NKJV

There is so much more I could add, and share with you. Like in the above verses he doesn't say God is going to fix it, but rather you'll have a peace that the World can't/won't be able to understand in spite of them. However Sister, its getting late, and I have some labor of love things to get done before my night ends and I can get some rest!

I will leave you with one question/thought or so for you before calling it a night. If God were to bring a Godly man into your life. What baggage are you bringing with you, that would be an impediment to a healthy fruitful marriage in the Lord? Oh, by the way if God's will be for such a man to come into your life. Don't you think you ought be praying for him...now and not later? In the hope that he's bringing less baggage then you have to your being one in a covenant with God? And hopefully he's doing the same for you!!! Unless you're sure of God's will for you that is....

With the Love of Christ Jesus Sister.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

 

[Godbehonored]

Again, you have not listened to what I have said.

Neither did I ask that question. And not sure of the relevance of it. You keep comparing us, and this I have not done. Nor advocated you stay in a -unrepentant- abusive relationship, thus bear false witness against me, manipulating my words.
Like narcissists do….I see you! And you have said as much yourself. I told you, you put yourself on display.

If I have said such or advocated for such, please show me in my own words where I have done so. And I Will correct myself.

I did walk away from my situation. They did show remorse. But went back to old ways. So I confronted it, they recognize it and repeat…

This….is no different than Gods own people. Because the Flesh, cannot accomplish it. “Nothing we can do”. It’s our Nature!!!!! Hence to die in the cross with him, and be “born again” by the Spirit. As flesh gives birth to flesh, and Spirit to Spirit!!!!

I only speak for myself, and have never told you to do the same thing, only suggested something to think about. A different perspective than the one that you currently hold in your very limited scope that you try and bind me too.

I do not judge you. Nor will I. You judge yourself, by your own words, and actions against the WORD that you claim….and you are found wanting and guilty by your own admission.

We all give account for every word spoken. And you display it for the worlds to see. May want to re-read Ecclesiastes again….much for you to gain from it. The whole chapters, and not just verses slicked out..
(Much Love<3…Godbehonored)

This is going in circles.

The only reason I brought myself into the picture to compare with you is to SHOW YOU that an abused person does not have to waste 21 years in a relationship.

And that part about me manipulating your words is totally false. I respond to you based on how your words came across to me, at most I misunderstood what you said. There was never a deliberate manipulation on my part, you ascribed an ill intention onto me that never existed. I’m stopping this discussion with you because you are doing the same things you falsely accuse me of: bearing false witness. I have yet to say you are manipulating my words despite that you’ve clearly failed to understand my point.

I don’t even know how you define ego, but from what I see, your definition of ego is what I call self respect. I choose to agree to disagree. Farewell.

 

[Godbehonored]

Dear Sister,
I've been reading this thread for a while now, and have wanted to comment now and again, with the hope of reaching you where you're at and pulling you up out of the hole of bitterness you find yourself in and in some ways seem to relish. Yet, the Spirit has said no. At least not to respond until now anyway. I know despite your words; you have a great love for even those who have done you wrong and continue in the games they've been playing, at the price of peoples lives. (No bitter laughter now!) I believe this to be true by the words you have shared. You won't have Him in you if it were not so.

Still, that doesn't change the frustration/bitterness that you feel for the blindness of humanity, both women, and men. You too have an affect in those you come into contact with who may seek guidance in knowing our God's great love and how immutable it is. If this were not so how could He continue to show His Love towards us through His Mercy and Grace? Do you believe His love to us just limited to the Sacrifice of His Son on the Cross?

We all feel it at some time in our life what you have experienced way too much of. Still, in so having experienced, you have been given a discernment that many do not have, for they lack the very experiences you hate and despise that which has been given to you. Oh, that you had not had to go through in your life what you have, in order to have this gift!!! If only, sadly, is not available to you. You have it whether you wanted it or not. For you are His Child, and obedient. Though difficult at times it may be!!!

What I see in your words, is an inability to show the Love of Christ, while at the same time you are using a cudgel to beat everyone that dares try to show that you must temper calling it like it is with the same love that resides inside of you that you've hidden. There are many believers who do that. Maybe, not in the topic that you have opened here on in this thread to share/warn of but the same disappointment inherent in holding unto that which should be let go of, others do/have done as well. So, by your experiences you have determined that one size fits all and so it must be so and you know best. You know enough of Scripture I'm sure, to realize that this is not so. In fact, just look at the bios of believers on Talk Jesus and you will see the variety of ways that God has drawn each to Himself in Christ Jesus. The same happens in relationships with others, even in those who profess to be believers and are your Brothers & Sisters in Christ Jesus!

I won't tell you that you are wrong in your assessments because they are founded on your own experiences, and observations. What I will tell you is that there is more depth to what you experienced and have observed in the very people you are seeing move before you. Life is through Christ Jesus, but when it comes to relationships Man/Woman, we have a tendency to lock Him in a closet inside of us, and instead of Him being in the forefront, we allow for our baser instincts/emotions to take over in determining the right/wrong of it. The devil loves when we do that!

I myself have been married 38 years, with my wife who now is disabled. Her experiences through her own parents were polar opposites of mine with my parents. The one constant was that each woman, Godly woman married unbelieving men! Both drinkers, and womanizers. Both women stayed faithful, while experiencing two different results with the men they married. My wife's Dad did not receive the Lord and abandoned her with 6 children in a place they had only been there for 6 months. While my father received the Lord and was Baptized in his 60's and they stayed married until he went home to be with the Lord at the age of 78.

I could tell you stories about both these women, that would bring tears, and laughter to your eyes. Not the fake/bitter LMAO that you have used many times in this thread, but the ones that would show you that even in the trials that we all go through, it is possible to have the joy of the Lord always though at the times we are going through them we find it hard to do so!!!! I love this Scripture written by Paul. He wrote it while he was in Prison of all places!!!

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Philippians 4:4 NKJV

Now one may ask how we can go through the trials and tribulations that we are told we would go through, and have/are going through, and still be able to "rejoice"! Well, not easily that's for sure!!! But there is a way to do so, and that is not to put our focus on the object of our pain, but rather on the One who can and will wipe away every tear/pain that we have known. Jesus!!!

The following verses after the above Scripture tell you.

(5) Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord [is] at hand. (6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-7 NKJV

There is so much more I could add, and share with you. Like in the above verses he doesn't say God is going to fix it, but rather you'll have a peace that the World can't/won't be able to understand in spite of them. However Sister, its getting late, and I have some labor of love things to get done before my night ends and I can get some rest!

I will leave you with one question/thought or so for you before calling it a night. If God were to bring a Godly man into your life. What baggage are you bringing with you, that would be an impediment to a healthy fruitful marriage in the Lord? Oh, by the way if God's will be for such a man to come into your life. Don't you think you ought be praying for him...now and not later? In the hope that he's bringing less baggage then you have to your being one in a covenant with God? And hopefully he's doing the same for you!!! Unless you're sure of God's will for you that is....

With the Love of Christ Jesus Sister.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><














Sadly, you are using it as a cudgel to beat everyone that dares try to show you the Love of Christ that not just for a few, but for all.

(3) For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; (4) that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, (5) not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; (6) that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord [is] the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. (7) For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. (8) Therefore he who rejects [this] does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 NKJV




This might not change after reading this, but if it were a sadness instead, it would be more Christlike in how you look at people, and in hope, eventually loving them unconditionally like He has loved/loves us.




Humanity since the fall has always been unreliable, I mean look at Peter's 3 times denial of Jesus!
Even those who knew Him intimately left Him, and betrayed by one close to Him.
Yet, He still loved us. He didn't clean us up first and make us perfect like our Jesus before loving us.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NKJV

And because of His love for we have been able to return it. I'm sure you love Him more then anything else, but I'm also sure it's twinged with bitterness. Maybe,
We love Him because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19 NKJV

(7) Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. (8) He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 NKJV

(34) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (35) "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35 NKJV

Thank you for seeing this objectively, unlike some who couldn’t and keep lecturing me about how I need to let go of my “ego”, which I see as a healthy sense of self respect.

After writing so much on the forums and praying to the Father, much of the bitterness have already subsided. I did get a sense of peace which you quoted from the Gospel, and I am able to treat even the woman who is with the man I care about kindly. Like I said earlier, I’ve left this up to God. I don’t have to marry if God is going to take me home single.

As for your question/thought, the only hindrance I see glaringly in the face is a lack of trust (fear of being hurt), and an inability to let go of past hurts. I keep on playing in my mind how I will respond if some man who has hurt me before decides to come back into my life. I can’t get past the thought that I want this man to feel exactly the pain he gave to me. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.

If you look at the story of Joseph, who was deeply hurt by the betrayal of his brothers, did not receive his brothers right away when they returned to his life to buy grain. Instead, he tested them in a pretty nasty way, even wronging his young brother of stealing his cup. This was his moment of wanting his brothers to feel the same pain he did, but when his brothers accepted the consequences, he welcomed them again. I have the same mentality now, I will not accept a man who has hurt me before back into my life unless he is willing to go through the same pain he put me through. This willingness to share the pain you brought onto others is crucial to mend any broken relationship, otherwise the relationship is still a selfish one because it’s all about escaping consequences of the hurt you brought onto others rather than loving and making up to the one you hurt.

 

[Luminary]

This is going in circles.

The only reason I brought myself into the picture to compare with you is to SHOW YOU that an abused person does not have to waste 21 years in a relationship.

And that part about me manipulating your words is totally false. I respond to you based on how your words came across to me, at most I misunderstood what you said. There was never a deliberate manipulation on my part, you ascribed an ill intention onto me that never existed. I’m stopping this discussion with you because you are doing the same things you falsely accuse me of: bearing false witness. I have yet to say you are manipulating my words despite that you’ve clearly failed to understand my point.

I don’t even know how you define ego, but from what I see, your definition of ego is what I call self respect. I choose to agree to disagree. Farewell.

You keep saying I wasted 21 years in this relationship. There was no loss, but gain. I gained 4 beautiful children who I adore. I gained a great person who I could see was in there, but damaged. They have gained a new perspective on The Love that they never grew up with. A family that neither of us had. And no one will ever know how their or my life would have turned out had I not gave up on them. It was more than just cheating. It was the control and The disrespect.
How can I blame them when they were never shown any better? I stayed for my own reasons. Not excuses.

Not once have you asked what I did, to make them want to leave. For I am guilty myself of pushing them away. Ugly ways I had before I came to be called. Not bitter, but defensive in my own way. Projecting my mothers ways on them. So it went Both ways.

Intentional or not, I brought it to your attention a few times. You need not read (into) my words. I said a few times I was not advocating for you to do the same, as I was just giving you a way to see that it is not as black and white as you are putting it. As we are all unique individuals and not a one size fits all. So there will be no one type of sign to look for. As you expressed you wanted to help other women see the signs to avoid such situations. When it is (sometimes) such situations that not only being it to light, but can also have healing outcomes for others.

Like how the death of one man, in the most horrible way, can bring about the transforming of an entire world. And save the lives of millions. Even billions!

I expressed to you a few times that I do not judge you, but show you what you are doing. Bringing to your awareness. I also said I understand where you are coming from and what you are trying to get at. It is me that is not being understood. And I have failed in expecting you too. Still growing myself

I can’t know your intentions, but I can see what you are doing. And you look past what I say and place on me something none of my words show. This is why we are going in circles.

I do not define my own words. Ego, is the “I” we live from. Our self identity that experiences the reality we live in. It’s our self esteem, or our self importance. That “I know I’m right”. When the lives of others say otherwise.

It takes “walking in another’s shoes” to gain a new sight, thus a new understanding past what you personally experience. So it’s not necessarily a right or wrong, as we all experience life subjectively. From our own point of view. It’s just when you look through another’s eyes, your own inner world get bigger and clearer. And you come to see that things are not always what you (personally) think they are. And truly sets the foundations for all of our relationships. Be it romantic , familial or plutonic.

I’m really sorry that this has turned into what it has. I am a mirror at the moment. Reflecting back to those I interact with what they are putting out. I can’t help it. (Showing them what they are doing by their own words)

And is/has left those I interact with, with a distain for me. Hard to bare, as it leaves me even more alone. But worth it, as it brings to light the darkness in them. Their choice to recognize it and change it. Or stay in in it. But will loose me in the process. Which shows those who are really my family. And so far, apart from my literal unseen spiritual family, the only one still standing by my side, is my partner. Even after seeing their own.
This speaks more than any words ever could.

I truly hope and pray that you come to be healed, and your Life be flooded with the Love and Light of Christ. All the best you!

 

[Christ4Ever]

Thank you for seeing this objectively, unlike some who couldn’t and keep lecturing me about how I need to let go of my “ego”, which I see as a healthy sense of self respect.

After writing so much on the forums and praying to the Father, much of the bitterness have already subsided. I did get a sense of peace which you quoted from the Gospel, and I am able to treat even the woman who is with the man I care about kindly. Like I said earlier, I’ve left this up to God. I don’t have to marry if God is going to take me home single.

As for your question/thought, the only hindrance I see glaringly in the face is a lack of trust (fear of being hurt), and an inability to let go of past hurts. I keep on playing in my mind how I will respond if some man who has hurt me before decides to come back into my life. I can’t get past the thought that I want this man to feel exactly the pain he gave to me. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.

If you look at the story of Joseph, who was deeply hurt by the betrayal of his brothers, did not receive his brothers right away when they returned to his life to buy grain. Instead, he tested them in a pretty nasty way, even wronging his young brother of stealing his cup. This was his moment of wanting his brothers to feel the same pain he did, but when his brothers accepted the consequences, he welcomed them again. I have the same mentality now, I will not accept a man who has hurt me before back into my life unless he is willing to go through the same pain he put me through. This willingness to share the pain you brought onto others is crucial to mend any broken relationship, otherwise the relationship is still a selfish one because it’s all about escaping consequences of the hurt you brought onto others rather than loving and making up to the one you hurt.

Dear Joseph, (sorry I couldn't help myself),
Sister, I am glad that bitterness has subsided. I can tell not all of it, because someone pushes your buttons, and it rears it's head again in your writings. Those are the times you need to be prepared to handle differently. Maybe, taking time in prayer before posting/replying back because of some trigger words they may have used. Time heals, but as we both know, it doesn't necessarily make you forget. When you can recall, and at the very least its just bittersweet, and doesn't raise the bile in your stomach, you will know that God has placed you in the right path of understanding at last.

Therefore, if anyone [is] in Christ, [he is] a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

There will always be challenges to the change we have in Christ Jesus, and how we react when we do recall those times of trials and tribulations is one of them. Part of it comes with understanding that we made it through those times, not by our own power, but by God's.

So he answered and said to me: "This [is] the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' Says the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6 NKJV

Many will say that "LORD of hosts" is also a Christophany, or an appearance of Jesus in the Old Testament. Confirming that it won't be happening until we can submit totally to our Lord and Savior Jesus. John knew this when he said in John 3:30 NKJV "He must increase, but I [must] decrease." Which is a lot easier to say then it is to do!!! That's why we have the Holy Spirit in us who is to help guide us in that change with knowledge and power from on high as well! Little by little dear sister!

When you are able to set aside what has happened to you by others, in such a way that you don't want the same pain that you went through to be experienced by them, or by anyone, then you will know that you have arrived. Another step closer to being Christ Like, a witness to God's great love in and through you. I hope you understand that I'm not saying you have to trust them, or believe everything they say. Not at all. None of us are perfect...yet! Remember that love doesn't require trust of man/woman, but does ask of us to sacrifice. Like our Lord did for us, we do for others. Hopefully, not unto death, but assuredly until death do us part. Because, whatever change which happens to others, will be done by God, and as the above verse says "not by might nor by power, but by My (God's) Spirit".

I speak to a firsthand experience in this. It took me a lot of knee time, with tears running down my face and asking God to help me change my wife...well...He laid it upon my spirit that it was not my job to change her. It was my job to change and be a servant unto her. He said, that changing her was what He would do, and to basically mind my own business!!! Yeah, I have a tendency to upset God, but thankfully He is patient with me. So, I became that servant, and God changed my wife! Don't get me wrong. It didn't happen over night, because you know I was looking and waiting to see! Maybe it was the change in me that precipitated the change in her. Regardless of the how, it happened! When we are faithful, or even unfaithful, God is always faithful!!! So, in those trying times, we need to realign our priorities, and make sure they are His and not our own that we are seeking!

I will continue to pray for you, with the Love of Christ Jesus.
God bless you Sister!
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

 

[Godbehonored]

Dear Joseph, (sorry I couldn't help myself),
Sister, I am glad that bitterness has subsided. I can tell not all of it, because someone pushes your buttons, and it rears it's head again in your writings. Those are the times you need to be prepared to handle differently. Maybe, taking time in prayer before posting/replying back because of some trigger words they may have used. Time heals, but as we both know, it doesn't necessarily make you forget. When you can recall, and at the very least its just bittersweet, and doesn't raise the bile in your stomach, you will know that God has placed you in the right path of understanding at last.

Therefore, if anyone [is] in Christ, [he is] a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

There will always be challenges to the change we have in Christ Jesus, and how we react when we do recall those times of trials and tribulations is one of them. Part of it comes with understanding that we made it through those times, not by our own power, but by God's.

So he answered and said to me: "This [is] the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' Says the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6 NKJV

Many will say that "LORD of hosts" is also a Christophany, or an appearance of Jesus in the Old Testament. Confirming that it won't be happening until we can submit totally to our Lord and Savior Jesus. John knew this when he said in John 3:30 NKJV "He must increase, but I [must] decrease." Which is a lot easier to say then it is to do!!! That's why we have the Holy Spirit in us who is to help guide us in that change with knowledge and power from on high as well! Little by little dear sister!

When you are able to set aside what has happened to you by others, in such a way that you don't want the same pain that you went through to be experienced by them, or by anyone, then you will know that you have arrived. Another step closer to being Christ Like, a witness to God's great love in and through you. I hope you understand that I'm not saying you have to trust them, or believe everything they say. Not at all. None of us are perfect...yet! Remember that love doesn't require trust of man/woman, but does ask of us to sacrifice. Like our Lord did for us, we do for others. Hopefully, not unto death, but assuredly until death do us part. Because, whatever change which happens to others, will be done by God, and as the above verse says "not by might nor by power, but by My (God's) Spirit".

I speak to a firsthand experience in this. It took me a lot of knee time, with tears running down my face and asking God to help me change my wife...well...He laid it upon my spirit that it was not my job to change her. It was my job to change and be a servant unto her. He said, that changing her was what He would do, and to basically mind my own business!!! Yeah, I have a tendency to upset God, but thankfully He is patient with me. So, I became that servant, and God changed my wife! Don't get me wrong. It didn't happen over night, because you know I was looking and waiting to see! Maybe it was the change in me that precipitated the change in her. Regardless of the how, it happened! When we are faithful, or even unfaithful, God is always faithful!!! So, in those trying times, we need to realign our priorities, and make sure they are His and not our own that we are seeking!

I will continue to pray for you, with the Love of Christ Jesus.
God bless you Sister!
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

How would you feel, if the woman you care about not only sided with another man against you, but she slept with him as well?

Only to realise later that she wronged you right from the start and loved an evil man instead of you. Then she now wants to come back into your life. You do love her, but not only has she betrayed you by siding with someone who had ill intentions against you, she has caused you to be robbed of her virginity by being intimate with someone who hated you. Are you going to let her back without her feeling the same pain you did? Will you even let her back at all?

Don’t give me the biblical answer, give me an answer from your emotional/human side. Please immerse yourself into the above scenario and find out just how difficult it is to let go.

 

[Christ4Ever]

How would you feel, if the woman you care about not only sided with another man against you, but she slept with him as well?

Only to realise later that she wronged you right from the start and loved an evil man instead of you. Then she now wants to come back into your life. You do love her, but not only has she betrayed you by siding with someone who had ill intentions against you, she has caused you to be robbed of her virginity by being intimate with someone who hated you. Are you going to let her back without her feeling the same pain you did? Will you even let her back at all?

Don’t give me the biblical answer, give me an answer from your emotional/human side. Please immerse yourself into the above scenario and find out just how difficult it is to let go.

Dear Sister,
To be honest with you, I'll bite on your scenario, even though you didn't mention how I found out about the cheat. My initial reaction would be if the woman I was with had cheated on me and our covenant of marriage. Anger, hurt, and if I didn't turn to God, probably seeking vengeance, retribution on that person or persons, wanting them to feel the same pain I am feeling. More than likely I would have wanted a divorce. Sound familiar?

Next part of the scenario you posed, is that she wants to come back into my life. Unless, I have turned to God for guidance and decide to go by my own gut, I would have to say my answer is no. Sorry, honey, but I can't take the chance that you'd not do it again. Like an old adage goes, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Now I could always put some preconditions in place if yes were to be the answer to accepting her back. Maybe, a prenup where if it happens again, she gives up ownership of everything, and only gets a boot out the door, and anything else I could think of before trying it again.

Now on the latter point that you make about not wanting a biblical answer but rather an emotional/human side. This is exactly what creates divisions in the first place. It's the inability of humanity even church people to make God, Scripture part of everyday life. Sure, one can separate it but if you want to live with God's blessings in your life, I don't think you should. You have to remember God gave His Word to us for a reason. With Marriage, it is most important that Christ, His Word be paramount in the relationship between husband & wife as one. Why? Because the Covenant the Husband/Wife to become one is not only with each other, but with God.

So, if the husband, wife or either one does not use what's available to them in Him and His Word they will definitely allow for a chink in the armor of their marriage to manifest itself for the Adversary to take advantage of. If they don't apply it in their own lives, of what value is it? It really comes down to who do they turn to first when there are issues between them? Oh, and there will be issues, even if it appears to those on the outside looking in that everything is fine and dandy.

I told you in my last post of my "knee time". What if instead of going to God, I had instead looked to another man, or even worse a woman for guidance? Now, do you think I'd have gotten the answer I got from God to become a servant on to my wife? You know the answer to that one!!! So, instead of getting help/guidance from God that on the face didn't appear to satisfy my pride of being right, I would have received what? Surely, nothing of benefit to help mend a relationship that was fracturing. Maybe, that's how it happened in your scenario in the first place! Might that other person not have the same problems you are having??? So, how will they be able to help you, if they can't help themselves? Maybe, that other person/friend wants your spouse, and you're letting the fox into the hen house by going to them for advice. All they're going to do is to put a wedge between you and the spouse. Making the divide even wider and giving themselves a chance to take what no man is meant to separate.

Yet, we don't go to Him first with our problems!!! We go with our feelings, and to others for guidance who are just as imperfect as we are!!! Don't you just love how we operate when we exclude God from the equation? Pain, hurt, can cause us to work in ways that are not necessarily beneficial to others, or ourselves! That is why God must be part of it! He's the only one that knows the whole story, won't lie, and offers perfect guidance to whatever the situation is. Even if we don't know it when we receive it!

Do, you see what I'm getting at? You want to for me to separate what clearly allowed for the problem to get worse in the first place. Maybe, not with both of them, but surely with one of them! What precipitated in your example the woman from seeking that man instead of going to God to help with whatever was going on? You know that none of this starts all of a sudden. There are things that happen in our lives that surely are warning signs, and if you ain't talking with God, then you're probably not talking with each other. At least on the important things of what builds and solidifies a marriage.

The problems we create ourselves is amazing, if not for the fact that God says come to me!

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NKJV

(6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

So, you want perfection? Go to God!
So, you want a happy marriage? Go to God!
So, you want to know what to do? Go to God!

I know Sister, easier said than done, but don't give up on the Hope that is in Jesus! He can make a way where we believe there is no way!!!

A blessing to you:

"The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." '

With the Love of Christ Jesus Sister!
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

 

[Godbehonored]

Dear Sister,
To be honest with you, I'll bite on your scenario, even though you didn't mention how I found out about the cheat. My initial reaction would be if the woman I was with had cheated on me and our covenant of marriage. Anger, hurt, and if I didn't turn to God, probably seeking vengeance, retribution on that person or persons, wanting them to feel the same pain I am feeling. More than likely I would have wanted a divorce. Sound familiar?

Next part of the scenario you posed, is that she wants to come back into my life. Unless, I have turned to God for guidance and decide to go by my own gut, I would have to say my answer is no. Sorry, honey, but I can't take the chance that you'd not do it again. Like an old adage goes, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Now I could always put some preconditions in place if yes were to be the answer to accepting her back. Maybe, a prenup where if it happens again, she gives up ownership of everything, and only gets a boot out the door, and anything else I could think of before trying it again.

Now on the latter point that you make about not wanting a biblical answer but rather an emotional/human side. This is exactly what creates divisions in the first place. It's the inability of humanity even church people to make God, Scripture part of everyday life. Sure, one can separate it but if you want to live with God's blessings in your life, I don't think you should. You have to remember God gave His Word to us for a reason. With Marriage, it is most important that Christ, His Word be paramount in the relationship between husband & wife as one. Why? Because the Covenant the Husband/Wife to become one is not only with each other, but with God.

So, if the husband, wife or either one does not use what's available to them in Him and His Word they will definitely allow for a chink in the armor of their marriage to manifest itself for the Adversary to take advantage of. If they don't apply it in their own lives, of what value is it? It really comes down to who do they turn to first when there are issues between them? Oh, and there will be issues, even if it appears to those on the outside looking in that everything is fine and dandy.

I told you in my last post of my "knee time". What if instead of going to God, I had instead looked to another man, or even worse a woman for guidance? Now, do you think I'd have gotten the answer I got from God to become a servant on to my wife? You know the answer to that one!!! So, instead of getting help/guidance from God that on the face didn't appear to satisfy my pride of being right, I would have received what? Surely, nothing of benefit to help mend a relationship that was fracturing. Maybe, that's how it happened in your scenario in the first place! Might that other person not have the same problems you are having??? So, how will they be able to help you, if they can't help themselves? Maybe, that other person/friend wants your spouse, and you're letting the fox into the hen house by going to them for advice. All they're going to do is to put a wedge between you and the spouse. Making the divide even wider and giving themselves a chance to take what no man is meant to separate.

Yet, we don't go to Him first with our problems!!! We go with our feelings, and to others for guidance who are just as imperfect as we are!!! Don't you just love how we operate when we exclude God from the equation? Pain, hurt, can cause us to work in ways that are not necessarily beneficial to others, or ourselves! That is why God must be part of it! He's the only one that knows the whole story, won't lie, and offers perfect guidance to whatever the situation is. Even if we don't know it when we receive it!

Do, you see what I'm getting at? You want to for me to separate what clearly allowed for the problem to get worse in the first place. Maybe, not with both of them, but surely with one of them! What precipitated in your example the woman from seeking that man instead of going to God to help with whatever was going on? You know that none of this starts all of a sudden. There are things that happen in our lives that surely are warning signs, and if you ain't talking with God, then you're probably not talking with each other. At least on the important things of what builds and solidifies a marriage.

The problems we create ourselves is amazing, if not for the fact that God says come to me!

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NKJV

(6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

So, you want perfection? Go to God!
So, you want a happy marriage? Go to God!
So, you want to know what to do? Go to God!

I know Sister, easier said than done, but don't give up on the Hope that is in Jesus! He can make a way where we believe there is no way!!!

A blessing to you:

"The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." '

With the Love of Christ Jesus Sister!
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

I get what you are saying.

I wanted you to put yourself in the human/emotional side because such a side will always be present as long as we are in this flesh. So even if you constantly seek God, this side will rear its ugly head from time to time and you are putting yourself in a constant battle against it because of what your woman once did. This is a big burden that was not yours to carry.

I personally would never welcome such a man back. I can care for someone without ever being in marriage with them. I can love someone even as a stranger. A marriage or even welcoming someone back into your life is not necessary for forgiveness. I can forgive and wish this man well and still remain single.

 

[Godbehonored]

Dear Sister,
To be honest with you, I'll bite on your scenario, even though you didn't mention how I found out about the cheat. My initial reaction would be if the woman I was with had cheated on me and our covenant of marriage. Anger, hurt, and if I didn't turn to God, probably seeking vengeance, retribution on that person or persons, wanting them to feel the same pain I am feeling. More than likely I would have wanted a divorce. Sound familiar?

Next part of the scenario you posed, is that she wants to come back into my life. Unless, I have turned to God for guidance and decide to go by my own gut, I would have to say my answer is no. Sorry, honey, but I can't take the chance that you'd not do it again. Like an old adage goes, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Now I could always put some preconditions in place if yes were to be the answer to accepting her back. Maybe, a prenup where if it happens again, she gives up ownership of everything, and only gets a boot out the door, and anything else I could think of before trying it again.

Now on the latter point that you make about not wanting a biblical answer but rather an emotional/human side. This is exactly what creates divisions in the first place. It's the inability of humanity even church people to make God, Scripture part of everyday life. Sure, one can separate it but if you want to live with God's blessings in your life, I don't think you should. You have to remember God gave His Word to us for a reason. With Marriage, it is most important that Christ, His Word be paramount in the relationship between husband & wife as one. Why? Because the Covenant the Husband/Wife to become one is not only with each other, but with God.

So, if the husband, wife or either one does not use what's available to them in Him and His Word they will definitely allow for a chink in the armor of their marriage to manifest itself for the Adversary to take advantage of. If they don't apply it in their own lives, of what value is it? It really comes down to who do they turn to first when there are issues between them? Oh, and there will be issues, even if it appears to those on the outside looking in that everything is fine and dandy.

I told you in my last post of my "knee time". What if instead of going to God, I had instead looked to another man, or even worse a woman for guidance? Now, do you think I'd have gotten the answer I got from God to become a servant on to my wife? You know the answer to that one!!! So, instead of getting help/guidance from God that on the face didn't appear to satisfy my pride of being right, I would have received what? Surely, nothing of benefit to help mend a relationship that was fracturing. Maybe, that's how it happened in your scenario in the first place! Might that other person not have the same problems you are having??? So, how will they be able to help you, if they can't help themselves? Maybe, that other person/friend wants your spouse, and you're letting the fox into the hen house by going to them for advice. All they're going to do is to put a wedge between you and the spouse. Making the divide even wider and giving themselves a chance to take what no man is meant to separate.

Yet, we don't go to Him first with our problems!!! We go with our feelings, and to others for guidance who are just as imperfect as we are!!! Don't you just love how we operate when we exclude God from the equation? Pain, hurt, can cause us to work in ways that are not necessarily beneficial to others, or ourselves! That is why God must be part of it! He's the only one that knows the whole story, won't lie, and offers perfect guidance to whatever the situation is. Even if we don't know it when we receive it!

Do, you see what I'm getting at? You want to for me to separate what clearly allowed for the problem to get worse in the first place. Maybe, not with both of them, but surely with one of them! What precipitated in your example the woman from seeking that man instead of going to God to help with whatever was going on? You know that none of this starts all of a sudden. There are things that happen in our lives that surely are warning signs, and if you ain't talking with God, then you're probably not talking with each other. At least on the important things of what builds and solidifies a marriage.

The problems we create ourselves is amazing, if not for the fact that God says come to me!

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NKJV

(6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

So, you want perfection? Go to God!
So, you want a happy marriage? Go to God!
So, you want to know what to do? Go to God!

I know Sister, easier said than done, but don't give up on the Hope that is in Jesus! He can make a way where we believe there is no way!!!

A blessing to you:

"The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." '

With the Love of Christ Jesus Sister!
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

There is another thing I don’t understand.

Why does God allow the same painful situation to appear in my life again and again? There is ALWAYS an evil woman trying to sabotage any hopes of a relationship for me. Even you said that I have experienced it way too much.

I don’t understand what good is coming out of this when I become more and more jaded and my heart is becoming more closed off. I already have a taste of how God feels when we rob Him of the love He deserves by loving idols, so why let me go through it over and over?

I can’t get over the feeling of being robbed again and again. Even if one of those men who wronged me for an evil woman comes back and truly loves me, I would find that love distasteful. This kind of love is low to me and I feel insulted that only now does anyone decide I’m worthy of it. That is why I cannot accept anyone like that back into my life, doing so brings about a constant reminder of how this same person once gave his love to someone else. Do you understand what I’m feeling?

If I was God I would have rejected the entire humanity. I don’t know how God is able to accept a love that was once robbed from Him but I’m not God. I can’t tolerate it.