Should Christians masturbate?

[Ruby Beads]

So.... I'm a Christian and so is my boyfriend. We're both adults, and are both waiting till marriage to have sex. Now, I understand that we all have urges. we're human. I'm physically attracted to my boyfriend and he is the same towards me. Yet we of course won't and can't do anything about it and just ignore the urges.

Well, the thing is he started saying to me he used to masturbate, and this would ease up his sexual urges towards me whenever we're together snuggling. but I told him he can't masturbate because Christians don't do that. I used to masturbate but I don't anymore since I know it's wrong. He said he's stop. but was I wrong to make him stop? Is it actually wrong for Christians to masturbate? And if so, where does it say in the Bible?

Also, how far can an unmarried Christian couple go when it comes to being physical with each other? Snuggling? Spooning (with clothes on of course)? Or just arms draped around one another?

 

[fuzzball]

The first thing to address is the idea that masturbation is wrong. Most religions, denominations and sects use the story of Onan in the Bible to support their claim that it is wrong. But that is not what the story of Onan is about. To see what I have already said about it go to this thread http://www.talkjesus.com/scriptural-bible-answers/22805-birth-control-4.html and read my response to the birth control issue. It also addresses the idea that masturbation is wrong.

Now to go on to courtship in today's world. We are no longer, in most of the civilized world, in the age of arranged marriages. It is no longer true that a bride and her husband to be will only meet just before the nuptials or at the actual ceremony. So, courtship didn't even exist in those days.

But today we live in the age of love and courtship. Two people are expected to meet, court, fall in love and finally decide to share their lives together through the rite or sacrament of holy matrimony. This would be pretty difficult if some physical contact in the form of kissing and cuddling or similar activities were not allowed. But I do feel that to do full honor to ones marriage vows a couple should have no contact with each others genitals in any form until after the wedding.

But, since a couple is not really a couple in the eyes of God until then I see nothing wrong in private self pleasuring as long as it is not done to the point of becoming excessive or addictive. I fully believe that there are only three kinds of people who claim that they don't masturbate; people with a dysfunction in either the ability to enjoy sexual gratification or in the equipment itself, people raised in such a repressive atmosphere that they cannot think of doing something like that, or liars. You can even see the act of "playing with" oneself in many babies and children too young to even be thought to be sexually mature enough to engage in such activity.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Fuzzball is right. The only mention of masturbation occurs in Gen 38:8-9 where Onan masturbates for the express purpose of avoiding fulfilling his duty toward his dead brother's wife under the law. Legalism has trapped too many believers into fretting over "do's" and "don'ts", which works against relationship with Jesus (see Eph 2:8-10).

SLE

 

[fuzzball]

Fuzzball is right. The only mention of masturbation occurs in Gen 38:8-9 where Onan masturbates for the express purpose of avoiding fulfilling his duty toward his dead brother's wife under the law. Legalism has trapped too many believers into fretting over "do's" and "don'ts", which works against relationship with Jesus (see Eph 2:8-10).

SLE

I actually believe that masturbation was not even a part of the Onan story. I think, from what I have been able to discern, that what really happened was an early withdrawal and spilling of his seed on the ground. Otherwise the story makes less sense.

 

[Diamondlight]

I used to masturbate but I don't anymore since I know it's wrong. He said he's stop. but was I wrong to make him stop? Is it actually wrong for Christians to masturbate?

I think you have answered your own question here.

And if so, where does it say in the Bible?

It doesn't mention anything in the bible about taking pain meds but i know taking certain types too often can be unhelpful and at worst, become addictive.

Also, how far can an unmarried Christian couple go when it comes to being physical with each other? Snuggling? Spooning (with clothes on of course)? Or just arms draped around one another?

That depends on how concerned you are at causing your brother to stumble

 

[Ruby Beads]

[/COLOR]
I think you have answered your own question here.


It doesn't mention anything in the bible about taking pain meds but i know taking certain types too often can be unhelpful and at worst, become addictive.

That depends on how concerned you are at causing your brother to stumble

That's the thing. I wouldn't cuase him to stumble. But I fear he would cuase himself to by himself. That's why I try my best to guide him, but it's starting to feeling like I'm nagging him. I know in my heart it's wrong hence why i stopped doing it. yeah i have urges to do it. I'm human. but i resist against it. this is what my boyfriend started doing it, but he's really struggling.

From the time I discovered masturbation I knew it to be wrong. So, yeah I may have naswered my own question in that case. But because over the past few years I started hearing other views from other Christians I started to doubt my first thought of it being wrong.

 

[Alice.]

I don't see how its wrong, Doctors actually say its quite healthy.

 

[fuzzball]

I don't see how its wrong, Doctors actually say its quite healthy.

It also is supposed to reduce the risk of prostate cancer in older men with no mate. Kinda a "use it or lose it" thing.

 

[Alice.]

Which is also a health benefit. why would there be heath benefits in things that are wrong??

 

[GitRDunn]

That's the thing. I wouldn't cuase him to stumble. But I fear he would cuase himself to by himself. That's why I try my best to guide him, but it's starting to feeling like I'm nagging him. I know in my heart it's wrong hence why i stopped doing it. yeah i have urges to do it. I'm human. but i resist against it. this is what my boyfriend started doing it, but he's really struggling.

From the time I discovered masturbation I knew it to be wrong. So, yeah I may have naswered my own question in that case. But because over the past few years I started hearing other views from other Christians I started to doubt my first thought of it being wrong.

I am just curious about this topic and so I was wondering if you could elaborate as to why you knew it to be wrong in your heart? Or was it just a feeling that you couldn't put into words?

 

[Boanerges]

Should Christians masturbate?

No. God judges us by our hearts. You cannot masturbate without fanticizing and/or having lustful thoughts. That is certainly against what the bible teaches. One who lusts in his or her heart has already committed adultery (according to Jesus). We are told to "think on things of good report" and "flee sexual immorality".
More than likely if you did not feel convicted and/or have your conscience bother you then you would not have started this thread.

 

[tranquility]

We Need To Keep Talk Jesus Decent

1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.

3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.

7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth
10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.

12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

13 But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.
14 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.

15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.
18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

 

[Ruby Beads]

I am just curious about this topic and so I was wondering if you could elaborate as to why you knew it to be wrong in your heart? Or was it just a feeling that you couldn't put into words?

Well, it's because I grew up being told that it was wrong. Insomuch that whenever I did it it felt wrong. so I eventually stopped in order to prevent the guilt I always felt after I did it.

 

[Ruby Beads]

More than likely if you did not feel convicted and/or have your conscience bother you then you would not have started this thread.

I not sure what you mean by what you said here. But I wasn't 100% convinced either way to whether it was right or wrong, hence why i started this thread.

 

[Boanerges]

I not sure what you mean by what you said here. But I wasn't 100% convinced either way to whether it was right or wrong, hence why i started this thread.

I understand, let me give you some food for thought. Since this is primarily a forum for believers let me give you a biblical perspective of a Christian's walk. We are to walk in the Spirit, in complete submission to and total dependence on the Holy Spirit of God. We are to be living expressions of His love and as we abide in His presence the life of the Vine (Jesus) flows in and through us producing godly works and godly fruit. Our lives are not only supposed to honor God but we (the Temple of the Holy Spirit) are supposed to be a light in the darkness to a lost and dying world. We are not called to live like the world but are to be holy even as He is holy. This is our calling and our birthright as born again believers, to walk in complete union and communion with the Living God.
So in light of that, masturbation; would you do it in front of Jesus? The Holy Spirit is with each believer continually trying to lead, guide, love and teach us. Do you think it is a good idea to have sexual fantasies and masturbate when the Spirit of God is with you each and every moment of every day? This will indeed grieve His loving heart and no believer purposefully wishes to hurt the One they love, the One who loves them most.

God created man in His own image.
God creates life.
Man procreates life.
Sex and sexual union were created for a husband and wife, to draw them closer and to produce life. Masturbation, homosexuality, and other forms of illicit sex are a perversion of God's intended purposes.
These are the ways of the lost world and the ways of immature and fleshly people. That is no condemnation but simply fact. Anyone who takes one step out of fellowship with the Holy Spirit is walking in the flesh and their every action will always be in opposition to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
Gal 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
Gal 5:18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
Gal 5:20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
Gal 5:21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

 

[Ruby Beads]

I understand, let me give you some food for thought. Since this is primarily a forum for believers let me give you a biblical perspective of a Christian's walk. We are to walk in the Spirit, in complete submission to and total dependence on the Holy Spirit of God. We are to be living expressions of His love and as we abide in His presence the life of the Vine (Jesus) flows in and through us producing godly works and godly fruit. Our lives are not only supposed to honor God but we (the Temple of the Holy Spirit) are supposed to be a light in the darkness to a lost and dying world. We are not called to live like the world but are to be holy even as He is holy. This is our calling and our birthright as born again believers, to walk in complete union and communion with the Living God.
So in light of that, masturbation; would you do it in front of Jesus? The Holy Spirit is with each believer continually trying to lead, guide, love and teach us. Do you think it is a good idea to have sexual fantasies and masturbate when the Spirit of God is with you each and every moment of every day? This will indeed grieve His loving heart and no believer purposefully wishes to hurt the One they love, the One who loves them most.

God created man in His own image.
God creates life.
Man procreates life.
Sex and sexual union were created for a husband and wife, to draw them closer and to produce life. Masturbation, homosexuality, and other forms of illicit sex are a perversion of God's intended purposes.
These are the ways of the lost world and the ways of immature and fleshly people. That is no condemnation but simply fact. Anyone who takes one step out of fellowship with the Holy Spirit is walking in the flesh and their every action will always be in opposition to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
Gal 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
Gal 5:18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
Gal 5:20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
Gal 5:21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Yes, I know all this. That's is why I said at the start of this thread that I stopped masturbating because I knew it to be wrong. I just wanted to open this thought out there to other christians as it's obvious that not all christians believe it's wrong, which confuses me. since you can't masturbate without having lustful thoughts or fantasies. and it's a sin to lust.

 

[HoneyBare]

Ruby, I think Bo was just making sure you were not swayed by other's opinions, but wanted to support your and his beliefs with scripture. And, of course, it would be for the benefit of previous posters. I agree with Bo on this, but I just wondered why, if you are both adults, do you put off getting married? It seems, if these are your plans, then you should at least get legally married soon, and have a formal wedding when you planned to have it. Would that work?

 

[Veracity]

Never know what you will find on here!

There is nothing we do at any time that is not in the sight of the Lord, whether it be lying, stealing, masturbating, thinking too highly of oneself or thinking terrible thoughts about another person. If you are convinced it is a sin to you, then it becomes sin.

If just thinking a lustful thought is the same as adultery, then wanting to masturbate is the same thing as doing it.

There seems to be a big difference (at least to me) between a couple masturbating separately of course to save themselves for marriage, than a guy or girl pulling up some porn and doing it.

God always provides a way of escape from temptation, perhaps masturbating is one way to escape fornication.

 

[azuredepths]

Masturbation is a big sin !

Because it shuts down the connection with God and strips us of the spiritual power.
It blocks the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives which lives us spiritual midgets, just as satan wants us to be!

This sin, left undealt with, can send us to hell ! Matthew 5:29-30

Remember the story of Samson who had a weakness for women, who led him being captured by the philistines.
In this story the hair cut represents the man's "seed" being released. and the philistines represents the devils who torment you.

Just ask God for more grace to overcome this dreadful sin.

Regards

 

[Dreamer]

Married couples separated for a year at a time due to military deployment? While talking on the phone, focusing on each other and their love for each other? In that case, I believe God may understand. If you disagree with me, please say so; I will not be offended.

In any other case, I think it is wrong. If you burn, then marry, Paul says.

If you are already married, and one of the partners habitually self-pleasures, she/he is actually stealing from his/her partner. The partner should have received mutual pleasure. That is how God designed it.

Paul says married partners should not withhold from each other. So...that brings some things into question too, like...is it wrong to keep telling a partner you have a headache, too tired, habitually? With real actual, long-lasting illness in one of the partner's case, then what? I say, stay with the partner God gave you...in sickness and in health, and don't turn your love or your sexual desire to another. Take that as you will.

It's normal for children to masturbate, and obviously adults do it too. It easily becomes addictive, and that is wrong.

Eating can become addictive too. So sexual sin is not the only bodily sin, but God does hate sexual sin; He says so.

Editing: Okay, I just realized I went off-subject from the first post. The only thing I can repeat is, if you burn, then marry.

Ruby Beads, you say yourself that you feel guilty after doing that. So that probably speaks for itself. You are responsible for yourself and your own actions, and you can pray for and encourage your boyfriend in the Word, but he is ultimately responsible for his own actions. I wish both of you well and for God to bless your relationship! I pray that if God wills it, you will marry!