How to deal with freeloaders

[Shutterbug]

Cats are not really a good analogy because people are not cats. Cats dont have hands that can work.

Anyway...I found this
16. Freeloaders and the Christian Work Ethic (2 Thessalonians 3:6-18)

Esp 2 thessalonians 3:14

Aye, cats are not the same as people. But, they can have attitudes and when was the last time your cat offered to get a job within their abilities to help offset their expenses? In my case, they are pets and I expect nothing in return other than my caring for and cleaning up for them. While the former is desirable, the latter is reality.

Paul was not shy about working and/or keeping busy. He did not take kindly to the lazy or selfish. As such, he preferred to instill in his followers a work ethic which reflected a desire to be productive and earn their way rather than stand on a street corner begging for donations.

Hekuran is basically on target. You do not need to disown them, but they can be controlled by playing to a different set of rules. There is nothing wrong with helping people when they need it and I believe you are of the same opinion. As you have said, you have wheels which makes getting around more convenient. But, they should be willing to chip in for fuel as that would show gratitude and a willingness to help you in return. I think that is at the core of Paul's sermon. If you are paying all the expenses without help, you may need to rethink your strategy. You can continue as is out of kindness and there is nothing wrong with it. But, something must change if you feel your friends can do more to help. You could suggest that while you don't mind doing their errands, can they help pay for fuel to offset traveling costs? I will leave it with you to decide on the matter. It isn't "us versus them", but achieving a satisfactory "win-win". As always, seek and let the will of God decide your course of action.

 

[Lanolin]

A person is not a pet! I dont own people!

I do mind doing peoples errands, thats the point. Her errands in particular are pointless when she could have easily done them herself! I have said to mum if you want to go anywhere far away can you pay petrol and she wont. I said if you want to go shopping, drive my car and she wont. So i stopped driving her around every single week. She now resents me, but I can do my own things now including growing food for the table. She ised to keep asking me to go to the market on sunday when I go to church. Im like no, get a ride with uncle whos going as well. Yet when I take her on a saturday she complains. Everything has to be her way.

Also anytime i offer to go out to eat, she automatically says you pay. My mum has this weird double standard where im meant to pay bills and she doesnt pay anything. She also gets pension and works at the same time, she owns another house and I own nothing, and she gets me to collect the rent if im home. I have no idea what she does with the money as never see her buy anything, even groceries she still gets money off dad.
My mum basically wants to bludge off me and dad and her tenants! Mum can have free public transport, I dont. But she gets a ride with a workmate, when the workmate was off work she asked me to pick her up. I only did a few times but she got sulky if I didnt do it everyday. Thankfully it was only at the train starion not all the way across town but she could have walked. She used to want me to pick her up all the way across town. Didnt pay a cent of gas money and i had to fight traffic to get there, a car did back into me at the factory carpark and nearly smashed up my bumper.

The other friend rang me up last night wanting a ride but i dont see why she wants to get a ride with me when it will take her half an hour extra to go to my house than going straight to the meeting, so i said I would meet her there, and iM not going straight home afterwards. So i hope she doesnt ask again. She uses that opportunity to then ask all these other favours so i decided am not doing that anymore. We did take turns when she lived nearer me but its that she would then try and dump a load of stuff on me. She was basically using me as her recycling depot! Ok im a greenie like the everyone else who is eco concious but i am not a dump.

Another classmate who am carpooling with we take turns, which is how it should be, because our class is across town and all day there is limited parking and we both live near each other.

i mean parents can treat you like a maid if they want can they? Even though im meant to be a daughter, not her maid. But friends shouldnt.

Sons never get abused as much as daughters do.

one of the elderly ladies we offered to take her out plant shopping since she does a lot of gardening said she doesnt drive cos shes was an awful driver, and few people are honest or humble enough to admit that my workmate said.


She didnt say she gave up driving cos she was getting too old.

Ive been in customer service pretty much most my working life and know the difference between a request and a demand. I think what happens is people can treat you like a slave or they can treat you like a servant.

But friends shouldnt treat you like either. Jesus showed that a master And servant relationship was not how God relates to us when we are in his family. We are called to be his friends just like Moses. Friends know what each other is doing in a way that servants dont. The tricky thing is those appearing to be friendly but are really just using others.

You don't even need to say you've changed plans. If it's not convenient for you and you sense that they are taking advantage of you, say 'that's not convenient for me.' No need to explain, excuse yourself or apologise. Friends will stick by you and the bludgers will fall away.

Thank you herkuran.

I have been doing that with some people but for some reason this particular freeloader will keep asking and asking, shes not even a widow. If something is not convenient for me, she was ask again something else.

Its ok God sorted something...she was recovering from a cold so its best i didnt share a ride with her...I just really need to handle it better. I hope God works in us both I really dont like it when I feel like being taken advantage of. Been down that road before.

I hope this will end soon because she used someone else to do her typing for her. Then she got him to send it to me and it was unreadable.
So I just said to the other person dont go to anymore trouble, ask her to do it herself and buy her own computer. Or use the libraries. It seems that person, like the freeloader is such a cheapskate that the computer they have is ten years out of date.

Anyway, it cant be published anyway, so she kind of wasted her time and mine, but i feel sorry for her friend who got roped into doing it. I can just picture her hovering over this poor guy telling him what to type. It was all her idea, so, it doesnt matter in the end but it does make me think she's in a busybody category. Maybe he will wake up to the fact she is using him...cos them he had to ask the lady she was staying with to save the document.

If you serious about being a writer, type your own writing!!

People that cannot drive or cannot use a computer either need to learn how to do both or just accept they cannot use these machines and tools and find other means to get around or do tasks that do not involve using other people to do it for them. Free public transport and free public computers are already provided for people.

Is all I can say. It would be like me going to bug someone to borrow books from someone elses library all the time when I could just borrow them free from a public library.

Moral of the story go to God first who has already provided everything we need before you go bug someone else.

 

[Christ4Ever]

Moral of the story go to God first who has already provided everything we need before you go bug someone else.

ROFL!
Thank-you for the laugh & smile.
I needed it this morning!

 

[Lanolin]

Was talking on phone with person in question just after posting in here.

She said her friend that did the typing was in a bad mood. I can think of why! I just dont like the way she treats him but unfortunately she has a blind spot in that regard.

She does claim disability but..unlike many disabled people, who make a go of things even if it takes them a little longer, she has learned to rely on others, and doesnt necessarily ask them if they have the time but kind of assumes or presumes they do.

Its very hard to talk to someone who self justifies everything.

Heres the thing basically she says she cant sit at a computer and has to have it on her bed and its a hassle switching on the power...

?! (she was in an accident that blew out her hips and knees so that she had to have an operation, but this is her excuse for everything that she cant do).

For a 500 word article, she cant type it herself? I can understand a book maybe you dont want to do that all at once, but..cant see why this would be such a problem that someone else has to type it for her.

She does have a laptop. Her own one. And if you dont hook it up it can run on battery so...yea I dont get it. She just says her friend doesnt have much to do which is why she gives him stuff to do...but I just dont like the way she treats him. He probably does has things to do that dont include doing her things she just doesnt see it that way.

He does things out of love or being polite and she takes advantage of that. Something is really going on with those two, ?! Hes kind of deaf she claims and not up to much, but...she thinks by giving him stuff to do shes helping him? Then he makes a hash of it and doesnt care because its actually not his work.

If only she could drop the imperious attitude, but...I think the ship has sailed. Lord please sort this out.

 

[Shutterbug]

At the end of the day, three unwilling people still adds up to three unwilling people. I have the feeling that your friend can be a difficult person to work with which would make your time together somewhat challenging. I'd say more than her hips and knees incurred damage. I also have the feeling that while you prefer to avoid errands on her behalf, you do not come across as wanting to abandon her. As I am unfamiliar with both the general and wiring layout of her domicile, is an extension cord necessary to reach a table and chair which is comfortable for her? And, does she have the means to print a draft?

Much like life, books are a series of interwoven short stories, Perhaps you could arrange to drop in for tea one or two days a week and do a partial typing leaving her to do some. Call and check on her progress for your next visit. I get that nothing may happen on her end which would leave you at Square One. You may have already tried that tact. Unless the story is more like a short poem, chances are the draft is not done in one short session. Does she have the vision and typing skills adequate for the task on her behalf? And, does her computer have software to facilitate writing stories / book which she can easily use? I also appreciate a laptop is less than ideal for long periods of typing.

Is she a spiritual person? Does she believe in a higher power? Is she a Christian? Does she believe God will supply all her needs? Could you be part of that plan? Or, is she none of these and is simply looking after No. 1?

 

[Lanolin]

She's perfectly capable but just unwilling to do her own work, yes shes a christian, apparently she has her own laptop and did have her own printer she just doesnt want to use it.

Shes all the way across town and Im not prepared to go over and do the work for her or do any here because its her work, not mine, she has to learn she CAN do things herself.

I have a full time job..I dont have time to drop in and have teas with anyone. i am sure that a laptop can have an extension cord and bedside table she just needs ask God to find creative solutions on how to use her space where shes staying.

One of the other writers says she will host a retreat maybe she can set up something for her there.

Anyway please pray. Its just an article for a magazine. We usually write short pieces, I think all her life shes been using people to type things for her...plus everything else. I am just the latest shes latched on to.

Also if she doesnt have internet she can just save to a usb stick and then print it at the library. Really I have no idea why she can't do these simple things when she seems to be capable of doing other things..or ordering others about so it takes longer, so what?

People that lose their limbs can paint with their hands and mouth, theres even a christian fellow who has no limbs..that's an idea maybe I can give her his book.

Nick vuljivic i think it is.

Well I just told her am not doing any corrections for her and she still goes and says oh it wont take long.
But I will just say you do them yourself if she insists. no cant help you, it wont work.. Goodbye.

She cant even seem to lift a finger, shes telling her host to send it on her email to me. I just said, go print it and post it to me.

But I also said, since am not doing it anymore, to not bother. She is still going on about it months later. It will never be published. Then she goes and says I can have it for my cv. Well I dont need anything for my cv. Then ahe said this weird thing like..you can have it to impress a man friend.

What planet is she on? I dont need to impress anyone. It was her idea to write it not mine. Arrgh please Lord just tell her to drop it! The email didnt send, I never got it, so, please let that be the end of it.

Well, things are improving, did end up going to writers meeting and she rang for ride as usual but was doing something else beforehand and after so she had to make her own way there, however she did ring other people.
She may not change her behaviour but I just need to know how to handle it. Its the same with people that joke around all the time. It can be very tiresome but they only do it to gain attention,

She kept asking if I recieved the article but I hadn't which is ok by me cos I have no time to do corrections, and another thing is she didnt get round to correcting or citiquing this months writing task but thats ok she didnt take it home to do later, things just take longer with her I think.

At one point her freeloading behaviour was so bad I was actually questioning whether she had been truly saved - but she needs a good counselor on that one and i cant be that person.

There are people that try the patience of saints, and I think through them we learn to forgive, forgive and forgive..but Lord sometimes you just want to shake some sense into them.

Thank you Lord. Just want to say deciding to give up writing for time being and theres no freeloaders at the garden circle club in fact older people there offer ME rides and flowers.

Also the competitions are easier to enter and nobody critiques your flowers or gets you to grow their flowers for them.

It makes me think there just needs to be one person in a group that takes unfair advantage of a newer or younger member and that can ruin your whole experience of it.

The writing group I heard is being disbanded or meeting somewhere else, she finally sent the article which was few months later. I'm not typing it up!

I'm not going to renew membership at this stage, am too busy to write. I do think one day I could look back on it and laugh, but at the time dealing with a difficult person can drive you nuts.

Didn't get a copy of Nick's book but God showed me a copy of something else that describes her exactly called 'Little Miss Princess'.

Well I can say one thing...God is faithful in this trial. I hope He won't send me any more!

ok what do you think about a man asking a lady for money.

Usually they want it on the spot but don't realise what you've got is earmarked for something else. Does anyone else get treated like a bank? The thing is people say they will pay you back but something puts a check in me to say NO - wait till your next pay. Or ask your wife. Or ask God.

I don't know, I am feeling rather annoyed. I myself don't ask others for money, I've only asked for food which I think is different and prepared to go without if I don't have the means.

I've got to stop giving people rides if people think they can ask me for money in the car. :-(

Hmm when praying God gave me Proverbs 20:15-16

So..should I take someone's beanie or coat if they ask me for a loan of money?

This lady wrote another article on something else and it got published. She did claim that the person who typed it up for her offered. But I wonder if she will do it again. Cos she still nagged her other friend to do it last time because she thinks hes not busy.

Even if hes not he didnt want to do it so I think she either nagged him till he caved or he was trying to keep the friendship.

Well anyway maybe the right word isnt freeloaders its offloaders! In any case shes never typed anything herself. I just find that a bit disturbing seeing as shes meant to be a writer.

I am thinking my boss sometimes tries to do that with me cos he gets a better offer. Get others to do the work for you that you dont like to do while you sit back and watch them work and have a beer.

Um. Is this right?

In any case, what seems to happen is these people shoot themselves in the foot cos God sees their motives. I remember working for someone else and she tried to get me to do a job she was actually meant to do. She gave me a short deadline cos she didnt time manage herself properly or it could have been she just wanted to do something else and she just didnt want to so that work. Then my computer ended up crashing so she did it herself anyway. Lol.

She soon learned not to dump jobs on me!

 

[Dave M]

People that constantly ask you to do stuff for them?

I keep saying no, but that doesnt stop one person from asking, and I'm finding myself really annoyed still like she just wont leave it alone and she cant seem to do anything herself, she will always ask if she can use me.
I have taken to avoiding her as much as possible and trying not to involve myself in any of her schemes to get me to do something for her that she can actually do herself.

interesting, I have done the same exact things

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

James 1:20
For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

 

[Dave M]

I would like to add when I get annoyed at people I see myself as a sinner, and when I avoid people I see my self as a sinner not loving my neighbor as myself.

 

[Lanolin]

I would like to add when I get annoyed at people I see myself as a sinner, and when I avoid people I see my self as a sinner not loving my neighbor as myself.

Dave M you not a sinner God calls you to be a saint. Please dont beat yourself up.
God knows we need to bear our own burdens or give them to Him to carry not dump then on others. We can ease the load for others only with Gods help.

When we are weak, He is strong.

I dont get angry with freeloaders, I thank God He shows me what to do in these situations.

One if my friends did at one time lose her temper with someone who was dumping on her but God understood that someone we both knew was being completely unreasonable. She hung up the phone.

That person rang me the other day demanding something and it was kind of my fault for opening the door to help her again but she hasnt repented so I just pray a conviction on her heart that she cant be rude when asking people to do stuff for her. If we are to be friends it cant always be one way.

Sometimes we do need to stay away from demanding people so they can learn to rely on God first. I mean think of Jesus when Peter was basically hounding him everywhere...Jesus went off to the mountains to pray alone and basically told Peter were I am going you cannot come! (I think he was meaning the crucifixtion, but even so!) Jesus woukd keep pointing out that we can access our Heaveny .Father any time.

 

[Psalm23Rick]

Lanolin.. I can feel some of your pain, although mine isn't nearly the same. There's a christian brother who calls me from time to time that lives about 1.5 hrs away. I always feel as if there's a hidden agenda with him, so I guard my words and what I say to him. Yesterday he called me 7 times.. I didn't answer until the 7th. I think he's looking for a home to stay in for 2-3+ months -- he's willing to pay but I believe that the Lord made it clear to me that in allowing this brother to stay with me, it would effect my walk with the Lord. So, yesterday, as soon as I start talking to him he wants to know what I'm doing so I tell him that I've just been working. It was like the Holy Spirit prompted me to say that. That was all he needed to hear to no longer be interested in "coming over"... I don't know what is going on in his life as he won't tell me and ultimately I need to follow what the Lord directs me to do (or not to do). I pray for him daily but feel as if he just needs a place to call home and he loves trying to teach others about how to walk with the Lord. He thinks of me as green behind the ears if you know what I mean. I'm afraid that IF I were to let him stay here that he would follow me around like a lost puppy and not allow me to do the things I need to do every day..

Its certainly an awkward situation at the very minimum. I'm a person that likes to avoid conflict -- at least that was the old me. These are areas of "me" that are still being molded by Jesus.. I am, like all of you, a work in progress. Thankfully the walk that the good Lord has given me is FAR from standard. Thank the good Lord for that. He knows our hearts and He has given me the walk of faith that I've wanted -- but about 1000% more than I could have ever imagined..

 

[Dave M]

§ Well, perhaps we should start by asking how many Christians routinely commit murder today? Answer: all of us

Matt. 5:21 “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ Matt. 5:22 “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.



Have you ever called hated someone, even for only a second? Have you ever insulted someone, even just by calling them a “fool?” If so, then you have committed an offense no different than murder according to Jesus

https://www.versebyverseministry.org/images/uploads/exodus_20a.pdf

 

[Lanolin]

§ Well, perhaps we should start by asking how many Christians routinely commit murder today? Answer: all of us

Matt. 5:21 “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ Matt. 5:22 “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.



Have you ever called hated someone, even for only a second? Have you ever insulted someone, even just by calling them a “fool?” If so, then you have committed an offense no different than murder according to Jesus

https://www.versebyverseministry.org/images/uploads/exodus_20a.pdf

Dave M your bible misses out verses. KJV says whoever is angry without cause.

If your bible was correct then it would accuse Jesus of sinning when he got annoyed with Peter, and threw out the money changers.

I have pointed this to you before and you seem to put yourself under comdemnation a lot when actually you are not. There are times when others try us but thank the Lord we do not hate others we bless them instead. Even if they take advantage.

We can also rebuke others. THat is not hating them that it just telling the truth and warning them.

This freeloading lady wont stop asking others to do stuff for her, she rang again trying to get me to ring someone else but I just said if you have the number you ring her.

If you dont have room for anyone then you dont. Theres nothing much you can do and you ought not to feel guilty. When Mary and Joseph turned up in bethlehem and there was nowhere for them to stay they accepted the stables. Was it Josephs fault for not organising accomodation beforehand, well, even so, I dont think he would have tried to force his way into peoples homes and demanded a room.