How to deal with freeloaders

[Hekuran]

Both.

Two major themes running through the letter to the Galatians are grace and freedom.

If someone falls into sin, the response of the church is to restore them gently. Say someone in the church has a fit of jealousy about some issue or other, and treats people badly because of it such as gossip or cutting words. Paul's instruction to the church is that they are restore that person. I don't think that means excusing bad behaviour or, on the other hand taking a punitive approach.

We are all fallen, tainted by sin and part of our journey of grace is to hold each other up when we stumble.

The second part is that we are accountable to God for our own work. I must take responsibility for what I do before God.

Think in terms of a team sport: in a properly functioning team, every member will be doing all they can to support every other member (bear one another's burdens). On the other hand, every member of the team will have to be accountable to the coach for their own performance (carry your own load).

 

[Bendito]

I am a bit confused over Galatians 6.
to carry another's burden or to carry one's own?

This chapter deals with supporting each other in our spiritual life more than it does supporting a persons laziness. Don't you think?

 

[Lanolin]

This chapter deals with supporting each other in our spiritual life more than it does supporting a persons laziness. Don't you think?

Yes. I get that now.

How do you just not get angry when people dump the jobs they dont want to do out of laziness on you.
I think the way I deal with it, which might not be the best way..is to suggest they CAN actually do it themselves and its not that hard as they make out.

But with this person she just totally ignores my suggestion and goes and picks on someone else. Does the bible say anything about this kind of behaviour.

I can think of one instance and thats Naaman when the maid asks or is it elisha..why not just do this small thing go wash in the river Jordan seven times. He doesnt want to do it he expects healing on the spot.

 

[Dave M]

Matthew 5:41
And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Matthew 5:42
Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

I wonder how these versus play into someone who takes advantage of the kind heart, are we suppose to let them keep taking advantage??

 

[Lanolin]

Matthew 5:41
And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Matthew 5:42
Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

I wonder how these versus play into someone who takes advantage of the kind heart, are we suppose to let them keep taking advantage??

Yea thats what Im wondering.

Are we comforted by the verse that says if you lend or give to the poor God will pay you back.

Im not sure about going the extra mile. I sometimes feel like ive gone not two miles but three for this lady.

Ok sometimes its helps to think WWJD? Even though its a christian cliche, well let me think for a bit.

People always asked Jesus to do things for them, was there any time He refused? I can think of all these lepers that got healing and only one came back to thank Him...

However, Jesus wasnt asked or its not said in the bible that people came to him wanting their doors fixed. Maybe he got that all the time..people knew he was a carpenter and people keep expecting he would do carpentry work for nothing. Maybe he just said 'my hour is not yet come?' in other words he didnt have the time to do petty jobs like that.

He probably referred them on to another carpenter who needed the business.

I am sometimes asked by people if they can borrow money from me, and I do find its quite insulting to be treated like a bank. I am not even rich or have all this cash to spare.

One time someone asked me cos her pay hadnt gone in and she was wanting to borrow $40 to pay for power. I said sorry I don't have the cash. ask your flatmate or the power company to give you credit. She was on prepay. And I have no idea why her flatmate, the one actually using the power couldn't pay the bill. I also said ask a neighbour - she ended up asking the neighbour.

This was because I was going down to visit her and I could barely afford to stay one night and had to find my own accommodation wasn't even staying with her...so why did she think she could borrow money off me?!

Anyway..it made me think what can't she pay her bills and isn't it a bit insulting to ask a visiting friend to pay it for you? I wouldn't do that to my friends.

 

[Strypes]

As recorded in Matthew chapter 5, Jesus said....

42Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

 

[Bendito]

As recorded in Matthew chapter 5, Jesus said....

42Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 (CJB)
10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this command: if someone won’t work, he shouldn’t eat!
1Ti 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
Proverbs 19:15 Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless go hungry.

 

[Lanolin]

Ok now am confused. I can't give to someone when I don't have anything to give....
The thing is when someone wants money they usually want it straightaway. I didn't have any to give straight away.

Yea, the flatmate actually doesn't work. I think this friends living arrangements are a bit sus, but that's me.

 

[Bendito]

Ok now am confused. I can't give to someone when I don't have anything to give....
The thing is when someone wants money they usually want it straightaway. I didn't have any to give straight away.

Yea, the flatmate actually doesn't work. I think this friends living arrangements are a bit sus, but that's me.

Lanolin Have you ever heard the verse about being wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove? Matthew 10:16 Jesus did not ever ask you to be a fool So be wise and refuse to do for a free loader. Be gentle as you tell them to build their own life.

 

[Lanolin]

Thanks Bendito.

Well the other freeloader lady tried to ring me yesterday but I had visitors and said I would ring her later - but when I rang her number later, the phone was busy. Anyway she, as usual said to me, before any chance of NORMAL conversation... 'I have a list of things to ask you'.

I just want to head her off cos I KNOW this will be a long list of favours she wants me to do. Thank God I had visitors at the time she rang - someone knocked at the door just at that moment, otherwise I would have been stuck while she rattled off her list of things to ask me. AGAIN.

arrgh!

 

[Bendito]

Thanks Bendito.

Well the other freeloader lady tried to ring me yesterday but I had visitors and said I would ring her later - but when I rang her number later, the phone was busy. Anyway she, as usual said to me, before any chance of NORMAL conversation... 'I have a list of things to ask you'.

I just want to head her off cos I KNOW this will be a long list of favours she wants me to do. Thank God I had visitors at the time she rang - someone knocked at the door just at that moment, otherwise I would have been stuck while she rattled off her list of things to ask me. AGAIN.

arrgh!

LOL Why don't you ask your questions on a private message. I'll be here.....Making tortillas for dinner

 

[Lanolin]

Mmok

Turns out the the freeloading lady has asked another friend to do the typing/word processing.
Im fine with that as long as he's happy to, because I wasnt!!! I should let it go and not be annoyed anymore. She will always try and push the envelope I reckon.

I remember one time she wanted me to tune her radio for her. I told her she could figure it out herself or ask someone who was actually there with her to do it...she kind of treats me like helpdesk central. Yes I have a show on the radio but that does not equal me controlling the radio and knowing everything about it.

Honestly. Some people?!

Mum has a mug that says 'I'm retired. Do it yourself.'

 

[Dave M]

does it any where in the bible say to turn down people who ask for help? I only ask because I have had very similar feelings and experience as you Lanolin, I can relate, but I treated them as a test to serve others even if I did not want to (and trust me I did not want to!!), funny thing is every time I finished the task I always felt better for helping. It has made me become less self centered (still have a long way to go). Its a on going process, that I believe for me is a test. I also try to use it to give Christ a plug in some and any way.

this is just my experience they may not even be closely related so please do not take this the wrong way.

 

[Lanolin]

Well I do feel better when I help people, yes!

At the library I never turned people away but there were a few exceptions with some people that were difficult and they might have been mentally ill you see. In that case we refer them to someone else who CAN help them. Even the good samaritan got his neighbour to a hotel and paid for the night...and the hotel people looked after him. He didnt stay on with the good samaritan right?

Im not saying my friend is crazy but sometimes she can drive me up the wall with all the things she needed help with that she actually can do herself if she stopped and used her brain!

I remember one lady rang the library wanting to know the answers for a quiz on the radio so she could win some money. Lol

We werent going to win anything of course she just demanded we had to give her the answer straightaway.

She did this quite often so we when she rang up we would be like..its xxx again!
If we were rude..she would lash out, if we didnt give her an answer she would insult us..if we gave the wrong answer she would also insult us.

The only way we ever got off the hook was to lavish her with praise and attention, so it wasnt really the radio quiz per se it was just she wanted attention.

However of course we dont go ringing up our customers/patrons just to chat and have a quiz. And she would ring at the most inconvenient times when we were understaffed etc. so you had to be quick.

I think theres a fine line with wanting help to do something and just wanting someone do do everything for you.

I think..often she actually didnt want HELP it was she just wanted me to do stuff for her.,thats not help really. Its just dumping jobs or responsibility on other people who might not be prepared to do it.

 

[Bendito]

I think..often she actually didnt want HELP it was she just wanted me to do stuff for her.,thats not help really. Its just dumping jobs or responsibility on other people who might not be prepared to do it.

There ya go! Now you're onto it. God does not want us to dump all our doing on Him either. We have responsibilities too and it does us no good for Him to do it for us.

 

[Dave M]

Well I do feel better when I help people, yes!

At the library I never turned people away but there were a few exceptions with some people that were difficult and they might have been mentally ill you see. In that case we refer them to someone else who CAN help them. Even the good samaritan got his neighbour to a hotel and paid for the night...and the hotel people looked after him. He didnt stay on with the good samaritan right?

Im not saying my friend is crazy but sometimes she can drive me up the wall with all the things she needed help with that she actually can do herself if she stopped and used her brain!

yeap I feel you on they can do it there selves, thats on them !! I had a freind who lives in a apartment complex with a handyman on call and she called me to fix her garbage disposal, I said no call the handy man she ended up fixing it herself LOL so I can so relate to you sister !! I used to tell this freind I am talking about call me anytime if you need me, know I tell call me anytime if you need me and I will decide if its important or not LOL I think people like this are just lonely maybe, and we should try to comfort them when possible, its a tough line

 

[Lanolin]

Hmm yea. I think have particular trouble because my libriarian training is we answer all questions and dont turn anyone away and of course people arent paying us to help them (well not directly) and so I dont think well no, I cant do this for you all the time.

But I think most people respect that Im not going to do everything for them.
Its just the few that are really pushy and ask all the time that I just think arrgh. Some of thse people have this learned helplessness mindset like they cant be taught or are too old to learn anything. But I think you never to old to learn something new and fear shouldnt hold you back from giving things a go.

 

[Bendito]

LOL I have the mindset, and it only applies to me, that when someone says "How are you?" or "Anytime you need something..." or the like, They are just mouthing the words. They don't mean it at all. In fact I believe they hope you won't call them. As I said though. That's just me.

 

[Lanolin]

Oh I always mean what I say. Thats the thing I dont get along with people who say what they dont mean at all. i just get confused. But you said....

If they constantly do this and kid around all the time i think..well, ok mr or mrs goat Im not going to hang around you anymore...

 

[Bendito]

If they constantly do this and kid around all the time i think..well, ok mr or mrs goat Im not going to hang around you anymore...

I think they speak the politically correct line but....