My son is gay.....

[alltojesus]

My son is gay (or so he says he is). He has maintained that proclamation for four years. Recently he told me he is "in a relationship". My husbands response was, how did you meet him. My response was, I raised you as a Christian, the bible says homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. I told my son I love him too much to sit back and make him feel like he is doing nothing wrong. This conversation between my son, husband and me occurred two weeks ago. Since then, my son has a great relationship with his father, my son won't look at me or speak to me. I am interested in your input.

 

[B-A-C]

I suspect that even though you don't condone your son's life style, you still love him.
Have you told him?

It seems many homosexuals need you to accept everything about them, at least the homosexuality part.
I've found that people struggling with adultery, pornography, alcoholism, gambling, and other life styles don't usually need you to approve
of those things in their life, you just need to approve of them. Sometimes it's hard to separate the sin from the person.

I know people are different and there isn't always a "one size fits all" answer to every situation, but if there is a way to tell
your son that you love him (not because he is gay, but in spite of being gay) and that you care about him, and that the reason
you care is because you love him and you care about his eternal future.

What about your husband? Is he a Christian? Does he approve of your son's lifestyle, or does he just love his son in spite
of this? It sounds like both of you have known about this for (four?) years at least. Why have things just now changed?
Does your son approve of everything you do? If not, then why do you have to approve of everything he does?
I suspect that if it hasn't happened already, he will eventually find things about his partner he doesn't approve of.
Why is it OK to disapprove of some things about someone, but not other things? Why is gay pride so important?
You really don't ever hear of adultery pride, or alcoholic pride, or even gambling pride.

I for one, will be praying for you and your son.

 

[alltojesus]

I have told my son I love him many times. We are very close, he lives with us, we have a very positive loving relationship, I am aware of how important it is to not pound the bible over his head and drive him away from God by my words and actions. I kiss him and hug him all the time, we have great conversations all the time, so he is well aware of the fact that I love him for who he is. When I told him that the bible says homosexuality is an abomination I reaffirmed my love for him profusely in the conversation. I told him I love him so much I am would die for him, my son is so sure of my love for him that instead calling me a liar he said "I know, I know you would die for me mom". So his lack of awareness of the fact that I love him and accept him as a precious, valuable person was not something he struggles with.

 

[Fenn]

I would suggest you talk to your husband about this. He is supposed to be the leader of the household. I am not saying you are wrong to ask for advice here, though. I just think that if you want to get through to your son, then you both (you and your husband) need to be on the same page. It is difficult to do, but without his support your son will see a traditionalist prude and an accepting parent. I haven't been in this situation and I know that I would have a very difficult time with this. God bless your strength to stand up to sin.

 

[JJ50]

I don't think there is anything wrong in being gay. I would sooner a child of mine was gay and happy rather than heterosexual and unhappy

 

[Chad]

I don't think there is anything wrong in being gay. I would sooner a child of mine was gay and happy rather than heterosexual and unhappy

Your belief is yours, but contradicts what God says. Coming to a Christian forum knowingly to profess this is rather fruitless. What is your intention? Homosexuality is not right, nor natural. Neither is alcoholism, drug abuse, pedophilia, murder, rape, you get the hint. What moral basis do you stand on JJ? You profile states you're no longer born again, which translate to you never were ever born again because it is impossible to reverse a supernatural rejuvenating spirit made possible by God Himself. I don't know what your reason is for rejecting God but that's between you and Him. God is good and there's plenty of evidence of this.
@alltojesus, I agree with @Fenn. A little more insight about where your husband stands spiritually will help us address your matter more accurately without detailing you. Ultimately this is in Gods hands. Prayer and faith.

 

[JJ50]

Well you and I will have to agree to disagree on this topic. Anyway there are many gay Christians, I am acquainted with several Anglican priests who are gay.

 

[Chad]

Well you and I will have to agree to disagree on this topic. Anyway there are many gay Christians, I am acquainted with several Anglican priests who are gay.

That's contradictory. There is no such thing as a gay Christian. A Christian is an obedient follower of Christ. Gay lifestyle is never of Gods will. So those people you know are living a lie, or possibly delusional.

Colossians 3:1-10
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

And...

They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-- who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. (Romans 1:25-27)

 

[JJ50]

In your opinion, not mine!

 

[Chad]

In your opinion, not mine!

No it's not my opinion. It's God word. Two different things. Please don't respond any further to this topic as it is detracting from the OP and clearly you're not offering this woman biblical advice, only your opinion.

 

[B-A-C]

Well you and I will have to agree to disagree on this topic. Anyway there are many gay Christians, I am acquainted with several Anglican priests who are gay.

You can disagree with people here on the forum, what we think doesn't matter that much. But are you also willing to disagree with God?

1 Cor 6:9; Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,

1 Tim 1:9; realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers
1 Tim 1:10; and immoral men and homosexuals and kidnappers and liars and perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound teaching,

Lev 20:13; 'If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.

Rom 1:26; For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
Rom 1:27; and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
Rom 1:32; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

Notice that last verse, even those who approve of it are worthy of death.

As far as priests and teachers in the church that say it's OK, that's not really surprising either.

2 Tim 4:3; For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires,

It's easy to find people in some churches that will go along with what people want, they will say what people want to hear (get their ears tickled) and get
teachers that teach what goes along with their desires. But this isn't sound doctrine. The Bible warns about these people.

Matt 7:21; "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.
Matt 7:22; "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'
Matt 7:23; "And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'

Again, you can disagree with Chad, or myself or whoever, but when you disagree with scripture, you are disagreeing with God.

 

[Chad]

Excellent points made brother @B-A-C thanks for sharing.

 

[RJ]

That's contradictory. There is no such thing as a gay Christian. A Christian is an obedient follower of Christ. Gay lifestyle is never of Gods will. So those people you know are living a lie, or possibly delusional.

Sin is sin, all separate us from God and homosexuality is no different.
The mark of a Christian is Christ living in you. With sin any sin, you can't be a Christian and be totally unrepenant of that sin.
I feel sure that there are those Christians who may still struggle with homosexuality. Struggling and trying to change is one thing but being totally un-repentant is quite different.
Just like fornification, I would probably think that a person who lust after a same sex person is just as guilty as if they performed the act. For me, being unrepentant of a sin is the same as unbelief or the unpardonable sin.
Of course God will forgive a true believer of any sin, except unbelief. I don't feel that your salvation is dependent on never falling back into sin, of any kind.
In this day and time, there should be no excuse for not knowing what most sins are, especially Biblically. Anyone who commits a known sin and is un-repentant for that sin is no Christian at all. This would be true of any professing, un-repentant homosexual.

 

[B-A-C]

Sin is sin, all separate us from God and homosexuality is no different.
The mark of a Christian is Christ living in you. With sin any sin, you can't be a Christian and be totally unrepenant of that sin.

"totally urepentant" that is the key here. Yes Christians sometimes sin. But that is different from living in (habitual) sin, being a slave to slave
and (in many cases) saying it isn't sin. Willful sin over a long period of time is certainly not repenting of that sin.

Heb 10:26; For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,
1 Cor 6:12; Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.

It's possible people struggling with homosexuality will make it to heaven.
On the other hand, people who have "gay pride" and say it isn't a sin will have to face judgment.

 

[Brighthouse]

Sister alltoJesus What can make this so tough on you and your husband is that you look at this as if you failed him as a parent! You did not fail sis!! WE can not program our children,no more then your parents could ever program you. You do your best to lead them, and guide them in there youth,and believe as I am sure you both do,that the Lord will teach. And he will sis.WE think many times taking control of another, is being in control of our own lives,but this dear sister is never so. My dad used to think this with me,and things only got worse.

Sometimes sis an event has to occur that leaves us with no power whatsoever to change,the change must come from the Lord himself,and that sister is what Jesus has been looking to tell us all along! To depend upon our Jesus in all areas of not only our lives,but also those lives we love as well! ( proverbs 3:5-6!!) To preform this action our mind must be set upon what we imagine. A blueprint if you will, to what our eyes do not see as of yet for our loved ones.( 2 cor 4:16-18!)

Before we can ever learn how to do this for someone else,we must first see our own blueprint for ourselves. Seeing with eternal eyes Jesus love for ourselves! Faith is build upon a blueprint of how Jesus already sees us,but we have to see this as well for that blueprint to become a reality. example- Thomas Edison made 1000 attempts on creating the light blub,after he came to actually make it,he was asked, why did you fail 1000 times at making it? He responded, I never failed, I only learned 1000 ways how not to create the blueprint that was in my own heart!

And so it also is with our Spiritual life sis,we may have to do some tweaking along the way,but we always move forward! ( Phil 3:12-14!!)Paul's example! One only truly fails when one is not willing to press forward in our Jesus sis. Fear not,as you believe in all Jesus can do, as well as what he has already done!!( 2 Peter 1:3-11) Your blueprint of faith working through love( gal 5:6!!) will as you depend upon our Jesus, move towards your beloved son.( ask the prodigals son!! hehe)( luke 15:11-32!) Your love moves others, because love is the very nature of Jesus sis,just keep loving him through his trials,for Jesus loved us through ours sis!

May the love of Jesus empower you to receive his revelation of this, in true love,and true understanding, for the reward of this will show in the change in your son towards our wonderful Jesus!! amen! ( 2 cor 1:3-7!!)

 

[Gerlinde]

My son is gay (or so he says he is). He has maintained that proclamation for four years. Recently he told me he is "in a relationship". My husbands response was, how did you meet him. My response was, I raised you as a Christian, the bible says homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. I told my son I love him too much to sit back and make him feel like he is doing nothing wrong. This conversation between my son, husband and me occurred two weeks ago. Since then, my son has a great relationship with his father, my son won't look at me or speak to me. I am interested in your input.

A very sad story. She reminds me a little of the feature film "Prayers for Bobby," based on a true story. Bobby committed suicide because his Christian mother could not accept that he is gay. Only after his death she found out that with Bobby, everything was fine. she was the one who had a serious problem. At YouTube you can watch the movie.
You say that the Bible would ban homosexuality as abomination. It is so in the OT and in the NT? But is this really true?
If you do not read one verse, but the entire chapter, you will perhaps understand what was an abomination to God and the Jewish writers. At least not a homosexual love relation.
Your son will always be your son. And he has a right to be unconditionally loved by you and accepted, because God is doing it too, or so says the Bible, as I understand it.

 

[Gerlinde]

I would suggest you talk to your husband about this. He is supposed to be the leader of the household. I am not saying you are wrong to ask for advice here, though. I just think that if you want to get through to your son, then you both (you and your husband) need to be on the same page. It is difficult to do, but without his support your son will see a traditionalist prude and an accepting parent. I haven't been in this situation and I know that I would have a very difficult time with this. God bless your strength to stand up to sin.

Why should she ask her husband? She's a grown woman, she should know herself what is best for her child. Not for her, not for her faith, but for her child.

 

[Gerlinde]

I don't think there is anything wrong in being gay. I would sooner a child of mine was gay and happy rather than heterosexual and unhappy

I agree 100%!:smiley:

 

[Gerlinde]

No it's not my opinion. It's God word. Two different things. Please don't respond any further to this topic as it is detracting from the OP and clearly you're not offering this woman biblical advice, only your opinion.

Chad, the Bible was often misused to do bad things and justify it. Women's oppression, slavery, allowed rape, genocide, just to name a few.
Sometimes the Bible was deliberately abused but sometimes even despite knowing better. Many biblical scholars are not in your opinion. And why not? Because they had dealt with the text and the cultural context. Because they understood ancient languages. For example, Luther translated in 1 Corinthians these Greek words Malokoi and Arsenokoites with "catamite" and pederasts ".
So it's not about a gay love affair, but about pederasts and their slaves here in a pagan temple. Only in the fifties of the last century, this word was associated with homosexuality. Previously, for example, was Malokoi associated with masturbation in context, while it has very different meanings, many without sexual context.

 

[Gerlinde]

But are you also willing to disagree with God?

1 Cor 6:9; Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,

Thank you, B-A-C, for this quote.
As I say it later, the word "homosexuals" isn't correct translated here. The original Greek word is arsenokoites, and Luther translated it correct as PEDERASTS. Around 35 A.D., the Jewish philosopher Philo (an early contemporary of Paul’s) held that the Leviticus use of arsenos koiten referred to shrine prostitution (Philo, The Special Laws, III, VII, 40-42). The context suggests that Paul may have been condemning pederasty, group sexual orgies, and/or people who are not innately gay/lesbian/bisexual but who engage in homosexual acts. Philo apparently felt that the word condemned pederasty and incest as well.